3D was all the rage a few years ago and, being a smart businessman, George Lucas decided to capitalize on this by announcing that all 6 Star Wars films would be converted to the format and re-released on the big screen. The idea was to do one per year, starting with the prequel trilogy. At the time some of us joked that maybe it was a secret lead-in to a new trilogy of films. Har har, that’ll be the day! Amirite? Anyway, The Phantom Menace exploded onto screens in the third dimension early last year. Problem is, no one was there to see said explosion. The film only pulled in $23 million domestically during its re-release. Cue sad trombone. I guess ole George took a little too long in getting them out. Also, he happened to make the mistake of leading with the entry that most seem to feel is the worst*.
Some mused that maybe the rest would be cancelled. We were assured by Lucasfilm that would not be the case. The only change in plan would be a sped-up time table. Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith would see release in 2013 and the other three (better) films would be spread out over the next year or so afterwards. AOTC and ROTS were scheduled for release on September 20th and October 11th, respectively. Not anymore. Lucasfilm has decided to cancel the 3D theatrical re-releases of the other films to focus their full attention on J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: Episode VII (and its two sequels), which is eyeballing a 2015 release.
Look, I know you were hoping to see space anteaters with Chinese doughnut-shaped bodies farting in 3D. I know your heart soared at the thought is his Royal Smittiness all up in your grill. I know that you desperately wanted to experience Ooba the Creeping Fucking Nurse Droid’s ice scoop hands penetrating your “silver screen”. But I’m sorry, it ain’t happenin’. You done gone and fucked things up by shitting in George’s cereal when he lovingly converted Jake Lloyd’s two-dimensional acting into three-dimensional ecstasy last year. I hope you are happy. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY, YOU HEATHENS!!!
Source | Deadline
* – They are wrong. Attack of the Clones is the real shit sammich on the platter. Also, I didn’t see The Phantom Menace in 3D either and happily admit I am part of the problem here. I’m sure we’ll get some sort of 3D home video re-release of the saga anyway. Probably with the theatrical editions included so Emperor Lucas can cackle all the way to the bank as you lubricate your wallet with tears of nostalgic sorrow.