The Walking Dead I Ain't a Judas

The drums of war beat loudly on this week’s episode of The Walking Dead, and the only one who can’t seem to hear them is, of course, Andrea. Poor conflicted Andrea, who just can’t understand why Rick’s group and her crazy-ass lover — who keeps severed heads in an aquarium tucked away in a secret room — can’t find some kind of peaceful middle ground. So while the Governor starts drafting Woodbury citizens into his own personal army and Rick and company weigh all of their options (flee? defend? counter-attack?), Andrea flitters back and forth between the two, looking for a solution that doesn’t end in human-on-human bloodshed. One where maybe she can be queen of Woodbury and continue to have awesome sex with her wackjob, one-eyed boyfriend.

Truth be told, Andrea was never one of The Walking Dead‘s best characters. Her quickie with Shane and fights with Dale more or less proved that the writers never had a solid plan for her. But, even still, what has been done to her this season goes beyond character assassination. It’s like they dressed her up in a silly outfit so we could all point and laugh at her before dropping a nuclear bomb on her head. Everything she does is dumb. Remember last week when the Governor disappeared and she grew suspicious and asked Milton where he went? And Milton got all jittery and basically panic-moonwalked away from her? Well, guess who was the first person Andrea went to this week for help when she decided to sneak away from Woodbury to pay the prison a visit. That’s right! It was Milton!

“I Ain’t a Judas” is all about Andrea, who believes that Woodbury is worth saving, even though the show has offered very little evidence the support that claim. Apparently, off-screen, when the citizens aren’t hooting and hollering at gladiator-style death fights, it’s as idyllic as communities come. But even Michonne thinks that Andrea taking it upon herself to play savior is a ridiculous notion, telling her, “I did not realize the messiah complex was contagious.” Ha! Nice one, Michonne. That’s back to back weeks where you offered up something insightful — a new record!

The Governor tells Andrea this week that if she leaves to visit the prison, she stays there. But something is gnawing at her. (It’s about time.) She knows the Governor went to the prison and there was a shootout, but his story that Rick’s people fired first doesn’t feel quite right. So she busts out of Woodbury and goes anyway, though Rick and company don’t exactly welcome her with open arms. She tries to talk them down from going to war with Woodbury, but, while Rick may be haunted by dead wives, he’s not so far gone that he can’t see the Governor for the mega-psycho he is. The group recommends that if Andrea really wants to help, she should just kill the Governor. Hell, Carol suggests that she go back to Woodbury, fuck the guy into a state of total relaxation and THEN finish him off. Day-um, look at how far you’ve come, Carol.

It seems like maybe Andrea’s convinced, so she heads back to Woodbury. Despite his warnings about her not being allowed to return, the Governor welcomes her back with open arms. They do indeed get all horizontal together. He falls asleep, apparently unconcerned that Andrea went to the prison, likely learned the truth about what happened during the shootout and may have returned with an ulterior motives. (These two probably really do belong together.) She grabs a nearby knife, approaches his sleeping body and … can’t do the deed. Because he’s really not THAT bad of a guy, damn it! And she is Andrea, healer of broken hearts and broken worlds, an inspiration to all people.

Or something.

I don’t know.

I really hate Andrea.

Some other (mostly) non-Andrea-related thoughts on “I Ain’t a Judas” …

– Tyreese and his crew are back this week. Andrea and Milton stumble upon them in the woods, and Milton takes them back to Woodbury. They’re desperate to find a place to hang that’s under the leadership of someone who doesn’t stand around screaming at his dead wife. It’s kind of hilarious.

– Speaking of Rick, for those of you worried that the group would all too quickly put him back in charge, your fears were sort of realized this week. At least his recent breaks from reality continue to be addressed. Carl suggests that maybe he shouldn’t be the leader anymore, while Hershel gives him some tough love. (I loved seeing Scott Wilson scream “get back here!” at him. They need to unleash Hershel’s anger more often; his sage old farmer routine is a bit stale.)

– No one seems thrilled that Merle is now officially part of the group, and there’s even brief talk of turning him over the Governor in the hopes of buying a truce. But Hershel and Merle find common ground over a prison Bible. Merle claims the one thing he misses about Woodbury is the bitchin’ library. Huh, never pictured him to be much of a reader. Later he even tries to mend fences with Michonne. She seems disinterested.

– Andrea makes her way to the prison by using Michonne’s “zombie guide” trick. She cuts off the arms and removes the jaw of one and then walks it in front of her as a deterrent. I’m not sure how much sense it makes that you can “calm” a walker just by eliminating its ability to bite, but we are treated to the gnarly site of Andrea basically curb-stomping a zombie on a giant rock.

– If you’re a big fan of The Walking Dead comic, then you probably consider the Governor’s eye-patch iconic, I guess. It makes its first appearance this week.

– Zombie kill of the week: Andrea hatchets a walker’s face off.

Follow Bob on Twitter: @robertbtaylor