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Your Terrible Movie Ideas. - Page 5

post #201 of 250
"The Shield: Ridin' a Desk."

Picking up shortly after the events of "The Shield," disgraced ex-cop Vic Mackey now has a soul-crushing desk job at ICE. His immunity deal keeps him out of prison, but his history of cop-killing and corruption makes him the ultimate office pariah. Tune in each week to watch Mackey endure awkward moments with office bureaucrats at the Xerox machine, in the men's room and in the breakroom for birthday parties he's never invited to. Coming this fall to FX.
post #202 of 250

Frank Dewey, newly appointed administrator of NASA, visits his former frat buddy Martin who has terminal cancer. Dying Martin reveals Frank a practical joke he pulled 40 years earlier: Martin took a photo of Frank masturbating and choking himself, then hid it into the VOYAGER ONE -probe. Martin laughs at the fact that Frank the Perv has now left the solar system.

 

Shocked and terrified Frank sets out to forge evidence of a malevolent and advanced civilization that would certainly annihilate the human race if it found out about us. Frank the Perv succeeds in convincing the public opinion that NASA must use their newest technology to track down Voyager One and nuke the fucker.

 

NUKE THE VOYAGER

post #203 of 250
They should remake "Sea of Love" for the online dating generation.

Channing Tatum and Alice Eve in "OkC of Love."
post #204 of 250

Plant: The Movie


An average houseplant comes to life from the wish of a dying child. The plant - or "Plant", as the child names it - raps, skateboards, and saves Christmas, but only speaks in racist slang from the 30s.

Voiced by Don Ameche. Songs by Don Ameche.

post #205 of 250

JJ Abrams presents... Moby Dick II: No More Dicking Around, in which Chris Pine's Ishmael thinks he's up against just a normal whale (played by a silent mo-capped Benedict Cumbersnatch) only for the mystery box to be sprung open mid-way through, to reveal a twist everyone saw coming.

 

Soundtrack by that dick, Moby.

post #206 of 250
I have an idea for a film where everyone named Mike and Dan suddenly drop down dead except for two guys named Mike and Dan.

The issue I have is that I'm trying to concoct a comedy that starts with millions of people dying AND I have come to realised that The Stand and Y: The Last Man exist.
post #207 of 250

From the Wonder Woman thread:

 

This is making me want to see a Wonder Woman movie that's a thorough dissection of the inherent contradictions and expectations of modern womanhood and how it continues to change.  Written by Diablo Cody, directed  by Jane Campion, Mary Harron or Todd Haynes, with the subplot basically ripping off Imitation of Life - when she goes home Wonder Woman is a single mom and not very good at it... and slowly losing her mind.  

 

That way, having CZJ star in it, her real life issues would mirror the story, like Lana Turner's celebrity and Imitation of Life.  But it wouldn't have to have a tragic ending, it could be about overcoming those obstacles instead.

post #208 of 250

X-Mas Origins: Santa Claus 

 

A reboot of Santa Claus (1985). It goes into detail about Santa Clauses ancient origins all the way from his time spent in Vietnam to involvement with Area 51. It can also have cameos from The Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Iron Man. And it would eventually tie into Avengers 4. 

post #209 of 250

Once I win the lottery, I'll start producing remakes of recent shit films. Starting with

 

THIS MEANS WAR (2015)

 

Starring

Tom Hardy

ChrisPine

Reese Witherspoon

 

Written and directed by Paul Greengrass

 

Two government operatives fall in love with the same woman in the midst of the 1980's cold war. What ensues is a harrowing tragedy about ordinary people struggling to find a glimpse of happiness in a world that's going insane. 

post #210 of 250
I hope Rob Zombie remakes Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Willy Wonka: Sid Haig
Charlie: Young Michael Myers whatever his name was.
Charlie's Uncle: Malcolm McDowell
Slugworth: William Forsythe
Oompa Loompas: Michael Berryman

Nightmares forever
...and most likely very terrible
post #211 of 250

SEX AND THE CITY (2015)

 

Starring

Sarah Jessica Parker

Chris Noth

Kim Cattrall

 

Written by Michael Haneke, directed by Steve McQueen

 

Detached 40 something women struggle with their inevitable aging and increasing health problems. They try to escape the horror of their empty lives into alcoholism, casual sex and mindless shopping. TAXI DRIVER meets haute couture. "Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets."

post #212 of 250

Correction: that's "Detached 50 something women"!

 

And apparently, by 2014, it'll be generally assumed that Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon both died in bizarre unrelated rodeo and gardening accidents.

post #213 of 250

Woops, my bad. You just described the film's opening montage: rodeo, gardening, blood and body parts, with some Wagner on the soundtrack.

post #214 of 250

"Man of Steel vs. Superman Returns: Crisis on Two Earths."

 

Superman (Brandon Routh) decides to go back in time five years to put things right because leaving Earth really fucked up his life. However, this time when he spins around the Earth, he rips a hole in the space-time continuum and ends up on a parallel, po-faced, post-9/11 hangover Earth, where there's another, different Superman (Henry Cavill).

 

Meanwhile, on Routh-Earth nobody gives a shit that Superman apparently left again. Lois writes another Pulitizer Prize-winning editorial called "Superman: Fuck That Guy."

 

Meanwhile, on Cavill-Earth everybody goes ape now that there are two Supermen in murky, desaturated costumes. Because it's a comic book movie, the Supermen fight each other, and the part of Metropolis that wasn't laid to waste in "Man of Steel" is laid to waste.

 

Superman (Routh) tries to save as many of the endangered citizens as he can during the fight while Superman (Cavill) is like, "Maybe this dicksplash isn't such a bad guy after all. But he can't throw a punch for shit; it's like he's never punched anyone before in his life."

 

Anyway, they become friends. Then they team up to fight Metallo or Titano or Bizarro or someone whose name ends in "o." And they win.

 

The end.

 

Post-credits: Lois reveals that she's pregnant with Superman (Routh)'s baby.

post #215 of 250
I have a movie idea:
It's a movie about me coming up with a movie idea to post here. It will have copious amounts of nudity.
post #216 of 250

Male nudity?

post #217 of 250

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS (2016)

 

Starring

Hugh Grant

Sarah Jessica Parker

Sam Elliot

 

Written and directed by

David Cronenberg

 

Estranged husband and wife witness a crime and are recruited into government witness-protection program. They are given new identities and new lives in a small town in Wyoming. Soon their new identities begin to alter their psyches and bodies in terrifying and alien ways.

post #218 of 250

ORIGINAL SCIENCE FICTION GUY (July 2nd, 2017)

 

OSFG mounts his Space Ship, and sets off in search of original sci-fi situations across the galaxy. Along the way he passes opportunities for a standard Hero's Journey, a chance to become the adopted savior to a tribe of dirty Inobtanium-hording Noble Savages, and in one disgusting spaceport bathroom, a thought-provoking Social Allegory. Unfulfilled, he slinks away to the spaceport bar to drown his sorrows in Authentihol. There, he encounters a strangely entheusiastic being: Z'jakk Sn'Idherr. The being proposes a proposition of such interest as to change OSFG's destiny forever: "Ey bro, suuuuuup? What if there was, like...an R-Rated Star Wars? How fuckin' sick would that be?".

post #219 of 250

PRYDE & PREJUDICE 

 

Attorney Elizabeth Pryde (Kerry Washington) comes to the aid of close friend, actor Omar Sharif (playing himself), when he is framed and arrested in Texas. However, things take a strange turn when the actor and one of the arresting cops are gunned down outside the police station, supposedly by former Klu Klux Klan member Darcy Fitzwilliam (Larry The Cable Guy). As fate pulls Elizabeth and Darcy together, both romantically and professionally, will she believe him when he claims "I shot the Sharif.... but I did not shoot the deputy"?

post #220 of 250
Little Digits (2015, dir. Michael J. Bassett)

A garbage man's hand takes on a life of its own after a disastrous double shift that leads to an accident at the local nuclear power plant. The hand becomes a mutated mess of boils that turn into facial features and spider-like appendages. Once in its final form, the garbage man severs the atrocity in a fit of cheap whiskey fueled rage only to have it murder his friends, family and coworkers. The final showdown takes place in a Chili's parking lot. No one survives. Or do they!?!
post #221 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by WendellEverett View Post

Male nudity?
Majority of the budget will be diverted to equal amounts of nudity of choice. I want to release a PG-13 version and an NC-17 version.
post #222 of 250

I admire the scope of your vision, SAIRUS.

post #223 of 250

Celine and Jesse bump into each other on the streets of Venice after an unknown number of years apart.  They start waxing philosophic about notions of fate and coincidence, and what they've lost, when they begin to notice strange things occurring.  What they first think is the brightest shooting star they've ever seen is really a meteor... and it crashes straight into the Grand Canal!  They spot what appears to be a lost child, but it turns out to be a dwarf... a dwarf suicide bomber!  After they crawl out of the wreckage, Celine remembers something she read in an old bookstore; she tells Jesse they must find that book immediately.  Jesse is skeptical, but he follows Celine as she races through the streets.  Unfortunately they find the bookstore closed.  Celine is devastated, for she must find that manuscript!  Despite his doubts, Jesse smashes through the window, setting off the alarm, and Celine tears through the shelves as the polizia sirens get closer and closer.  They make a narrow escape, and then they kiss passionately, their love and faith reignited.  Then Celine opens the manuscript.  This has all been part of an ancient prophecy.  Their meeting, the meteor, the tiny bomber.  It's all part of the end of the world!  But there is one hope for them to stop it, but they must do it together, with the power of love.  Will they stop the apocalypse in time?  Will they stay together in this life or the next?  Will there be an ambiguous ending?  Find out in Before Judgment Day.

post #224 of 250

That sounds like a von Trier thing, cash in Bailey!

post #225 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey View Post
 

Celine and Jesse bump into each other on the streets of Venice after an unknown number of years apart.  They start waxing philosophic about notions of fate and coincidence, and what they've lost, when they begin to notice strange things occurring.  What they first think is the brightest shooting star they've ever seen is really a meteor... and it crashes straight into the Grand Canal!  They spot what appears to be a lost child, but it turns out to be a dwarf... a dwarf suicide bomber!  After they crawl out of the wreckage, Celine remembers something she read in an old bookstore; she tells Jesse they must find that book immediately.  Jesse is skeptical, but he follows Celine as she races through the streets.  Unfortunately they find the bookstore closed.  Celine is devastated, for she must find that manuscript!  Despite his doubts, Jesse smashes through the window, setting off the alarm, and Celine tears through the shelves as the polizia sirens get closer and closer.  They make a narrow escape, and then they kiss passionately, their love and faith reignited.  Then Celine opens the manuscript.  This has all been part of an ancient prophecy.  Their meeting, the meteor, the tiny bomber.  It's all part of the end of the world!  But there is one hope for them to stop it, but they must do it together, with the power of love.  Will they stop the apocalypse in time?  Will they stay together in this life or the next?  Will there be an ambiguous ending?  Find out in Before Judgment Day.

I honestly want to see this movie!

post #226 of 250

 Someone had the horrible idea of making a musical version of Heathers that would cut out the profanity and emphasize the positive aspects of the movie. In other words, the musical will remove what made Heathers the greatest teen comedy of all time and replace it with songs.

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/03/still-very-25-years-later-the-bleak-genius-of-em-heathers-em/359828/

post #227 of 250

Positive aspects about Heathers:

 

-Eating soap is good for you.

 

-Burning buildings are a more efficient way of lighting cigarettes.

 

-Shannon Doherty is a good actress.

 

-Winona Ryder was eventually replaced as Tim Burton's favorite, so she doesn't have to be in Tim Burton movies anymore.

 

-Killing your classmates has no consequences.

 

That just about wraps it up, I think.

post #228 of 250

Suck it up guys.  Suck.  It.  Up.

post #229 of 250

I thought of an idea of an idea for a movie, called "Fat Dad".  It's actually pretty autobiographical.  There's this guy who's usually pretty fit for his age, but he's going to have a kid, and he gains like 30 pounds, but he doesn't lose it, because he feels like eating McDonalds and cokes and candy a lot.  Fat Dad figures he'll lose the weight when the kid's like three, and by then he'll have more energy to focus on his diet.  Anyways, Fat Dad has lots of adventures going to work and exercising, but he eats whatever he wants, and he feels and looks fat ... well, not really fat, but he has a belly.  I'm not really sure what happens in the movie, but I want creative control, spin-off rights and theme park approval for Fat Dad, Baby Fat Dad, and any other Fat Dad family character that might emanate there from.

post #230 of 250

Not exactly my terrible movie idea, but few days ago I heard a teenage kid describing something to his buddy with the words "it's basically Harry Potter with robots". I'd kill to know what he was talking about.

post #231 of 250
A guy comes to the kid's house and reveals to him that the kid is secretly a robot, and then carts him off to an academy for robots?

...somebody get me a publisher on the line, I think I have a pitch here. Call it "Blade Runner for the YA novel market," at least if you can say that phrase without wanting to jump in a tank of acid.
post #232 of 250
This one may seem a bit bare, but hear me out.

We open on a man waking up to his alarm clock. He gets out of bed, slowly brushes his teeth and makes breakfast. In the course of the film there may be stakes at his job or office or whatever. Towards the end he makes dinner, brushes his teeth. Finally, he comes to the conclusion, just like everyone, that he must set the alarm for tomorrow morning as well as he lies in bed. The ending is him falling fast asleep to a comforting thought.
Nolan slam cut to title "Studynt Film"
post #233 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carnotaur3 View Post

This one may seem a bit bare, but hear me out.

We open on a man waking up to his alarm clock. He gets out of bed, slowly brushes his teeth and makes breakfast. In the course of the film there may be stakes at his job or office or whatever. Towards the end he makes dinner, brushes his teeth. Finally, he comes to the conclusion, just like everyone, that he must set the alarm for tomorrow morning as well as he lies in bed. The ending is him falling fast asleep to a comforting thought.
Nolan slam cut to title "Studynt Film"

 

I think I've seen this. And several sequels. I remember one where, I shit you not, the main character was introduced by showing his morning activities while the camera very.slow.ly pans over his bookshelf. Really took me inside his head.

post #234 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virtanen View Post

I think I've seen this. And several sequels. I remember one where, I shit you not, the main character was introduced by showing his morning activities while the camera very.slow.ly pans over his bookshelf. Really took me inside his head.

So much feels!
post #235 of 250
Crotch the Movie
When a set of family jewels goes missing, Crotch is on the case. This Summer, the greatest detective isn't an ass. That's his partner, Donkey Jones.

Crotch -- Nicholas Cage's crotch
Donkey Jones -- Donkey stock footage




Matthew Mcconaughey as President Always Correct
post #236 of 250

As I said in another thread.

 

A typical episode of Seinfeld with Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer doing their thing. While a zombie apocalypse is going down around them. The undead get to Newman and nobody seems to notice.

post #237 of 250
The undead would also fail to register Elaine as being edible, which she would take as a great insult. She'd think the undead have labeled her as brainless since she's a woman. Then near the end of the episode they'd bump into an ancillary female character, most likely Jerry's Current girlfriend, who then gets instantly eaten in front of Elaine while the undead continue to fail to register that Elaine is even there.
post #238 of 250

M. Night Shyamalan presents...

 

MOVIE TWIST:

THE TWIST MOVIE

 

 

When retired police detective Oliver Twist (North's Bruce Willis) wakes one morning, he has only a few seconds to contemplate the dream he just had... when a passenger plane smashes through his ceiling and kills him instantly.

 

Or does it?

 

Waking from a dream, and thirty years younger, Oliver Twist (Forever Lulu's Joseph Gordon-Levitt) wonders whether he has seen a deadly vision of his future. As he rushes from his New York apartment to his first day as a detective with the NYPD, he is suddenly hit by a car... and wakes to find himself onboard a spaceship where an A.I called DODGER (voiced by Assaulted Nuts' Emma Thompson) tells him that he's the last human in existence and that he's been in cryosleep for thousands of years. Unable to accept this, Twist opens an airlock and throws himself into space... only to discover that he's actually an eighteen year old boy living in the year 2321 called Twisty (played by Will Smith's sperm's Jayden Smith) who has been testing a VR game for so long that he believed himself to be the characters he was playing. As he returns home for the first time in months, Twisty sees a picture of a plane crashing into a New York apartment and begins to convulse before dropping dead.

 

Mid-Credit Scene: Oliver Twist (Bruce Willis once more) wakes back in his bed and mutters "It was all a dream...."

 

End-Credit Scene: Oliver (Bruce Willis) switches on the television and hears the voice of DODGER telling him "I won't let you die, Oliver - you're the last human in existence!" As he falls to his knees, the holographic room around him begins to dissolve to reveal a space-ship. He looks at his reflection in one of the metal walls and sees that he is actually M Night Shyamalan. 

 

 

 

 


Edited by MrSaxon - 8/27/16 at 11:09am
post #239 of 250
Falling Down Too!

It's been 20 years since her father's infamous bad day, but on her 27th birthday Adele (Jennifer Lawrence) is having one herself. Only her step-father (Robert Duvall), the very same man who took her father down, can stop her.
post #240 of 250

Given the advances with CGI tech, I'm surprised that Hollywood hasn't remade "The Final Countdown"

post #241 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by User_32 View Post

Falling Down Too!

It's been 20 years since her father's infamous bad day, but on her 27th birthday Adele (Jennifer Lawrence) is having one herself. Only her step-father (Robert Duvall), the very same man who took her father down, can stop her.

Give me!!! Before Duvall croaks!
post #242 of 250
In light of Fury Road's success and after rewatching it last night....it occurred to me that I'd be actually interested to see a follow-up to Waterworld of all things. What form that might take....who'd helm it...what the story might be....I have no idea. But Kevin Costner back as an aging Mariner who still lives by the sea despite dry land being populated and no longer a "myth" seems like a good jumping off point for something potentially cool and interesting.

'Course...I'm one of those jerks who never hated the first one..
post #243 of 250

Home Alone: The Return of Kevin McCallister

 

This dark, seedy sequel switches the game and turns the tables. Kevin is now a 30 year old crack head breaking into mansions, and looting to get his next fix. All was going extremely well... he just never counted on meeting his mouse trap match in little Ricky Reed. 

post #244 of 250

You ever listen to Chris Columbus and Macauley Culkin's commentary track on HOME ALONE?

post #245 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnooj82 View Post
 

You ever listen to Chris Columbus and Macauley Culkin's commentary track on HOME ALONE?

 

I haven't, did they still my idea?

post #246 of 250
The head of a prominent U.S. political/business family is brainwashed into being a pawn for a Communist conspiracy as he runs for president of the United States!

What, too far fetched?
post #247 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carnotaur3 View Post
 

 

I haven't, did they still my idea?

If I recall... Columbus had an idea for a third movie where we follow Kevin who has become a desperate criminal.  He has to resort to breaking into a house to make a score.  The house ends up being one where a reformed Harry and Marv live.

 

He said it half-joking/half-serious.  Culkin seemed all for it.

post #248 of 250
Okay, here's my horrible idea for a time traveling movie for these upcoming years:

A radical African American physics professor invents a time machine in order to travel back in time and change history in a way that makes African civilizations advance earlier in technology and politics, and dominate human history.
A team of undergrad white students caught in the wave of the machine are unaffected by its effects, and now race against time to correct history in...

The Unwhitening!!!

I think at least a certain 26% would watch this.
post #249 of 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcnooj82 View Post
 

If I recall... Columbus had an idea for a third movie where we follow Kevin who has become a desperate criminal.  He has to resort to breaking into a house to make a score.  The house ends up being one where a reformed Harry and Marv live.

 

He said it half-joking/half-serious.  Culkin seemed all for it.

 

Hilarious. 

post #250 of 250

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