The editors of CHUD.com and CHUD SPECIAL ED would like to express that they in no manner wish to support or condone the words, phrases, and images such as “ass,” “booty,” “yo bitch,” “Bush is a dickhead,” and big-butt women in tiny bikinis – which are used in this column.
But rest assured – the words, phrases, and images such as “ass,” “booty,” “yo bitch,” Bush is a dickhead,” and big-butt women in tiny bikinis will not be used without warrant, or in any gratuitous manner.
Welcolme to Special Ed.
This week’s Pixar titles are re-release DVD/Blu Ray combo jobs. Maybe you need ‘em. Probably you don’t. Last week, I mentioned that these sorts of SKUs usually force prices down for the old product – not with Pixar films. Never with Pixar films. No way these movies wind up in the $5.00 Wal-Mart dump bin…or on a Target endcap for ten bucks. And that’s why Disney kills.
BLOODRAYNE: THE THIRD REICH: UNRATED DIRECTOR’S CUT
This is Screwy Doktor Uwe’s latest messterpiece, and I’m sure it’s wretched. Boll makes Albert Pyun look like Akira Kurosawa. The only reason I’m highlighting this release is to remind you that co-star MICHAEL PARE is the fucking MAN.
DAS BOOT: COLLECTOR’S EDITION
Wolfgang Peterson’s epic submarine adventure comes to Blu Ray for the first time – but probably not the last, as this is the 149 “extended version” of the film, not the uncut 293 minute version featured on the last DVD release. Regardless of the runtime, Das Boot (which, of course, in English, means “The Boot”) is an absurdly absorbing ride; equal parts terrifying, triumphant, and tragic.
A British production (Explo-mavens Tigon – producers of The Virgin Witch, Witchfinder General, and The Blood Beast Terror) with an American director (John Wayne fave Burt Kennedy, who wrote Budd Boetticher’s 7 Men from Now for Wayne’s Batjac Productions), and shot in Spain – Hannie Caulder is not a classic film by any stretch, but it’s a better-than-solid post-Wild Bunch western revenger with a cool/weird cast (Raquel Welch, Robert Culp, Ernest Borgnine, Jack Elam, Strother Martin, and a bit of CHRISTOPHER LEE).
The Return of HAMMER FILMS continues with this tale of pagan rights gone pagan wrong, with the always wonderful Tim Spall standing in for Lord Summerisle. Apparently, the film is so terrifying that it made actor Aiden Gillen’s hair stand on end!
Actually – Gillen’s hair just kinda’ does that on its own, doesn’t it…?
It Means EVERYTHING – THE BLU RAY OF THE WEEK!
This is it, my friends. This is not simply the must-own title of the week – it’s one of the must-own titles of the year so far. Cult legend Takashi Miike suppresses his more gonzo sensibilities and sets the master craftsman free to concoct a desperate “Jidaigeki” tale of feudal men gathering to overthrow a vile lord. It is a truly wondrous mix of action, adventure, drama, and melodrama; expertly acted and beautifully shot. You need this movie in your life – immediately and forever.
I should probably mention that Magnet/Magnolia Pictures’ Blu Ray features the “international version” of the film, licensed and created by Sedic International/Toho Company. This version runs just over two hours, and is fifteen minutes shorter than the version released in Japan. You may wish to seek an uncut release from YesAsia.com or DDDHouse.com.
ALL THE BLU:
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich
Crack in the World
The Cutting Edge
Das Boot Collector’s Edition
Don’t Be a Menace to South Central
Florida’s State Parks
Four Weddings and a Funeral
From Dusk ‘til Dawn 3
Grand Canyon Serenade
A Guy Thing
Hobo with a Shotgun Collector’s Edition
Honeymoon in Vegas
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
K-ON! Volume 2
Mobile Suit Gundam OO: Wakening of the Trailblazer
Of Gods and Men
AND NOW THE DVD STARTS:
According to Jim: The Complete Fourth Season
Alan Berliner Collection
All That Jazz / Roxie Hart
America – The Story of Us: Boom
America – The Story of Us: Civil War
America – The Story of Us: Millennium
America – The Story of Us: Rebels
America – The Story of Us: Rise of a Superpower
America – The Story of Us: Westward
The Anniversary at Shallow Creek
Bellydance Superstars: Flow Graceful Arms & Hands
Ben Hur & The Story Of Moses
Best of Sesame Street Spoofs: Volumes 1 & 2
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich
Boy Meets World: The Complete Sixth Season
The Cape: The Complete Series
The Colors of the Mountain
Compassion in Emptiness
Crazy Heart/Walk the Line
Dynasty: The Fifth Season
Empire of Assassins
Eureka: Season 4.0
Fireman Sam: Brave New Rescues
The Frankenstein Syndrome
Frogs & Toads: Max’s Magical Journey
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes / Moulin Rouge
Georgia’s Civil War
Ghastly Grabs: Volume 9
Ghastly Grabs: Volume 11
Ghastly Grabs: Volume 12
Girl Who Leapt Through Space Volume 2
Girls Gone Wild: Best of Extreme Sex
Girls Gone Wild: Horny Cheerleaders 2
Gliding for the Active Older Adult
Guys Gone Wild: Spring Break Young & Hung
HIT Favorites: Preschool Fun
Hobo with a Shotgun
James Bryan Triple Feature
Jill Miller: Quickfix RX Kneehab for Knee Health
John Wayne Collection
K-ON! Volume 2
Lady in Black: The Story of Darlington Raceway
Land Girls: Series 2
Last Supper & The Miracle Of Jesus
Lies in Plain Sight
Love Me Tender/Seven Year Itch
The Making of the President: The 1960s
Mannix: The Fifth Season
Metalocalypse: Season 1-3
Mindy Mylrea: Gliding Total Body G Double G Workout
Mobile Suit Gundam OO: Wakening of the Trailblazer
Mysteries at the Museum: Season 1
National Geographic: Witchcraft – Myths & Legends
Of Gods and Men
Once/That Thing You Do
Orphen Complete Collection 2
The Passion of Darkly Noon
The PJs: Season 2
Rickie Lee Jones: Live in Stockholm
Romeo & Juliet/(500) Days of Summer
A Screaming Man
Squidbillies: Season 1, Volumes 1-4
Tales of the Abyss Part 1
Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job: Seasons 1-5
Tom & Jerry: Fur Flying Adventures Volume 2
Trailers from Hell Volume 2
Transformers – The Japanese Collection: Headmasters
Venture Bros.: Seasons 1-5
Victorious: Season 1
Wisconsin Project X
Witchmaker: The Legend of Witch Hollow
Without a Father
Woman’s Guide to Adultery
World of Horses: Season 2
Yoga After Pregnancy
And now, before I hand you over to Jeb – I’d like to let you know that the new AQUABATS album is available for download at Amazon for a whopping $5.00. Imagine that Devo, The Ventures, and Madness, climbed into the Brundlepod and came out the other side a batch of superheroes, and you might have an inkling of what’s in store from the guys who brought you (or – more specifically – your toddlers) YO GABBA GABBA (seriously).
THE AQUABATS – HI-FIVE SOUP!
Now That’s What I Call MUSIC – WITH JEB DELIA!
Last year, there seemed to be a general consensus that 2010 was a pretty strong year in popular music (a term which I take to include rock, jazz, hip-hop, country, folk, etc.), and while I tended to agree, I wasn’t sure if that might have been because, thanks to this Special Edition gig, I was listening to and reviewing a dozen or so new albums every week: maybe I was just more aware of how much music was out there. Now, halfway through 2011, I’m inclined to agree that 2010 was something special: at the halfway point of 2010, I was sorting through about a hundred albums to narrow down my favorites (and by the end of the year, I found that there were more than 250 that I’d enjoyed enough to at least consider for my year-end list). By contrast, 2011′s halfway-home list was winnowed down from maybe three dozen albums, at most. That’s not to make a quantity-versus-quality argument, of course, but it does seem as though 2010 had an advantage in depth, if not necessarily range, at least up to this point.
So far, 2011 has brought highly enjoyable releases from R.E.M., Gang of Four, Adele, Radiohead, Joshua Redman, Tyler the Creator, The Decemberists, Smithereens, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Gillian Welch, Thurston Moore, Jill Scott, and the New York Dolls, among others. That said, here’s the list of the 2011 albums that I’ve found myself enjoying the most :
12 Desperate Straight Lines, Telekenesis. Cheerful songs
about depression: “Always do what I am told / Jesus Christ I’m getting old.”
Agadez, Bombino. Sometimes, the various Desert Blues artists can feel like one giant overlapping, interlocking band: maybe that’s why Bombino Motcar headed for the relative isolation of Massachusetts to produce one of the best African pop albums since Tinariwen’s Companions.
Eleven Eleven, Dave Alvin. Alvin’s toughest, bluesiest, most guitar-driven album in years. The Blasters semi-reunion is just the icing.
Go-Go Boots, Drive-By Truckers. How do we know that Patterson Hood is possibly the finest songwriter working in America today? Because DTB’s “second” songwriter, Mike Cooley, would be the star in any other band.
Last, The Unthanks. The Unthank sisters’ harmonies have absorbed the traditional music of the British Isles into a sound that occasionally harks back to the McGarrigles, or Richard and Linda Thompson, but with a haunting quality of its own. “Close the coalhouse door, love / There’s blood inside.”
Rolling Blackouts, The Go! Team. Always cheerfully whacked-out, always catchy, always danceable, now with bonus Bethany Cosentino added.
Screws Get Loose, Those Darlins. “Cowgirlpunk?” Left far behind. “I just wanna be your brother / You just wanna be my boyfriend / I just wanna run and play in the dirt with you / You just wanna stick it in.”
Sophisticated Ladies, Charlie Haden Quartet West. Half of this album would be the most enjoyable jazz release of the year, and you could pick either half: the sultry, sexy array of guest vocalists, or the richly textured instrumental tracks.
Stone Rollin’, Raphael Saddiq. Neo-soul with mischief on its mind.
Volume 2: High and Inside, The Baseball Project. Baseball bores the shit out of me, but I can appreciate the appeal of its legend and lore. Set some of that to a catchy collection of instantly-memorable rock and roll, leaven it with musings on mortality (metaphorical and actual), and you’ve got the most satisfying album of 2011 so far.
And while I haven’t had a chance to preview them, here’s a rundown of some of the key releases for July 5th:
Bob Baldwin, Newurbanjazz.Com 2 / Re-Vibe
Brian Eno, Drums Between the Bells
Devin the Dude, Fresh Brew
*Headcat, Walk the Walk Talk the Talk
Kaiser Chiefs, Future Is Medieval
Lloyd, King of Hearts
Nick Colionne, Feel the Heat
Old 97′s, Grand Theatre Vol. 2
Pop Evil, War of Angels
Stream of Passion, Darker Days
Teddybears, Devil’s Music
Unearth, Darkness in the Light
*This is Lemmy’s “good ol’ rock and roll” album—not to be missed, I suspect.
From Bikes to Trains to VIDEO GAMES – WITH BRIAN CONDRY!
GAME OF THE WEEK:
Seriously – nothing good this week. But there are new daily Steam sales until the 10th! Get on that shit. I’ve already spent too much money – and you should, too.
THE REST OF THE STORY:
EARTH DEFENSE FORCE: INSECT ARMAGEDDON (PS3; 360; retail)
This game should be for me. The last one wasn’t. Killing giant bugs should feel and look awesome. The original EDF did neither. But I’ll give you another shot, Starship Troopers wannabe. I’ll give you another shot…
Deadliest Warror: Legends, the sequel to the original shitbox, hits XBLA and maybe PS3. Seemed like it was kinda’ trying to be Bushido Blade, but a really sucky version. Too bad.
ROCK BAND DLC:
Buffalo Springfield – For What it’s Worth*
R.E.M. – Man On the Moon
System of a Down – Aerials
System of a Down – Hypnotize
The Vapors – Turning Japanese*
* means you can buy Pro Guitar and Pro Bass modes.
So now it ends. Pick yourselves up and sally for – ech-echh! Sally fort – ack-achh!