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Why I love my wife

post #1 of 28
9/9/07 at 1:07am
Thread Starter 
...she has the biggest crush on Billy Zane. And has since before I ever got to know her.

Brad Pitt? Pshaw. George Clooney? Over-rated. She's B-list all the way with her cinematic hunks. She used to have masturbatory fantasies about him in Demon Knight and thought his oh-so-gorgeous ass tightly squeezed in those Phantom tights were reason enough to give that flick a rave review.

One of those little things about her that tickles me so much. And yes, there is a clause in our pre-nup that states that she can leave me obligation-free (including our children) if HE ever took an interest in her.
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post #2 of 28
9/9/07 at 1:12am
So, the short version is that your wife masturbates to "The Phantom".

Wonderful.
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post #3 of 28
9/9/07 at 1:17am
Thread Starter 
Why yes, she has in fact. You act like that's a bad thing.
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post #4 of 28
9/9/07 at 1:22am
Does that clause hold the same if Monica Bellucci (yes, I realize that she's already married and pregnant to vince cassel but you get the idea) ever took an interest in you?
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post #5 of 28
9/9/07 at 1:32am
Thread Starter 
Dammit, I knew the lawyer drawing up those papers was taking sides; well I hope he enjoys those kick-backs from her. Enjoys them STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!
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post #6 of 28
9/9/07 at 2:39am
I used to have a crush on Billy Zane back in his Dead Calm days, but then he aged and it was depressing.
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post #7 of 28
9/9/07 at 3:32am
Jesse, I'm not sure I have a clear picture of your relationship, but I bet Brian O'Halloran would make out with your wife.
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post #8 of 28
9/9/07 at 7:54am
Hansel: "You should masturbate to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude."
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post #9 of 28
9/9/07 at 11:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Supremo
I used to have a crush on Billy Zane back in his Dead Calm days, but then he aged and it was depressing.
That's the problem with actors. . . they DO that.
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post #10 of 28
9/9/07 at 12:11pm
I like to picture her getting all moany when ever Biff's gang comes on the screen.
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post #11 of 28
9/9/07 at 2:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesse The Mind
Why yes, she has in fact. You act like that's a bad thing.
Is your wife cool with you sharing her masturbatory habits with the internet?

Oh, and, liking Billy Zane isn't all that unconventional. He's a good-looking movie star. Tell me she's got her panties all in a twist for Kierkegaard and I might be impressed.
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post #12 of 28
9/9/07 at 2:39pm
"Star" is debatable at this point in time.
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post #13 of 28
9/9/07 at 7:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Wood
"Star" is debatable at this point in time.
Yeah, I know. I couldn't come up with a better word. Feel free to do it for me.
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post #14 of 28
9/9/07 at 7:31pm
White dwarf?
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post #15 of 28
9/10/07 at 8:00am
Ne'er-do-well?
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post #16 of 28
9/10/07 at 8:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesse The Mind
Why yes, she has in fact. You act like that's a bad thing.
An ex-girlfriend of mine did it to "Secretary".
I would say I had topped you, but then again we're not together anymore, so take the medal.
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post #17 of 28
9/10/07 at 9:34am
Isn't Zane in Uwe Boll's entourage, these days?



(Oh shit, how's that for my 100th post : ( )
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post #18 of 28
9/10/07 at 10:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey

Oh, and, liking Billy Zane isn't all that unconventional. He's a good-looking movie star. Tell me she's got her panties all in a twist for Kierkegaard and I might be impressed.
Indeed. Who wouldn't fuck Billy Zane?
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post #19 of 28
9/10/07 at 10:59am
Well, I wouldn't, but, you know, feel free, Kabong.
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post #20 of 28
9/10/07 at 11:23am
This is inzane.

I'd do Zane's wife though. Kelly Brook is fine.
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post #21 of 28
9/10/07 at 12:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Myers
This is inzane.
"Inzane" - hah! Stop that right now, you silly man.
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post #22 of 28
9/10/07 at 12:42pm
inzane? But.. isn't Zane the one who's supposed to be in-.. ah forget it.

You put whatever you want in Zane. He's a cool dude.
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post #23 of 28
9/10/07 at 2:00pm
Thank God Sniper was also a Tom Berenger affair... or else some Moltisanti we all know and cherish would be mad jealous about this.
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post #24 of 28
9/10/07 at 2:09pm
Hell, even I would tap some Tombstone Billy Zane. If I was gay. Which I'm not. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
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post #25 of 28
9/10/07 at 2:10pm
What about Lisa Zane?
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post #26 of 28
9/10/07 at 2:15pm
A friend of mine's sister actually dated Zane back in the mid-90s. Said he is a weird, weird dude.
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post #27 of 28
9/10/07 at 2:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Crowley
Isn't Zane in Uwe Boll's entourage, these days?
I think Zane sued Boll after the release fiasco of BloodRayne. Or vice-versa, I can't remember.
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post #28 of 28
9/10/07 at 3:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Eko
What about Lisa Zane?
His wife masturbates to her too.
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