I’m not here to talk about the O.J. Simpson trial. I know it’s one of the most controversial and immensely popular criminal cases in modern American history. I know it conjures up strong opinions on a multitude of fronts, and I know that FX is banking on those strong opinions steering viewers to American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson in order to drum up the same vicious conversations that always happen when this story gets brought up.

What I want to talk about is how silly this show looks. Everyone in this looks ridiculous, and I don’t mean in regards to their performances, I mean just look at them. David Schwimmer’s hair looks like that Crite that rolls in some bleach in Critters 3. John Travolta’s face looks like a pound of pork butt steak. Marcia Clarke is straight up trying to look like my grandmother (rest in peace, Gee Gee). And Cuba? Cuba doesn’t look too bad, but the face on that statue looks like Thulsa Doom taking a dump. I will say that his proclamation of, “I’m O.J.!” made me chortle.

Considering this is from the brains that brought you American Horror Story a.k.a. Fuck Subtlety, Get Trashy, I’m not surprised that this looks like a Lifetime movie with more money and better actors. I’m sure it’ll be a hit for the network because people love to rattle on about this trial to this very day (please prove me wrong in the comments. Let’s just come up with more things the people in this trailer look like and laugh at how cheesy this looks to be), but I have to say that I’m not even the least bit interested.

Unless David Schwimmer’s hair actually is that Crite that rolls in some bleach in Critters 3. That would be must see TV for me.

American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson turns your social media into a minefield of awful on February 2.

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