See this? This is called "The Thousand Yard Stare". Know how I got it? Read my posts
here. The guy who shit out his own sphincter is a nightmare I will forever cherish.
On a lighter note, I used to work with two guys that hit the men's rooms at specific times every workday. The younger guy would hit the head about 8:45 every day, and would stay there for
exactly 30 minutes, often bringing his coffee, bagel, and Sports pages. He'd eat, drink, do his business, and tell you what the Yankees did last night, and still hammer out his engineering spec-sheets in time for his morning meeting. Chameleon or Splatters, the boy was a model of efficient time-management.
The second guy would drop his payload everyday around 2:00 PM, right after lunch. He'd usually use the VIP bathroom, which was near the front desk, which I "inherited" when there was a staff shakeup. Oh, the grunts, harumphs, and "Jesus, God" 's I'd hear emerging from the other side of the door (wasn't a chameleon). You'd think he was passing a twisted sardine can lid. But the worst part was the STENCH. God, Mother, and Country. Take about a dozen filled dumpsters on a hot summers' day. Throw some 45 day old mayonnaise on 'em. Then set the whole heaping passel of 'em on fire along with a few dozen tractor trailer tires. That'd be pretty close - could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at 100 paces. It'd also change the way you walk, and pretty much end your ability to have kids.
Knew another guy who was so heavy (dude was 400 lbs. - we weighed him on an industrial scale), he often broke the seal joining the toilet to the floor. The milky fluid that would leak out from the broken seam after every flush would make you bolt and run from the bathroom at Mach 10. Not to mention that that particular men's room's walls were covered in dried, sometimes bloody, boogers (some of which had nosehairs), 'cause it would've been too much effort to use a piece of fresh toilet paper or paper towel to wipe a nose with.
Lisa, you have my sympathies - I know the horrors of the bloody tampon, be it on the floor, stopping up a toilet, winding up in a sink, on a ceiling (adhesive's pretty fuckin' strong, huh?), and even out on the street, 'twixt the Paddle Boat Rentals and the entrance to the Log Flume at Six Flags.
Special tip of the hat to Litmus, though. Pissing next to James Bond? Full marks, lad.
As to cleaning up - my recommendation is, unless you've thought enough in advance to pack some surgical gloves or baby wipes (recommended), you're pretty much fucked the moment you enter a public rest room anyway. You can probably catch something just by breathing in the air, so scrub your hands before you go, do your business, scrub 'em again (only way to be sure), then dry 'em with those hand dryer doohickeys. That, or get real good at holding it in until you get home.
from her UK office, “is that when you’re learning, you need to take everything off below your waist: socks, shoes, pants, underwear. Then squat over the toilet. Pour water over your bum, and with your left hand, just whittle away with your fingers and try to dislodge any lumpy bits while pouring water. And that’s actually not too unaesthetic, because any mess that goes onto your fingers comes off in the water.”
