While I seem to have lost my copy of  The [Insert # Here] Signs of the Apocalypse by Anonymous*, I’m pretty sure that Steven Spielberg not having any directorial gigs lined up ready-to-go is one of the more important omens.  By Cthulhu, low and behold, it has come to pass!  The current guardians in place to prevent this monstrous catastrophe have all fallen by the Yog-Sothoth’s blade…

  • Robopocalyse, which was set to star Chris Hemsworth & Anne Hathaway (among others) and begin production next month, is on indefinite hold.
  • Tintin 2 is Peter Jackson’s bag, baby.  While The Beard will have just as heavy an amount on input on it as PJ did on the first, he’s merely in the producer’s chair this time ’round.
  • Indiana Jones 5, if it ever even happens (probably won’t), is entirely in the hands of Grand Moff Lucas.
  • Interstellar, long on his “to do” list, recently became a Chris Nolan joint.
  • Jurassic Park 4, while never officially on deck as a directorial possibility, just attached itself a Dino Rider.
  • Mr. Spielberg has now forfeited the Battle of Helmer’s Deep in reference to Warner Bros.’ biblical epic, Gods & Kings.  Ang Lee is currently circling the project.

That’s all, folks!  While there are still some projects lying around that he could seemingly blow the dust off of and get going again or assume command for**, Spielberg seems to officially be in the market for a new cinematic project to woo.  Lock up your daughters and wives!  Wash your genitals!  THE BEARD IS ON THE PROWL!


Source | Deadline

* – Ghost written by Dr. Worm Miller

** – MGM has a remake of The Magnificent Seven that Tom Cruise is attached to and they are aching to make.  Given that Steven has both mused about working with The Cruiser a third time AND a desire to make a western, perhaps this is a possibility?  If not, there’s a multitude of projects he is merely producing right now that could easily become something more:  The Trial of the Chicago 7, Harvey, Matt Helm, When Worlds Collide, a George Gerswhin biopic, etc.  Perhaps he’ll finally direct a musical?  Or maybe he wants to really piss off misguided Kubrick fans and direct that Napoleon miniseries himself?  Personally I’m hoping for a musical western.  I’ll settle for a remake of Flash Gordon starring Channing Tatum though.