This weeks blog is very silly, there is no getting around that fact. It’s not big, clever or thought provoking it’s basically me writing something stupid while I am working my last ever night shift.
In honour of San Diego Comic Con I have decided to play the old geek game of which character would win in a fight.*
Round One: Captain Kirk vs Indianna Jones
The venue for this fight is sandy arena surrounded by craggy rocks. Kirk enters from the left his shirt already inexplicably torn, Jones from the right covered in dust and missing his battered leather Jacket.
Kirk circles Jones is a cat like manner, a single bead of sweat forming on his lip . Dr Jones puts his hand up in a classic boxing pose looking ready for the epic showdown. From nowhere Kirk Launches into his classic Judo chop and roll maneuver taking Jones off guard, as the move was successful he repeats it several times knocking the good Doctor on his ass repeatedly. Eventually Jones grows tired of this and readies his counterstrike, at the last moment when Kirk comes at him again Jones pulls out his gun and shoots him.
Winner: Indianna Jones.
Round 2: Skeletor vs Lord Voldemort.
The two masters of Dark Magic meet in a clearing on a moonless black night. Voldermort looking calm and confident as he glides in, wand at the ready. Skeletor readies his own Ram head Staff in his classic half crouch pose and the battle is underway.
Voldermort launches his first spell disarming Skeletor with a flick of his wand. As the bane of He-Man rushes over to try and grab it Voldermort strikes again, this time with a powerful curse. To his surprise the curse has no effect and Skeletor keeps on running, Rage builds inside the Dark Lord and he attacks with his most powerful spell, the force of which knocks old Skull face to the ground. Voldermort glides over to his fallen foe and raises his wand to delver the killing blow. Just as he is about to do so the prone form of Skeletor begins to glow and shimmer, there is a bright flash and the illusion covering the body dissipates revealing his foe to be a robot. Realising he has been tricked Vodermort spins round to be faced with the real Skeletor and before The Dark Lord can react Skeletor unleashes The Diamond Ray of Disappearance,** which sends Voldermort to a timeless dimension. Raising his hand in triumph Skeletor lets loose a victory laugh and returns to his plans of destroying He-Man.
Round 3: Ultra Magnus VS Winne The Pooh
Even with the easiest opponent imaginable Ultra Magnus still manages to stuff things up and is defeated by the silly old bear.***
Winner: Winnie The Pooh
Round 4: Batman (Adam West) vs Batman (Christian Bale)
The two Batmen arrive on the roof of Gotham Police building and square off in the light of the Bat-Signal. Bale’s Bat is the first to make a move, drawing on his years of training with the league of shadows. However to his surprise West’s Batman counters every move drawing from his own knowledge of Batusi. As Bale is thrown by the mix of dance and martial arts on display West hits him with several KA-POWS and ZONKS! leaving the Dark Knight reeling. Bale recovers and switches to a different discipline this time one he picked up while in prison, this seems to work and he soon has the 60′s icon at his mercy. However as he is about to deliver the killing blow West reveals he was simply playing possum, leaping up he grabs Bale by the wrists and handcuffs him with his inescapable Bat-Cuffs. While Bale desperately tries to free himself West kicks him into the Bat Signal, electrocuting him. Not enough to kill him, just enough to render him unconscious, because after all Batman is not supposed to kill.
Winner: Batman (Adam West)
Ok that is enough of that for one day. I feel myself reverting back to a teenager the more I type and I hated being a teenager so i’m going to call it quits.
Until next time…..
* Well, I did warn you.
** It’s in an eppisode of Masters of the Universe Look it up
*** See previous blogs