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Your Terrible Movie Ideas. - Page 3

post #101 of 309
A young hipster buys the local rundown and possibly haunted church. His goal is to create the ultimate social hangout. After many years of failed attempts and countless blasphemies, God sends enforcers to Earth to smite the man. The great plagues are unleashed. Passover happens.

This film plays like a light modern comedy that seems neutered and trite. No one gets hurt and everything works out in the end just fine. Directed by David Dobkin and starring Leif Gantvoort.
post #102 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sebastian OB View Post

A conspiracy obsessed computer genius unwittingly discovers THE OTHER NET, a secret alternative to the internet controlled by the ruling elite. But is the other net simply an alternative to the internet, or something far more sinister? Only one man has the courage to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, to find out who really controls...THE OTHER NET!

 

(the answer is Satan).

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arjen Rudd View Post

 

Why not the Outernet?

 

No no no, what you want is THE OVERNET. (And then its DTV sequel, THE OVERNET 2: RISE OF THE UNDERNET)

 

Sorry. So: A commercial fishing captain and sole survivor of a recent storm that took out his whole crew can only afford to hire the only degenerate, loutish, down-on-their luck fishermen that would ever sign on to his cursed boat. Everyone being Gloucester men, they all have histories with each other, most not so pleasant. On their fourth day out they hit one of the greatest catches they've ever seen, and look to have several more days of it -- until the men start dying in brutal, violent ways. What at first appear to be accidents are quickly determined to be murder! But who's the psychopath among them? Or is there a method to the madness? In a combination slasher-horror/Agatha Christie locked-room mystery, can you figure out who's behind the

 

FISHNET STALKINGS

 

 

Late in production, the studio retitles it "The Perfect Slaughter".


Edited by Trav McGee - 8/20/12 at 10:29pm
post #103 of 309

You know the outernet already exists. In earlier times it was known as 'the real world'.

 

post #104 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trav McGee View Post

 

 

No no no, what you want is THE OVERNET. (And then its DTV sequel, THE OVERNET 2: RISE OF THE UNDERNET)

 

Sorry. So: A commercial fishing captain and sole survivor of a recent storm that took out his whole crew can only afford to hire the only degenerate, loutish, down-on-their luck fishermen that would ever sign on to his cursed boat. Everyone being Gloucester men, they all have histories with each other, most not so pleasant. On their fourth day out they hit one of the greatest catches they've ever seen, and look to have several more days of it -- until the men start dying in brutal, violent ways. What at first appear to be accidents are quickly determined to be murder! But who's the psychopath among them? Or is there a method to the madness? In a combination slasher-horror/Agatha Christie locked-room mystery, can you figure out who's behind the

 

FISHNET STALKINGS

 

 

Late in production, the studio retitles it "The Perfect Slaughter".

 

 

Love it, especially as Gloucester is pretty much landlocked, so you could have the most incompetent fishermen in the world getting up to zany hiinx!

post #105 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glisten View Post

 

 

Love it, especially as Gloucester is pretty much landlocked, so you could have the most incompetent fishermen in the world getting up to zany hiinx!

 

Wrong Gloucester. You're thinking of the Jim Carrey/Breckin Myer farce "The Perfect Stupid," in which Myer discovers he's inherited a half-built boat in Gloucester (England), and his attempts to complete it are constantly thwarted by the wackiest captain in The Isles.

post #106 of 309

BUTTERFLY FLOAT (CG animated)

 

An impetuous young monarch butterfly is traveling with his family and other butterflies through the American south west down onto Mexico when his reckless and overly agro behavior nearly gets his family struck by a car on the highway. The monarch flys off on his own in a fit, only to get caught up in hurricane winds and blown down to Rio. Found with a broken wing by a young kid from the slums, he's kept in a jar and nursed back to health. The young kid is training to master Brazillian jujitsu at a local dojo, in order to defend himself from bullies and win a competition to get money from his family. Together the boy and the butterfly bond on a journey of martial arts, unlikely friendship and personal growth. Eventually after having recovered and helped the boy win the tournament, the butterfly is set free and heads off to Mexico to reunite with his family, arriving just in time to use his new found inner strength and jujitsu inspired tactics to cleverly thwart a butterfly poacher attack on his family's nesting grounds.

 

The title of the film is taken from the famous saying by Mohammed Ali, a figure idolized by the slum kid and whose philosophy the butterfly finds inspirational.

 

It's City of God meets Karate Kid by way of The Incredible Journey.

post #107 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Harford View Post

Get Sandra Bullock for a cameo to reprise her role from the original as an internet expert, and call the film "The Net 3.0: Web of Lies".

 

Fixed (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449077/)

post #108 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by axelbratoski View Post

 

Fixed (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449077/)


I wish I could be surprised.

post #109 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by axelbratoski View Post

 

Fixed (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449077/)

 

The crowning moment of Demet Akbag's career!

post #110 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trav McGee View Post

 

Wrong Gloucester. You're thinking of the Jim Carrey/Breckin Myer farce "The Perfect Stupid," in which Myer discovers he's inherited a half-built boat in Gloucester (England), and his attempts to complete it are constantly thwarted by the wackiest captain in The Isles.

 

Aha! I still think you should set in UK Gloucester though, there's so much comedy value to be mined from the locals there. At the "Shed*" they turn up in their thousands to shout at the rugby, none of them really knowing what's going on in the game. At half time the supporters organise a massive tug-of-war contest between the two rival sets of fans, but go into a sulk if the other fans don't take it seriously, fielding girls in their team, etc. For them, it's all about the tug-of-war.

 

 

 

 

*what they call their local sports stadium

post #111 of 309

Born Legacy

 

A sequel about the son of Jason Bourne. The title is taken from the idea he's been born into the Bourne family legacy.

post #112 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Harford View Post

Born Legacy

 

A sequel about the son of Jason Bourne. The title is taken from the idea he's been born into the Bourne family legacy.

 

 

And he backpacks across Eurasia, carrying the complete series of hardcover novels to be destroyed in a bonfire in Glasgow, i.e Bourne's born will have borne the Bournes to the bourne's bourn.

post #113 of 309
I feel like I need the complete Oxford English Dictionary to fully come to terms with that pun.
post #114 of 309

Here is something I think would make a good movie. I recently read Last Call: The Rise and Fall of Prohibition. I thought it would make for a good Traffic type movie. The movie would focus on backwoods bootleggers, speak easys, agents trying to enforce the law,  and gangsters. It would be written and directed by Tarantino.

post #115 of 309

The Bjorn Identity

 

A musical version of the first Bourne film set to the music of ABBA.


Edited by Art Decade - 9/1/12 at 3:03pm
post #116 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

The Bjorn Identity

 

An musical version of the first Bourne film set to the music of ABBA.

 

Hopefully the title song will be an Ace of Base cover of this Patrick Hernandez megadiscohit.  Born, Bourne, Bjorn...

post #117 of 309
Rob Schnieder, Larry the Cable Guy

...the coming of age story...

...of two men...

...just trying to get the mail...

...blind folded!
post #118 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post

 

Hopefully the title song will be an Ace of Base cover of this Patrick Hernandez megadiscohit.  Born, Bourne, Bjorn...

 

It should have a James Bond style opening credits:

 

post #119 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAIRUS View Post

Rob Schnieder, Larry the Cable Guy
...the coming of age story...
...of two men...
...just trying to get the mail...
...blind folded!

Would Kevin James and Carlos Mencia be the villains?

post #120 of 309

I don't have terrible ideas...

post #121 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by John Matrix View Post

Would Kevin James and Carlos Mencia be the villains?

1.jpg
post #122 of 309

I really would like to see the upcoming Maggie Gyllenhaal/Viola Davis parent's fighting school bureaucracy drama Won't Back Down edited together with the upcoming Kevin James' teacher...becomes a...MMA fighter...to save...art class(?) movie Here Comes the Boom.

 

We can call it The Boom Won't Back Down. It'd be the first Kevin James movie I'd watch.

post #123 of 309

An ordinary guy becomes the deadly obsession of a wildly eccentric A-list actress: "Celebrity/Stalker."

 

It's "Fatal Attraction" meets every ripoff of "Fatal Attraction."

post #124 of 309
A popular theme restaurant chain happens to buy out a gutted building next to them in the French District of New Orleans in order to expand their business with a gift shop. Business booms at first, theme mugs and t-shirts fly off the shelves. Soon an employees are taking advantage of this new space by going into the attic of this former home to have a joint on their break.

One day their manager follows them up there an put everyone he finds there on notice. To clear the pot fumes and his head he goes to the window to let some air in; finds some shutters marked with a cross and a few unfamiliar symbols. The window doesn't open outside, but instead into a closed up space not opened for a century. As he pushes the shutters open a unearthly wind rushes past him and soon the restaurant hostesses are reporting ghostly customers and all the alcohol in the bar turns to blood.

The Margaritaville Horror
post #125 of 309

The endings of The Avengers and Inglorious Basterds both contain scenes I think be should in every movie. So how about a movie that combines them.

 

HULK SMASH PUNY NAZIS!!

IN 3D

post #126 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art Decade View Post

The Bjorn Identity

 

A musical version of the first Bourne film set to the music of ABBA.

 

Don't forget the sequel, The Bjorn Supertroupemacy.

post #127 of 309

Ha!

post #128 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workyticket View Post

 

Don't forget the sequel, The Bjorn Supertroupemacy.

 

As long as there's a scene involving slipping "jamar" into a conversation ten times.

post #129 of 309

I would like to make a short filmed in a first-person perspective:  

 

An aspiring documentarian with a high-quality video camera combs a beach near Vancouver to see if any feet have washed up recently.  He instead finds a cell phone on which exists video of its owner finding an envelope full of money and a receipt for flooring lumber and its installation, soon after which a scream is heard and the phone drops to the sand.  As our protagonist ponders what he has just seen and filmed an enormous splash is heard and the camera turns just in time to catch a glimpse of a huge tentacle shooting out of the ocean towards our protagonist.  This camera, too, drops to the ground, catching a shot of the man being dragged towards the water, suspended upside-down by the ankles, and chomped whole by a gaping maw of crystalline teeth and nefarious intentions.  As the credits roll the creature returns to the depths and two fully-laden sneakers float in the surf.

 

 

My intention is to make the first found-footage film of found footage of found footage and found feet.

post #130 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post

I

 

 

My intention is to make the first found-footage film of found footage of found footage and found feet.

Meta with a touch of surreal. I like it.

post #131 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post

 

An aspiring documentarian with a high-quality video camera combs a beach near Vancouver to see if any feet have washed up recently.  

 

Stop digging, you've hit gold.

 

My movie idea is to make a challenging warts-and-all biopic of Walt Disney starring John Slattery. Giving equal time to his union-busting antisemitism and his business genius and staggering imagination. Except it's not terrible at all, but awesome instead.

 

post #132 of 309

Why do you people keep coming up with good ideas?

 

My idea is to make a biopic of the life of Margaret Thatcher, with Meryl Streep playing the title role.

post #133 of 309

Two predictions:

 

1) We're now seeing updates on old (and free) fairy tales and stories: Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, Noah, Jack and the bean stalk. The next big thing shall be combining old fairy tales. Starting with WEREWOLF CINDERELLA

 

2) We've seen immense hits where an established scifi/fantasy element has been combined with teens. HARRY POTTER = teens+wizards. TWILIGHT = teens + vampires. HUNGER GAMES = teens + Running Man.

 

The next one? Teens + NAZIS.

 

<3rd REICH

post #134 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virtanen View Post

The next one? Teens + NAZIS.

 

<3rd REICH

 

The Revolution Will Be Textified

 

Rich right-wingers, conservative Christians, homophobes, and smokers get thown in concentration camps.

post #135 of 309
In all seriousness I'd love to see a non musical Brigadoon.
post #136 of 309
I'd love to see "Kunu's Endless Summer", a Sarah Marshall prequel focused on Paul Rudd's haole surfer and his journey to Hawaii.
post #137 of 309

Cross posted with the Best of Bond thread:

 

Blackball: The Kevin McClory Story

I'd love to see a biopic of Kevin McClory and his fascinating lifelong obsession with Bond. I'm spurred to suggest this after I saw the Eon doc which caused me to think that his life seems ready made for a movie. The initial fracas with Flemming and the Thunderball court resolution in the first act, his grand triumph of roping Connery back in for Never Say Never Again as the climax of act two, and then finally his last years bitterly fighting to keep the dream alive until 2002 when his

visa situation ends his hopes of Thunderball 3.0.

 

McClory would be an anti hero. He's the supervillain of the story as far as EON is concerned, but what must the view have been like from inside his volcano base as he plotted his grand Thunderball based triumph?


I'd have Pierce Brosnan as McClory, and Game of Thrones' Rory McCann as Sean Connery.


Edited by Dr Harford - 10/22/12 at 11:22am
post #138 of 309
If Spielberg is at a point in his career where he's making movies about animals (War Horse), and if he really is serious about Indiana Jones V, let's get a good old fashioned Rin Tin Tin style prequel about the adventures of Indiana Jones - German Shepard - in the American West.
post #139 of 309

double post, not my fault at first it looked like the board ate it!


Edited by Dr Harford - 10/22/12 at 11:19am
post #140 of 309

Two ideas:

 

(strategic) HAMLET

Recasts Shakespeare's classic tale of woe as a blood soaked familial power struggle set in a Strategic Hamlet in South Vietnam circa 1968. Hieu (a name meaning 'dutiful to parents') finds himself at odds with his duty to avenge his father - a VC allied village leader murdered by his US backed brother during the establishment of a  'hearts and minds' settlement - and his desire to maintain his buddhist ideals of peace.

VIET-KONG

It's Apocalypse Now meets King Kong, with a Willard like character sent on a secret mission up river to eliminate a mysterious figure known only as "Kong", a man (?) who has been using tales of old jungle gods to motivate Charlie to fight. It turns out that Kong is a gigantic, impossibly ancient ape. Kong descended from the mountains under mysterious circumstances at the start of Rolling Thunder, and is being worshipped as a monkey god by a band of blood thirsty and malaria crazed commandos.


Edited by Dr Harford - 10/22/12 at 9:11am
post #141 of 309

"Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" set in Val Verde during the events of "Commando".  It stars the guy who gets his arm chopped off outside the tool shed and that "Cutting a little girl's throat is like cutting warm butter" guy.  Rossi and Guillermo pass the time in the barracks as rumors of Jenny's kidnapping and the eventual coup of Val Verde get tossed about.  The boys play pachisi, have a breakdancing contest, hunt squirrels, sneak pudding cups out of the commissary, watch "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" dubbed in Spanish, and are assigned to wash Arius' feisty poodle... all the while philosophising about life, love, and cutting warm butter on what turns out to be the last two days of their lives.

post #142 of 309

WendellEverett, you gotta KickStarter that shit pronto.

post #143 of 309

A buddy cop movie that's a direct sequel to both Predator 2 and Lethal Weapon 4.  A rookie Predator, in an exchange program, is assigned as a partner to the-just-about-to-retire Detective Riggs in order to hunt down a rogue Xenomorph Empress (she has Queens for limbs and psychic abilities) who creates a hive under the La Brea Tar Pits, creating hybrid, prehistoric tarzombies. 

post #144 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post

A buddy cop movie that's a direct sequel to both Predator 2 and Lethal Weapon 4.  A rookie Predator, in an exchange program, is assigned as a partner to the-just-about-to-retire Detective Riggs in order to hunt down a rogue Xenomorph Empress (she has Queens for limbs and psychic abilities) who creates a hive under the La Brea Tar Pits, creating hybrid, prehistoric tarzombies. 

That idea is not too stupid to get made in Hollywood

post #145 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post

A buddy cop movie that's a direct sequel to both Predator 2 and Lethal Weapon 4.  A rookie Predator, in an exchange program, is assigned as a partner to the-just-about-to-retire Detective Riggs in order to hunt down a rogue Xenomorph Empress (she has Queens for limbs and psychic abilities) who creates a hive under the La Brea Tar Pits, creating hybrid, prehistoric tarzombies. 

Baffled sidekick:  "So you're talking about some sort of hybrid, prehistoric ..... tarzombies?!"

Protagonist: "That's exactly what I'm talking about".

 

Also, Predator would have a translating device and his voice would be Alec Baldwin's or Tommy Lee Jone's.

 

More good dialogue:

 

Predator:  "We prefer to hunt our food, but we also have markets and restaurants on our planet.  We are particularly fond of what you humans call .... vanilla yogurt."
 

post #146 of 309
In Dracula (1992) there is a shot of Winona Ryder looking at a rather indecently illustrated edition of Arabian Nights. Victorian England was fascinated by the exotic thrills of Orientalism, and so I would love to see...

Francis Ford Copplola's Aladin

Made in the same style and tone as his Dracula, in an exotic and intoxicating unnamed Arabian land, it's a non musical (but still faithful) adaptation of the Disney film. Dark, gothic, strange and perverse, with Jafar, Jasmin, Sultan, Abu and Raja all along for the ride. Lush oasis, secret treasure caves, palaces of polished marble, dank slums reeking of spices and bush meat, it would be a visual feast not soon forgotten.
post #147 of 309
An animated story of a dodo bird who, after finding her neighborhood abandoned, stowaways and hides aboard a ship that takes her around the world, adventures, yada, yada, yada . . . her quest leads her to discover she is the last dodo (The Last Dodo . . . I dont like it). The two new friends she meets on board are a ring-tailed lemur and an upside down giant tortoise.

I've always wanted to see a tv series set on a generation ship that explored long term social political changes through several families over long periods of time in a vast but still closed environment.
post #148 of 309

Heart of the Most Dangerous Game

 

It's the height of the war in Vietnam and a team of American black Ops soldiers are dropped into Laos to disrupt supply lines aiding the Vietnamese. Once on the ground, they are captured by a rogue Russian Spetsnaz soldier, and his native followers, who offers them a choice between outright death and a game... The most dangerous game... Life and their radio equipment if they can allude him in the hostile jungle for three nights.

 

A combination of Heart of Darkness and The Most Dangerous Game.

post #149 of 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by elsnakeo View Post

Heart of the Most Dangerous Game

 

It's the height of the war in Vietnam and a team of American black Ops soldiers are dropped into Laos to disrupt supply lines aiding the Vietnamese. Once on the ground, they are captured by a rogue Russian Spetsnaz soldier, and his native followers, who offers them a choice between outright death and a game... The most dangerous game... Life and their radio equipment if they can allude him in the hostile jungle for three nights.

 

A combination of Heart of Darkness and The Most Dangerous Game.

 

You left out the whole basketball.

post #150 of 309

Starship's doctor notices that the ship's new transporter beam equipment somehow affects his patients' DNA. The doctor discover the horrible truth: instead of transporting a human to another location, the equipment creates a copy and eliminates the original. The doctor tries to warn the ship's personnel that anyone who's been transported is not a human but an imitation. He ends up on the run as the Federation wants him dead so that the public won't find out the dark secret behind their revolutionary invention.

 

THE BONES IDENTITY

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