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Monkey Menace Strikes Again

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
http://www.smh.com.au/news/World/Ind...940898442.html

Quote:
Indian official dies escaping monkeys

A senior official of Indian capital Delhi died after he suffered severe head injuries while trying to escape from a group of aggressive monkeys, officials said.

Delhi deputy mayor SS Bajwa, 52, a member of the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), was reading a newspaper on his terrace on Friday when he was attacked by the monkeys, party official Harsh Vardhan said.

Bajwa fell from the terrace while trying to escape his attackers.

The deputy mayor was admitted to the intensive care unit of a Delhi hospital in critical condition and died, the official said.

The man-monkey conflict has been a long-standing problem in the Indian capital, with the civic authorities failing to control the simians.

The monkey population has grown as they move into the city to try and survive through foraging, because development of suburbs is destroying their natural habitat.

Monkeys can be seen moving freely in some residential localities and are a common sight near the Defence Ministry building in central Delhi.

The simians are treated as descendents of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman and are often fed by devotees at Hindu temples.

Bajwa's house was located near a temple, the Times of India newspaper reported.

Delhi's high court has delivered several strictures to the civic authorities asking them to curb the "monkey menace", but catching and relocating the animals has proven difficult.

There are very few forests left around Delhi's expanding urban perimeter and neighbouring states have been reluctant to accept the animals.

The Delhi government recently hired two monkey catchers from the southern state of Tamil Nadu. Animal rights' activists allege the monkeys that are caught are housed in poor conditions in large cages on the outskirts of the city.
post #2 of 24
Steven Colbert has to revamp his "Fugitive Monkey on the Loose" segment to include whole monkey populations.
post #3 of 24
This is a great pitch.
post #4 of 24
"The man-monkey conflict..."

The Terminator movies got it all wrong. This is what we'll have to worry about in the future.
post #5 of 24
This story conclusively proves that no matter how serious or tragic it may be, it's impossible not to laugh at a story about monkeys. If the guy had been killed by roaming dogs, that'd be creepy and terrifying. But come on, they're monkeys.
post #6 of 24
And Greg David continues to be my personal hero for courageously speaking truth to monkeys.
post #7 of 24
The best part is mentioned in the yahoo article.

We find out that in order to catch these dangerous monkeys, the city uses, langurs. Which are bigger and even more dangerous monkeys. Because, as we all know, we need to fight fire with fire and absolutely nothing at all could go wrong with this plan.
post #8 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiluhs
"The man-monkey conflict..."

The Terminator movies got it all wrong. This is what we'll have to worry about in the future.
You mean we might have to worry about apes taking over the planet?! Damn if only someone had seen it coming. All we worried about were robots who look like Austrians. No one in the media thought it would be monkeys! Damn them all to hell!
post #9 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeShaynePI
You mean we might have to worry about apes taking over the planet?! Damn if only someone had seen it coming. All we worried about were robots who look like Austrians. No one in the media thought it would be monkeys! Damn them all to hell!
Oh, they knew. They've been sitting on their hands over it though (possibly for poo collecting purposes).
post #10 of 24
This is fucking getting out of hand. You have sea monsters, mind controlling cockroaches, meteorites turning people into zombies, killer robots and now the fucking monkeys? It's getting ridiculous.

I think I'll commit suicide before one of those fuckers gets me.

P.S.: Could this be related?
post #11 of 24
Nominated for the Michael Hutchins award for death by monkey spank.
post #12 of 24
"Roddy McDowall was exhumed for questioning."
post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by innsmouthlook81
Oh, they knew. They've been sitting on their hands over it though (possibly for poo collecting purposes).
Or possibly using said hands to cover their eyes, ears, and mouth.
post #14 of 24
I'm guessing his last words were "Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty apes!" before he went over the terrace.

And Greg David is right. The loss of human life is never funny. Except when it involves monkeys.
post #15 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David
This story conclusively proves that no matter how serious or tragic it may be, it's impossible not to laugh at a story about monkeys. If the guy had been killed by roaming dogs, that'd be creepy and terrifying. But come on, they're monkeys.
This has an uncomforting ring of truth to it. A couple of years ago, I walked into the room when my mom was watching ET and they were interviewing the wife of this one dude who tried to bring his favorite chimp a birthday cake.

Apparently, the other chimps were hungry and descended upon the cake and then proceeded to have a dessert consisting of the man's nose, eye, and one of his arms. That's completly horrible, I know. The poor guy is permanently disabled and disfigured. However, when asked what her husband's intital response was, the wife tearfully looked into the camera and said: "He loved them so much . . . he just stood there and tried to reason with them." It took like ten minutes for me to come down from an episode of uproarious laughter.
post #16 of 24
"He stood there and tried to reason with them" is nothing short of hilarious. Coming in second is the fact that, due to it being Monday and I'm tired, when you said that your Mom was watching "ET", I brain-farted and immediately thought you meant "E.T. - The Extraterrestrial" ("Now wait a minute - I saw the 2002 anniversary DVD, and nowhere did Drew Barrymore, Henry Thomas or Steven Spielberg mention the inclusion of a deleted scene where a band of monkeys eats a guy's face.")
post #17 of 24
Owwwoouch.
post #18 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trav McGee
"Roddy McDowall was exhumed for questioning."
Word is, that despite hours of questioning. He still wasn't talking.
post #19 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain
This has an uncomforting ring of truth to it. A couple of years ago, I walked into the room when my mom was watching ET and they were interviewing the wife of this one dude who tried to bring his favorite chimp a birthday cake.

Apparently, the other chimps were hungry and descended upon the cake and then proceeded to have a dessert consisting of the man's nose, eye, and one of his arms. That's completly horrible, I know. The poor guy is permanently disabled and disfigured. However, when asked what her husband's intital response was, the wife tearfully looked into the camera and said: "He loved them so much . . . he just stood there and tried to reason with them." It took like ten minutes for me to come down from an episode of uproarious laughter.
That's one of the ten most fucked up stories I've ever heard. But yes, there's something hilarious about the image of a man standing over a ruined cake trying to reason with chimpanzees. A screenwriter couldn't come up with a scenario like that.
post #20 of 24
I would have thought they'd be to busy singing to put anybody down.
post #21 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David
This story conclusively proves that no matter how serious or tragic it may be, it's impossible not to laugh at a story about monkeys. If the guy had been killed by roaming dogs, that'd be creepy and terrifying. But come on, they're monkeys.
I wouldn't underestimate the violent nature of monkeys. They tend to be much nastier than dogs.
post #22 of 24
Yes, but...

Scary:



Comedy:

post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Wood
I wouldn't underestimate the violent nature of monkeys. They tend to be much nastier than dogs.
Yes, I know, but that's missing the point, which is...come on, they're monkeys.
post #24 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNewYork
Comedy:

Is that from the film Link?
Rented it on video, like, ten years ago.
It sucked.
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