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Stag/Hen Night stories

post #1 of 58
Thread Starter 
So I recently popped the question to my better half and in a fit of insanity she said yes.

Now my thoughts turn to the most important event of my life* - The Stag night. With that in mind I call upon my fellow chewers to share amusing Stag/Hen night stories so that I know what terror await me when my drunken friends and family start scheming.....






* Ok so maybe the wedding might also be important but I stand less chance of injury at that.
post #2 of 58
Oh, yeah. My bachelor party--what a joyless night that was.

First of all, they made it Co-Ed. Not that the women invited were strippers or anything, just girlfriends of the invited. When Mrs Vivisector-to-be caught wind of this, she hit the ceiling. Shape of things to come, baby.

My friends thought it was funny to show real stag films--animals mating on tape, mixed with some impossibly crude bestiality crap. In between reels of this freakshow, they played Magic the Addiction. I had zero interest in playing that game even when the stupid thing was hot.

So my alternatives were watching awful hundsex vids or sitting through people playing a game they spent more money on than their education.

I think I read a few comics and went home early.

Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.

Edit: Congrats on the engagement, pal. Or condolences, as the case may be.
post #3 of 58
First off, congrats!

Now, I had mine last December. I was lucky, my friends knows me well enough to avoid putting me in situations that will make me punch them after, so all was pretty smooth. Karting, paintball (I was dressed as a bunny with no gun whatsoever) dinner at the most unvegetarian place on Earth and strippers.

But the one I've been to..... oh my. One of them had the groom (whose one of the craziest man I know) strapped to a chair bolted in the back of a pick up, covered in feathers, mustard and so on. While cruising downtown, the cops intercept them. when informed of the situation, they just advised us to go to a slightly less populated area so the others cops won't bother us.

Another groom had " Help Me" written in liquid paper on the soles on his shoes. The fun we had when he had to be on his kneel, facing the altar with the bride-to-be was priceless.

Another party was actually a Co-Ed stag party, and the strippers were at a transvestite place.
post #4 of 58
Thread Starter 
Dr Vivisector

That sounds like one messed up party, please tell me there was at least some beer.

The last one i went on myself was a Circle Line pub crawl of London. Got invited through a friend of a freind and it was the dullest night of my life, which sucked because the idea sounded really fun.
post #5 of 58
Sweeney has a great bachelor party story. Review the earlier CHUD Podcasts if he refuses to recount it here.

I didn't really have a bachelor party because we didn't have a "real" wedding, just a ceremony with the JOP and like 5-6 other people. I've been to my share of BPs though, and let's just say, if your buddies are taking you to a strip club, make sure you wear underwear you're not embarrassed by. Also try to make sure you don't puke before the night's over. Or make it a goal to puke before the night is over. Whatever kind of personality you are.

When my stepsister got married, one of her bridesmaids was British, and she mentioned having a "hen's night", to which I responded, "So does that mean the guys have a cock's night out?" She was a great straight man. She lobbed up the softballs and I continued to knock them out of the park.
post #6 of 58
Vivisector, I weep for you. First one I went to was at the groom's house (bride went for a ladies night out), and it included lot's of booze, lot's of poker, and a 1 hour show from two strippers. The second one we rented a limo and went bar-hopping with a Bachelor party scavenger hunt. I have one this weekend that I'll be unfortunately missing the first part (paint-ball) and attending the after-keg-party, and I have one next month that will probably be another limo night.
post #7 of 58
I've done the standard "night at the strip club" bachelor party, which went pretty much like every trip to a strip club -- ten minutes of "WOW! NAKED WOMEN!" and ninety minutes of "Wow, naked women...."

I did go to one bachelor party that was just a bunch of us guys in a hotel room with cigars, liquor, poker, and Rat Pack movies playing all night. That was pretty cool.
post #8 of 58
Learn from my mistake: do not allow a very religious person to plan your bachelor party, even if he is your best man.
post #9 of 58
I went to a combined bachelor/bachelorette party once. That was one wild night. Yeah. Hoo-boy.

I ended up drinking an entire bottle of Bacardi and passing out when they went out to a club.
post #10 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankCobretti
Learn from my mistake: do not allow a very religious person to plan your bachelor party, even if he is your best man.
That's by far the most insane thing I've seen so far. Please tell us Frank. Please.
post #11 of 58
Get out of the city.

seriously. You will have a better time if you leave your town and go on a trip with the guys, rather than visit the old haunts/stripclubs in your local town.
post #12 of 58
Helpful Hints about Bachelor Parties:

1) Do not, under any circumstances, have the bachelor party the actual night before the wedding. You'll thank yourself later.

2) First person you see with a camera, throw them out of the limo/party.

3) Do not, under any circumstances, meet up with the girls from the bachelorette party later. Zero good will come from it.

4) If you're invited/semi-dragged on stage at a strip club, fight tooth and nail to avoid it/get off. You won't enjoy what happens, even in retrospect. Ever.

5) Be aware that while Hookers can keep their mouth shut...you have a drunk asshole friend who at your next co-ed party can't.

6) If you co-habitate, take a change of clothes in a gym bag with you and a 1/2 pint of Jack Daniels. Just before you go home, change clothes and pour the 1/2 pint on yourself. Burn whatever you were wearing that night, as Stripper Perfume is immune to even Tide - With Bleach.

7) Need extra money for the honeymoon? Pretend to drink twice what you actually do, and wait for the inevitable poker game. Everyone swears they can be winners on the World Poker Tour after 10 drinks, when they really, really, can't.
post #13 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage
That's by far the most insane thing I've seen so far. Please tell us Frank. Please.
He was bummed that he couldn't get tickets to the Indigo Girls concert. We went to a comedy club instead.

You know you're bachelor party's in trouble when the groom is saying, "Guys, it's a bachelor party. Let's go to a bar." All things considered, I would've had more fun just hanging out with my soon-to-be wife.
post #14 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankCobretti
He was bummed that he couldn't get tickets to the Indigo Girls concert.
Holy shit.
post #15 of 58
Don't have any good ones myself, but a good friend, who shall remain nameless, got completely shitfaced at a mutual friend's co-ed bachelor party, and ended up having sex with the bride-to-be in a motel bathtub.

Couple got married, and as far as I know still are. I don't think the groom ever found out about it.
post #16 of 58
If the person planning your BP even utters the words "Indigo Girls" I think you have legal clearence to beat them with baseball bats until they stop twitching. Throw in a few drinks on top of that and it wouldn't be a bad party, actually.
post #17 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken Savage
Dr Vivisector

That sounds like one messed up party, please tell me there was at least some beer.
I think there was a six pack, but I don't drink. But with that party, I was willing to start.

I should have started sniffing airplane glue just to make the memories more hazy.....or maybe downing handfuls of roofies with chocolate milk.

The worst part was I the one that got into trouble with the soon to be Mrs because of the co-ed thing.

To quote Jolliet Jake Blues, "It wasn't my fault!"

Shit, I didn't want to be there either.

Oh well.
post #18 of 58
My bachelor party wasn't too exciting (bar+strippers) and my stupid Catholic upbringing made the guilt the next morning a lot of fun.

On the other hand, I went to a friend's party where two strippers fucked each other with a double-sided dildo and then asked if we wanted to pay to watch them pee on each other in the hotel shower. None of us had drank enough to take them up on it (Thank God).
post #19 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer
Don't have any good ones myself, but a good friend, who shall remain nameless, got completely shitfaced at a mutual friend's co-ed bachelor party, and ended up having sex with the bride-to-be in a motel bathtub.

Couple got married, and as far as I know still are. I don't think the groom ever found out about it.
That guy and girl are pieces of shit. I hope the husband finds out.
post #20 of 58
Mine's in the "I've hit a new low" thread, pathetic tale that it is.

My brother-in-law, who's a cop, invited me to his - wall-to-wall cops and firefighters. We had a big Italian dinner at a nearby restaurant where the best man showed his recent vacation flick (mostly consisted of a lingering shots of pretty, bikini-clad, girls, and the guy and his best friend throwing up in their cabin), then trekked to two stripclubs, before calling it a night, with a bunch of us grabbing breakfast at a local diner. Good times.
post #21 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken Savage
Stag/Hen night
You name your parties after horses and chickens. And you call your cigarrettes fags. You brits are weird.
post #22 of 58
Wait until you hear their definition "fanny"!
post #23 of 58
I ended up getting a Super Nintendo from my groomsmen and vomiting a tasty 24oz steak & potatoes meal (go Arthur's in Morristown!) THROUGH MY NOSE after doing a huge beer funnel at my buddy's place afterwards. I was then handcuffed to a chair, forced to tell (and listen to) embarassing stories about myself while I continued to drink. Went to the NJ shore the next morning, got stuck in traffic on the way back, and was late to my own rehearsal dinner. Oops.

Not nearly as much fun as the 2 bachelor parties I went to in Vegas (2 of my groomsmen got hitched 2 years apart and their respective parties were ka-razy in Sin City). Thank God what happens there, stays there. The Spearmint Rhino was a fine establishment, gents. A fine establishment. On the second trip, the groom's old college buddy (who happens to be a stinkin-rich webmaster/programmer for a successful internet porn business) put the night's tab on his card. Amazing.
post #24 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeShaynePI
You name your parties after horses and chickens. And you call your cigarrettes fags. You brits are weird.
Never heard a male horse called a stag before.
post #25 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman
On the other hand, I went to a friend's party where two strippers fucked each other with a double-sided dildo and then asked if we wanted to pay to watch them pee on each other in the hotel shower.
Winner!
post #26 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman
On the other hand, I went to a friend's party where two strippers fucked each other with a double-sided dildo and then asked if we wanted to pay to watch them pee on each other in the hotel shower. None of us had drank enough to take them up on it (Thank God).
Not drunk enough! Sweet Christ! I would have went out an pan-handled for the money to see that stone sober (I am a weirdo).

This past January we had 2 car loads of guys, 2 hotel rooms, a bag of blow (I do not partake), a bag of weed, a bathtub full of beer in Portland, Oregon (most strip clubs per capita in the U.S. not creepy ones either more like cool dive bars with naked women).

The groom was pulled up on stage at Union Jacks. One stripper ground into his crotch while the other rode his face like a sit and spin. They then whipped him with the belt of another buddy (a BIG dude whose belt was one of those rock and roll belts with pyramid studs) and on the last shot I think it went around his ass and hit his balls. Later he puked. It was about midnight. We went on the rest of the night partying bringing strippers and rollerderby chicks into the room where he was passed out, letting them kiss his drunken corpse.

In the morning we went to a place for a totally delicious $4.00 steak and eggs breakfast with a side order of more strippers and cheap frosted mugs of more drinking.
post #27 of 58
I dated a girl who worked at Union Jacks.

I was also a maid of Honor so I went to both the bachelor and bachelorette party. But I can say no more about that.
post #28 of 58
I was at a stag party last Saturday actually, it was a very, very, dull night (the high point was four of us excitedly talking about Bioshock, the groom looked suddenly relived because he realised none of us had any power to do anything nasty or embarrassing to him). It ended up with me drinking my self unconscious whilst playing Wii Sports and waking up the next morning with a potential job offer...which is always nice.
post #29 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre Dellamorte
I dated a girl who worked at Union Jacks.

I was also a maid of Honor so I went to both the bachelor and bachelorette party. But I can say no more about that.
Union Jacks rules. As does Magic Gardens, Mary's Club, Devils Point.....you get the drift.
post #30 of 58
Like Darkmite said, Vegas all the way. Just do it at least a couple of weeks before the wedding. Any closer, and you may not be recovered yet.

You go out there Thursday night or Friday morning, and come back on Sunday. Don't sleep at night, that's just wasting time. Relax by the pools during the daytime, take power naps that are no longer than 15-20 minutes, and never come back to the hotel before sunrise unless you're going to get laid.

I'm going out there in January (during the AVN convention weekend) for my friend's bachelor party. This guy has screwed more women than anyone else I know, yet he's been completely faithful to his girl now for about 4 years. I figure this trip is going to be his ultimate test - he hasn't really gotten out of control in a while, and the rest of us (15+ guys) aren't really going to keep him in check.

Death Surge, you should really write a book. Or maybe just a handy paperback with little lists in there. I'd buy several copies, especially for my friends who don't think before they act...
post #31 of 58
Thread Starter 
Vegas is one of the options my best man keep hinting at, that and Amsterdam. Both of which will be fine by me.
post #32 of 58
Quote:
We went on the rest of the night partying bringing strippers and rollerderby chicks into the room where he was passed out, letting them kiss his drunken corpse.
The fact that roller derby chicks were involved makes me feel all perky and nice. And convinces me that you are a real man.

Well played, sir.
post #33 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman
On the other hand, I went to a friend's party where two strippers fucked each other with a double-sided dildo and then asked if we wanted to pay to watch them pee on each other in the hotel shower.
Was this party hosted by Keith David?
post #34 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by WayDen
and never come back to the hotel before sunrise unless you're going to get laid.
Then maybe you should do it more than a week or two before the wedding, just so you have time to get treated for whatever STDs you get from drunken sluts before you have sex with your bride to be again.
post #35 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belethedheliel
Then maybe you should do it more than a week or two before the wedding, just so you have time to get treated for whatever STDs you get from drunken sluts before you have sex with your bride to be again.
I'm thinking, or at least hoping for Way-Den's integrities sake, that the advice in question was actually for the grooms-men, and not the groom.

Any bachelorette party stories? Always curious how the other half lives.
post #36 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belethedheliel
Then maybe you should do it more than a week or two before the wedding, just so you have time to get treated for whatever STDs you get from drunken sluts before you have sex with your bride to be again.
Is it me, or is it Belethedheliel's purpose on this board is to suck all the fun out of any discussion regarding anything that could be remotely considered sinful living?

Just as I only refer to MIyagi as "Scooter", I shall now only refer to her as "Debbie Downer".
post #37 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Miller
I'm thinking, or at least hoping for Way-Den's integrities sake, that the advice in question was actually for the grooms-men, and not the groom.

Any bachelorette party stories? Always curious how the other half lives.
Wayden said the groom had previously been promiscuous, and had been faithful to his bride-to-be for 4 years, and that he expected him (presumably the groom) to not be so during the stag party. That has less to do with Wayden's integrity so much as the groom's.

Death Surge:
If one can say "don't drink/party the night before so you're not hungover for the wedding" without it being a downer, why isn't telling someone who is planning to have random sex outside a monogamous relationship that they shouldn't do it in such a way that it, too, would cause problems on the wedding day any more of a downer? I mean, really, if a guy has to choose between being hungover on his wedding day, or discovering a mystery rash on his penis on his wedding day, I'd bet he'd rather be hungover.

ETA: Why the hell am I even bothering to reply to someone who thinks it's "fun" to fuck around on someone who they profess to love and want to marry?
post #38 of 58
post #39 of 58
I'm the best man for my buddy's wedding coming up soon.. and as such, in charge of handling (re: trying to find out what the hell to do for) the stag party.

Unfortunately, Vegas and pissing hookers, stuff along those lines aren't really options.. but at least this thread is really good for giving me ideas of what NOT to do (and I had my heart all set out on a Magic card tourney.. /wrist)

So far all I know is that my toast on the big day is going to have to be quoting Steve Buscemi verbatim ala the Wedding Singer.. "the best man.. the better man!"
post #40 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by WayDen
Like Darkmite said, Vegas all the way. Just do it at least a couple of weeks before the wedding. Any closer, and you may not be recovered yet.

You go out there Thursday night or Friday morning, and come back on Sunday. Don't sleep at night, that's just wasting time. Relax by the pools during the daytime, take power naps that are no longer than 15-20 minutes, and never come back to the hotel before sunrise unless you're going to get laid.
Exactly. The only danger of that schedule (Friday night to Sunday= 36 hours of straight partying), is that I almost missed my plane due to a late Saturday night of drunken debauchery. I set 2 alarms (hotel & cellphone), but when you're asleep sitting in a chair in the bathtub, make sure your buddies set their alarms too.

Also Vegas transportation tip: it was cheaper for us to get a limo (down at the entrance) from the hotel to the "clubs", than it would have been to take separate cabs to fit everyone (or pretty darn close to make the limo well worth it).

There's never a lack of entertainment/food/alcohol (of any type) in Vegas, and the plane tix and accomodations are usually reasonable as they expect to make their $$$ back in the casinos. I can't afford to gamble, so my money was better spent.
post #41 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8
but when you're asleep sitting in a chair in the bathtub
God I love Vegas.
post #42 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belethedheliel
Then maybe you should do it more than a week or two before the wedding, just so you have time to get treated for whatever STDs you get from drunken sluts before you have sex with your bride to be again.
Wow, you kinda flew off the handle there. Like Chris Miller said, I was referring to the other single guys in the group - not the guys with girls back home. But, I re-read my post, and while it wasn't all that clear, I think most guys would understand that was what I was talking about. I think you just did a little too much 'reading between the lines' when there wasn't really anything there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Belethedheliel
Wayden said the groom had previously been promiscuous, and had been faithful to his bride-to-be for 4 years, and that he expected him (presumably the groom) to not be so during the stag party. That has less to do with Wayden's integrity so much as the groom's.
I didn't say I was expecting him to be unfaithful, just that it would be a test for him. All of us will be so smashed to make Mel Gibson look sober, so no one will really be looking out for him. It's up to him to avoid cheating on her. Again, I think you were reading a little too much into what I wrote.
post #43 of 58
I convinced a friend of mine to have his in New Orleans a few months ago. All of my friends from college still live on the east coast, and none of them had been there before.

Bourbon Street is extremely convenient, containing a plethora of strip clubs and bars all within close proximity of one another, as well as a load of nice hotels all within walking distance. We dropped a shameful amount of money on strippers and then proceeded to drink Hand Grenades and Hurricanes until we were almost black-out drunk, we then ate a 3am breakfast of hamburgers at Krystals and stumbled back to our hotel to vomit and sleep the rest of the night (thank God for late checkout).

I wouldn't suggest going to New Orleans unless at least one of the bachelor party knows the area, though. Wander one block in the wrong direction and you're in Mogadishu.
post #44 of 58
My bachelor party threatened to be a bore, but it turned out to be a fucking laugh riot.

I had a couple of guys from my band with me, and my roomie from college. The roomie was a 3rd year religion major and we were afraid that he'd just be a wet blanket, but he wanted to take part so we couldn't really say no.

We went to a bar to begin with, then to a local biker strip club. The human off-shore island manning the door took our money, then got up and sniffed him. Then he turned to us and said "He doesn't touch the women. Got it?" We nodded and went on in.

And proceeded to just enjoy the evening. The girls were all right, but mostly we just sat back with beers or played pool. Now and again we'd hit the stage seats. He just sat in the back at our table for most of the night, nursing his one beer. Finally, we all sort of ended up back there and he leaned over to me and whispered "What's it like to tip the girls like that?" I grinned and gave him five ones. "Go find out, big guy", was all I said. And he did.

And he picked a good one to find out on. The lady came out wearing a dress, and danced to "The Mississippi Squirrel Revival" and came over to him during the song. He held up all five ones at once, and she sort of just gave him the full display under the skirt before doing the strip. At the end of the song, he ran back to me and asked for some more ones. "They seem like nice girls. I want to help them."

The rest of the time we were there, we all pitched in ones so he could "help" the nice girls.

Afterwards, he was absolutely quiet on the ride home.

The band guys and I thereafter used "Help the nice girl" when it was time to toss a tip on a table in the restaurant or to a bar waitress.
post #45 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork
The lady came out wearing a dress, and danced to "The Mississippi Squirrel Revival" and came over to him during the song.
Mississippi Squirrel Revival? Are you fucking serious?
post #46 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Miller
Any bachelorette party stories? Always curious how the other half lives.
Ohhh, sonny boy, I don't even belong in this thread other than to read about the debauchery. Nothin'. I got nothin' for you. I've never had so little nothin' in my life as I do on this topic. First of all, I've never been to a bachelorette party - only bridal showers, which, yes, are about as dull as you've heard. The best I can offer is that when we threw my friend Kirsten's bridal shower, we surprised her so much that when she entered the room and we all yelled "Surprise!", she turned around and ran out of the room - she thought she'd walked in on someone else's surprise party. So.... there you go. That's about how the other half lives so far, unless the other Chudette's care to share.
post #47 of 58
Quote:
"They seem like nice girls. I want to help them."
Just reminds me of a story my dad used to tell. He came home from the airforce, and his baby brother had just turned 18. So he takes him to a stripclub, gets him all hammered. At one point, Jon (the 18 year old brother) stumbles up to the stage, points at the stripper and yells "You're.......you're doin' the right thing!".
Classic.
post #48 of 58
I wouldn't lie to you about the religion major, bud. It's too cool to tell the truth.

Great Mississippi Squirrel revival. I swear.
post #49 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall
It ended up with me drinking my self unconscious whilst playing Wii Sports and waking up the next morning with a potential job offer...which is always nice.
Were the opening negotiations for this job offer along the lines of, "Gee, ya know, you got a REEL purty mowth..."?

Just wondering...
post #50 of 58
Most of my friends don't really like going out to clubs so they have dildo parties at their homes (a rep comes and shows off cool toys that all the lame people are too embarrassed to buy). However, my ladies can drink so we can get into some trouble just hanging around the house. The picture of me in the dryer is from a bachelorette party. And that was toward the beginning of the night. At some point talk got to bras and breast sizes and shirts came off. I have several friends with DD boobs. That was more flesh than I needed to see. At another party, we started rummaging through our friends' bedroom drawers and found her boyfriend's Lord of the Rings porn. We never let her (or him for that matter) live it down.
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