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Book Review: Friday the 13th: Carnival of Maniacs

post #1 of 16
9/12/07 at 12:14pm
Thread Starter 
http://www.creature-corner.com/?type=reviews&id=2823

Thanks Iggy, I needed the laugh today. I'm going to start referring to people's eyes as sable hellholes in a voice slick with blackmail from now on.

He said whimsically.
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post #2 of 16
9/12/07 at 12:19pm
Iggy, way to take one for the team. Good stuff.

Real request: Any chance of getting some Corner reviews of the Friday the 13th Wildstorm comics? I'm sort of morbidly curious about it.
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post #3 of 16
9/12/07 at 12:36pm
Wow. That was just...wow.

I'm so sorry Iggy. You just suffered through the print equivalent of Zombie Nation, and I feel for you.
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post #4 of 16
9/12/07 at 1:07pm
Wow. I don't know if it was your intention to make me want to rush out and buy that book, but now I must read it.
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post #5 of 16
9/12/07 at 2:10pm
*Looks at book cover, looks at excerpts*

Are you sure you didn't review a Slipknot album?
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post #6 of 16
9/12/07 at 2:14pm
Thread Starter 
The funniest thing is that I've got 3 or 4 more of these, and they all look like the same book. All the covers have nothing but a picture of Jason. Also some Nightmare on Elm Street novels.

I read one of the Jason X ones... it was, well, it was like reading a shitty movie. Some really laughably funny parts, for all the wrong reasons.

Mattioli- I'll definitely look into it. I've got a bunch of comics that I haven't been able to get to yet.
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post #7 of 16
9/12/07 at 2:44pm
"and decorated the hallway with his rose drops.”

Fucking brilliant!!!

The rest of these literary works of art must be reviewed. Too bloody funny.
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post #8 of 16
9/12/07 at 2:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
The funniest thing is that I've got 3 or 4 more of these, and they all look like the same book. All the covers have nothing but a picture of Jason. Also some Nightmare on Elm Street novels.

I read one of the Jason X ones... it was, well, it was like reading a shitty movie. Some really laughably funny parts, for all the wrong reasons.

Mattioli- I'll definitely look into it. I've got a bunch of comics that I haven't been able to get to yet.
[derail]If you need any help on those comic reviews, just let me know.

Also, I'll have a new DVD review up by tonight, so whoo hoo![/derail]
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post #9 of 16
9/12/07 at 3:02pm
Any chance this is just a case of a writer having fun with a shitty assignment? No one can really write a sentence like "Freely’s eyes crawled up and down her body like a cum snake" with a straight face, can they?
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post #10 of 16
9/12/07 at 3:05pm
Thread Starter 
It has to be. I don't imagine any serious writer would have taken one of these New Line books without trying to have as much fun as they could with it.
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post #11 of 16
9/12/07 at 3:13pm
I don't know about that, Alex. I mean, I'm pretty sure guys like this could type some of those lines, and legitimately think they were upstaging Hemingway.

ETA: Not that they'd know who Hemingway was, of course.
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post #12 of 16
9/12/07 at 3:19pm
It's possible that Hand either dropped out of Creative Writing class in the fourth grade, or he was smoking pot while shitting this out.
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post #13 of 16
9/12/07 at 5:19pm
my creative writing professor in college used the class to hit on hippie girls.
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post #14 of 16
9/12/07 at 9:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Supremo
Wow. I don't know if it was your intention to make me want to rush out and buy that book, but now I must read it.
You're either a maochist or you have a finely developed, dry and ironic sense of humor. Either way, I fuckin' dig that about you man, as Cuba Gooding, Jr. once said.

Alex: as painful as this read was, I have never received such an enthusiastic response to one of my reviews before. In the end, it was worth it. The payoff of my fellow Corner Creatures' responses has more than made up for it. Just when I started to think no one read these reviews.

I'm all for giving the public what they want, and I'll gladly review the rest of the pile. Interspersed with some other stuff, if possible, just so I don't lose my mind and start talking like one of Hand's characters. This was the last of the books you sent me, so if you've got anything, send 'em on over.

And I can't tell you how flattered I am that a quote of mine is Chris' newest sig. This whole thread has made me smile. A lot. Thanks, all.
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post #15 of 16
9/14/07 at 5:26am
He totally stole that masturbating tapeworm line from Sylvia Plath.
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post #16 of 16
9/14/07 at 4:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cow Puncher
He totally stole that masturbating tapeworm line from Sylvia Plath.
You're kidding!
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