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The Fat People Being Airlifted From House/Fused to Couch Thread

post #1 of 72
9/20/07 at 9:21am
Thread Starter 
Just post any story links about fat fucks who need to be cut from/airlifted out of/severed from couch/tugged by freighter/trampolined to moon in order to have professionals try to turn them into human beings.

http://www.ajc.com/news/content/shar...Man.html?imw=Y
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post #2 of 72
9/20/07 at 10:05am
I can't imagine accumulating that much weight in the next 13 years.

That said, once this thread gets going, it should be required reading for women everywhere so that they will shut the fuck up about feeling fat.
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post #3 of 72
9/20/07 at 10:08am
That dude was so fat, the only way they could lower his cholesterol was with a fork lift.
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post #4 of 72
9/20/07 at 10:56am
The tarp was a nice touch.
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post #5 of 72
9/20/07 at 10:59am
Wouldn't want the guy to be, you know, humiliated or anything.
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post #6 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:06am
"I got this tarp in my truck. I usually just use it to cover shit in my garage that I don't want to see."
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post #7 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:08am
Welp, not a news story, but got an anecdote. Friend of mine was a paramedic while pre-med way back when, and likes to tell The Twinkie Story.

The usual humanpottamus stuff, someone calls an ambulence for chest or stomach pains, squad arrives to find roughly 600 lb man. They don't blast any holes in the wall or industrial-crane him out, so maybe this is in the wrong thread, they just call for another team to help with the lifting. 6-7 people on 4 sides of an improvised tarp ('cause the stretcher's too small, not to cover him), down two flights of stairs (quote: "why don't they ever live on the ground floor?").

Get him to the ER, guy's breathing hard but not in arrest or anything. They strip all his shirt off, and my friend's helping the nurses manipulate the massive flesh folds for the applying of monitors.

Lifts one up, out falls most of a Twinkie. They pretty much freeze, taking it in, trying to stay professional.

Fellow glances down to see what everyone's staring at, says, "Huh! Oh, right." And settles back again.
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post #8 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:14am
This should be renamed 'The Tarp Appreciation Thread'. Who knew they were so useful in dealing with the morbidly obese. Also, how do these people buy all the food they eat? It's not like they can work.
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post #9 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:17am
They do tech support. Duh.
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post #10 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:28am
Quote:
Firefighters cut a hole in the side of a house and used a forklift to extricate a 900-pound man from his second-floor bedroom after a visiting nurse became worried about his health.
I don't know for her, but to me the fact that you weight more than 400-pound is kind of a sign you're not healthy.

At 900 pounds, you need your own Salacious Crumb.

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post #11 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:33am
The National Geographic channel had a show about fat fucks the other night. They showed pictures of one dude being pulled out of the side of his house who put Pearl from the BLADE movies to shame. He died, obviously.

Will they put a tarp on this guy when they install him back in his house too?
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post #12 of 72
9/20/07 at 11:46am
Jabba the Hut is not Sci-Fi.

This thread makes me not care so much about my tiny gut.
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post #13 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
Jabba the Hut is not Sci-Fi.

This thread makes me not care so much about my tiny gut.
That's the first step towards tarp use.
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post #14 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage
I don't know for her, but to me the fact that you weight more than 400-pound is kind of a sign you're not healthy.
Hell, I think as a loose rule of thumb, you can say that for over 250. There's probably about 10% of the population that are healthy at over 250, but they tend to be athletes or a combination of tall and big boned.
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post #15 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
Hell, I think as a loose rule of thumb, you can say that for over 250. There's probably about 10% of the population that are healthy at over 250, but they tend to be athletes or a combination of tall and big boned.
I was being polite.
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post #16 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
Hell, I think as a loose rule of thumb, you can say that for over 250. There's probably about 10% of the population that are healthy at over 250, but they tend to be athletes or a combination of tall and big boned.
::braces for rush of frantic rationalizing::
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post #17 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage
I was being polite.
Nothing wrong with that.

I'm not rationalizing anything, Zooey. I'm a stick-to-my-guns iconoclast who marches to the beat of his own drum whilst rebelling against The Man and using words like "whilst".
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post #18 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:16pm
Now, if we could force those overweight fat fucks to hit the treadmill, things would go better.
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post #19 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage
Now, if we could force those overweight fat fucks to hit the treadmill, things would go better.
Their legs and hips would bend into gelatinous shapes.
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post #20 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
Nothing wrong with that.

I'm not rationalizing anything, Zooey. I'm a stick-to-my-guns iconoclast who marches to the beat of his own drum whilst rebelling against The Man and using words like "whilst".
Oh, I'm not talking about you, honey... I know you're a lone wolf who doesn't given a damn about the opinions of others whilst you quietly subvert tradition and common sense. While using words like "whilst." Which is a great word. Whilst whilst whilst.
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post #21 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
Their legs and hips would bend into gelatinous shapes.
Well, that would still be an improvement from their current situation.
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post #22 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey
Oh, I'm not talking about you, honey... I know you're a lone wolf who doesn't given a damn about the opinions of others whilst you quietly subvert tradition and common sense. While using words like "whilst." Which is a great word. Whilst whilst whilst.
I considered that you might mean that too, but I felt like bragging about my picaresque nature and the playfully devilish glint in my eyes.
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post #23 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:28pm
You rogue you.

Anyway, it would be perfectly reasonable for you to weigh 250 pounds, ya big lovable mutant!
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post #24 of 72
9/20/07 at 12:30pm
I'm a svelte 210. Skinny, but not frail. It's these damn dancer's legs...no weight in'em.
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post #25 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:23pm
I'm svelte at 290. I'm really sick of people starting threads about me without my permission.
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post #26 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:24pm
I've always wondered about these people who have been bedridden for months. Do they wake up one morning and say: "You know what? I'm just not getting up anymore. Too much work." Or do they suddenly realize after a couple of weeks: "Hey, I haven't gotten up in 2 weeks. Huh."
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post #27 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:34pm
Hey guys, lay off. It coulda been thyroid problem! Fucking fat people.
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post #28 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:42pm
The point of resignation has to come when these people say to themselves "fuck pants".
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post #29 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:42pm
Or "this elastic is getting a little snug."
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post #30 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:50pm
I knew a guy in college who was having mild stomach pains. They weren't going away, and he started 'adjusting' his belly to see if he could pinpoint the problem and then a lighter fell out of his roll.
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post #31 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:51pm
Please tell me you're kidding. I mean, I know you're from the midwest, so you're probably not, but please tell me you're kidding.
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post #32 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Man Article
He suffers from Prader-Willi Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that creates a chronic hunger feeling that can lead to overeating.
Query: How come these people can't satisfy their chronic hunger with carrots? Why does it always have to be buckets of KFC (and it is always buckets of KFC).
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post #33 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:56pm
This guy was classic. He was absolutely huge and he was a chain smoker (if his heart hasn't exhausted itself already, it's pretty damn close). He had lighters on strings hanging from his ceiling all over his dorm room so that he didn't have to get up to find one. There was a couple hanging to each end of the couch, one hanging next to the bed, the computer, etc. I don't know how the extra lighter found its way into his folds, as I never felt compelled to ask. The story really is true, though.
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post #34 of 72
9/20/07 at 1:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guttenberg Fan Club
He had lighters on strings hanging from his ceiling all over his dorm room so that he didn't have to get up to find one.
Hahahahhahahahahaha!!!! Fuckin' fat people...
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post #35 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe LeFors
Query: How come these people can't satisfy their chronic hunger with carrots? Why does it always have to be buckets of KFC (and it is always buckets of KFC).
whilst carrots are fun to eat, KFC comes in a bucket! a bucket mind you!

I like this new word...whilst it's fun and hip! did i even use the word right? oh fuck it, i don't care
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post #36 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:11pm
I blame marshmallow cream.
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post #37 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe LeFors
Query: How come these people can't satisfy their chronic hunger with carrots? Why does it always have to be buckets of KFC (and it is always buckets of KFC).
I can haz damning spy footage!
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post #38 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe LeFors
Query: How come these people can't satisfy their chronic hunger with carrots? Why does it always have to be buckets of KFC (and it is always buckets of KFC).
Because you have to dip carrots in fat to make them taste good.
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post #39 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Egg
Because you have to dip carrots in fat to make them taste good.
And fry them. Cause everyone knows that fat frying vegetables locks in the vitamins.
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post #40 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:39pm
Man flesh.
http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/...ts_Skinny.html
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post #41 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:40pm
Here's a question:
Can he satisfy his hunger at all? From what I read in this thread, it doesn't sound like it's possible. So, at that point, is excessive overeating just flagrantly irresponsible? I don't have any additional sympathy for diabetics who suffer complications because they refuse to take measures to control their affliction (though I have plenty of sympathy for everyone who suffers from the disease). Why should I feel bad for some guy who couldn't be bothered to count calories?

That being said, I'm worried about coming off as too insensitive here. I realize people have different body shapes and "correct" builds/composition. That being said, I still believe what I said above...there are very few people out there who can get above 250 and attribute it to "just the way I'm built" or "bad genes".
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post #42 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
Hell, I think as a loose rule of thumb, you can say that for over 250. There's probably about 10% of the population that are healthy at over 250, but they tend to be athletes or a combination of tall and big boned.
That NG show with the landwhale also said the big boned excuse is a load of horseshit. While there may be some additional density for human sandcrawlers, their bones aren't actually bigger and it doesn't account for a significant weight increase.
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post #43 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
Wow, that sucks. Good for him, though. Hopefully he can afford the cosmetic surgery to put everything back in its proper place.
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post #44 of 72
9/20/07 at 2:59pm
http://chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=103181
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post #45 of 72
9/20/07 at 3:59pm
I'm a volunteer Firefighter. When we have to get a huge fat guy out of a house we can't use a normal Stretcher, so we use something called a whale blanket. I have no idea what the technical term for it is.

And big huge fat guys never live on the first floor.
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post #46 of 72
9/20/07 at 5:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
That was... Lovecraftian.
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post #47 of 72
9/20/07 at 5:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antoine Doinel
I'm a volunteer Firefighter. When we have to get a huge fat guy out of a house we can't use a normal Stretcher, so we use something called a whale blanket. I have no idea what the technical term for it is.
Sounds appropriate. Do you keep it wet?
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post #48 of 72
9/20/07 at 5:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antoine Doinel
I'm a volunteer Firefighter. When we have to get a huge fat guy out of a house we can't use a normal Stretcher, so we use something called a whale blanket. I have no idea what the technical term for it is.

And big huge fat guys never live on the first floor.
A tarp?
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post #49 of 72
9/20/07 at 5:44pm
LD.. my rep thing never seems to go through while I'm at work.. always says "you linked to an invalid post" something-or-other.. but just know that I want to give you all the rep I have to give for that picture..
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post #50 of 72
9/20/07 at 5:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antoine Doinel
I'm a volunteer Firefighter. When we have to get a huge fat guy out of a house we can't use a normal Stretcher, so we use something called a whale blanket. I have no idea what the technical term for it is.

And big huge fat guys never live on the first floor.
Is this a regular occurance?
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