Here’s a surefire way of drawing a line in the sand for some people: I don’t own any Apple products. It’s not because I have some stupid morality concerning the company or its members. I just don’t like their stuff aesthetically or in regards to how I tend to make use of my gizmos and gadgets. Easy as that. I’m glad some people like them, but swearing allegiances to brands and decrying the competition is stupid and counter-productive.

However, I will admit that their dearly departed patriarch Steve Jobs was an asshole of the gaping variety. His deification is something I can’t tolerate, which is why I’m on the fence about Steve Jobs. I like the entire opening monologue from Steve Wozniak (Seth Rogen looks and sounds great!) and I dig that the film isn’t shying away from Jobs’ tyrannical dickery. But, since screenwriter Aaron Sorkin managed to turn a sentient fart (Mark Zuckerberg) into a somewhat tragic and relatable figure, I’m afraid the same “yeah, this guy is a shithead, but so are most great men” mentality will be applied to Jobs. I managed to enjoy that with The Social Network (and I probably hate Zuckerberg more than I do Jobs), but having to do the same thing again with another divisive industry giant isn’t so appealing to me.

Making that worse is Michael Fassbender. I love Fassbender in everything I’ve seen him in (he pretty much stopped me from scooping out my own eyeballs during Jonah Hex), but he just seems out of place in this. This flick is obvious Oscar bait, and if Fassbender ends up winning because of this, I’ll just go rewatch Frank again to remind myself how much of a sham the Academy Awards are.

The unimaginatively titled Steve Jobs will ask you to agree to terms and conditions that you didn’t read on October 9th.

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