“Personally, I’d like to see Disney raid the fridge and remake some of their shittier fare. Condorman and The Black Hole are two abortions that can only be improved upon.”
And so it came to pass that, on this day, one half of my premonition came true. Indeed, and according to a MovieHole piece, Disney will now be remaking 1981′s greatest achievement: Condorman. Director Charles Wincott’s defining contribution to cinema, the film told the story of Woodrow “Woody” Wilkins, a delusional comic-book illustrator who attempts to assume the identity of Condorman, his greatest creation. From there the whole thing goes off the rails, with Woody helping a hot KGB agent defect to the US. The film was billed as a superhero comedy but truthfully The English Patient has more superheroism than whatever this was. Here’s what an anonymous Disney insider had to say:
“Robert Pattinson’s name has been floated, can you see him going for it? He seems to be into more intellectual things? Still a pompous cartoonist turned superhero type gets to assist in the deflection of a sexy young KGB agent. Emphasis would be more on action this time around though. They want to steer as far off from Johnny English territory as possible. But there’s talk of doing lots with the Condorman brand. Guessing you’ll hear more about it soon.”
I have to imagine the insider is somewhat misinformed. As I doubt Disney would move to reboot Condorman as a period piece, there’s really no such thing as a “sexy young KGB agent” in today’s world – the outfit dissolved in 1991. I was half-joking when I said I’d like to see Disney bring about the rebirth of childhood favorite Condorman (the years haven’t been kind) – but it’s too late to back out now. Bring it on and throw $350 million at the budget while you’re at it.