The Romance Suggestions Thread

DaveB proposed to me on the most romantic day of the year - President's Day. He had the day off of work and intended to drive down to Skokie to look at engagement rings. I woke up at 6 a.m. and, unaware of his plans, decided to take the day off to spend it with him. When I told him this, he insisted that I should go to work, it wasn't a good way to use a sick day, he was planning to go see a movie I wasn't interested in, and was generally being really cagey and panicky. I was half-awake and hated my job, so I didn't have the best reaction to this. I started asking why he didn't want me around and insisting that I really wanted to spend the day with him. We went around like this for a while until finally he hugged me and said "Screw it. You wanna get married?"

I have friends who, upon hearing this story, say "Yeah, that sounds like you two." I pretend like I have no idea what that means.

I proposed to my wife on Groundhog's Day. Over and over and over.

I proposed to my fiance in front of a huge, old Danish cathedral. I bribed the priest to watch for me and ring the bells when I went down on one knee. Since then, I've become addicted to manipulating the clergy with money.

Well, I haven't proposed or anything, but my girlfriend just move to Iowa City so I tried to give her a pretty good send off.

She wanted to walk and drive around Boston to visit and see some of her favorite spots, and on one of our first dates I took her to this park in Arlington Heights with a beautiful view that overlooks the entire city, so I thought I'd take her there again. I snuck a blanket, some wine, a glass and a small candle into the car and my bag. After driving around for a while, I headed towards Arlington. She wasn't very surprised that I decided to take her there, but once I lit the candle and brought out the wine she started to cry (in a good way).

I also wrote her five months worth of letters in advance so that every month she can open one and (hopefully) not miss me as much. And I burned about 12 CD's worth of music she wanted.

I miss her.

My short answer is that I was all class - asked her to marry me at the George Thorogood show.

Technically, it was at the July 3rd fireworks (Milwaukee has its big fireworks show on the lakefront on the 3rd, the 'burbs do theirs on the 4th) show, and we were going to watch Thorogood AFTER the fireworks, but it worked out pretty cool - we had a bunch of friends with us that included two of my groomsmen and her maid of honor. And fireworks, marriage proposal, more fireworks, Thorogood is NOT the worst way to spend an evening.

As far as romance in general, my fallback bouquet is a dozen roses, six white and six yellow. Women love it.

For Valentine's Day, my friend cut a watermelon in half, hollowed out both halves, put a pineapple inside, taped the two halves back together, and gave it to his girlfriend.

To this day I have no idea why he did that but I'll be goddamned if I don't know what I'm gonna give my sweetheart this coming Feburary.

Roses are a bit mundane though. If you want to truly score points, remember that ladies love Calla Lilies. They're never in stock though, so you have to pre-order them a few days ahead of time. That fact also nets you bonus points as most of them are aware they're hard to get.

I'd like to do this, but instead of a watermelon, I'd use a honeydew. And instead of a pineapple, I'd put in a Golden Retriever puppy. I'd tell her that I found a dog egg on the side of the road, and I'd act all surprised when the retriever puppy hatched out of it. "Woah, we just hit the jackpot, honey!"

I know it's cliche, but a well designed mixtape/cd still works wonders. For bonus points, take the time to design the front & back covers or even type out all the lyrics.

Sometimes rep isn't fair. Like, when Minsky deserves more than one rep a day. That's not fair that I can't deliver.

I wish I had more than gray boxes to offer. That idea will save someone's marriage.

That's why you go off the map a bit with the unexpected colors.

Hereabouts, trying to get calla lilies* in anything less than bulk is cost-prohibitive - the flower shop I usually go to wants you to order ahead, order at least 20, and they are something like $5 a pop.



* - calla lilies were the flowers at my wedding.

This absolutely works. It just blows my mind how the thing I used in 10th grade to such great effect works so well over a decade later. I recently met a really cool girl, and she isn't at all a romantic or touchy feely type. Candles, flowers, all the typical stuff I knew just had no effect.

She is very much into music though, so I went to her house, snagged her Apple laptop, and loaded a ton of CD's of mine she had not heard onto Itunes. I then made a playlist of "sappy" songs, then of just new material for her.

She ate it up. And I didn't even have to write out the track listing sloppily on a casette case.

Exactly six years ago today (on my birthday) I proposed to my wife. We were slightly obsessed with the Barenaked Ladies at that time, so a month an a half prior to the concert I sent a fan letter of sorts* and asked if they could play "Yoko Ono" (she use to joke that I should propose to her with that song in the background). Shot in the butt, anyway. So with ring in pocket we went to the concert. Some friends that were coming along with us to the concert knew of the immanent proposal, but much to all of our dismay BNL never played the song. Eh, it was a long shot. The six of us hop in the car to drive home and Kim (the now-wife) asks "so, did you get everything you wanted for your birthday?" To not laugh at the horrible irony was something else.

Anyhow, after we dropped everyone off at their respective places, Kim and I went back home. We grabbed a piece of leftover giant birthday cookie and head to bed. I crawled into bed (it's now 1am) with ring still clutched in my fist and I start sweating bullets. Kim, meanwhile, has amused herself to the point where she starts in with a one-woman laugh/fart escalation of ungodly proportions:

hahaha! *poot* HAHAHAHA!!! *braaapppp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *PPPPPPBBBBPPPPTTTTTTT* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAlolz!!!1!!, etc.

Finally she gets in bed and notices I'm clammier than the Kraken's belly and asks if I'm sick or something. Ugh. She rolled in to give me a goodnight kiss (the fist of engagement now behind her head) and I finally told her there was something that I still wanted for my birthday.

Damn, I love her.

*Oh, that letter I sent to BNL about the song request? Yeah, that arrived in my mailbox a week later with "Return to Sender". Nice, eh?

They were my wedding flowers as well. So when I can find them (which isn't often) and when I'm fealing nice (which is even less often), calla lilies it is.

From now on though, "things that fit in a watermelon" will be my go-to gift.

Jeremy Jochman, sorry the letter didn't work, but you still got what you wanted. Letters do work once in a while - it wasn't a proposal, but to this day, the most romantic present a boyfriend of mine ever gave me was back around 1992 for my 29th birthday. I love Jimmy Stewart, who was still alive at the time. My then-boyfriend had read in some article that Jimmy Stewart still answered all his own fan mail. So two months before my birthday, he went to a celebrity photo store and found this beautiful 8" x 10" black and white studio photo of Jimmy Stewart from 1940. He bought it and then mailed it to Jimmy Stewart, along with a letter that said, "My girlfriend Lisa is about to turn 29 in November. She absolutely adores you - would you mind autographing this photo for her? It would make her birthday really special." A month or so later, it came back to him in the mail, autographed - "To Lisa - Happy Birthday. Best wishes, James Stewart." The then-boyfriend went out and got this really pretty art-deco style frame to put it in, and voila - the absolute best birthday gift I've ever received. Nothing has ever come close to it, and I still have it proudly displayed on the bookcase in my living room.

What was even better was my reaction when I unwrapped it. I never claimed to be a rocket scientist, and I just sort of blinked stupidly at it, thinking, "Wow... gotta hand it to him, he must have searched every movie memorabilia shop in the city to find one that happened to say 'Lisa'." And he was sitting there, just agonizing, waiting for my reaction, which wasn't really coming, other than, "Ohhh.... cute. How'd you find that?" Finally, he burst out, "I wrote to Jimmy Stewart and asked him to autograph that for you for your birthday!" My jaw dropped, and I just sort of went, "G'ahwafwa?" So in complete desperation, he turns to his brother and goes, "Kevin?" His brother goes, "He wrote to Jimmy Stewart and asked him to autograph that for you for your birthday." For some reason or another, his brother telling me made it more real. And *then* I freaked out - for about the next three days.

Duke Fleed?

Rape a cake in front of her. That'll get her wetter than the Pacific.

Don't try it! It doesn't work!

Millette can turn a german chocolate into a boston creme in under eight seconds.

fixed

Don't listen. It's a trick. Now, Hostess Fruit Pies? That's a whole different story.

No, actually - Ring Dings. Small, but sexy.

You just haven't found the right girl yet! Don't give up!

Or the right cake!

I find the sure way to woo a woman is to carve out him heart.

Let's remember that every color of roses has it's meaning, and that most women knows them.

Her:" What do you mean, friendship?"
Me: "Haaaaa.. you like yellow color. And roses."
Her: "It means friendship! There no love, no passion in this bouquet!"
Me: "Do I look like a botanical poet to you?"

And then she stormed away, pissed.

Boy was my ex a crazy one...

A Nicolas Sparks novel and a pack of french ticklers. Easy-peasy.

As to the flower issue, daisies are always a really cool (and cheap) way to go. There's something overbearing about the exotic flowers/roses, to me (and several of my friends), but to each their own.

I guess the most romantic thing that's been done for me was when a now-ex (who, at that point, had become a long-distance) boyfriend and I got together for a long weekend in a city that was midway between the two of us. For the record, I was wearing an orange piece of thread tied around my wrist, as a stupid way to remind myself not to get too comfortable with having him around (and had told him that when he asked). While we were out and about, he must've noticed me eying a certain bracelet while we were looking for a birthday gift for his mother.

The next day, when we went out for dinner, he produced a small pair of scissors, cut the thread off my wrist and put the bracelet on. With a little speech about how it'd remind me of how much I meant to him.

We're still friends, and to this day he has never explained how/when he bought that bracelet.

I just tell her she can wait and do the dishes in the morning.

My proposal story:

I'm not a big grand gesture kind of guy. I personally feel the nuts and bolts of romance are in the day-to-day. If nothing else, that makes the times when you DO make a big gesture that much more special and emphatic.

So when it came time to think about how I was going to propose to the Fiancee, I was stumped. I'm a romantic guy, but at the same time I'm as peculiar as the next guy, and wanted to do something with my personal stamp on it.

I finally decided that the important things to me weren't the pomp and circumstance, but the fact that it be a surprise, and the words I used.

Originally I had planned to do it on my birthday, and I'd tie it to my birthday wish, but that turned out to be the day after my Dad's funeral. Obviously that wasn't the right time, so I kept the ring and looked for a good time. That turned out to be the day before she was to leave for a trip with her old girlfriends from college. I figured she'd enjoy showing the ring off.

So I honed in on that Friday. That afternoon I called her dad and asked for his blessing, which he gave. That evening our puppy had a vet appointment, and when we got her home she was wiped out. We'd planned on going for sushi, and I was going to do it after that, but the puppy was peaceful, the TV wasn't on, we were just sitting there quietly on the floor in our home, and I decided to just go ahead.

I had the ring in my pocket, and I casually brought up my birthday because we hadn't done a gift exchange. I said, "You know, I've been thinking about what you could get me for my birthday, and I don't really want a tennis racket or a video game or anything. I don't really want a thing. I just want you to be my wife." And I brought out the ring. She admitted later she thought I was kidding right at first because she started laughing. I said, "Will you marry me? Go ahead, it's real." And she was crying and laughing and making Yeti noises, but she gave me a big hug, the best I've gotten.

She had NO idea, so I got just what I wanted. I knocked her off her feet with the surprise, and I said just what I wanted to say. Can't get much better than that.

Not a size queen, eh?

I proposed to my wife lying in bed after a really spectacular round of fucking.

We're not very romantic people. But we love fucking.

You'd better get her phone number.

Sorry, but you left that wide open.

I forgot to accuse you of being a gay homosexual for knowing this.

My wife's a lifelong Democrat, so I proposed to her one Valentine's Day eve on the steps of the memorial to America's first Republican president.

Ok, here's another of my wierd-ass tales!

I'd been dating my wife about 3 years, and realized - time to get engaged, she's a keeper! So, after securing permission from her mom (who helped me pick out the engagemnet ring - very nice, '30s-'40s design, with damn near flawless diamond), and swearing her blabbermouth sister to secrecy (under penalty of extreme torture and death), I'd made arrangements to get our families together Christmas Eve at the Finnigan's where we first met (blind dates ROCK!).

The plan was I'd take Jen bowling (that particular Finnigan's has a bowling alley - hey, cmon! It's a quality establishment! It's got CUL-CHA!), then escort her to the back dining room, where both families would be waiting. I'd make my speech, propose in front of everyone, she'd say "yes", we'd celebrate! Everything was set, the time was right, the energy was here, and the gestalt was now.

Then the powers that be decided things were going a bit TOO good for me. So to put me in my place, I was blessed with a nice kidney stone attack a couple of days before the big day. A two-day stay at Kimball Medical Center, and the plan was scrapped. I went home the day before Christmas Eve, in NO condition to put the plan into motion. Reluctantly, calls were made, the big meet was cancelled, and that was that.

I was still determined to get engaged, though. On Christmas Eve.

Jen comes over Christmas Eve night, loaded with presents. I'm wearing pajama bottoms, and a robe. Leaving my parents downstairs, Jen and I go up to my room, followed by my parents cat, Jesse. Jen and I hang out a bit (Jesse sucking up to her as usual), she babies me 'cause I was in the hospital. She's sitting on the edge of my bed, when I grab a pillow, throw it down on the ground, get on one knee and flash the ring "I love you, Jen. Will you marry me?"

She was literally in shock for a FULL MINUTE - then "Yes! Yes!! YES!!! YES!!!!" She starts to cry, hugs me, then hauls ass downstairs to show my folks. Then she runs back upstairs, hugs and kisses me, then commandeers the phone for the next hour to let everyone know.

About a year and change later - May 19, 2001 (just after my birthday), she says "I do." Things have been great since.

- When you go out to eat, forswear any of the table condiments and instead bring along a salt shaker filled with her dandruff/ground up skin flakes/fingernail clippings you've surreptiously collected and tell her what it is just before you sprinkle it all over your food. Look her in the eyes and say, "For you see, nothing tastes sweeter than you!"

- Have a custom "Congratulations, It's A Boy!" or "-Girl!" card printed up in gilt letters, complete with a Punnett square crossing her genotype with your own. Present it to her, and proudly announce you are free of recessives.

- Find out how much her parents, grandparents or other older relatives have left her in their wills. Murder the one who has left the most, and have a huge novelty check made up with the exact amount on it. Send it to her just like she'd won a sweepstakes, complete with a couple of presenters in a van and a boquet of roses.

I'd post something witty here, but I'm too busy... writing... this... stuff... down!

Jesus tits, man?!?! How big are fucking honeydew melons where you come from?

I took my girlfriend to McDonalds for our second Valentine's Day.

I'm surprised she didn't get distracted by that hardcore, right wing, slave freeing, conservative sitting 30 feet away. I can only assume that being such a democrat, she was wearing a confederate flag tee shirt at the time.

Wow, very sorry to hear that.

Feel free to take my sympathy as either "the saddest thing about a marriage is that it takes two people to make it work but only one to make it fail" or "you're better off without that bitch; women are like city buses, when one passes you by another ain't far behind" as needed.

I'm waiting for advice from XXXXTOXICSHOXXXX.

I kidnapped my wife for our anniversary once. She is extremely gullible and before entering healthcare I always wanted to be a comedian/actor so I can put on a ruse with the best of them.

There is a flea market near where we live that has an indoor section that I kid you not looks like a castle. When I first moved here I thought it was a Medieval Times dinner/entertainment establishment like in Cable Guy.

Well I cooked up this plan to take her to Savannah, GA for our anniversary. I called her boss and got Friday off for her without her knowledge, arranged childcare with the in-laws for our son, packed both our bags, made hotel reservations and dinner reservations in Savannah for Thursday night which was the date of our anniversary.

Well for two or three weeks before the big day she is asking where we are going, what kind of date we are going on, etc. I convince her that I want to go to the castle place for dinner that Thursday night. She hems and haws but eventually reluctantly agrees since she loves me. For two weeks though she is bitching and fuming to everyone; her boss, her mother and all her friends that I am a bastard for wanting to take her to some indoor renaissance fair bullshit place for dinner.

Little does she know though, everyone in her life knows the truth. So I pick her up Thursday from work because we have an "early dinner reservation". Bags are in the trunk so she suspects nothing. I get on the interstate and we head to the exit for this place which just so happens to be also on the way to Savannah. I keep driving and she is begging me to take her somewhere else. I convince her for another hour that the place she was thinking we were going isn't the one, it's a few exits down the highway.

Finally I tell her I have printed the menu and "show information" off the internet for her to look at and tell her to pull it out of the pocket in her car door. Of course, it is the printed hotel reservation for Savannah. It still takes her five minutes to figure out where we are going.