Great Speeches in TV History - Page 2

Haha yeah good point. Let's balance a bit with:

"You're talking history, right? I'm talking now. Because down here, it's still "Who's your old man?" 'Til you got kids of your own and then it's, "Who's your son?" But after the horror movie I seen today... Robots! Piers full of robots! My kid'll be lucky if he's even punchin' numbers five years from now. And while it don't mean shit to me that I can't take my steak knives to Dibiago and Sons, it breaks my fucking heart that there's no future for the Sobotkas on the waterfront!"

J.D.: Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long. (to Dr. Cox) And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. "Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby." That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE. (to Carla and Turk) And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it? (to Elliot) And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are. (JD storms out)


Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley): Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.


God, I love Scrubs.

Sports Night.
"I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam's a genius. I mean, literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He's energetic and articulate, curious and funny. A great source of pride to our parents. And there's no doubt that he'd be living a great life right now, except for that he's dead. Because when you're fourteen years old, all you ever really want to be is your sixteen year old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day Sam got his driver's license. And he celebrated by going for a drive with some of his friends. Drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran. And he probably never saw the eighteen-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank, either. (long pause) That was eleven years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say... I'm sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands. And I apologize. (pause) That's all. Casey and I will be right back after this with the American League wrap-up. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so don't go away."


"Thank you, Casey. Exaudio, Comperio, Conloquor. That's a Latin phrase that translates: To Listen, To Learn, To Speak. Those words are carved into the stone arches that form the entrance to the undergraduate library at Tennessee Western University. The stones themselves were hauled to the site by an elite delegation from the Army Corps of Engineers. What made this group elite was that its members were drawn from the Delaware 44th Rifle Battalion and the Tennessee 14th: The Tennessee Volunteers. They worked together on one of the first post-war restoration projects. The building of a college. This afternoon, an extraordinary young man named Roland Shepard made what had to have been an excrutiating decision. He said he wasn't playing football under a Confederate flag. Six of his teammates then chose not to let Shepard stand alone. I don't know how many people witnessed this spectacle, but it was a sight to see. Seven men, the oldest of them not yet 21 and all of them knowing full well the potential consequence of their actions. And I choose to join them at this moment. In the history of the South, there's much to celebrate. And that flag is a desecration of all of it. It's a banner of hatred and separation. It's a banner of ignorance and violence and a war that pitted brother against brother, and to ask young black men and women, young Jewish men and women, Asians, Native Americans, to ask Americans to walk beneath its shadow is a humiliation of irreducable proportions. And we all know it. Tennessee Western has produced some outstanding alumni in the last hundred years. People of wisdom and vision. Strength and compassion. One of them is Luther Sachs. Luther Sachs owns Continental Corp, which owns the Continental Sports Channel, which you're watching right now. Luther Sachs is a generous alumni contributor to Tennessee Western with a considerable influence over its Chancellor, Davis Blake, and its Board of Trustees. Luther, you've got a phone call to make. You've got to call Chancellor Blake and tell him to take down that flag or he can stop looking for your checks in the mail. You've got to put these young men back in a classroom, and I mean pronto. These boys are gonna make you proud one day, Luther. I challenge you to do the right thing. Not an unreasonable request to make of a man whose alma mater declares Exaudio, Comperio, Conloquor. To Listen, To Learn, To Speak. In the meantime, God go with you, Roland Shepard and you six Southern Gentlemen of Tennessee. God's not done with any of you yet."

Friday Night Lights

"Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable, and we will all, at some point in our lives... fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts... that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us, and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. We will now all be tested. It is these times, it is this pain, that allows us to look inside ourselves"


"I wanted everyone's friends and family to be in here to hear this, gentlemen. I have never been more proud of a team than I am right now. I am in awe of each and every one of you gentlemen. (Long pause) You played great football tonight. This is the game that people are gonna talk about for years to come. This is the game you are gonna talk about. There's not a single person in this room that's ever gonna be the same. You be proud of yourselves. Because gentlemen, you are champions"


" I was in love with Tyra for a long time and I chased her away and then there was another girl and I completely chased her away...it was a lot quicker."

"Here's the thing, and I know it's probably not easy to see here in Dillon, but you are at the beginning of your life. A lot of these football heroes around here, they're not gonna get much farther than this. But you're gonna go to some great college and have a career that you love. And I'm telling you right now, women are gonna flock to you. I know it's hard to believe, but that's how it's gonna work. You're a good person and this is just the beginning. I'm right one hundred percent of the time. You can ask my husband."

I, CLAUDIUS

Caligula: (starts quietly, with increasing rage) "Your emperor is amongst you once again. All his wars successfully concluded, and the victorious armies brought back to Rome. He had thought, in his divine innocence, that the roads might be lined with cheering crowds; he had thought that the streets might be strewn with flowers; he had thought that there'd be messages to greet him telling him of triumphs to be awarded. And what did he find, this conqueror of the Germans, this victor of the mighty Neptune? The streets empty of crowds and flowers, no triumphs rewarded, no games, no celebrations--but three miserable, old, ex-counsels waiting at the gates to meet him, and a room full of cowardly, stay-at-home senators who have spent all their time in the theatre and in the baths, while he has spent six months, living no better than a private soldier!? Yes! Your emperor has returned! BUT WITH THIS IN HIS HAND!" (produces a frighteningly large battle sword from his robes)

"...More than any time in recent history America's destiny is not of our own choosing. We did not seek nor did we provoke an assault on our freedoms and our way of life. We did not expect nor did we invite a confrontation with evil. Yet the true measure of a people's strength is how they rise to master that moment when it does arrive. Forty-four people were killed a couple hours ago at Kennison State University; three swimmers from the men's team were killed and two others are in critical condition when after having heard the explosion from their practice facility they ran into the fire to help get people out... ran into the fire. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. They're our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels, but every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars."

Probably my favourite moment in THE WIRE, and that's a show filled with great moments -

"Somewheres, back in the dawn of time, this district had itself a civic dilemma of epic proportion. The city council had just passed a law that forbid alcoholic consumption in public places, on the streets and on the corners. But the corner is, and it was, and it always will be the poor man's lounge. It's where a man wants to be on a hot summer's night. It's cheaper than a bar, catch a nice breeze, you watch the girls go by. But the law is the law. And the Western cops, rolling by, what were they going to do? If they arrested every dude out there tipping back a High Life, there'd be no other time for any other kind of police work. And if they looked the other way, they'd open themselves to all kinds of flaunting, all kinds of disrespect. Now, this is before my time when it happened, but somewhere back in the '50s or '60s, there was a small moment of goddamn genius by some nameless smokehound who comes out the Cut Rate one day and on his way to the corner, he slips that just-bought pint of elderberry into a paper bag. A great moment of civic compromise. That small wrinkled-ass paper bag allowed the corner boys to have their drink in peace, and it gave us permission to go and do police work. The kind of police work that's worth the effort, that's worth actually taking a bullet for. Dozerman, he got shot last night trying to buy three vials. Three! [long pause] There's never been a paper bag for drugs. Until now."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2fV-_eiKxE

Yeah how did that take so long to get quoted

I think we need some Dr Who love around here, since Galactica is also present:

Dr Who (Eccleston):
"The Doctor: [as a hologram] This is Emergency Programme One. Rose, now listen; this is important. If this message is activated, then it can only mean one thing. We must be in danger, and I mean fatal. I'm dead, or about to die any second with no chance of escape. And that's okay. Hope it's a good death. But I promised to look after you, and that's what I'm doing. The TARDIS is taking you home. [Rose protests] And I bet you're fussing and moaning now- typical! But hold on and just listen a bit more. The TARDIS can never return for me. Emergency Programme One means I'm facing an enemy that should never get their hands on this machine. So this is what you should do: let the TARDIS die. Just let this old box gather dust. No one can open it; no one will even notice it. Let it become a strange little thing standing on a street corner. And over the years, the world will move on and the box will be buried. And if you wanna remember me, then you can do one thing, that's all, one thing. [turns to Rose, his voice no longer sounding projected] Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life."

Also, I wish i could find Ian McDiarmid's speech in "Inspector Morse: Masonic Mysteries"...easily one of the best tv moments I've ever seen.

This made me totally buy into Tennant's Doctor:

"And when you go back to the stars and tell others of this planet, when you tell them of its riches, its people, its potential, when you talk of the Earth, then make sure that you tell them this ... it is defended!"

This one from "Family of Blood" is pretty awesome too:

"He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing - the fury of the Time Lord - and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind. He wrapped my father in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a dwarf star. He tricked my mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy to be imprisoned there, forever. He still visits my sister, once a year, every year. I wonder if one day he might forgive her, but there she is. Can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you just for a second, that's her. That's always her. As for me, I was suspended in time and the Doctor put me to work standing over the fields of England, as their protector. We wanted to live forever. So the Doctor made sure we did."

"What the fuck you know about what I need on my mind, motherfucker? My name was on the street? When we bounce from this shit here, y'all going to go down on them corners and let the people know: Word did not get back to me. Let them know Marlo step to any motherfucker -- Omar, Barksdale, whoever. My name is my name!"

The big one from West Wing already got posted, but this one was another home run by Sorkin and company:

"This guy's walking down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey you, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out." Long as I got a job, you got a job, you understand?"

And, to get my Scrubs fix:

It's time. Sit down and listen up, Newbie. I suppose you want me to say you're great... That you've raised the bar for interns everywhere? Well, I'm not going to say that. You're doing okay. Someday you might even be better than that. But right now, all I see is a guy who's so preoccupied with wondering what everyone else thinks about him, that he doesn't have anytime to think whether or not he believes in himself. Did you ever wonder why I told you to write your own evaluation? Clam up, Newbie! I wanted you to think about yourself... and I mean *really* think!... What are you good at? What do you suck at? And write it down. Not so I could read it, or anyone else could read it. But so *you* could read it! You see in the end, Newbie, you don't have to answer to me, or to Kelso, or even to your patients, for God's sake! The only one you have to answer to, Newbie, is you! There, *you are* evaluated. Now get out of here, because you truly make me so damn mad I might just hurt myself!

----

Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?

To quote an earlier sentiment, I fucking love Scrubs.

The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a TimeLord. I'm nine hundred and three years old and I'm the man who's going to save your life and all six billion on the planet below. You got a problem with that?

For Doctor bad assery, this takes the cake:

"Don't play games with me. You just killed someone I liked and that is not a safe place to stand! I'm the Doctor and you're in the biggest Library in the universe. Look me up."

I probably do. But gosh, what I get from you Denny. People walk around today calling everyone their best friend. The term doesn't have any real meaning anymore. Mere acquaintances are lavished with hugs and kisses upon a second or at most third meeting, birthday cards get passed around offices so everybody can scribble a snippet of sentimentality for a colleague they barely met, and everyone just loves everyone. As a result when you tell somebody you love them today, it isn't much heard.
I love you Denny, you are my best friend. I can't imagine going through life without you as my best friend. I'm not going to kiss you however.

Dearly beloved, I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you, Marge, take Homer in richness and poorness - poorness is underlined - in impotence and potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet powered monkey navigated...and it goes on like this...

Have been getting into Venture Bros of late (on season 2 at the moment) this is one of my favorate lines.

Dr. Venture - Stop it! They are Hank and Dean. They have all the same memories. Same annoying tendencies. Same everything. Look, if you have a clumsy child, you make them wear a helmet. If you have death prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.

Will you switch seats please? This is my seat. That's yours.

You heard about Shane? What he did to his pregnant wife, and son? He wrote a note:

"I guess enough painkillers can make even the worst kind of hurt go away. The thing you need to know is that Mara was innocent, and Jackson was innocent. They didn't know what they were drinking, and their last moments together were happy ones. They left the way I first found them, perfect and innocent. They were innocent, and they're in heaven now, and we'll always be a family. The guilty ones are me and Vic. Vic led, but I kept following. I don't think that one's worse than the other, but we made each other into something worse than our individual selves. I wish I never met him. I see it all now. There's no apologies I can make, no explanation I can give. I was who I was, and I can't be that person anymore. I can't let myself..." We think this is where he was when we came in, because it stops there.

All those busts. All those confessions you got in this room, illegal or otherwise. All the drugs you got off the street tonight for ICE. You must be very proud of yourself. This is what the hero left on his way out the door.

A goo one from "Band of Brothers" (hopefully not posted before):

Frank Perconte: Do you know why no one remembers your name? It's 'cause no one wants to remember your name! There are too many Smiths, DiMatos, and O'Keefes and O'Briens who show up here, replacing Toccoa men that you dumb replacements got killed in the first place! And they're all like you. They're all piss and vinegar. "Where are the Krauts at? Let me at 'em! When do I get to jump into Berlin?" Two days later, there they are with their blood and guts hanging out. Screaming for a medic, begging for their goddamn mothers! You dumb kids don't even know you're dead yet. Hey, you listening to me? Don't you know this is the best part of fuckin' war I've seen? I've got hot chow, hot showers, a warm bed. The way I see it, Germany is almost as good as being home. I even got to wipe my ass with real toilet paper today! So quit asking when you're gonna see some action, will ya? And stop with the fuckin' love songs!
[pause]
Frank Perconte: When'd you ship out? Two weeks ago?
Pvt. Patrick O'Keefe: [quiet] Yeah.
Frank Perconte: Its been two years since I've seen home. Two years. This fuckin' war.

I almost didn't make it here this afternoon. But then a very special friend of mine showed me the way. So I'd like to take a moment to thank Victor Kordova from the Sunoco station on Lennox Avenue.

But there's another reason why I almost didn't come today. Fear. Fear of letting people know the real me. I have but one thing to say to all of you: be yourself. And I'm talking to you clearly, gay kid! ("Who told?") And you, white kid just trying to go unnoticed. ("Ah, come on...") Just be yourself, and I guarantee you, every single person in this room will one day be president of the United States! Thank you.

“Every man’s going to lose a battle in his life. But what makes him a man is in the midst of those battles, he does not lose himself.

“His pride and character cannot be reflected on a scoreboard. When Jason Street went down in the first game of the season, everybody wrote us off. Everybody. We did not quit.

“It happens deep inside the human heart, gentlemen. When you look to the guy next to you, and you realize that no matter how difficult things are going to get out there, that he can trust you and you can trust him -- that there is no quit, that you’re going to fight out there to the bitter end – we call that clear eyes, don’t we?

“When you give everything that you’ve got, and then you realize you gave a little bit more that you didn’t even know you had, that you selflessly sacrificed for that guy next to you, we call that full hearts.

“Y’all are winners. There are no losers on that field today. This battle is not over. So let’s hear it one more time, together.

“Clear eyes. Full hearts.”

“Can’t lose!” the players shout.

Hi, my name's Dave Foley, and, uh, something you might not know about me is that .. I have a good attitude towards menstruation. That's right, I'm the guy! The guy with a good attitude towards menstruation!

Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way the way some men embrace the weekend! Why I anticipate it the way a child anticipates Christmas!

Did you know that, uh, in alot of native Indian cultures, menstruating woman were forced to leave the village, less they're *powerful* magic should overwhelm the Shaman? If I were Shaman, I wouldn't be so competitive. I'd be more open and giving. I'd be a shaman with... a good attitude towards menstruation!

'Cause after all, what is it? a cluster of blood vessels, awaiting a fertilized egg. Providing a safe warm place for that egg to grow. And if a life does not occur, the whole thing is flushed away, and the cycle begins again. Now is that anything to be ashamed of or disgusted by? No, this is the nesting stuff of humanity!

That's why the woman I shall love will be able to menstruate as fully and freely as she desires. Even if her monthly flow should build in intensity to a raging rust colored torrent! An unbridled river of life giving blood flowing from between her legs! An awesome cataract plunging off the edge of our couch. I wouldn't be fazed! No, no, even if coureur de bois would come up stream, battling the rapids, and singing a 'jaunty song'! I would take no offense, rather I would ford across that mighty womanly river, and fetch herbal tea and Pamprin. And then I would mop her brow and admire her fecundity. For I...Have A Good Attitude....Towards MENSTRUATION!

Vic Mackey's confession. Can't find a transcript.

Would it kill you guys to name the character and the show from who you're quoting? Just pretend like some of us might not know these quotes and shows by heart.

Anyways, here's another quote from Howard "Bunny" Colvin from The Wire:

"You put a textbook in front of these kids, put a problem on a blackboard, or teach them every problem on a statewide test and it won’t matter, none of it. ‘Cause they’re not learning for our world, they’re learning for theirs. And they know exactly what it is they’re training for, and what it is everyone expects them to be....But it’s not about you or us, or the tests or the system, it’s what they expect of themselves. I mean, every single one of them know they’re headed back to the corners. Their brothers and sisters, shit, their parents, they came through these same classrooms, didn’t they? We pretended to teach them, they pretended to learn, where’d they end up? Same damn corners. They’re not fools, these kids. They don’t know our world, but they know their own. I mean, Jesus, they see right through us....We can't lie. Not to them".

Not really a speech or a monologue. More like an exchange with a short speech at the end.

"Sorry, the answer is still no. I have made a series of very bad decisions and I cannot make another one."

"Why did you make these decisions?"

"For the good of my family."

"Then they weren't bad decisions. What does a man do, Walter? A man provides for his family."

"This... cost me my family."

"When you have children, you always have family. They will always be your priority, your responsibility, and a man... a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated... or respected... or loved. He simply bears up and he does it... because he is a man."

Okay, you want me to read the script? Alright. I'm gonna read the words you wrote.

Hello, fellow American. This you should vote, me. I lead power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot. What? Taxes, they'll be lower. Son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia, so do. This doesn't make any sense!

Jesus, just reading that makes me laugh out loud. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is great.

Calamity Jane on Deadwood...towards the end

I dreamed last night I was clamoring up a fuckin’ creek bank, which is often required of a drunk. It was dark, and I couldn’t tell where I was till I cleared the bank and come face to face with Charlie Utter’s ugly mug. Now Charlie’s, as usual, on the lookout for Bill, that’s as usual too, losing at poker inside the joint we’re outside of. ‘Where are we, Charlie?’ This could be any fucking place the last number of years. And he said: ‘Jane, don’t you know this is the No 10 saloon here in the camp where Bill’s gonna fuckin’ get killed soon?’ ‘Jesus Christ – how do you know, Charlie?” I asked him. He said: ‘Don’t you know,’ he says, ‘some point we know these fucking things? Don’t you know the world says its fuckin’ name to us?’ ‘What the fuck? What the fuck do I have to dream about this for?’ I say to Charlie, ‘Wasn’t I miserable enough?’ ‘Jane,’ fuckin’ Charlie says to me, ‘Don’t you know this is the night you couldn’t look out for that little girl when you was at Cochran’s, and Swearengen come in and scared you and you went down to the creek to weep? That’s where the fuck you’re coming from. And don’t you know,’ he says, ‘this is the night you spirit that child from Cochrans, and to where our stock was outside of camp, and we watched out on that little girl and sung to her, and you, with the presence of mind to continue the fucking round when I was too fucking stupid? And you said you would ‘row, row, row’ and I said ‘row, row, row your boat’ and we had this … now,’ Charlie says to me, ‘don’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you? Any evenings in your life you made mistakes, remember where even evenings you was as most ashamed as you ever thought you could ever be are able to wind up, and don’t fuckin’ only remember the middle of the fuckin’ dream!’ If I wonder why I dreamed that dream, yesterday you sent Mose to find me, and I was nearly dead-drowned drunk, and Mose made me get up, and you and me walked them kids to school, and before I went to sleep … you kissed me.

Well, if we're going to include Charlie's campaign speech, I'm tossing this out there (and, yeah, I know it's just a reading of Mac's letter):

The Sandbaggers

Neil Burnside:

One of these days your going to have a special operations capability of your own so I've come here to tell you something. Special operations doesn't mean going in with all guns blazing, it means special planning special care. Fully briefed agents in possesion of all possible alternatives. If you want James Bond go to your library but if you want a successful operation sit at your desk and think and then think again.

Norwegian Agent:

I understand

Burnside:

Our battles aren't fought at the end of a parachute, they are won and lost in drab dreary corridors in Westmisister and hopefully in Olso.

Moral Orel
Clay Puppington:
"You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate, those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And then when you finally get one of these-- bum-buh-da-daa!-- coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to horde it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough. That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existance because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. That you love. And the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you. Survive off you."

No more running. I aim to misbehave.

" What are we doing? Selling ourselves. Selling everything. The happiest day of my life - oh, quick, I'll do the invites and bake a cake and get a press tent. Must have a press tent - it's a wedding. I must see pictures of meself with other people I'm in the program with. Oh, now I'm pregnant, we must televise the birth. Quick, see if Ryan Seacrest will present it. Maybe it'll make E! channel's "100 Greatest Caesarians." I'm not having a go at you. I'm just sick of these celebrities just living their lives out in the open all the time. Why would you do that? It's like these pop stars who choose the perfect moment to go into rehab. They call their publicist before they call a taxi. Then they come out and they do their second autobiography - this one's called "Love Me or I'll Kill Myself." Well, kill yourself then. And the papers lap it up. They follow us around and that makes people think we're important, and that makes us think we're important. If they stop following us around, taking pictures of us, those people wouldn't take to the streets, going "Oh quick, I need a picture of Cameron Diaz with a pimple." They wouldn't care, they'd get on with something else. They'd get on with their lives. You open the paper and you see a picture of Lindsay Lohan getting out of a car, and the headline is "Cover Up Lindsay, We Can See Your Knickers." Of course you can see her knickers - your photographer is lying in the road, pointing his camera up her dress to see her knickers! You're literally the gutter press. And fuck you, the makers of this show as well. You can't wash your hands of this. You can't keep going, "Oh, it's exploitation, but it's what the public want." No, the Victorian freak show never went away. Now it's called "Big Brother" or "American Idol," where in the preliminary rounds we wheel out the bewildered to be sniggered at by multimillionaires. And fuck you for watching this at home. Shame on you. And shame on me. I'm the worst of all 'cause I'm one of those people that goes, "Oh, I'm an entertainer, it's in my blood." Yeah, it's in my blood, 'cause a real job's too hard. I would love to have been a doctor - too hard. Didn't want to put the work in. Would love to be a war hero - I'm too scared. So I go, "Oh, it's what I do." And I have someone bollocked if my cappuccino is cold, or if they look at me the wrong way. You know what a friend of mine once said? They said I'll never be happy 'cause I'll never be famous enough. And they were right. And if you're watching this, I'm so sorry. You're my best friend. You're my only friend. And you never did anything wrong. It was everything else. I'll never do that again. I'll never treat you like that again. It's eating me that you asked me a stupid question once, and I just - I could've answered it and I didn't, 'cause I was - I'll answer it now: I'd be the penguin, 'cause I could eat the flying fish. I know what you're thinking - why doesn't the fish fly away? Well it can't really fly, it's all glide and flap. They should be called "glidy flappy fish." I'm so sorry. I'm gonna go now. Cheers everyone. "

I see your Tennant and raise you a Smith:

"There's one thing you never put in a trap if you're smart. If you value your continued existence. If you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never ever put in a trap."

"What would that be, sir?"

Me."

Mike (Jonathan Banks)
"Breaking Bad"




"I used to be a beat cop a long time ago. And I'd get called out on domestic disputes all the time, hundreds probably over the years. But there was this one guy, this one piece of shit that I will never forget. Gordy, he looked like Bo Svenson, you remember him? 'Walking Tall', you don't remember? Anyway, big boy, 270-280, but his wife--whatever, she was his lady--was real small, like a bird. Wrists like little branches. Anyway, my partner and I get called out there every weekend and one of us would pull her aside and say 'come on, tonight's the night we press charges.' And this wasn't one of those deep-down 'he really loves me' setups. We get a lot of those but not this. This girl was scared. She wasn't gonna cross him, no way no how. Nothing we could do but pass her off to the EMTs, put him in a car, drive him downtown, throw him in the drunk tank. He sleeps it off, next morning off he goes back home. And one night, my partner's out sick and it's just me, and a call comes in and its the usual crap--broke her nose in the shower kinda thing. So I cuff him, put him in the car and away we go. Only that night, we're driving into town and this sideways asshole is in my backseat humming 'Danny Boy' and it just rubbed me wrong. So instead of left, I go right out into nowhere. And I kneel him down and I put my revolver in his mouth and I told him, 'This is it, this is how it ends'. And he's crying, going to the bathroom all over himself, swearin' to God he's gonna leave her alone, screamin' as much as you can with a gun in your mouth. And I told him to be quiet, that I need to think about what I'm gonna do here. And of course he got quiet. Goes still and then real quiet, like a dog waitin' for dinner scraps. Then we just stood there for awhile--me actin' like I'm thinkin' things over & Price Charming kneeling in the dirt with shit in his pants. And after a few minutes, I took the gun out of his mouth and I say 'so help me if you ever touch her again I will such and such & such and such and blah blah blah blah blah.' Of course, just trying to do the right thing. And two weeks later, he killed her. Of course. Caved her head in with the base of a wearing blender. We got there, there was so much blood you could taste the metal. Moral of the story is, I chose a half measure when I shoulda gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again. No more half measures, Walter."

"Hello Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica, takes the universe. But bad news, everyone. 'Cause guess who? Except you lot are all whizzing about, it's really very distracting. Could you all just stay still for a minute because I AM TALKING! Now the question of the hour is who's got the Pandorica? Answer, I do, next question: who's coming to take it from me? Come on, look at me! No plan, no back-up, no weapons worth a damn! Oh and something else I don't have -- anything to lose! So if you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceships with all your silly little guns and you've got any plans on taking the Pandorica tonight, just remember who's standing in your way! Remember every black day I ever stopped you, and then, AND THEN ... do the smart thing: let somebody else try first."

Fucking bad ass. Like I mentioned in the appropriate thread; it's a corny speech but it has a 40 year history behind it. Every adversary he is talking to right then and there, he has defeated at one point over the shows 40 years in a precisely similar predicament, lending the moment with some serious credibility, history and sofuckingawesimity.
Fantastic stuff.

Made even better by the fact, ultimately, the joke is on him.
The "Come Get it Bitches" arrogance of the spiel is quickly proven to be completely misplaced.

I was just going to make that very comment. When you first see it, you're like "Hell yeah!" Then you realize how arrogantly misguided it was.

More an exchange than a monologue but damn, this killed me. From Breaking Bad...


Walter: I missed it. There was some perfect moment that passed me right by, but I had to have enough to leave them. That was the whole point. None of this makes any sense if I didn't have enough. And it had to be before she found out. Skyler. It had to be before that.

Jesse: Perfect moment? For what? To drop dead? Are you saying you want to die?

Walter: I'm saying that I lived too long. You want them to actually miss you. You want their memories of you to be...but she just won't...she just won't understand. I mean, no matter how well I explain it, these days she just has this...this... I mean, I truly believe there exists some combination of words. There must exist certain words in a certain specific order than can explain all of this, but with her I just can't ever seem to find them. You know, I was thinking before the fugue state, but during the fugue state I didn't have enough money, so no, not then. And plus my daughter wasn't born yet. It had to be after Holly was born. Definitely before the surgery. Ah Christ, that damn second cell phone. I mean, how could I possibly? [pause] Oh, I know the moment. It was the night Jane died. I was at home and we needed diapers and so I said I'd go, but it was just an excuse. Actually that was the night I brought you your money, remember? And afterward I stopped at a bar. It was odd, I never do that - go to a bar alone. I just walked in, sat down. I never told you. I sit down and this man, this stranger, he engages me in conversation. He's a complete stranger. But he turns out to be Jane's father, Donald Margolis. Of course I didn't know it at the time. I mean, he's just some guy in a bar. I just didn't put it together until after the crash when he was all over the news.

Jesse: Jane's dad?

Walter: Think of the odds. Once I tried to calculate them, but they're astronomical. I mean, think of the odds of me going in and sitting down that night, in that bar, next to that man.

Jesse: What'd you talk about?

Walter: Water on mars. Family.

Jesse: What about family?

Walter: I told him that I had a daughter and he told me he had one, too. And he said, "Never give up on family." And I didn't. I took his advice. My God, the universe is random, it's chaos. It's subatomic particles and endless pings, collision - that's what science teaches us. What does this say? What is it telling us that the very night that this man's daughter dies, it's me who is having a drink with him? I mean, how could that be random? [Walter stumbles] No, no, it's, uh... Oh, that was the moment. That night. I should never have left home. Never gone to your house. Maybe things would have... Oh, I was...I was at home watching TV. Some nature program about elephants...and Skyler and Holly were in another room. I can hear them on the baby monitor. She was singing a lullaby. Oh, if I had just lived right up to that moment, and not one second more... That would have been perfect.

"Grizz izza dills, goobas! This Bill McNeal sayin' ta get wit da grizzappy taste of Rocket Fuel malt liquor! Rocket Fuel's got the upstate prison flava that keeps you ugly all night long! So you wanna get sick, remember: Nuthin' makes ya feet stank like Rocket Fuel malt liquor! DAYUMN, it's grizzappy!"

West wing Season 1 Galileo

Sam Seaborn: There are a lot of hungry people in the world, Mal, and none of them are hungry 'cause we went to the moon. None of them are colder and certainly none of them are dumber 'cause we went to the moon.
Mallory O'Brian: And we went to the moon. Do we really have to go to Mars?
Sam Seaborn: Yes.
Mallory O'Brian: Why?
Sam Seaborn: 'Cause it's next. 'Cause we came out of the cave, and we looked over the hill and we saw fire; and we crossed the ocean and we pioneered the west, and we took to the sky. The history of man is hung on a timeline of exploration and this is what's next.

Spike's return to Sunnydale:

"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Real love isn't brains, children. It's blood. It's blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

Also from "Galileo":

Sam: Write this: "Good morning. Eleven months ago a 1200 pound spacecraft blasted off from Cape Canaveral, Florida. Eighteen hours ago..." Is it eighteen hours ago? We're on the air at noon eastern. . . .

"Eighteen hours ago it landed on the planet Mars. You, me, and 60,000 of your fellow students across the country along with astroscientists and engineers from the Jet Propulsion Lab in Southern California, NASA Houston, and right here, at the White House, are going to be the first to see what it sees, and to chronicle an extraordinary voyage of an unmanned ship called Galileo V."

Bartlet: He said it right.

Oh man, Spike's had a lot of good ones, but my favorite is from season seven, when he's having a little chat with Buffy:

"You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you... and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

I've also preferred Spike's funny rants and when it comes to that, his Thanksgiving day rant on Indians will always be tops.

When Spike realizes he can kill demons:

I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One, after all. Come one, vampires, rrrr, nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice, and for... the safety of puppies, and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something! Oh, come on!

Willow and Xander's blank faces and the soaring music are what really sells it.

More Newsradio:

"Believe it or not Dave, you're NOT Joseph Stalin and this ISN'T Elizabethan England... I demand my right to speak. People, what is WNYX? Country Club... NO! We're a fighting unit, am I right? And what do fighting men and women (places hand on Matthew's shoulder) do when they're faced with adversity? No, they give in! Especially when they're hopelessly outmanned. So they're carting our equipment away, So What!! The only equipment this group needs is a half dozen number twos and a pair of golden throats. That's the spirit! So let's all keep a stiff upper lip and get behind Dave."

damn, I love this show.