Tales of creepy/obnoxious/weird/etc. co-workers. - Page 2

I guess this is rather minor compared to the adventures y'all have had, but there is a fat (begins to wheeze after walking ten feet on a level surface fat) guy that work across the floor for another group. Any time one of us here is playing games, watching movies, posting in a forum, etc. he feels the need to come over and stink at us while professing his love for Pac Man.

AOL used to be in our building and one of their employees crapped on the floor.

Oh! Also we had someone in the building shit in a drinking fountain which was in front of a security camera.

We've got some real winners here.

Edit: Almost forgot the crossdresser at AOL who threatened to sue if s/he couldn't use the women's restroom.

The first official job I had was at my local Target store working in the backroom. The guy who ran the place, Jeff, was tall and looked pretty gaunt. During the last few months I was there he was always taking days off and from what I heard he was pretty sick.

One day as I'm leaving the break room, I come across this piece of paper on the wall that said "Jeff Thomas: 1959-2002. He loved his kids".

So here I am, walking back to the backroom in a state of shock thinking that he died from whatever he was sick with.

Cut to about an hour later. I'm leaving to go home when I see some friends at the customer service desk. The doors are right next to customer service. As I'm talking to my friends Jeff walks in and says, "Hey Michael, what's up?" "Nothing", I said. I said this in a tone that suggests I had just seen a ghost. Completely freaked out and a little bit angry at this point, I pretty much stumble to my car.

The next day I work, I ask another of my supervisors about the piece of paper. He tells me that it was some sort of for fun only assignment he gave to people about what they would want written on their tombstone. No one else did it.

What the motherfucking the hell the what??

If any of the obnoxious/creepy/wierd people I ever worked with are reading this, and this is from the heart and part of my colon, I quote:



"Dieeeeeeee........"

(Bitter? Moi? Oh, mai oui.)

If they happen to be reading the boards? Here's a message for my coworker I posted about up above...

Listen to me, you fucking little punk. I am twice your age, I've been working in this city since you were watching The Smurfs and thinking they were real. If you don't stop talking to me like I'm an idiot, so help me God, I'm going to stuff your fucking cell phone up your ass. I will bypass the human resources department on this one, you fetus. Got it?

Seriously, is this for real or a joke?

When I was 15 I got a job at one of those cheap $1.00 for everything stores. I saw a help wanted sign, went in and was immediately sitting infront of the Manager in an interview. This guy was about 6'1", stark white, black clothes with cut up fishnets on his arms, white hair with the sides shaven, and wearing giant black platform boots. At the time I was what you would consider "Goth", so seeing a potential boss dressed like me was pretty cool. Now I realize it's just fucking sad.

Anyways. So we are sitting there across from each other in dead silence. I'm wondering when he's going to ask me some questions. Instead, he gets up, grabs a cd, and says "If you know who sings this song, you get the job." He hits play and takes me less than a min to figure it out. "Trent Reznor", I say. He was taken aback by this because the song is "Supernaut" by 1000 Homo Dj's and apparently he thought that nobody knew of them, he also said that no one had guessed correctly yet. Anyways, I get the job and we talk about music and movies for the next 5 hours of work. I also forgot to mention that my boss was also a dental technician and took molds of our teeth so he could get us custom vampire vangs for Christmas. So a dental technician/goth/vampire/speed freak is my new boss. What can go wrong?

So after a few weeks, I get some of my friends to come and work with me, and it was good. This guy would let you stay punched in all night and he would punch you out when he would go home in the morning. What this meant for me was I was pulling in like 700 bucks a paycheck for like a month At 15 years old, this was fucking great. We would pull our cars up behind the store and load them up with bottles of Shasta and TP and whatever else we wanted. He even helped us. I'm thinking, "Man, this job fucking rocks. I get to do whatever I want, hang out with cool people, and just shoot the shit all day."

Then one day I come into work and go into the back room to punch in and I hear some wierd noises coming from the back. I walk back to see what's going on and I see him fucking one of my co-workers on a stack of throw pillows, throw pillows that later would be stocked for people to buy. I was a tad freaked out to say the least. Did I mention that he was almost 30 and she was 16? So anyways, I go back to stocking shelves and whatnot, when he calls me into his office. I go back and he starts telling me that I shouldn't say anything and that it was mutual between him and her. I say ok, whatever, and proceed to go have a smoke. Well then the girl comes out to smoke as well and I ask her what the fuck is going on between them. She tells me she loves him and he loves her and they will be together forever. I tell her that it's totally illegal and if they get caught he's fucked. I get the spiel that, only I know and they are super careful about it, nevermind them fucking in the unlocked back room, and that as long as noone finds out there is no problem.

Cut to, 2 weeks later. I come to work and see Police cars out back. Apparently this girl wrote about her "Secret Love" in her journal, and her sister found it. The sister freaked out, told her parents and they called the cops. So I come into work and I'm getting asked alot of questions about their "relationship" by the cops. I say I don't know anything and that I just work here and don't get into the personal lives of my co-workers. They ask if I've seen the guy or the girl recentley and I tell them no.

Apparently after the girl's parents found out about this, she called my boss to let him know what was going on and he freaked out and bailed. A week later we have a new boss, the job is no longer fun and I quit. I never found out what happened to that guy after this. Although some of my friends that stayed at work, recieved their vampire fangs in the mail for Christmas from him.

Stop snitchin', people.

Just want to clear things up, no, it was not a joke, that was seriously the first thing Bubsy, a big old guy in suspenders and round eye-glasses, chomping a cigar, said to me.

And no, this was not the deep south; if anything, it was the opposite, the deep NORTH, in good old Maine.

That reminds me of the district manager at Gamers who, upon seeing a new employee, asked "Who's the new n*****?"

He then proceeded to arrange payroll "errors" so that Mark didn't get paid for a month, and when Mark called in to ask where his money was he was fired on the spot. Manager says he was being threatened. Mark had called on the store phone and numerous people heard no threats at all.

Where was this, Brim Reaper?

In Omaha about 5 or so years ago.

He should have sued the fucking holy shit out of that company.

That's what we said to him. No idea why he didn't do it.

I used to work at a pizza place with this guy named John, and he told me once that ninjas kidnapped his wife, and he had to win her back in a boxing match. I asked him if this was the same wife that stabbed him in the face with a fork, and he said it was. He also came back from a delivery once without the money he should have gotten. He told everyone that the customer paid for it, and once John got back into his car, a dog hopped in and spoke to him for a few minutes, then took the money and ran away.

This is really more of a sleazy coworker story, but I had a boss that got involved with a pyramid scheme. Everyday from when he got to work to when I left I could hear him talking to either "Bret" or some sucker that we was trying to get to buy in to it. I couldn't care less about it, until he tried to recruit me during my evaluation. When I wasn't interested he asked for me parents phone number so he could talk to them about it.

While at an anniversary lunch at my dad's work this weekend, my dad told DaveB and I that he has a coworker who once called the local police because there was a pterodactyl in the parking lot. That's so fantastic I don't even know what to do about it.

This seems pretty stupid. I mean, wouldn't he be worried about being traced through an analysis of the bite marks?

Fucking pterodactyls...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Myers
Dirk was finally fired when he attacked a customer - with his teeth.
__________________

Not if he was a gothed out speedfreak who took molds of his co-workers teeth...

Creepy co-workers? I've has some classics. I once worked at a Restoration Hardware in the inventory department. It was a decent paying retail job, and I had limited customer interaction which was pretty nice. The negative? My immediate supervisor. He was always blasting his 70's cock rock (which would be okay if it weren't one of his high school mix tapes on infinite repeat). As soon as I recognized Ronnie James Dio's voice and asked if a particular track was Elf, he felt like he had found a work soul mate and proceeded to tell me all sorts of fucked up stories about how great a drug crack, the best way to field dress a roadkill deer and then proceeded to show me the collection of knives he kept- IN HIS WORK LOCKER. Did I mention that this was all in my first week of working there?

I feel kind of sad...I have never had a really fucked up co-worker. Unless I was the fucked up co-worker. Then I'm sorry.

Also, I am hiring my dog one day for my own amusement.

That reminds me about my aforementioned boss that the pizza joint where I worked alongside Roy.

He and his brother had the same name, like Pete and Pete. His brother was doing five years in jail for posession, and he was trying to kick the habit.

It wasn't anything glamorous like coke, though, it was just good ole' fashioned meth. He surmised that the completely untrue Urban Legend about ingesting bleach to get ride of traces of marijauna in one's system would also work for meth. Since he had a drug test coming up, he decided to down some bleach.

The dumbass goes to work, but is hauled to the hospital and they have to induce vomiting because he was rolling around on his fat ass screaming that if felt like his insides her melting. He kept his job, even after admitting what had gone down.

I run a convenience store with my family, so I don't have any good co-worker stories, but I think I see our repeat customers enough to warrant a post here. That said, these are generally bums so I don't know if that counts.

We get spastic retards, beat up Hagrids, Gollum/Chris Cornell crosses, crack whore zombies, petulant man-children, and your usual assortment of asses. All coming in for the cheapest 10.5% malt liquor they can afford with what they panhandle. The sight is so pathetic that it makes me, someone who already abstains from any alcohol, that much more of a self-righteous prick when it comes to the subject.

Here's one story. Like most convenience stores, we keep a stock of match books for customers that buy tobacco. Some customers come to the store specifically to ask for a book of them for free. Most stores seem to do this. I got sick of it pretty early (despite the fact that they cost us a penny each) and started to ask them if they had the 5 cents to pay for it without making a purchase. It's our policy now.

So this drunk Native American (a lot of the bums are Native Americans around here) comes in and demands a pack of matches from my brother. My brother, like me, despises most of the bums around here. He coldly states, "Five cents."

"Book of matches."

"Five cents."

"Book of matches."

"Five cents."

"..."

I witness this from one of the isles. He slams something on the counter. My brother looks down at it and in a pretty good imitation of John Malkovich in CON AIR, says...

"That's a rock. Get the fuck out."

The guy doesn't move. Starts to look a little surly. So I come in and say, "Alright. Get out."

The guy looks at me and starts toward me like he was Bruce Lee, making the wailing sounds and everything. I am Asian, after all (it's a convenience store!!!). Not much of a threat. I repeat, "Get out."

I'm often called a racist by these people as if they used their panhandled funds to watch CRASH. They just don't understand. I look at them with disdain because they're bums who are all to comfortable with their lifestyle. It's classism. If ever some Korean bum came into the store, I'd probably be even worse to him.

So I guess I am racist.

/derail/ Hehe. As a guy who also works in a family owned convenience store, I too am besieged with bums and hookers asking for free matches at least once daily. Unlike you I really REALLY relish seeing their disappointed/angry faces when I tell them they have to give up 10 cents. That and outright lieing to people about not having enough change to break their 100s are the only real joys in my life.  /derail/

I just have to say this thread, while somewhat sad, is also awesome. Being at work now, I am glad someone dug it up.