THIS IS NOT ANOTHER POST ABOUT CRYSTAL SKULL. I liked it. There, I’m out. Moving right along…

Chillin’ at the in-laws’ home in Defiance, Ohio this weekend we had plenty of time to just relax and watch cable. Guess what Turner had running for Father’s day?

No, not Star Wars.

No, not Mission Impossible.

The Indiana Jones Trilogy. I think I calculated that it had been 20+ years since I’d seen Temple of Doom, it was still a few hours until Adult Swim so we hunkered down and watched ‘Doom’ from the beginning.

Now, the point of this post is not another review or whatever. The point hinges around a short anecdote from the first time I watched Doom, back when it first came out on video in what, if I remember correctly, was 1985.

My sister and I were at our Aunt Joyce’s house in Cicero on the south side of Chicago. Our parentals both worked so Aunt Joyce watched us a couple days a week for them. Aunt Joyce was great – she always cooked and rented movies and had tether ball in the yard, so as long as we spent some time doing our homework there was plenty of fun to be had.

This particular evening Aunt Joyce had rented Temple of Doom because of course, without little kids of her own (four boys, all grown by this time) how was she to know that the Lucas/Spielberg team had constructed a film that would give generations of children enamoured with their fidora topped hero nightmares of Thugee cult members stealing sneakily from their closets and giant freakin’ insects appearing out of nowhere and crawling up their backs. This second instance is where we reach our point.

While my Aunt Joyce, my sister and I sat transfixed by the deepning horrific images and scenarios playing across the screen we reached the height of gross out at the scene where Kate Capshaw has to reach through the corridor of bugs to stop the death trap Indie and Short Round have gotten themselves into. At the EXACT instant that a massive Praying Mantis appeared on screen BOOM!!! a shriek from my sister drives both of our eyes up to where a REAL FREAKIN’ PRAYING MANTIS had appeared on top of Aunt Joyce’s entertainment center. Immediately we all three freaked the fuck out and began scurrying around pointlessly, instinct telling us to do something but fear preventing any one of us from doing anything. In an instant our commotion had caused the bug to disappear behind the large, solid oak entertainment center where not a one of the three of us could reach it. After a few minutes waiting for it to regroup and mount a new attack we eventually calmed down and reluctantly restarted the movie, Aunt Joyce tactfully skipping to the end of the ‘Bug Corridor’ scene.

Flash forward to yesterday, when my wife, my mother-in-law and I sat watching Temple of Doom under light conversation. When the infamous bug corridor scene began I interrupted everyone to relate the aforementioned story. We all got a good ‘Eewww’ out of it and then re-focused on the flick, everyone holding their breath just a little bit when the Mantis made his appearance.

The movie continued on and I found myself enjoying it quite a bit. I’m of the opinion that The Jones’ flicks are great for what they are, but it’d been awhile and I was happy not to be disappointed.

As the movie finished without bug incident SUDDENLY MY WIFE ISSUED A SCREAM! Jumping up and scanning the room I already knew, unconsciously, what had caused that scream. She flailed and pointed in disbelief at the kitchen floor just to our right and there in the dim late night light I saw it -

almost the size of the one that climbs up Kate Capshaw’s back in the bug corridor.

My wife said ‘AHHHHHHHHH’

Her mom said ‘AHHHHH”

I said ‘AHHHHH (interwoven with several profanities).

I grabbed a paper towel from the kitchen counter and moved the small Pomeranian lying confused in the insects path and proceeded to crush the monstrosity beneath the quicker-picker upper. UGHH! My mother-in-law moved in with a hardcover book containing old photographs of dogs and battered the towel until there could be nothing left beneath.

Wheewww. The remains were disgusting, but satisfying.

So what’s the deal? I’ve been fascinated for years with the author’s secret rule that people like Grant Morrison and Alan Moore taught me about in interviews – what you write can happen. You’re constructing a microcosm that can reflect or alter the Macrocosm.

BUT BUGS? Did George and Steve think it would be funny to manifest bugs in the living rooms of the people who watched their movies? Or was this an accidental bit of ‘fiction-magick’? Has anyone else had this experience with this movie? Or any similar happenings with others? Why did this never happen when I was younger with slave-clad Princess Leia? And finally, does this mean if we rent ‘Crystal Skull’ when it becomes available on DVD, will 13 alien skeletons manifest in the living room?

Only the Hollywood gods know the answers, and it may be decades before a 70 year old Shia LeBeouf digs them up in an underwater Hollywood temple and presents them with the magick statue (Oscar) to have his question answered…