Fat Acceptance - Page 3

If you're skinny, you're skinny. The people I'm talking about are those who look alright to start with and starve themselves to emaciation. But I'm not really disgusted with them but the culture that makes them do that bullshit in the first place.

Look at Jennifer Connelly for Pete's sake. She was perfect a few years ago and now look at her because of the culture she's in.

Gastric Bypass should only be a last resort. We're talking "confined to a bed because you are too fat" last resort. I can't think of a worse existence than getting your stomach stapled. Basically at that point, you can't eat the food you love.....ever. You basically can only eat a meatball and that's it. That's just a terrible way to live.

No harm done. I totally agree with this. However, I have heard from people in A.A. that it is a widespread teaching that people who have been totally abstinent regarding any chemicals for years are still not sober. They say these people are just "not using." Still that's another thread.

People do all kinds of bad things to themselves to make them feel normal, whether it be smoking, heavy drinking, heavy drugs, over eating, whatever. The thing is, with many of these vices you can cover them up to a degree. You have to spend a little bit of time with a smoker to know that they smoke, and depending on how far down in the bottle someone is, they may be exceedingly good at keeping that shit secret.

When you overeat to feel normal, or you are an emotional eater, there is absolutely no hiding that shit. You get fat and everyone can see it. And they automatically assume it's because you're lazy. And they talk down to you. Which feeds the underlying things that you turned to food to fight off in the first place. It's vicious. But you feel too ashamed about yourself to get out of that cycle. I know I did.

I figured out a way through it though. I've lost almost 55 pounds since I started looking after myself last October. I started at 245, down to 193 as of this morning, been as low as 189 over the course of the year. But the only reason I was able to succeed at all was because I knew I was hurting and I knew that I was eating to feel better. Does it make me a better person because I figured that shit out? I don't know. Was I a different person when I was 245? Based on the reactions I get when people see me now, you'd think that the person I was was some horrible monster. I have people who talk with me now that never said jack shit to me when I was really fat. I want to believe if I gained it all back they'd still be around, but who knows.

I'm rambling a bit, but my point is that for some of us, eating is an attempt to cope with things. It's not a simple "Oh they're just lazy" or "Dude, grow some pride!" It's not healthy, nor do I advocate turning to food when things get fucked up in your life. But given how difficult it is to get anyone to take you seriously when you're fat, many people who are in the same boat I was won't tell you the reasons they eat. Hell, many don't even know the reasons themselves. It's easier to loathe yourself and then try and normalize your behaviour through groups like the person quoted at the top of the thread seems to want to start, you know? I feel lucky I didn't take it that far, but I could of. I could of real easy.

Also, these two threads being together is unintentionally hilarious:

No, you're an unmarried guy in your teens. Enjoy it now, slim.

I gained 60 lbs. in the nearly 10 years since graduating college. I can't (ie: shouldn't) eat like I could in High School or college. Through eating less/better and exercising more, I lost 15 lbs since Jan/Feb. Now I'm starting to plateau due to muscle gain, but I don't ever see myself getting down to where I was as a teen.

In my eyes, getting a desk job is the deathblow to your metabolism. Being married or having kids would make it all even harder. I've trained myself to get to the gym in the morning, no matter how tired I am, because I may not get home from work until 10 or 11. Even with that, it's not easy.

This damn thread got me in a little trouble. I looked into it just out of curiosity, and didn't read beyond the 1st couple posts. Didn't really catch my interest. But my wife went on the computer after I did, and found an open link to the blog that got this whole mess started. Which is very odd, indeed since I didn't even follow that link. As you've no doubt guessed, my wife is kind of sensitive about her weight, and recently started weight watchers (NOT at my urging mind you; I couuldn't care less). So now she's wondering why I was reading up on this subject. I don't know if she bought my "I just wanted to read the (expected) pithy snark" explanation. Gonna be cold 'round these parts for a bit. . .

Edited to add the "expected" above, and to note that now that I've actually gone back and READ some of this dtuff, I find this to be a serious discussion, and I apologize for my low brow assumptions. But I'm still in trouble.

Now leave it open again, so she sees that post. It's a foolproof plan!

I was really upset & depressed over a failed romance in the late 90's. I think I weighed somwewhere between 190 & 200 at the time. I all but stopped eating for about a month. Got to the point where the waitress in the diner I used to go to every day for lunch asked me if I was all right because she noted the drastic change in my eating habits. But, I did drop down to 170. I haven't weighed 170 since my freshman year in high school. For awhile I decided to try and keep it off, and actually succeeded for the most part for almost a year, I'd guess. Even after I got my appetite back, I'd say to myself: Do I really need a side of fries with that? The answer of course being no, I declined to order it. Making right choices seemed so easy.

Then I met my wife, got happy, and started taking joy out of life - including food - again. I haven't been on a scale in a shamefully long time, but I'd bet I'm up over 200 now.

I'm not sure what the moral of the story is. I'm sure weighing what I do isn't exactly healthy, but I don't think I'd trade being thin and miserable for being the fat happy Polack I currently am. Along w/ the food abstinence from the episode described above came a return to smoking cigarettes that lasted another 5 years, and a whooooole lot of drinking. I figure that's gotta be worse than 20 extra pounds. In the grand scheme of things, I figure I'm better off.

I think most answers to Patrick's question basically prove my point about how much of this is really about aesthetics and not about our concern for the overweight. Technically, someone could be, let's say, 100 pounds heavier than Patrick (let's assume the same height) and work out regularly, eat healthily, etc., and still get called disgusting. Patrick, despite having terrible health habits, looks fit and probably doesn't get called disgusting (well, at least with regard to weight).

Unless your obese, I would recommend staying away from the scales. I suggest you get a body fat measurer and a long mirror. You can tell more about your progress that way than getting on the scale, especially if you are lifting weights. Also, measure your success by how you feel based on energy levels, mood, how much less you get winded taking the stairs, etc.

I think, for the most part, when people measure their success by the scales, they've failed.

I agree with billylove. Being fat isn't necessarily measured by the scales. BMI's are more important. Being healthy doesn't always mean being a certain weight.

I could see the same happening to me, brother.

Right there with ya. Been at a computer for the past 4 years and have a 3 year old daughter.

Stationary/sedentary work environ sucks the life outta you and lack of time/energy makes getting to the gym all the harder. Fortunately, my gym has a daycare "Kid Zone" where I can drop of the little one while I exercise. Then I take her swimming at the pool afterwards. She loves going.

Fat acceptance is something different to each person. Some accept that they aren't willing to change, some accept the fact that they'll always be big while some go to extremes to lose the weight. My cousin and I have been big since we were little. While we were kids he was heftier than me but we had pretty similar builds. Our freshman year in high school, we started playing football and lifting weights, while we were both getting stronger I started to grow into my fat more than him. By the end of our sophomore year, I was chubby at about 225 and he was pushing obesity at about265-270. Over the next summer we diverged paths and didn't level off for a while. Towards the end of our sophomore year my cousin decided he was fed up with being fat after having a girl tell him he was "cute for a chubby guy." I on the other hand maintained about the same amount of body fat, but my frame kept growing. By the time we came back for our junior year we had both changed quite a bit. He had lost about 80 pounds (putting him at about 195) over the summer and was barely recognizable to alot of people. I still had a bit of extra weight on me that never went away despite the fact that over the next year or two I'd be in the best shape of my life. I could run 5-10 miles no problem when I was 265-270, most wouldn't say I was fat, but I wasn't cut or buff or anything. I totally disagree with:"Diets don’t work. No, really, not even if you don’t call them diets." However I do agree with:"Weight itself is not a health problem..."

DaveB was right when he said that this is much more of an issue of cosmetics that we'd like to admit. When my cousin lost his weight, he did it in a fairly unhealthy way. Running several miles a day while eating maybe a sandwich or bowl of soup all day. He was fucking sick of being fat, but more than anything he was sick of being seen as fat. I on the other hand didn't worry about whether or not I had a six pack as long as I had the stamina and strength that I wanted. You can debate as to who was healthier, but I'm not sure there's much debate as to whose motives were healthier. I think I made peace with being a big guy and embraced it, he rejected it feeling it would be the best way to get girls. In the end we were/are both huge pimps.
If someone does their best to be healthy, I say they should accept their fat.
Changing one's body for superficial reasons is all good, but the frame of mind that leads to it can possibly lead someone to overdo it, whether that be binge eating or starving.

ETA:Fuck the BMI.