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Star Wars Headline Begging for One-Liners

post #1 of 48
9/12/07 at 7:51pm
Thread Starter 
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,296573,00.html

Okay, let 'em rip.

Example: "Mommy, is that his lightsaber?"
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post #2 of 48
9/12/07 at 7:53pm
Why is that man licking the Sarlacc pit?
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post #3 of 48
9/12/07 at 7:56pm
"Hey that's Billy!"
*Turns to Billy*
"Hey Billy, I didn't know you were in Star Wars! And Mr. White too! Hey everybody, Billy and Mr. White are in Star Wars!"
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post #4 of 48
9/12/07 at 7:59pm
"The lightsabers look real."

or

"This must be how wookies shake hands."
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post #5 of 48
9/12/07 at 7:59pm
The title of the movie was actually Star Whores
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post #6 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
"Hey that's Billy!"
*Turns to Billy*
"Hey Billy, I didn't know you were in Star Wars! And Mr. White too! Hey everybody, Billy and Mr. White are in Star Wars!"
I feel so dirty for laughing my ass off at this.
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post #7 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:08pm
"That's no moon, that's a vagina"
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post #8 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman
The title of the movie was actually Star Whores
I think it was actually Episode V : The Empire pulled out and shot it on her Back
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post #9 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:23pm
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post #10 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:26pm
"I don't like sand..."

And you know where it goes from there.
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post #11 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:33pm
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post #12 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:35pm
Sorry!
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post #13 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:41pm
"Why is that Wookie fucking that Ewok up the ass?"


No? Oh well, I tried.
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post #14 of 48
9/12/07 at 8:46pm
"Look at the SIZE of that thing!"
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post #15 of 48
9/12/07 at 9:50pm
"It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in OH BABY!"
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post #16 of 48
9/12/07 at 9:51pm
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post #17 of 48
9/12/07 at 10:42pm
Luke, she's your sister!!
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post #18 of 48
9/12/07 at 10:45pm
"So that's Nerf herding!"
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post #19 of 48
9/12/07 at 11:05pm
"Stay ... on ... target"
"Rise my friend"
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post #20 of 48
9/12/07 at 11:29pm

Appropriate Lines from the Movies

"At that speed, are you sure you'll be able to pull out in time?"

"It's possible he came in through the south entrance."

"C'mon kid, lets blow this thing and go home."

"Yahoo!"

"What a nice smell." (Things you don't wannna hear in porn.)

"That's right chewie, always using your stomach."

"Soon you will learn to appreciate me."

"Yes,master."

"Looks like you got something stuck in there real good."

"I can't maneuver!"

"Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"

"Yes...I feel it in you..."
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post #21 of 48
9/12/07 at 11:40pm
This thread is so unfunny it makes me want to puke.

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post #22 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:11am
This first reply in this thread should have been oldbrucewayne.jpg
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post #23 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:13am
Sorry, I was busy at the time.
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post #24 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:33am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger
This first reply in this thread should have been oldbrucewayne.jpg
Or that dog gif, with zero explanation.
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post #25 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:35am
Wait I got one...

"I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"

HA!
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post #26 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:50am
Why didn't this type of shit happen to me when I was in school?
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post #27 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:52am
"This little one's not worth the effort."

"They came from...behind!"

"A small one-man fighter should be able to penetrate the outer defenses."

"What a piece of junk!"

"Get in there you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell."

Red Six: I got a problem here.
Biggs: Eject!
Red Six: I can hold it.
Biggs: Pull up!
Red Six: No, I'm all right... ahhh!
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post #28 of 48
9/13/07 at 12:52am
I went to Catholic school, so I was too busy getting a mouthful of the Good Word.
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post #29 of 48
9/13/07 at 1:39am
Dirty Star Wars lines are over ten years past their expiration date.
Stop it.


(not you Eric)
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post #30 of 48
9/13/07 at 1:45am
Okay, okay, I have another one...

"YAHOOOOO! You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

HIYOOO.
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post #31 of 48
9/13/07 at 1:56am
Well, at least they weren't subjected to this:
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post #32 of 48
9/13/07 at 2:08am
The very least.
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post #33 of 48
9/13/07 at 2:11am
"Why is the sarlacc screaming like a girl? I thought it liked food."
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post #34 of 48
9/13/07 at 4:04am
"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you? And well should you not."
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post #35 of 48
9/13/07 at 4:17am
I have great admiration for Patrick for actually managing to pull something funny out of this.

Everybody else is making baby Jesus cry. Double entendre lines from Star Wars? Come on, that's older than the Chuck Norris thing. Let it go, Indiana. Let it go.
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post #36 of 48
9/13/07 at 4:29am
But... I really do think they smell bad on the outside...

hiyo?
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post #37 of 48
9/13/07 at 4:40am
"Star Wars shown to class. Childhoods raped. Film at 11"

I got nothing.
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post #38 of 48
9/13/07 at 5:29am
Goddamn it these jokes are forced. If they were Anakind of funny maybe I'd laugh. They're really the type of jokes that are bespinned to the office cubicle of a dumb nerdy guy and forgotton about. This is a serious situation and I bet alot of mothers are very upset, hell Hoth no fury like a woman scorned. Can't you see you're just Hamilliating yourselves? Further word replacement jokes.
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post #39 of 48
9/13/07 at 5:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
I went to Catholic school, so I was too busy getting a mouthful of the Good Word.
Is that what they called it?
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post #40 of 48
9/13/07 at 7:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Shaver
Is that what they called it?
No, no no, by "mouthful", I'm SURE he meant holy wafer.

No? My bad.
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post #41 of 48
9/13/07 at 6:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNewYork
No, no no, by "mouthful", I'm SURE he meant holy wafer.
Well, that is what they call it. Or alternatively, "the holy suppository".
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post #42 of 48
9/13/07 at 6:39pm
I've been baptized at least 7 times, and it never gets any easier to wash out of your hair.
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post #43 of 48
9/13/07 at 6:41pm
So you were surrounded and penetrated, but did you bind the galaxy together?
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post #44 of 48
9/13/07 at 8:26pm
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Richard Dickson again.
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post #45 of 48
9/14/07 at 1:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
I've been baptized at least 7 times, and it never gets any easier to wash out of your hair.
It's the priest who have it bad, try washing out pea soap.
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post #46 of 48
9/14/07 at 2:05am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll
I've been baptized at least 7 times, and it never gets any easier to wash out of your hair.
Do you often pay $20 for baptisms in the red light district?
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post #47 of 48
9/14/07 at 5:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson
So you were surrounded and penetrated, but did you bind the galaxy together?
Probably not, but it does tend to bind your underwear to your butt.
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post #48 of 48
9/14/07 at 5:53am
So in the middle of the day, a man runs into a church and rushes up to the priest. He says "Father, you have to help me. I just had an affair on my lunch break. I need to get back to work, but I'd really like to be forgiven first."
The priest says "Well, what did you do specifically?"
"I had anal sex."
"Well, that's pretty serious. Say one hundred Hail Mary's."
The man thanks the father and runs back out of the church.

The next day, at the same time, the man runs into the church again.
"Father, it happened again. I need to be forgiven before I get back to work. What can you give me?"
"What did you do this time?"
"Well, it was just intercourse."
"Alright, that's not as bad. Say fifty Hail Mary's."
He thanks the Priest again and runs back out of the church.

The next day, at the same time, the man runs into the church, but the priest isn't there. The man turns to a choir boy and says "Quick, what does the priest give for a blowjob?"
The boy says "Five dollars and a Snickers bar."

You're a great audience.
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