Boy Pierced By Brake Handle

That's gotta hurt a lot, but does it hurt as much as when you slip of the pedal and smash your balls on the quite solid aluminum bar?

I have to wonder...

Indeed. It's a fucked up injury.

I wish I were home right now. Because then I'd have access to stuff an entire bedpillow in my mouth to keep from screaming.

The article is blessedly vague as to where exactly the handle impaled. If anyone on these boards finds out more about this story, please keep it that way. Yeesh.

Slight derail - why is it that boy's bicycles have a horizontal bar on them, thus increasing the odds of testicle-squishing, but girl's bikes have the nice, low, diagonal bar? What a stupid design choice.

I hope that poor boy is okay.

Someone should put a stop to injuries with brake handles.

(beat)

Back when I was 8 years old, I went over the handlebars of my bike to impale myself on a chain link fence. I tore open my upper arm with the exposed metal ends to expose mucho formerly living tissue. The worse injury was where I tore open my throat just under the jaw line. I didn't freak out until saw the blood pouring down my chest and ran home screaming like a little girl.

Then six weeks later I compound fractured both bones in my left wrist, but that's for another thread--'My Favorite Summer'.

I'm guessing either a stupid person, a woman hellbent on revenge against men or a crazy villain wishing to slowly neuter mankind to achieve world domination. Oh the painful memories...

So we can stand on it, and "Surf the Bike". And then slip. And squash the hell out of our nuts.

Man, I don't miss being 10.

It's simply so that girls don't accidentally flash their underwear at people when they get onto their bikes, darn it.

That's what you get when you buy your bike at claire's.

I was at WTAE for a shoot these past two days. Everyone was talking about this and the Owen Wilson thing... at lunch. Yum.

I reminder to all bike abusers, if you don't break this vicious cycle, the vicious cycle will brake you.

I had an Evel Knievel bike with a banana seat when I was a kid, and one day I was hauling ass down a hill in my backyard, when one of my cats darted out in front of me. I slammed my feet backwards to brake, and when I did, I slid right off the seat, and my crotch slammed right into the base where the handle bars attach to the frame. I laid on the ground about 5 minutes, and then dragged myself into my home and put an ice pack on my privates for a while. It hurted.

I was learning to ride a bike when I was about seven, and our driveway was lined along the edges with these railroad ties laid end to end. One of them had gone a little askew, and was sticking out sort of diagonally. I came tearing down the driveway on my bike, hit the railroad tie that was sticking out, and went flying over the top of my bike. I landed hard on the driveway (which was gravel, so that felt great), but I was going so fast that the bike flew up a few feet when it hit the tie - and landed right on top of me before I could move out of the way. Gravel on one side of my body, a bike landing on me from the other side - good times, good times... Luckily, I only came away from that with a few scrapes and bruises.

Back in the day, when I was a little children, the neighborhood kids and I would try and jump this huge dirtpile/sinkhole (it was formed by a sewer pipe runoff ) located behind my house. Affectionately called "the Ditch", it was the sight of many a dirtbomb fight and Jackass-level stunts involving fireworks, fist-fights, etc.

One day, a bunch of us tried to emulate Evel Kinevel and jump the "Ditch". When it was my turn, I didn't have enough speed, and nailed the far wall. Very painful crash, banged up my shoulder and mid-section. My bike was OK, though.

Cut to about two weeks later, on my own, I tried jumping it again. This time I succeeded, and beat the "Ditch". My bike, right aftert the moment of my triumph, fell apart under me. I was still holding the handlebars while the rest of my bike was a pile of mud and dirt-encrusted parts. Haven't ridden a bike since.

A friend by the name of Mike Dunn once told me how he had split his... well, you know... right down the middle. He got sideswiped by a car, and his bike was mangled. I'm guessing something sharp hit him and...

He's OK now, though - everything was fixed and works properly (at leats according to his wife). I hope the kid in the story doesn't have injuries as serious, though.

He was obviously born a generation too late. The Dukes of Hazzard taught me how to stick a landing after going airborne off a bale of hay.

Saved my life more than a few times, I reckon.

*spits into spitoon*

I can just picture a Boss Hogg/Sheriff Buford T. Justice wannabe shaking his fist with rage:

"OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!! I'M A GITCHOO ONE O' THESE DAYS, DARKMITE8!!!!"

Did you ever freeze-frame in the midst of a jump, so a narrator can pop in "Well, looks like that crazy ol' Darkmite got one over on Boss Hogg yet again."

I've been sideswiped by a scooter and a car, had a head-on collision with another cyclist, come off on numerous occasions, but I think my best one was the day I learned to cheat the head wind by tucking my head right down. It worked like gangbusters (despite the issue of not being able to look ahead. You might see where this is going. Boom Boom.), so I glanced ahead and calculated how many pedals would bring me to the next parked car. About 9 pedals later I looked up just in time to swerve around it. The next one looked to be about 13 pedals ahead so I went to it, and basically miscalculated by about 2. I crashed into the back of a parked car, slid forward off the seat, hooked over the handlebars and headbutted the trunk really hard (not wearing a helmet of course). The next few minutes are a bit of a blur, with blood pissing out of both nostrils while trying to figure out why the bike wouldn't work anymore, but eventually everything returned to normal. My sinuses have always been a bit weird since. So, yeah, don't ride without being able to see where you're going.

Oh, no! "Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius"!

Let's see -

I got a ten-speed for my 10th birthday, which was my first bicycle without coaster brakes. I was out riding a few blocks from my house when I got distracted by something off to my side. I refocused on the road just in time to realize I was about to hit a parked car. I began backpedaling frantically, only remembering the handbrakes when I was laying on the trunk of the car. Ow.

Also when I was ten, and also because of that damn 10-speed: I was riding in a large parking lot at a beach near my house with a school friend. I had been expressly forbidden from going down to this beach without an adult, as my parents seemed to think that drug-dealers and kiddie-snatchers hung out down there. I made too sharp a turn, the pavement was sandy, and my bike shot out from under me. I ripped open my knee and had to walk up an extremely steep hill pushing my bike, blood pouring all over my leg. I got back to my friend's house and her mom, the nurse, dug all of the gravel out of my knee with peroxide and a series of Q-Tips. When I got home, my mom was sleeping, so I hid in my room. When she finally woke up and asked me what happened, I lied through my teeth. I don't think I've ever told my parents the truth. Karma has rewarded me with a big ol' scar on my left knee. I got rid of that damn bike as fast as I could.

I prefer the tension-building "I wunner how DARKMITE8 'll git outta this'un..."

Gotta leave the audience always wanting more. CLIFF. HANGER.

In hindsight, I probably should've had an Acme surplus rocket strapped to my back, huh?

Only if it's for a commercial break. I'd hate that to be the season finale, only to find next season you were replaced by either Coy or Vance Darkmite.

Which leaves me wondering - who'd play Daisy?