The Official Alcoholism Thread - Page 2

I'm missing out on a good chunk of this thread. See, I was always the safe party guest to invite. I was always the one holding some strange girl's head over the trashcan at 2 AM while she puked and cried that she wanted to die. "Noooo, you'll be okay... Marie. Mary? Marcy. You don't want to die, you'll be fine." I remember one fairly wild drunken party where my best friend, his girlfriend, and I drove EVERYONE home, which involved pulling up to said person's house, opening the door, rolling them out onto their lawn, taking off, repeat with the next five or so people. It was like the scene in I Love Lucy where they're working in the candy factory, and the candy's just falling off the conveyor belt.

I have a buddy who drinks in the shower. As I stated in another thread, I drink half-empty warm beers the morning after a party always careful to sniff for the tell tale odor of cigarette butt. Beats walking to the store at 7 AM to buy more beer (which I have also done several times). I have drank absinthe purchased over the internet. I have drank absinthe home made by a friend. I once, with a buddy, went to my office at 3:00 AM because we wanted more to drink and I had a bottle of Makers locked in my file cabinet. I drink in public constantly. I once brought my own six-pack into a bar and was never caught. I am near 36 years old and can still do a beer bong. Once, drunk stupid, a buddy and I took turns shooting beer cans off each others heads with a pellet gun. Once at a party as it reached its fever pitch we smashed every bottle in the place in the living room led by the person throwing the party. I have lied on a doctor's new patient questionairre by saying I onl;y have 3 alcholic drinks a day, suckers. I'll post more anecdotes as I remember them.

This sounds like one of those cool secrets you always find out about from some guy. You know, like keeping some fresh basil around to put on delivery pizza, or trying your favorite pasta with mini penne instead of regular penne. I must try this.

Every time I empty a bottle of Crown, it's like a friend died.

But, when I open up a new bottle, it's like meeting a person for the first time and you know you will be good friends.

Oh, and I'm having a beer right now...

I think I've moved onto this phase of my life. The hangovers are just too brutal to keep going 5 or 6 days a week. But now I just cram those 5 days of drinking into 3 days (Thursday - Saturday), with some beer on Sundays now that football's back on.

I did that in my college days right before heading out for the night. I did it mostly to keep me from passing out in the shower more than needing a drink, though. Tailgating in the sun will take a lot out of you, and you need to be able to keep going strong until 5 or 6 in the morning.

LOVE the car bomb. Nothing starts off a night better than a round of them. We were downtown recently, and I bought a round for myself and 3 others. After the first, we each looked at each other, and the next guy bought another round. Next thing we know, we've detonated* 4 car bombs in less than 15 minutes.

There's far too many drinks that fall under rule #5. But there should also be an exception to the rule. Like if you're at the beach, or at a luau. But even then, your drink shouldn't be less than 80 proof.

I was at a luau recently, and had mojitos for the first time. Pretty damn good, got me lit up like a Christmas tree, and no hangover.

*Must say this like Hans Gruber.

I had a New Years party last year that ended with me vomiting on a girl causing her to vomit, sort of like in Stand By Me. I had never met her before but she ended up asking me to prom.

Now I'm at college and my dorm room is like a treasure trove of empty bottles and cans. Wine bottles and Guinness cans piled on top of the fridge. Bud Light cans and vodka bottles under the bed. An empty handle of rum cunningly hidden under a pair of shorts on my desk. It's starting to smell a little bit though, so I should probably clean up in the next week or so, before my roommate starts complaining.

There is a great drop shooter we do called the Vitamin-C. It is Red Bull and OJ half up a pint glass then you drop in a shot of citrus vodka. Not an all the time drink, but a great breakfast shot or for when you need a second wind. Two of those and a Montana Breakfast (beer and tomato juice) and you're set up proper for a day of drinking.

Dr. Pepper Shooter

Rocks glass half full of Budweiser
Shot glass of Amaretto

Drop in, guzzle down.

I don't drink much anymore, but one time I got really shitfaced and ended up wandering around a trailer park in the ghetto. Apparently that was a fun night.

That can't be good. But I'll be damned if I'm not going to find out for myself.

Hey, I ain't no one-trick pony! I got a couple of booze tales meself!

It was due to excessive drinking my first time out that I became a man.

When I was 18, my friend Phil and I were accepted to Monmouth College. During Freshman Orientation, we had to stay overnight in one of the apartments on campus. Each of the apartment buildings were segregated as boys only or girls only dorms. Due to freshman overflow, Phil and I, along with 4 other guys, got to share a room in an all girl dorm. I knew right then college was going to rock.

Since we were the only guys in the building, the girls there immediately started visiting and hanging out with us. That night everybody was partying, with yours truly having his very first beer. Enjoyed it so much, I had another. then another. During this, I remember talking to a very attractive girl and actually seemed to be holding her interest.

Then I woke up with her sleeping in my bed. I'm looking at her for a couple of minutes, then she wakes up. She gives me a smile, then a quick kiss, and she gets out of bed. She's stark naked. She goes into the bathroom. I look under the covers - yep, I'm naked too, minus the condom I'm still wearing. I'm still wondering if this really happened, when the girl gets out of the bathroom, smiles at me, then starts getting dressed. She makes some small talk, gives me a longer kiss, tells me she'll see me on campus, and leaves.

I'm still in bed, in a state of mild shock for another five minutes ("Did I...? No. I couldn'tve. Me? Really? I must've..."). I then try getting out of bed, and discover gravity works, and hit the floor hard. I'm starting to feel nauseous, so I start crawling, then stagger over to the bathroom, where I start throwing up - my very first hangover! I feel like total shit for most of the day.

My buddy Phil, who must have been sleeping on the couch, amidst a pile of pizza boxes and beer bottles, is already up, looking haggard. He grins at me - "Looks like you had fun last night! How was it?"

"Uh, great I guess. I think. Phil, what the hell happened last night?"

He tells me the last he saw, I was talking to this girl for about an hour last night, then the two of us went into the room Phil and I were sharing. Phil says he saw the girl leave, and she seemed happy, so he guessed the two of us had slept together.

I'm still addled and fucked up at that point, and I can't process the fact that I apparently lost my virginity, plus damn near my memory of that night.

I never saw the girl again, and still have no idea what happened. I hope, at least, that she had a good time.

So you drank until blackout yet managed to satisfy a woman the very first time you ever had sex? That's a hell of a cock you've got there. Nice circulation too.

I like to call this the liquid lunch and I've done it too many times to count. Also, I used to live in a town that had a bar called The Library. So if anyone asked where I was going, I just told them the truth.

Almost the same story as me. Except that the girl in my case was ugly, I'm pretty sure I failed spectacularly and my friends thankfully never found out.

That's just it, I don't know if I satisfied her or not. I honestly can't remember. For all I know, and knowing my luck, she smiled at me just to be polite - then burst out laughing when she got to her room.

If you like Dr. Pepper I think you will be surprised.

Usually you'd question your sense of judgment the morning after a round of drinking, but in this instance, I'd told a woman of my virginity within seconds of what'd be me fucking her, except instead she immediately moved away from me and gathered her clothes, offering me ride home in spite of being plastered - clearly those shots and bottles of wine and gin and rum were enough for me lose all common sense but not her (yes, she was going to drink and drive, but considering the ungodly hour it was, she was too much of a neoconservative to care about ramming any homeless people with her vehicle).

Of course, for the welfare of our city's destitute, I charmed my way back into her bedroom, despite alternating between it and the bathroom to puke, never consummating the deed but drawing her sympathy enough to share a bed.

But obviously my sobconscious was sober that night, because when I awoke I found myself next to a fat chick who paradoxically had great breasts and an attractive face. I enjoyed her without ever having to say I fucked a fat chick, because I unwittingly told her I was a virgin.

I drink daily.

Almost a year ago, I had recently starred in a fucked-up car accident and wound up facing tons of legal backlash, was unemployed, and started rationalizing drinking in the morning because I thought I deserved it.

One day I started off at 8 am, got lit, hopped on the bus to a bar and spent $180 that I (really, really) didn't have on Wild Turkey 101, draft beers, and drinks for random people I was talking with. I blacked out at some point, and came to with a strange ache on my left side (hit by a car? Dunno) while getting rousted by cops at Hollywood and Highland because I was shitfaced and apparently scaring tourists.

I'm coasting along at maybe two days a week now, but I'm also in a much better place than I was at that time. Drinking kinda lost its novelty for me after that day.

What liquor gets you drunkest, cheapest?

Any cheap liquor will get you drunk. Especially if you buy cheap ass half gallons of 3 star or Monarch brand liquor.

Hey you did say cheap and this shit is sold for a $1.98

Malt liquor is not for the faint of heart. I guess if you want to get drunk without any regard to taste you could get a couple 40's of OE or Steele Reserve High Gravity and you will be set for the night. I don't know if Ripoll has the constitution to finish a 40. Having orange juice on hand for when it gets warm will probably be necessary. Then you can play "Brass Monkey" and be cool.

I can drink mancum. Taste is not a factor.

and with that, our questions about what happened to Ripoll on that night in question have been answered. HUZZAH!

Talk to me after you've drank a warm 40 of Steele Reserve High Gravity.

EDIT: This thread makes me want to drink to forget about all the painful non-memories.

Yeah, Steel Reserve is wild shit. Gross, metallic, yet gilded with the strangely warming allure of bumwine.

I stopped in at the packy on the corner to get booze for friends and I on Friday, and a wild-haired, hulking bearded Santa-esque guy (if Santa smelled like stale piss, and actually existed) in a filthy leather jacket patterned like the American Flag was standing at the counter talking to the cashier about brain surgery. The cashier was obviously just trying to check him out and get him the fuck out of there.

The cashier just looked at him and lazily droned, "No, sorry, we don't have that at our location yet." The guy turned, looked at me, and bellowed "WELL, I GUESS THIS HERE STEEL RESERVE WILL TAKE CARE OF IT FOR A LITTLE WHILE" and grinned ear to fucking ear with teeth like little yellow candies. I smiled back, nodded, and said "Yeah, that'll do it for a bit", and proceeded to order stuff. The guy stood there, still crazy, watching me.

I figured he was waiting for change, so I asked the clerk to break a single into quarters for bus fare, and the homeless guy laughed and yelled "SUCH IS LIFE, HEY?" I said "Yeah, plus it sucks to break a dollar", proceeded to hand him two dollar bills, and walked out. He hollered "AND A BLESSED DAY TO YA" as I passed through the turnstile, and I waved back, cursing memories of hangovers from games of "Edward 40-Hands" with Steel Reserve.

Ripoll, if you're looking for relatively cheap yet tasty liquor, Evan Williams is pretty good bourbon for the price.

Seconded.

I'm 19. I can't appreciate the taste of alcohol yet. Only the intoxication.

Did anyone here used to drink Crazy Horse? I used to lurve that shit.

If you buy malt liquor, I'm pretty sure you will.

Ezra Brooks is pretty cheap, it'll fuck you up good. That's the only stuff I've ever blacked out on.

Cisco = liquid crack.

I've always been wanting to make some lean, but I don't have access to prescription pain killers. It's Tussin, Codeine pain killers (I think), jolly rancers, and maybe ginger ale?

never had a drink and don't intend to. actually, why did I come to this thread?

I never can tell the difference between Ezra Brooks and Evan Williams.

Have you ever had Wild Turkey? I don't think there's a night where I drank Wild Turkey and didn't blackout.

Wild Turkey is great stuff. Last time I had Wild Turkey, I drank a shitload of Slivovitz before hand. A weird thing happened when I was walking home, some random black guy tried to give me a ride, so I told him I had diabetes and ran off into the night.

Go to your local liquor store, and grab a bottle of grain alcohol* - that stuff has a personal vendetta against livers. A liter should be around $10.

Then take a camera with you wherever you go, because you're not going to remember shit.

*The proof on grain alcohol varies - I've seen it range from 150 proof to 190 proof. A liter of either should wreck you.

Aaannnnddd jokes about first blowjobs come to mind. I take it then you'll never be one of these pompous asses that I deal with whenever I am drinking in public:

"Gin? Shit, why don't you just go lick a pine tree? Hyuck!"

Maybe this is why you need a "save anywhere" feature to finish games...oh and game guides too...

As a side note for those not in the know, here's a magazine devoted to the lifestyle:

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/

I developed a liver like a well done steak, and for some reason, Tequila always had my number. I don't know if I have an allergic reaction to it or what, but 5 shots and I'm pulling a Captain Willard on the windows in my general area.

The BEST drunk I've ever had - Absinthe my friend smuggled for me from Prague. If you get some, don't try to man up and do shots, it's a waste and you'll probably gag after 2. Pour it in a tumbler over ice, boil up some water and sugar and pour it in. With that combo, it's delicious as well as intoxicating. Seeing how it's so fucking expensive, it's worth it to savor it. It tastes like yummy, mint, licorice, satan.

Oh man, where has this magazine been in my life?

And when is Ted Kennedy gonna do the cover for this magazine?

My latest drunken shenanigins involved using my status as a minister in the Universal Life Church to marry two of my friends.

I learned about Wild Turkey one night at a local bar/club I used to frequent. I was with a running buddy and we were both taking it easy. I was just drinking my usual "Crown and Coke." And I request we do a shot before the night gets too late and one of us can sober up enough to drive home after last call. Well, it was downhill from there. My friend ended up driving home and I crashed on his couch.

A few weeks later my friend calls me up and says, "I gotta be honest with you, that Wild Turkey we did fucked me up. And I'm not sure how I was able to drive home."

...but did it interfere with anything, really?

Go big or go home, I always say.

Well, the general definition of "whiskey dick" is someone who can't get it up, but there's a point of drunkenness where a person (me, at least) turns into some sort of Porn-on-coke battering ram that can hammer away for 45 minutes or so.

Ignore this amateur's ramblings. While slamming down a shot is indeed a waste of expensive liquor, The whole sugar ritual was invented by people who claim they like coffee and then disguise it completely with copious amounts of milk and sugar.

Absinthe is wonderful sipped and savored like a good scotch straight from the bottle.