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I have stigmata

post #1 of 51
9/28/07 at 4:43pm
Thread Starter 
I have two small cuts on the middle of both of my wrists, and have no idea where they came from. They're scabbed over, but it's obvious that I've been chosen for some strange and mystic purpose.

Anyone here have any ailments they want me to cure?
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post #2 of 51
9/28/07 at 4:49pm
I need you to fill a least three medium sized vials full of your blood and send them to me.

Don't ask any questions, either. Let's just keep this nice and professional.
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post #3 of 51
9/28/07 at 4:50pm
Thread Starter 
I'll only do it if you fight a bald-headed Billy Zane with it.
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post #4 of 51
9/28/07 at 4:54pm
I say we throw you into the Hudson. If you drown, you're NOT possessed by the devil...
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post #5 of 51
9/28/07 at 4:55pm
If you're curing ailments, start with Emo rock.

Follow that up by ending the film career of Uwe Boll.
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post #6 of 51
9/28/07 at 4:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Rivilello
Anyone here have any ailments they want me to cure?
Well, I have two small cuts on the middle of both of my wrists...
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post #7 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil!
I say we throw you into the Hudson. If you drown, you're NOT possessed by the devil...
Man, it's really witch-hunty around here today...
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post #8 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:05pm
Well, drownings and stake-burnings aside, those guys from Salem did have the right idea.
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post #9 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:05pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Death Surge
If you're curing ailments, start with Emo rock.

Follow that up by ending the film career of Uwe Boll.
I will get right on the first request. I have some steel toed boots that haven't been used in a while. It's for the greater good! (the greater good)

But Uwe Boll doesn't need my help.
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post #10 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:06pm
Um...any chance you could erase the memory of Skin Crawl, Zombie Nation, and The Thirst from my mind? If so, I would be eternally grateful, and would gladly spread your gospel to the masses.
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post #11 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger
Well, drownings and stake-burnings aside, those guys from Salem did have the right idea.
Goodman Gravedigger, I already threatened BrianM in another thread. Don't make me hex you, too.

edit - Alex, I've got about 30 pages of my Master's thesis left to write. Could you send over one of your minions? I have extensive notes that he/she/it can work from.
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post #12 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:12pm
Until Gabriel Byrne confirms this.. I'm taking it all with a grain of salt.
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post #13 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neal
Well, I have two small cuts on the middle of both of my wrists...
You too? Sounds like a Doctor Who-esque plague is happening.
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post #14 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:15pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris O.
Um...any chance you could erase the memory of Skin Crawl, Zombie Nation, and The Thirst from my mind? If so, I would be eternally grateful, and would gladly spread your gospel to the masses.
I am so sorry for the distress I have caused you in your life. But on the other end, those were some damn funny reviews, so it all worked out... for the readers, at least. Wait till you get the next batch of dvds... you never know if it could get worse...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey
edit - Alex, I've got about 30 pages of my Master's thesis left to write. Could you send over one of your minions? I have extensive notes that he/she/it can work from.
Sorry, my minions are really only good for raping and pillaging. If they had writing skills they'd get real jobs.
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post #15 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
Sorry, my minions are really only good for raping and pillaging. If they had writing skills they'd get real jobs.
Ha, that's a good one! I...wait a minute. Aren't I one of your minions?


Aw.

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post #16 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:24pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trejo
Until Gabriel Byrne confirms this.. I'm taking it all with a grain of salt.


Uh, this looks a lot worse in person, of course. Like weeping and shit. Very scary.
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post #17 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:26pm
That?!? Pussy.
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post #18 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:28pm
Thread Starter 
hahahaha.

I wasn't asking for sympathy! I was trying to help people with my newfound Jesus powers. But fuck you! You're not getting any of it.
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post #19 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:32pm
Hey guys, he really does have mighty Jeebus powers, okay? I've seen this man conjure up Wraiths and Grav Hammers with but the power of his mind (and a Forge menu)

So just watch it, and stuff..
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post #20 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:38pm
Everyone, keep distracting Alex. I've almost snuck up on him with this here stake....closer....closer.....
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post #21 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:39pm
You can't even see through that thing! What's the point of having stigmata if you can't freak your friends out by looking through your own hand/wrist?
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post #22 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:43pm
oldbrucewaynedotdotdot
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post #23 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
I wasn't asking for sympathy! I was trying to help people with my newfound Jesus powers. But fuck you! You're not getting any of it.
Can you "hopscotch on cola"?
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post #24 of 51
9/28/07 at 5:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8
Can you "hopscotch on cola"?
No. He must've blown someone, 'cause his rep is unsurpassed.

The question I have is: who do you have to blow around here to get such unsurpassed rep? Clearly, Alex and Patrick know this, and they're not telling.
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post #25 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:13pm
I'll give you the punchline to a great Jesus joke...

"Peter, Peter.... I can see your house from up here."
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post #26 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belethedheliel
The question I have, is who do you have to blow around here to get such unsurpassed rep?
Should I make the MissZooey/DaveB joke, or would someone else like to do it?
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post #27 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:21pm
Can you get rid of SPAM or make it funny?
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post #28 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:22pm
I think you might want to be more specific, there, billy, lest you rid the world of all canned pork products forever.

The Hawaiians will be very upset.
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post #29 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:22pm
Also, I want to be able to punch people in the crotch and have them spew fresh beer from their mouth. Women can spew Crown.
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post #30 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey
Should I make the MissZooey/DaveB joke, or would someone else like to do it?
Naturally, I presumed in your case it was obvious.
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post #31 of 51
9/28/07 at 6:38pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belethedheliel
No. He must've blown someone, 'cause his rep is unsurpassed.

The question I have is: who do you have to blow around here to get such unsurpassed rep? Clearly, Alex and Patrick know this, and they're not telling.
I haven't blown anyone, I'm just a really lovable asshole.

I'm going to work on the beer/crotch thing first, that could be fun.
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post #32 of 51
9/28/07 at 10:13pm
It almost looks as though it's the catch on your wrist watch that's doing it. Have your wrists been getting fatter lately?
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post #33 of 51
9/28/07 at 10:28pm
gravedigger,
As a (nearly) life-long resident of Salem, MA, who has had the history of the Witch Trials crammed down her throat since grade school, please excuse the following outburst:
NO ONE IN SALEM WAS BURNED AT THE STAKE!!
Nineteen people were hung and one man was crushed to death.
There. That feels much better. Please carry on and pretend you didn't see that.

ETA - hanged, it's hanged, I'm an English major, ferchrissakes.
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post #34 of 51
9/28/07 at 10:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahLynne
gravedigger,
As a (nearly) life-long resident of Salem, MA, who has had the history of the Witch Trials crammed down her throat since grade school, please excuse the following outburst:
NO ONE IN SALEM WAS BURNED AT THE STAKE!!
Nineteen people were hung and one man was crushed to death.
There. That feels much better. Please carry on and pretend you didn't see that.
She's a witch! Burn her!
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post #35 of 51
9/28/07 at 10:43pm
I'm not a witch, I'm a Methodist. I'm not sure how that helps my case with the burning, though.
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post #36 of 51
9/29/07 at 12:30am
I think methodists get a stoning, or a paddlin'.

Alex, I got this water over here that could use some flavor and booze, care to help?
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post #37 of 51
9/29/07 at 1:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahLynne
gravedigger,
As a (nearly) life-long resident of Salem, MA, who has had the history of the Witch Trials crammed down her throat since grade school, please excuse the following outburst:
NO ONE IN SALEM WAS BURNED AT THE STAKE!!
Nineteen people were hung and one man was crushed to death.
There. That feels much better. Please carry on and pretend you didn't see that.

ETA - hanged, it's hanged, I'm an English major, ferchrissakes.
Somebody needs to watch Elvira, Mistress of the Dark for a history lesson.
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post #38 of 51
9/29/07 at 7:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Miller
I think methodists get a stoning, or a paddlin'.
Or an Atomic Wedgie. Or at the very least a Swirly.
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post #39 of 51
9/29/07 at 8:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello


Uh, this looks a lot worse in person, of course. Like weeping and shit. Very scary.
Stigmata, no.



Possible organic web-shooters, si!

If this is the case, expect to get bad press, people in outrageous costumes attacking you, and anxiety about old ladies with heart conditions. The good news is you get to bang a redheaded supermodel.

Which is nice.
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post #40 of 51
9/29/07 at 9:08am
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNewYork
Or an Atomic Wedgie. Or at the very least a Swirly.
I'm married to a Methodist. She gets noogies.
I'm Catholic. I get nothing (and like it).
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post #41 of 51
9/29/07 at 11:57am
Yeah, but do you feel guilty about that?
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post #42 of 51
9/29/07 at 6:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork
Yeah, but do you feel guilty about that?
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post #43 of 51
9/30/07 at 7:08am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
hahahaha.

I was trying to help people with my newfound Jesus powers.
Alex Riviello: Can wear sandals without fear of rebuke.







Choses not to.
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post #44 of 51
9/30/07 at 7:44am
Seriously though - he could. And if Devin said a WORD to him about it - blam! Struck by lightning.
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post #45 of 51
9/30/07 at 7:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork
Yeah, but do you feel guilty about that?
No, as I'm not the one issuing the noogies. God or one of the angels does that, and only if she acts up (quite amazing to watch, actually. Ever seen a divine noogie? It's in Sens-a-round and stuff).

As a proper gentleman, I was brought up not to hit women, thank you. Besides, if I ever laid a hand on her, I'd be pummeled with all the passion and fury of several generations of valkyries. Not a good time, let me tell you.
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post #46 of 51
9/30/07 at 7:47pm
Divine noogies? Wow....

Methodist, you say? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
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post #47 of 51
9/30/07 at 8:20pm
Could I just have a stern warning and be sent to bed without supper? I bruise easily.
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post #48 of 51
10/1/07 at 9:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225
Stigmata, no.



Possible organic web-shooters, si!

If this is the case, expect to get bad press, people in outrageous costumes attacking you, and anxiety about old ladies with heart conditions. The good news is you get to bang a redheaded supermodel.

Which is nice.
Depends though. What happens if he's stuck with Kirsten Dunst instead? There'd BE no good news.
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post #49 of 51
10/1/07 at 2:23pm
Thread Starter 
I was going to say that you're crazy, there's no way that'd happen, but just today I beat up Flash Thompson before 3rd period. Gee!
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post #50 of 51
10/1/07 at 4:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
I was going to say that you're crazy, there's no way that'd happen, but just today I beat up Flash Thompson before 3rd period. Gee!
Good for you! Oh, and you got a little bit of symbiote on your, uh your chin there, yeah.

Astromarine: what if it was Elizabeth Banks instead? That'd be good, right? Worse case scenario, he'd run into Bruce Campbell every so often, which is always a plus.
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