Things You Learned About Your Significant Other After You Started Dating - Page 2  

Come on, Dave. Develop a coke habit, strangle a hooker, take up nefarious nocturnal habits with woodland animals... give Zooey something to post about here!

I would rather not have anything of note to post about in here.

Heard that. She was gorgeous, too - built like a Playmate, beautiful smile. She was TOO good-looking and probably out of my league; I know that, if we did get together, we'd probably be divorced by now, and she'd have half my stuff.

My ex-girlfriend got drunk last night and started to text me harassing questions about who I've slept with since we broke up. Over a year ago. Liquid courage and insecurity were always two of her favorite combinations.

Towards the end of a relationship I had, I found out my girlfriend didn't know her boyfriend had slept with her roommate. Also, she wasn't cool with it. Whoops.

And then he left and built an underwater city while tinkering with genetics. Rapture is your fault!

Hey, I experienced exactly the same. But mine actually did smell good down there.

I once had a gf I caught stealing my stuff. Slowly but steadily she secretly stole things from my flat and sold them on ebay. Not that she had any coke habit or something like that, she said she just needed money. But of course, it doesn't get unnoticed when your Big Trouble in Little China DVD isn't where it's supposed to me.

She took Big Trouble in Little China? Oh, hell no. Smack that ho.

Hey, at least she had good taste in movies. Course by the sound of things it looked like she only wanted it to sell it...

This goes back to my "dull" point, and though this may sound harsh, it...well...is: your partner's taste in movies compared to yours. I just can't date anyone who is into some of the bland, trite, unfunny movies they put out today. We were talking, things were going good, and then she goes "I watched the funniest movie ever yesterday: You, Me and Dupree." I stopped in my tracks. This is over, I thought.

This thread is exactly why I haven't had a relationship in a while. I'm cautious.

Who can argue that, Owen? You should have seen the thread that made me decide not to be a millionaire. Or the one that made me decide to not be born a Kennedy!

Hey, man, I hoped breaking up with his sorry, suddenly knee-jerk "libertarian" ass would knock some sense into him. No dice. I refuse to be held responsible for the duckbunnies and the torrential showers of frogs and blood.

edit - No, this thread is exactly why one has lots and lots of careful, levelheaded conversation with their brand new/potential significant other before getting five years in and realizing that they enjoy performing sexual acts for spare change. You'd think a nice chat and a bit more wariness could have made such things apparent.

I had a really short relationship a girl who had been cheated on. She was very sweet and caring but could be a bundle of emotion at times. With the brash white trashy family she had, I wasn't surprised. She was actually somewhat of a Malcolm in the Middle of the family. Probably the most level-headed of the bunch.

During our talks about this and that, she expressed her disdain for all religion and such nonsense.

Years after we parted ways, I was told by a mutual friend that she had started dating a Muslim guy and was in the process of converting.

Intriguing.

Yeah, it's entirely reasonable to broadly paint a little over two thirds of the global population with the homophobe brush. It's not like a large number of them realize they're adherents of a religion based on a radical love for one's fellow man or anything.

Also, why pick on the Christians? The other monotheistic religions have their share of people who don't like gay people. One could easily write something like: In other words, he was a Jew/Muslim. On the other hand, it appears writing such things is widely contrued as anti-semitic/right-wing. But not grossly generalizing and bashing the Christians. That appears to be kosher.

Because you stupid cocksuckers run the country.

Pardon me did I read that wrong or did you assert that there are over 4 billion christians?

Blah blah blah, poor, picked on Christians; righteous, indignant atheists. Jesus, could we please not do this in here? We've all heard it 5,000 times before and it's boring.

She was kind of whiny, and not at all as much into geek stuff as she claimed to be at the start, but luckily she's still kind of a slut.

Actually, no, we don't. Bush and his Neo-Con cronies do. There is a difference. First, even pro-war Christians--which is a position I think is untenable--have usually operated under Just War Theory, which this administration has never paid attention to. Second, we tend to believe in absolutist prohibitions on things like torture. Again, that's not something he seems to put much stock in. Also, there is the whole sanctity of life thing. The administration does pay lip service to that but only on the issue of abortion. (During Bush's time as Governor of Texas, he also signed a bil that enables hospitals to pull theplug on patients when those legally responsible for them can no longer afford care.)

Bush and his team just used the lunatic fringe of American Evangelical Christianity to help build their party's base. It really does not lend itself to the use of condemning all two billion and change of us.

So you have no problem with homosexuals then? That's fantastic. Let's get the thread back on track.

Nobody cares. Go away. Preferably to the religion forum, where I can ignore you.

And by the way, if these comments are making you feel marginalized and dismissed, welcome to our world.

The only thing I want to hear from Jesus is if he has stories about Mary Magdalene giving blowjobs to coworkers.

Will make this short and sweet...
I was married to a girl who only married me as a cover for her true orientation. She left me for her female supervisor at work. Now for the really jacked up part. When I started dating my current spouse(100% hetero), we were talking about our pasts and I mentioned my earlier mistake and after I said her name, my spouse looked at me with a stunned look on her face and started to describe my ex-wife in detail. She then asked me the question that still makes me chuckle even today....."You mean you couldn't tell?"

Small world....But I am so much happier

Hey now, let's not bash on Cuchulain just because he has an opinion different from the rest of you. We're past high school.

We pick on Christians because many of them have been complete jerks to society and use their beliefs as an excuse to do more bad than good. Also...uh...aren't the majority of Christians vehemently against homosexuality?? Also aren't they very vocal about it? I don't hear about Jews beating up gay people. So every religion must have their share of radical or homophobic people, and they were just picking on yours, even if you're not included in that portion. Not all muslims wish death to the infidels and not all Christians are homophobes. It's best not to take these things too personally, especially on these boards.

But goddamn Devin, that was cold... lol.

To add to this thread though, I found out my ex actually broke up with me to get it on with her best friend...who was a chick. Apparently she's been a lesbian since she was 9 years old, and totally went through a bunch of boyfriends and alot of cock, including mine for no apparent reason. Now that makes zero sense, but that's how she said it to me. It was suprising because you COULD NOT tell she was remotely a lesbian. This girl LOVED cock. No exaggeration.

Then I found out they broke up like 3 weeks later...the best friend left her for some other chick. I laughed my ass off and cheered.

So wait...she was the female supervisor?

So I meet this girl. We hit it off. She's attractive, intelligent and we have alot in common. We start to date. I'm taking things slow (because I am a pussy, and because I was a virgin) but she appreciated the fact that we initially only make out and grind. Honestly, the only bad thing I can say about her is that she wears too much make-up out in public.

After two weeks, I see her breasts for the first time, they are full and rather glorious. Having something else to do when we make out is great, but afterwards, she has a confession for me. She is bisexual. Internally, "FUCK YES" Externally "Thats cool."

Things progress well, and we start to have sex. Since her vagina is literally the tightest one on the planet, she ruins me for all other women. She goes on the pill and we start having lots of condomless sex. She calls me up and actually says "I want you inside me". Things are going great. Then she feels the need to take me aside after sex to tell me about how she once had a miscarriage. I am wondering how this is apropo of anything, but am sympathetic and listen to her. I learn that her parents were religious zealots and that she was initially home schooled, wasn't allowed to watch tv or see movies or listen to non religious music. Once she got off to college, she tried to make up for pop culture lost time, but sometimes when I make a reference, it is lost. Not a big deal, but fascinating.

Another sex, another confession. This time about the time she was raped in college. I feel bad, I tell her it wasn't her fault and I ask if there is anything I can do. She just holds me and goes to sleep.

A week or so later:

Then another post coital confession.
"You know how I said I was single, I am actually divorced."
"Not a problem" I say.
"Well, we are technically seperated- he won't sign the paperwork and lives in North Carolina"
"Okaaaay..."
"See, he's a heroin addict..."

I call her on this one. I don't say that I don't believe her, because I do. I do tell her that having unprotected sex with someone whose CURRENT husband is smacked out seems extreme, and I ask her point blank if she is intentionally trying to push me away. She says that she isn't.

Finally I break up with her when she tells me that shes surprised that she got her period this month. Considering the only reason we had sex without condoms is that you went on the pill, why is this "such a shock". I didn't trust her. I didn't want to have an out of wedlock baby with someone whose heroin spouse caused me to get my first AIDS test.

johnnycinco, you've been fucking the truth out of her.

The number one thing I've learned? That it's never her fault.

Seriously, though, some of these stories are tragically ludicrous, or ludicrously tragic. Makes me feel better about myself, in some small way.

About the worst thing's I've learned is that several girls I've dated had tendencies to throw tantrums. Like a five-year old, with the crying and pounding on the floor. Some examples of this have been when Kerry lost the election, when the weekend was over, when certain Harry Potter characters were killed off, and when I expressed some displeasure in being cheated on. My bad.

I dated a girl for 10 months before finding out she had aspirations of rogering me with a strap-on.

I used to date a chick that asked me to cum unto her like a child. *rimshot*

The worst thing I found out about my wife (before she was my wife) was that her sex partner count absolutely dwarfed mine. Like, by a factor of four. In fact, she'd slept with more women than I had. I say "worst" meaning there's nothing particularly bad about that. If that's the worst I have to deal with, I'm good.

I knew my girlfriend's name was April before we started dating. But I only just found out (3 months in) that her middle name is May. As in April May.


I got nothin'.

Oh come on, it doesn't hurt that much.

Is her sister named June?

No, but now I'm kind of wishing her surname was Junejulyaugustseptember.

Wow, I can barely participate in this thread. The only story I have is that I found out that a girl I had been dating for two months had been participating in SCA-related orgies nearly every weekend. Didn't go out with her again.

Worst orgy ever. I think I'd rather see a Klingon vs. Furry Fuck Fest than a SCA orgy.

Same, really. I don't get the virgin-fixation some men have. Give me an experienced gal any day.

Virgin fixations are for the very young and the very old, I think. I used to have one in my less experienced days, but now I'm of the opinion that if an attractive girl in her twenties has zero experience with boys, there might be some deeper personality issue that I should be made aware of. It's not even that I care if they're good at the physical stuff, but it should be a red flag if you're the very first guy to take notice. They might know something you don't.

No, he said 4 billion christians served. McDonald's was packed that day, lemme tell you.

Fixed.

Oh, this is such nonsense. Do you assume that every woman automatically jumps at every opportunity she has to have sex? Some people just choose not to have sex until they're in their 20s; it has nothing to do with whether or not someone has expressed an interest in them.

I once dated a girl who told me that she sometimes posts bullshit stories online. For some reason, she got enjoyment out of telling tall-tales about her life to complete strangers that she was most likely never going to meet. Sometimes the stories would be based on some event, but blown out to ridiculous levels. Other times, they were just completely made up in an attempt to be funny or draw attention to herself.

When I pointed out how stupid this was, she became indignant and called me a schmuck. Such is life, I suppose.

I love you.

Just because it carries a handbag and makes you call it "Laura" doesn't make it a girl.

Let me clarify, as to not sound like a pig. I'm not even talking specifically about sex here (who am I kidding though, of course it matters). I'm talking about male/female relations in general (holding hands, being out past 8:30, eye contact). There are a number of perfectly nice girls whom I've encountered that, through a mix of sheltering and/or anti-social behavior, are sort of damaged goods. No matter how much the both of us might try, there's just a big wall of awkwardness between us, and I've learned to not even bother.

I don't think it warrants a stamp of not even bother, b/c while some girls may have issues with intimacy or relationships, everyone has issues whether it's addiction, anger, honesty, etc. I think by the time we get to 25-30, and are not in healthy established relationships, we all have our share of issues if only cuz we've gotten so used to being on our own (and those with established relationships for so long during those important years of their lives have a whole different batch of issues). But a nice girl is a nice girl, and that wall of awkwardness exists with everyone to some extent.

Though maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by damaged goods. And The LD can attest, that I seem to end up with some crazies most of the time unintentionally.

Thanks for the clarification, but it really didn't help with that "sounding like a pig" bit.

At risk of getting labeled a pig...I do think there's some merit to the idea that a person (man or woman) in their mid-20s should have experienced an emotional bond significant enough to lead to an intimate physical relationship. I'm biased, because I've dated two girls who fell into the above category (no sexual history), and both relationships were emotionally devastating (and Soul can attest to one of them)

We all do have hangups in one sense or another, obviously. However, I think that this sort of issue is particularly relevant for a relationship, because it's indicative of a difficulty in establishing the emotional bonds that create a relationship strong enough to overcome the other quibbles you'll find with a person.

I'm also not saying this is a hard-and-fast rule, but I do believe it as a general principle.

Now that you mention it, she did have an awfully large clitoris, and as much as I've searched on the net, I've never heard of another case of a woman with 'descended ovaries'.