Dumping or falling for people based on taste in movies

Here's the thread you're looking for: http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7387

I can't help you much, as I got lucky pretty early on.

I found an intelligent woman who I probably overlap roughly 90+% with in movie tastes, 85+% in books, and 80+% in music. We differ some in how much we like some of our shared interests, but for the most part we agree on whether or not something is above or below average.

I can't imagine being with someone who didn't have at least moderately similar tastes. I completely agree, though, that you don't want a clone... you want someone who is intelligent, thoughtful, open-minded, and fun. I'm actually guessing that we didn't have quite this much overlap when we first met, but we've shared our interests with each other, and now we have a pretty heavy overlap.

Nothing like having a woman who WANTS to watch action and genre films. Meanwhile, I've been introduced to things I normally never would have watched and actually enjoyed them (Pride & Prejudice mini-series for example).

Like I mentioned above, though... don't worry so much about current taste, but look for someone who is not close-minded and/or pretentious and is willing to try new things and give them a fair chance.

I think a person's disposition, general life philosophy, and taste are extremely important if you are considering a long-term relationship. This person will be (or at least should be imo) your best friend for the rest of your life.

Seriously, what's the hurry?

I was an over-educated idiot until my mid-thirties. Now, with the help of my wife, I can admit that I've forgotten my education and am now just an idiot.

Later, as my kids grow older, I'll mature into an idiot doofus.

My girlfriend didn't like Superbad.

Should I have gone upside her head?

You should be doing it anyway. Keeps her in line.

Seriously though, if I tried being that specific about women here in Greece, I might as well become a monk. I wish I could though.

Yes, simply reminding your partner that you share the same tastes in films and and music will get you through any rough patch that you may encounter in a relationship.

Um, actually, of the list of things that will aid you in a long term relationship, similar tastes in music, films, and other activities(while being a welcome plus, and what may have sparked the initial interest aside from basic physical attraction) are going to rate far below maturity, understanding the value of compromise, and the ability to admire other qualities in a person outside of their tastes in the arts, such as trust, kindness, and the all important ability to fuck your brains out. Sure, sharing those tastes in films with another person are going to make those first few months seem like a dream come true (I've found my soulmate!), but as time goes on, a relationship will require more valuable virtues to actually make it last. Besides, a person that truly cares for you is going to make the effort to share in your interests even if they aren't, or will never be, as committed to them as you are. You'll find that this needs to go both ways for a relationship to work. But since you've admitted to never really having a long term relationship, you're still hung up on the idea that a person has to solely share all of your interests in film and music to be viable relationship material, while all other qualities are secondary.

A tip: A person can be more mature, intelligent, understanding, and capable of having a healthy relationship than you are, and yet not share any of your interests. So, while finding someone that has all of those qualities and has the same tastes in film and music as you is something we all hope for, it shouldn't necessarily be expected, or be a strict requirement for a healthy relationship. Unless, as you mentioned, you want to spend long periods of your life completely alone, or going through one failed relationship after another because the only thing you value is someone who likes the same movies as you do.

Also, your profile says you are 27. That's not your early twenties.

I'm 23, which makes me almost not a teenager anymore.

I need to find a soul-mate, like, fucking yesterday! LADIES, please fill out this form, and send it to your lady-friends.

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MY FAVORITE MOVIE:

WHY:

I WILL CHANGE MY OPINION WHEN IT IS REVEALED TO BE WRONG: Yes/No (circle one)

I AM HOT: Yes/No (circle one)

I AM (OR COULD BE) SINGLE: Yes/No (circle one)

OTHER: (if you want to talk about sense of humor, intelligence, maturity, etc... but please keep it short):

THANKS AND GOOD LUCK.
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That ought to do it. Remember gals, you're all winners, but only one of you gets the prize.

Game on.

You should judge people by what they are like not what they like. That is the whole moral of High Fidelity. Instead of going to a message board you should just watch that movie again.

Basing your opinion of a human being on what kind of movies they watch or books they read is for dickheads.

Similar taste does have a lot to do with compatibility. My suggestion is that you forgo love and marriage, have platonic relationships with women you like as people and fuck whores. Monogamy isn't natural and the human race don't need you to propagate the species so be friends with women you love and respect but fuck whores. Fuck lots and lots of whores. And I mean literal whores. Pay women for sex. Soulmates are bullshit. There ain't no such thing.

There. I just solved your problem.

Oh, and put a condom on your dick when you are fucking them whores.

I mentioned this in another thread but part of what attracted me to my soon to be wife was that she told me her favourite film was Point Break.

Having similar (but not identical) tastes in at least a couple of things does help to strengthen a relationship. But I also think you have to have to have some different tastes; For one thing it opens you up to trying new things and for another it gives you both time apart to enjoy whatever it is the other one hates.

I'm going to be a little blunt here, and please take this with the knowledge that I'm trying to help you:

If you base your relationships with women on whether or not you like the same films and movies, you're going to have dates, but you're not going to have relationships. You're going to be alone, Mr. Seinfeld (a very apt comparison - at least you have a little self awareness), and I'd have to say you'd deserve it if that's how you're going to qualify what's important in a partner. I can tell you that nothing feels shittier than having a guy dump you over something stupid, which has happened in my dating experience.

Know why I love punk music? Because when I was in college, a friend of mine introduced me to it. I'd never been into it before till then - I was pretty much Miss Classic Rock at that point. Sometimes, people with different tastes can broaden your horizons. Imagine that!

I've been in slightly the same situation. I was in a long term relationship with the "perfect" girl (obviously not entirely, since the relationship is over) for me. We had at the very least very similar tastes, if not identical, in everything. And if we weren't familiar with something, we knew how to introduce each other to things in order for the other to appreciate it. The movies I introduced her to, and all the food and art (she was Italian!) she introduced me to were things that we both agreed no one else would have been able to convince us to try, let alone end up loving.

Since that relationship ended, I have been on plenty of dates. And basically, it seems every girl my age in Houston is not at all what I am interested in. Going on a date and hearing nothing but how your masters degree class is going, or how you're going for a promotion gets really old.

I have met a couple girls that have similar interests, of course they are young, then I feel slightly dirty. Luckily I met a sweet girl, with similar interests, senses of humor, etc. but of course, the ex showed up in her life, and she wants to "see where it goes" with him. Fun.

So in the mean time? Go with Amphimbatron's advice. Go on dates, or forge platonic relationships with fun girls, and find another that can just fill any physical urges. Just make sure she knows what it is, and you don't hurt her, because then you're a dick. Course if that girl that fills the physical urges ends up being a cool girl, you luck out!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=W9S5-EB8dR8

This man speaks truths.

Yep, you gotta keep you pimp hand strong.

Yeah, seriously--don't be in a hurry to find someone. I waitied until my late twenties to find the right lady.

My marriage has been the best seven years of my life. Unfortunately, we've been married for fifteen.

Uhm...not to be a dick but I think we have the solution to your problem right there. If bitter and cynical is unattractive to you what makes you think someone will find it attractive in you.

Add judgmental and opinionated to that and it doesn't really scream "soul mate"

Comparing you to the character from High Fidelity is not a compliment from women. Rob Gordon at the beginning of the film should never be used as a role model for male behaviour. He's childish and pretentious without a clue how to relate to women on any level that's actually important.

I've read a number of your posts on the board and you seem like a bright guy with some good insight into film. But you have to realize that between your need to find the perfect woman with similar listening/watching habits and your self-confessed bitterness you'll likely be lonely or, at least, soul mate-less for awhile.

I apologize if I seem harsh.

Part I

Part II

The rest is cream cheese, kid.

Remind me to give rep to Jonathan Banks is my hero next time I see him. Great stuff!

Us telling you it shouldn't be annoying wont make it any less annoying to you.

The TEEN WOLF bit is funnier than either of my columns.

That last part is really the only important thing worth considering as far as relationships go. If you're truly passionate about becoming a filmmaker, you don't want someone who'll make you settle for something else or make you feel like it's a trivial pursuit (your movies being the pie pieces, natch).

But as far as tastes go, I've found it's not that big a deal. The Fiancee couldn't give two shits about most of the movies I watch, whether it's low brow horror or high brow indie stuff (she's into slick action comedies like MR. & MRS. SMITH), and she doesn't take movies very seriously. But she's been willing to learn about them, even the films she doesn't like, because she loves me and she wants to know more about what I'm interested in. In that way it's been fun exposing her to new stuff. She doesn't always like it, but it's kinda cool to feel like I'm teaching her stuff I care about. Look at it that way.

(Of course there's a difference between not being into movies and actively dismissing them. You don't need the second kind of girl.)

Well, there's nothing wrong with seeking out a relationship with someone who is intelligent and who you can have an interesting conversation with. But when it comes to cultural awareness, there is more than just films and music to be to be aware of. Having a limited knowledge of the history of film doesn't necessarily mean that someone isn't intelligent or lacks the ability to interest you in subjects that you, yourself, have never intensely followed. An interesting conversation isn't always just a discussion between two people that have the exact same knowledge about a particular subject, but two people that can bring new things to the conversation that the other may not be aware of. This could be about film or something else entirely.

Again, if a person finds themselves developing feelings for you, they are naturally going to take an interest in the things you are passionate about. You shouldn't expect them to become as obsessive about the subject as you are, but you'll be able to recognize a keeper by how willing they are to support you in your interests and endeavors despite the fact that they may never be "molded', as you put it, into your perfect mate. But you need to be willing to do the same for them.

Is Gary your real name? If it is, then congratulations: You're the first guy named Gary to have a "steady stream of women" since Gary Cooper.

I won't date anyone who likes American Pie

And you're 25? The world must be a lonely, lonely place for you.

if she is intelligent* there's no such big deal. because she will be able to justify da taste and you know what I mean. if this girl just borrowed some cds from her brother and is a pretentious girls who fells important listening to (let's say) Bjork who gives a shit. IMO It's intelligence what you are looking for. along some beauty of course. IMO don't be cynic fella, remember those were solitaire dogs. Just enjoy your Lynch film as any chewer does (and I mean a lot and not alone).

if she is "tender" skip this entire post

To be fair, I'm sure he is perfectly willing to date someone that uses punctuation marks at the end of their sentences despite his apparent dislike of the practice. That should widen the dating pool a little, and shows that he is capable of compromise on certain things.

You're probably right, Amphibatron. Girls like guys who can overlook their glaring shortcomings and love what's on the inside. I hope this thread is teaching all of us how to do that.

I'm seriously thinking about sigging that post, Feral.

If you are looking for not crazy stay the hell away from actresses and artists. There's a certain mentality that has to exist for someone to get in touch deeply with their creative side and it's not always pleasant. It would be particularly bad as you are creative yourself. Someone needs to stay grounded in your relationship.

I need my wife to be grounded so I can be the flighty creative type. She looks after the money and the household stuff while I go out and be a writer/sound engineer/musician.

I also use her as a sounding board for my ideas. As someone who understand the artist mentality but isn't one herself she's the perfect sound board for me. She sees the art in what I do (writing, music or sound) but she also tells me when I've gone overboard into wanking.


Mrs. H told me to get off my ass and go make movies even though she's not always the biggest fan of movies (she prefers music and TV if she's up for watching anything). She's my most ardent supporter and the person who makes sure I never give up on what I want to do. Her "getting" my art is different then her getting me. Mrs H. gets me and that's far more important.

It isn't arrogant to say that you prefer "The Fountain" to "Wedding Crashers". It isn't even arrogant to say that "The Fountain" is the better movie. It is arrogant to assume that everyone must feel the same way or they are stupid.

Why? Because for most people films are a way of unwinding and taking your mind of your life for a while. They are diversions. Nothing more. You and I know that film can transcend that but for us to insist that our interpretation of what a movie should be (art) should supersede theirs is wrong and arrogant.

Arrogance comes from insecurity. When you feel comfortable in your own skin you will find the arrogance of needing to be correct or needing to be the arbiter of good taste will disappear.

Edited: For some really glaring spelling errors

Dear Internet,

I am shockingly self-absorbed, and completely oblivious to my own immense failings as a human being. Plz help find woman.

xoxoxoxoxox

~G. Sherman

Jonathan just nailed it.

Gary just imagine this: I am at a bar and a girl ask me what do I do for a living. Then I said "I reconstruct the relationships for the extant rodents" without laughing hysterically. If this girl stay along and is interested she is just gorgeous.

I corrected some shit sorry.

I dumped a girl because in high school because she said Batman Forever was her favorite movie. Or so I thought. Turns out I'm gay.

I'm confused. Batman Forever was the gayest of the Batman movies shouldn't you have loved it?

I think he used it as an excuse to dump her, but he actually dumped her because he is gay and she did not have a penis.

Indeed it is. But I was still trying to pass.

Batman & Robin is much, much gayer. And it's wonderful.

I think that anyone saying that having similar tastes isn't important is delusional. I have tried -- oh, how I've tried -- to date people who were my polar opposites when it came to movies, TV, books, etc. It can work for awhile, but in the end it's pretty much hopeless. After all, you have to have things that both of you truly enjoy doing together (aside from sex), and if you have completely different tastes how can that be possible?

Of course, being mature, open minded, and willing to compromise is the bigger part of it. Ideally you'll find someone with similar tastes who is also open minded to experiencing whatever you want to introduce her too. And it goes without saying that you have to be willing to try out the things she likes. It's the only way to make a relationship work.

But don't try dating people who have absolutely nothing in common with you in the hopes that you can open their eyes to new things and find some common ground. It probably won't happen, which is one reason the divorce rate in this country is so damn high.

Quoted for truthfulness

This point, more than any other, convinces me on a daily basis that the universe is NOT fair. I do not deserve a woman that gets me and wants me to pursue whatever makes me happy. My karmic balance may be in the positive somewhere along the way, but there's no possiblity that it's enough that I should expect the love and support and enthusiasm that I'm given by my wife.

So I give thanks to the Universe and suppress the thought that perhaps she's just being that way because she's trying to pay off a karmic credit balance that's tipped a little too far in the other direction.

Ah...me no understand. Now me get.

I'm pretty sure in my case my good karma had nothing to do with us getting together. It's Mrs. H's bad karma that forced her to end up with me.

I once literally kicked a girl out of my apartment because she didn't like "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang". It was a part of bigger issues, but isn't it always. I forgave myself after I had a one night stand with her sister, though- we did not discuss movies, thank god.

Because there are plenty of things two people can enjoy doing together besides watching movies and TV shows. And I don't just mean sex. Going for walks, going to the lake, traveling, hiking, camping, biking...those all involve going outside, though.

You could always get a real doll and ask it questions and then answer them in a really high voice. This ensures that you'll be compatible because you can just have her say whatever you want her to say.

Not always true, incidentally. MissZooey and I are both artistic types, but we're both pretty responsible, too.

Maybe this all depends on the particular type of art in question. If you're both touring musicians or both actors with regular work, it might be a problem. I don't think the same thing necessarily applies for writers or musicians with less rigorous performance schedules, visual artists, etc. But I seriously don't think I could relate to someone who wasn't artistic in some way or another.

Back to the main question at hand - I don't think shared tastes within any given medium is that important. But an interest in a few of the same media is probably pretty important. In other words, it's not important if you don't share taste in books, movies, music, athletic activities, food, or whatever. But it's important that you share, not only an open-mindedness toward, but a real, legitimate interest in a couple of these categories. It's less the exact taste that has to match, but a shared enthusiasm for the general activity helps. I'd hate to be with a partner who not only didn't like the same bands, movies, and books that I do, but didn't like music, movies, or books at all.

(no one's told Dave that I'm tone-deaf, unable to pay attention for more than 30 minutes, and illiterate. shh.)

Seriously, though... I haven't watched nearly as many movies as Dave has and, frankly, his musical knowledge is humbling, even after five years. But I have out-read him and we both have an interest in "catching up," as it were. He filters movies and CDs for me, and I sometimes filter books for him. And we take turns doing strange things in the kitchen. It works out nicely.

I think a key component in negotiating a relationship with someone who doesn't have taste identical to yours (read: any relationship), is realizing that you are not the arbiter of quality. You have to be willing to respect someone's opinions, as well as share yours in a respectful fashion. Maybe you don't like Jane Austen or Lethal Weapon movies, but what the hell do you know? Your partner may have excellent reasons for liking these things and you're just going to have to go with that. Deriding your girlfriend's taste because she likes "chick" movies is lame, especially if you've never seen said movies.

The above, of course, does not apply to Rush. Rush is whiny, grating, geek boy rock and I will mock anyone who tries to justify them to me.