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Your Terrible Movie Ideas.

post #1 of 291
Thread Starter 
You know the drill, if you have really cheesy movie ideas post them.

Mafia Is Now In Session!

Jimmy Santoro attends RiverLake Private High School. RiverLake is a literal hell for Jimmy, the students are all snotty rich kids, the teachers are the definition of pretentious, and Jimmy doesn't fit in. RiverLake is unrivaled academically, but it's the most expensive to attend. But that's not a problem for Jimmy, his dad is the mafia boss! Jimmy's latest project is "Bring Your Dad To Class Day", and Jimmy Sr. is going back to school. Though he doesn't know the principal is also the rival mob boss... Jimmy never liked his dad's "job", and he has every intention of making things better. Will he be able to unite the rival gangs? Will the mafia teach the stuck up kids how to have fun? Find out in Mafia Is Now In Session! a zany comedy!
post #2 of 291
post #3 of 291
Your Terrible Threads.
post #4 of 291
That's more stupid than terrible.
post #5 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti
Promise to throw away the key, too?
post #6 of 291
Rob Zombies "Halloween"
post #7 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti
I would say that was a pretty successful execution of your 'Chewer Beware' graphic idea, Molt.
post #8 of 291
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeRobotSex
Your Terrible Threads.
Oh wow I didn't see that one coming. Bravo. My guess would be that this thread would be acceptable, had it not been made by me.

I got another one Cyber Savior
In the far future robot have started an uprising, mankind is doomed. Their trust lies in Prototype X the worlds first fully cybernetic human. X can enter virtual realms instantly, mentally control various machines, bring up anything on the internet instantly. He is humanities last hope, he must fight... (via cyberpunk cliches and bullet-time)
post #9 of 291
No, it'd be mocked if anyone made it (Nick aside, but he wouldn't bother unless he had something better up his sleeve than "Mafia is Now in Session"), but the fact that you made it is somewhat amusing.

Your heart's in the right place, but you are incredibly dumb.
post #10 of 291
Thread Starter 
What the fuck? How does me wanting to post TERRIBLE movie ideas make me dumb? I thought this thread could be humorous, damnit.
post #11 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMantis
What the fuck? How does me wanting to post TERRIBLE movie ideas make me dumb? I thought this thread could be humorous, damnit.
Do more next time.
post #12 of 291
True humor comes naturally. It is not forced.
post #13 of 291
Back to the future 4... Well... that's all behind me now.
post #14 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMantis
What the fuck? How does me wanting to post TERRIBLE movie ideas make me dumb? I thought this thread could be humorous, damnit.
It's dumb to be on these boards, to see how they work, and then get angry when you make dumb threads and are being called out for it.

And this thread IS dumb and has nothing but the vaguest of premises, with a very lame first example.
post #15 of 291
Ghostbusters 3.
post #16 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMantis

Mafia Is Now In Session!

Jimmy Santoro attends RiverLake Private High School. RiverLake is a literal hell for Jimmy, the students are all snotty rich kids, the teachers are the definition of pretentious, and Jimmy doesn't fit in. RiverLake is unrivaled academically, but it's the most expensive to attend. But that's not a problem for Jimmy, his dad is the mafia boss! Jimmy's latest project is "Bring Your Dad To Class Day", and Jimmy Sr. is going back to school. Though he doesn't know the principal is also the rival mob boss... Jimmy never liked his dad's "job", and he has every intention of making things better. Will he be able to unite the rival gangs? Will the mafia teach the stuck up kids how to have fun? Find out in Mafia Is Now In Session! a zany comedy!
Throw Shia Labeouf in a greaser's jacket and Denzel Washington as his mafia father and you've got a hit my friend.
post #17 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMantis
What the fuck? How does me wanting to post TERRIBLE movie ideas make me dumb? I thought this thread could be humorous, damnit.
Getting pissed off and stomping your little foot because it wasn't funny isn't scoring any points either.
post #18 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric C
Throw Shia Labeouf in a greaser's jacket and Denzel Washington as his mafia father and you've got a hit my friend.
Fuck that. Cast Robert DeNiro, call it Learn This! and you've got £300m worldwide.
post #19 of 291
I still stand by my post-apocalyptic "Music Man" reimagining.

That sounds like Terrific! With a capital Tee that rhymes with Pee and that stands for POOL!
post #20 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMantis
T Rex doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt.
Your thoughtful signature quote shines a cold light on the turmoil in my soul.
post #21 of 291
Brigadoon 2 For the residents of Brigadoon, it's only been three days, but for the rest of the world, it's been three hundred years. Now, in the year 2054 AD, the 18th Century highlanders must fight for survival. Scotland has become a warzone, where humanity fights against the Iron Plague, a nanotechnological virus that turns ordinary biometal killing machines!
post #22 of 291
Fuck it. I'll bite.

Rocky Balboa and the Vengeance of Dracula.

After his successful exhibition match with Mason "The Line" Dixon Rocky is now running an inner city rec center and teaching under privilaged youths boxing. When the children begin to disappear and the police investigation comes up empty handed its up to Rocky to take on the case himself with Paulie and his silent partner in the rec center, Mason Dixon as his only support. What they find destroys their grip on reality. The children have been the victims of none other than Count Dracula. Can Rocky, Paulie and "The Line" destroy the king of all vampires? Can Rocky and Dixon possibly take on the combined might of vampire Apollo AND Clubber in the ultimate underground undead bare knuckles streetfighting match?!?
post #23 of 291
Another theatrical Punisher movie.
post #24 of 291
Okay...How about this?

Mickey Rourke and Joe Pesci were IRA guys who blew up British people in the 1980's and 1990's. Then the peace treaty is signed and they are out of a job (blowing people up!). They miss killing limey bastards so much that they join the chief terrorist organization of today...Al Qaeda. The only problem...Al Qaeda is a MUSLIM terror group so that means no drinking. Rourke and Pesci are IRISH so funny happenings ensue. The name of this five star masterpiece?

MC Qaeda!
post #25 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rourkefan
Okay...How about this?

Mickey Rourke and Joe Pesci were IRA guys who blew up British people in the 1980's and 1990's. Then the peace treaty is signed and they are out of a job (blowing people up!). They miss killing limey bastards so much that they join the chief terrorist organization of today...Al Qaeda. The only problem...Al Qaeda is a MUSLIM terror group so that means no drinking. Rourke and Pesci are IRISH so funny happenings ensue. The name of this five star masterpiece?

MC Qaeda!
Perhaps an obvious offering from someone named "Rourkefan," but I laughed. It's made even more ludicrous when you try to envision Joe Pesci attempting an Irish accent.
post #26 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by sackley
Fuck that. Cast Robert DeNiro, call it Learn This! and you've got £300m worldwide.
As long as it has Labeouf cocking a shotgun and saying "School's out."
post #27 of 291
Aw hell why not........

Imagine Area 51 is real(as in it being a government conspiracy yadda yadda) but here's the kicker. Instead of aliens, it's really a huge supermax prison for Vampires. These aren't regular Vampires though, through the beginning of the film you find out that the Vampires have perfected a serum that allows them to live in the sunlight as well. Also there is a small group of Vampires who have retained their sense of right and wrong and they work for the govt rounding up Vampires to take to the Supermax at Area 51.

The point of the film is the chase and capture of the most notorious Vampire of all, the one responsible for all of the "Dracula" mythology. We however find out his real name is Bob and that he used Dracula because it sounded menacing.

The sequel (it does scream the need for one, no?) Would be about Bob and an evil group of Vamps escaping. The government would have to get an old vet Vamp hunter(he's human though) to organize the capture. That vet would have to be played by someone like Bruce Willis.

God I'm glad I saw how shitty this idea was when I first thought of it.
post #28 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB
It's made even more ludicrous when you try to envision Joe Pesci attempting an Irish accent.
And even more ridiculous if they try to charade as Middle Easterns ala Team America.
post #29 of 291
In a vague sense, it's Rainman, except instead of Raymond being autistic, he's a former UFC/Martial Arts champion who borders on the realm of consciousness and comatose. And instead of being incredibly brilliant, Raymond can't stop starting fights. With his brother Charlie driving with him across america, they'll learn the true meaning of family.

I thought this up while watching the "war veteran" in Redline always starting fights wherever he goes, and began to wonder "what would a movie about a guy starting fights be like"?
post #30 of 291
My best friend and I, during a drunken all-nighter, came up with the tale of the Vatican's elite evil smashing team, trained in the deadly arts of the Kuniochi, minds and bodies honed to the sharpness of a razor's edge, souls armored by their faith in God, and secretly planted in the Catholic schools around the world to stop crime before it starts.

They're deadly.
They're devout.
They are... NINJA NUNS!

Starring Cynthia Rothrock as Sister Mary Discipline, and Maria Conchita Alonso as Sister "Knuckles".
post #31 of 291
That'd be great to see them repeatedly punch a bad guy, then grab him by the hair and shove his face into a basin of holy water till he talks.
post #32 of 291
Not my ideas, but jeez. The following examples are all from the same person apparently. Unreal.

Unbreakable 2???
Quote:
Bruce Willis and Samual L. Jackson. Mr. Glass breaks out of prison and makes a bio-weapon to turn the world into people like him, brittle bone disease. Bruce Willis becomes a real super hero and has to stop him.
Pulp Fiction prequel???
Quote:
John Travolta is in Prague getting marijuana in the square near the clock in the back. Inside this DHL package is the contents of what is inside the briefcase. He go to Hanover, Germany, then Amsterdam to go boating with a Nokia sales rep. he met at the computer show (CES). He drives her new AMG Benz close to ~200MPH on the autobahn. They stop to see a castle on the way, have a picniclunch and have sex (in the tunnel entryway). The get to Holland and get supplies at the supermarket and have fun shopping. They get to the boat (marina is ~30minutes outside Amsterdam, makes a stop there) and it is broken into and they have to do wo GPS, etc. While out on the boat they get attacked by modern day pirates and she gets killed so he goes back to Amsterdam depressed in the Benz. Gets mixed up w drug dealer and his beautiful Romanian (looks like girlfriend) body guard. They run drugs across Europe under the American’s cover. Paris (run in with the law American takes the blame for everything, they all get off with only a warning), Spain, Monte Carlo (celebrate his B-Day). They get back to Amsterdam after a summer of fun in the South of France. He gets hooked on heroin and then deals start to go bad and go to worse. He jumps town and goes back to the states. After being away for over 3 years in Amsterdam, the Pulp Fiction original starts Part I.
Pulp Fiction Part II: Cherry Cola???
Quote:
Modern day pirates recognize him on the news (Travolta dead) and go the states to try to get the DHL packagebriefcase contents.
The Computer Super Hero???
Quote:
I had this idea before the show Jake 2.0 came out, mine is still better, hopefully.During a computer experiment to increase speed a vortex opened an inter-dimensional time portal. Because of the virtual reality gear was connected nano-istors from the future fused the VR gear to transform the computer genius into the Computer Super Hero. He now is smarter, faster and stronger than any super hero of all time, even strongerfastermore powers than Superman. Also technology capabilities that surpass our time until the 31st century.
Spot the talking Dalmatian???
Quote:
Spot was a normal dog. He knew lot’s of tricks, like sit, stay, lay-down, roll-over, play dead, etc. One day Spot was playing around the house. The in the home office of his owner, a super computer genius, he played under the servers. He got all tangled up in the computer cables. When he tried to get out the computer equipment fell down and zapped, sparks went everywhere. From that day on spot could speak and was very smart.
Somebody snatch up this idea-generating mastermind STAT!
post #33 of 291
Wow.
post #34 of 291
Quote:
From that day on spot could speak and was very smart.
"Glenn, honey, you mean your teacher gave you an A+ on your creative writing report? And she said that you're the smartest boy in the third grade? Why, Mommy's so proud of you!"
post #35 of 291
Just for the hell of it:

The 6th Sense II: The 7th Sense:

Bruce Willis ascends into heaven and meets The Little Drummer Boy who sees demons where others see angels. Turns out Bruce is actually in hell because of Breakfast of Champions.
post #36 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNewYork
"Glenn, honey, you mean your teacher gave you an A+ on your creative writing report? And she said that you're the smartest boy in the third grade? Why, Mommy's so proud of you!"
And that boy would one day grow up to be... Glen A. Larson, without whom we would have no Automan, Manimal, Knight Rider, Battlestar Galactica, or The Fall Guy.

This has been Biography on A&E.
post #37 of 291
Christopher Walken and Bruce Campbell become jealous of
each others status as the most beloved Fanboi idol - there
can only be one!

Entering into the fray, a dying EVIL SCIENTIST (Malcolm
McDowell) who offers to each man a device that will allow
them to travel trough time in order to allow them to attempt to
remove their bitter rival from the time line - to allow the
survivor the ultimate honor of Fanboi Favorite...

A madcap adventure beyond imagination begins - as each
man keeps traveling through the timewarpspacecontinuum
into the past to kill the ancestor of their sworn enemy. As
they travel back further and further in time, they both end up
in the Mesozoic Era.

Unable to operate their time travel devices, due to not having
the limbs to do so, they are both devoured by a LARGE BUG
EYE creature....

In the aftermath, we follow the growth of this creature as it
evolves into MAN - into the earliest form of Steve Buscemi...

As the ages pass and we return to the current day, we see the
wrath rendered unto the Earth and the Galaxy by the now
Galactic Overlord Emperor Steve Buscemi - and his
henchman, Malcolm McDowell - who wasn't really dying at
all, but was just bored and really wanted to fuck things up...

the end. of the life as we know it.
post #38 of 291
Thread Starter 

I was a different person back then. 

post #39 of 291

7/17/2011

"Bigelow Ordered To Cease Fire on KILL BIN LADEN, Malick Travels the LAND OF SKY AND SEA To Execute Instead."

---Scott Templeton, Hollywood Sun

In a surprise turn of events, it's officially announced that Oscar winning director Kathryn Bigelow has been replaced by non-Oscar winning director Terrance Malick to direct the highly anticipated film that will chronicle the search and destroy mission of Al-Queda's now deceased mastermind. Also official is a title change from the exploitative sounding KILL BIN LADEN! to the more simple and ethereal LAND OF SKY AND SEA.

Malick, more known for esoteric films like DAYS OF THUNDER and THE BIG RED ONE, will still use the script that Bigelow and her frequent collaborator Mark Boal wrote-- while also commissioning BEING JOHN LITHGOW scribe Charlie Kaufman to craft a fictional tragedy to frame around the true story of the now legendary Navy Seal Six Team mission. Keanu Reeves and Catherine Keener join the cast for the segment that Kaufman wrote. Joel Edgerton(ANIMAL KINGDOM) remains onboard for Bigelow and Boal's.

Here's where it's interesting and refreshing: the announcement was made by Bigelow herself in a press statement without a trace of bad blood, and full of abundant excitement. Below are snippets of further information regarding title change, cast and additions, a new financial foundation for production, and what to expect:

Malick taking over:
["It's an honor. An absolute honor. If Terry wants to make your movie, then you let him. Period."]

Retaining credit, crew, and new financial backers:
["One of the few things that initially made me hesitant for a short while is that we(editor's note: Bigelow and Boal) were far in the preproduction stage of KILL, and had already secured a lot of employment for people. Concern was had for their possible unemployment. Terry, in an act of generosity, is keeping the same crew as well as keeping our credits for writing and producing. All this made possible with our new financial backers: [a]new production company [called] Consider The Lobster Films started by a Mr. Clarence Otis, JR. A man of considerable wealth that's not afraid to spend his riches to make sure Terry redefines the words "Poetic", "Philosophy", and "Artistic Shit".]

Title and New Synopsis:
["To my understanding, LAND OF SKY AND SEA will be similar to TREE OF LIFE in regards with how it's bookended. It begins with a soaring montage of the evolution of the airplane from the first Wright Brothers model all the way up to the insidious image of two 747s approaching a major metropolitan city; its destination never seen as it gives to a fade transition.

From there, two narratives begin over the coarse of 10 years set in real time: one about a grieving man(Keanu Reeves) who mourns the loss of his loved one. Scant information is given about how this loved one passed. We only know this because
The Man stands over the grave, looking at a picture of a woman. The shot is framed at an angle where the picture being held obscures most of the tombstone's infomation; only revealing the year '2001'.

As The Sad Man finds solace in group grief counseling sessions, and love blooms between him and another person of grief(Catherine Keener), we follow a military task force as they try to find, capture, and (if need be) kill, the person responsible for a devastating attack on American soil.

The final setpiece will start with a respectful burial at sea taking place in the North Arabian Sea. As the lifeless vessel sinks deeper and deeper, we see it bring nourishment to the surrounding aquatic ecosystem little by little. From there, we chart the narrative of that ecosystem as it goes about it's business until it is ravaged by various fishing boats, the creatures stripped of their consciousness by factory assembly lines until finally they make their final destination captured in the film's closing shot: being served on plates as a meal in a Red Lobster restaurant to the two grieving people earlier in the film. The food bringing sustenance and creating the fertility needed to start a new life together.

A reality that can only take place within the land of sky and sea."

The first announced release date for LAND OF SKY AND SEA is set for February 30th, 2015. If Malick gets the film in theaters on that date, it will be impressive. However, given his track record, it's advised to be flexible.

 

post #40 of 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post


Unbreakable 2???
Quote:
Mr. Glass breaks out of prison


LOL. Genius.

 

post #41 of 291

Jurassic Park IV.

 

A Colombian Drug lord buys the islands from the government swearing to go straight and reopen them as the family amusement park envisioned by Mr. Hammond. It opens without a hitch three years later and they even bring in Dr. Ellie Sattler and her family in order to fight against the bad publicity surround the Jurassic Park's past. Every thing seems perfect until Dr. Sattler realizes that the island is bringing in far more tourists that she sees at the exhibits. In an effort to find out what is going on she does some detective work and follows a group of Japanese business men off of their private jet and into a closed off section of the park where she learns all the Park's cash comes from betting on dino fighting rings. 

post #42 of 291

Ice Cube and Mike Epps revive their characters from the Fridayt series. In the newest installment, we find them working new jobs in a shopping mall. They smoke weed, hit on hoochie mallrats, ect, ect fuck you...

 

Anyway, there's a bomb threat or something, who cares fuck you, they and everyone else get stuck  in the mall when its quarantined. That Deebo character is there too, looking for them, whatever fuck you...

 

However, the thing is: it's all takes place during the biggest shopping day of the year, the day right after Thanksgiving. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

 

BLACK FRIDAY.

 

 

 

Fuck you.

post #43 of 291


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Z.Vasquez View Post

Ice Cube and Mike Epps revive their characters from the Fridayt series. In the newest installment, we find them working new jobs in a shopping mall. They smoke weed, hit on hoochie mallrats, ect, ect fuck you...

 

Anyway, there's a bomb threat or something, who cares fuck you, they and everyone else get stuck  in the mall when its quarantined. That Deebo character is there too, looking for them, whatever fuck you...

 

However, the thing is: it's all takes place during the biggest shopping day of the year, the day right after Thanksgiving. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

 

BLACK FRIDAY.

 

 

 

Fuck you.



This post brought to you by:

 

cee-lo_green.jpg

post #44 of 291

The Terminizor: An Erotic Thriller?

post #45 of 291

Tony Stark, Captain Jack Sparrow and Peter Vincent* team up in: Drunks Save The World!

 

 

*Its the David Tennant Peter Vincent

post #46 of 291

HANUKK-COPS!

 

Starring Jeff Goldblum, Adam Sandler, & Ben Stiller

 

with Larry David as "The Chief" & Woody Allen as "The Don"

 

guest-starring Alison Brie as "Casually Nude Sally" & Shia Labeouf as "Bullet Magnet Johnny"


Edited by Art Decade - 8/27/11 at 9:51pm
post #47 of 291

An entire movie about Casually Nude Sally staring Alison Brie would be the best movie ever!

post #48 of 291

The Ethnic Vampire Five

 

Blacula (like Dracula but black)

Dracapino (like Dracula but filipino)

Caucula (like Dracula but white)

Dracjewla (jewish Dracula - can't abide the star of david)

Scott Bakula (like Dracula but Bakula - you pronounce it Bakuulya)

 

and they solve crimes.

 

It might be more of a TV show.

post #49 of 291

Agreed.

 

And 90 minutes of Shia LeBouf being shot would be a close second.

post #50 of 291

With the current state of what Hollywood puts out this thread is a very bad idea to keep bumping.  Some studio exec will find the next Paul Blart: Mall Cop here.

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