Like father, Like son.

I don't know what's worse, Kidney Stones, or the Shingles.

When are you expected to pass those fuckers?

He'll be lucky if he does, otherwise its invasive surgery which I havent yet been able to wipe from my memory...

That's great. Now together you can rule the galaxy!

I saw a blown up image of some once. Nasty looking little bastards. The look like grenades from some weird, trippy FPS.

They don't have the stones to rule the galaxy.

I've had four. You will never experience greater pleasure than the four or five seconds of absolute bliss right after you pass one. Here's a brief guide to what you have to look forward to before then:

1. Annoying back or side pain. You might even think you pulled a muscle. It eventually goes away, since this is the stone working its way out of your kidney.

2. Spasming, convulsing pain as the stone works its way along the canal from the kidney to your bladder. This is, without doubt, the absolute worst pain you will have, since the stone is just larger enough than the tube it's moving through. Hot baths help a little, but you can't soak in hot water 24-7. Sleep usually comes simply from being exhausted from being doubled-over in pain. NOT FUN.

3. Then the stone hits the bladder and the pain goes away for a while, since the bladder is pretty roomy. But sooner or later, it's urethra time.

4. Final exit. There's pain, but it's more a sharp sting when you urinate, not the constant grinding of step 2. There IS a moment of dread right before the end when you're certain that the head of your penis is going to burst apart, but then it's out and you're pissing like a race horse and there's this little rock in the toilet that you can't believe was the source of all your misery.

And the kicker? With all four of my kidney stones, I was told that since the stone wasn't too big to pass normally, any ultra-sound treatment -- or any other treatment outside of passing it myself -- would be considered elective and therefore not covered by my insurance.

The upside? They recommend you drink a lot of beer, since it makes you urinate a lot and helps things along. And the constant buzz is a nicely therapeutic side effect.

Godspeed, my friend.

I think that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. Motherfuckers.

Jesus Christ.

I'd hug you if you were here.

The advertising world needs you. That statement belongs on a billboard.

I can't imagine trying to move something like that through me. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke.

Good luck.

eta: Can't they give you some type of painkiller (vicodin, etc.)?

As someone who recently has had both a kidney stone and thrombolytic hemorrhoid I literally feel your pain. I know it's a small consolation but you can take solace in the fact that kidney stones don't end with someone scraping your rectum. The pain is excruciating but it's not humiliating (unless you pass the stone in a public washroom like my Uncle did).

Beer and cranberry juice are your friends!

Shots of fresh lemon juice. Three to four a day. Acidifies the system and resorbs the stones.

A colleague sent me this but I have yet to use it with anyone so I cannot vouch for its effectiveness beyond what others have told me:


1) First thing each morning drink one pint steam distilled water with the juice of one freshly squeezed lemon.

2) Each day, intermittently throughout the day, drink 1 quart apple cider. Make sure you purchase an organic variety that is cloudy with particulate matter.

3) On the night of the 7th day mix together 1/2 cup 100% Virgin olive oil with 1/2 cup fresh squeezed pink grapefruit juice.

Piss pearls. Now if we can somehow convince women to buy them for excessive amounts of money.

The trick to preventing stones is to drink plenty of water (or whatever) regularly - enough to dilute your system enough to keep the buggers from forming in the first place. That said, some people are simply more susceptible to developing them. And to add insult to injury, if you've had one, your odds of developing another are somthing like 75% within the next five years.

I had my first (and only so far) a few years ago and can honestly say stage 2 was one of the most painful experiences of my life. The hospital gave me a wicked painkiller that seemed to take me right out of my body, somuchso that when I actually did pass the stone later that evening, I felt almost no pain. Good times.

i have a kidney stone every year or so.. never fun.. i pass most of them, with minor discomfort/pain the majority of the time. when i was 12 i had to have an operation for my first big kidney stone. that was the most unpleasant experience in my life.

If you eat foods with lots of minerals in them, you can get stones pretty regularly. I used to eat way too much peanut butter for my own good and that's what kicked off my little spree.

And they never took the same amount of time. I had one that came and went in about three days. Then I had one where Stage 2 alone lasted for almost a week.

Wow. I will never stop drinking water. Ever.

Poly Citra K - tastes like month-old Kool-Aid, but damn if it doesn't keep you from getting stones. Check with your doctor; it's this powdered drink you down once a night for about 6 months to a year, and like the lemon juice recipe, keeps the stones from forming. Also, start drinking plenty of water, tea, lemonade, cranberry juice, etc. anything to keep your system flushed out (you'll be pissing a lot more as a result).

I've mentioned my sordid kidney stone tales elsewhere on the boards - wouldn't wish 'em on my worst enemy. Everyone that has 'em, you have my sympathies and best wishes.

Is there anything that you don't have a gruesome story for? I leapt for joy when I saw you had posted here.

I know. Timothy's like the Santa of horrifying bodily functions.

Feel better, DJ Hippie.

Fuck. Peanut butter on apple slices is my favorite snack.

I was muuuuuuch worse than that. Like finishing off a jar of Jif with a spoon.

Yeah, long strange trip it's been. Sick one too! The way I look at it, all the truly horrifying stuff I've seen and experienced should make me a guaranteed lock for Heaven. Think I've earned it. Not to worry, I DO have far less gruesome tales - I'm just waiting for the right forum to post 'em in.

Hope you're doing better DJ. Definitely ask your doctor about the Poly Citra K - it does the trick!

Oh, and Happy 1,200th post, Lisa!

First time I got kidney stones, I wound up in the hospital for a week. They were going to operate (my stones were stuck just outside my bladder, after a very painful voyage through my right ureter - the "pipe" that goes from the kidney to your bladder), then they weren't. Then they were. Then they were going to send me to another hospital where instead of operating, they'd put me in a tub or something and blast the stones with sound waves (lithotriptor). Then they gave me some percocets and told me drink a lot of water, and they sent me home. I eventually passed the stones, and had sporadic re-occurances for a couple of years afterward. After the Poly Citra K (knocks wood), haven't had the stones for at least 8 years.

I also go to a urologist once a year to make sure the stones aren't on a comeback tour, as well as a routine prostate exam (I now know what it feels like to be a Muppet). Nice guy, flies a Cessna and snorkels, but I could do without the informative Signs of Urinary Tract Dysfunction he's got hanging in the exam room.

EDIT: DJ, drink as much water as you can - the hurling, etc. will leave you dehydrated. If the pain persists, do whatever you can to get into a hospital so they can hook you up to an IV to rehydrate your body. The fluids pumping through you (you'll eventually piss like a racehorse) may help move the stone.

I never understand this. Why wouldn't you want to get rid of pain? Do Advil taste bad or something? FYI, you're not supposed to chew them.

If you can get your hands on some Flexural that's the way to go.

I think it's the idea that the body can eventually develop a certain amount of immunity to the medicine.

I don't think that's it at all. This is a bizarre thing to be wary of. How many Aleve do you have to take before it doesn't knock out a headache anymore?

While I've never heard it from any sort of credible source, it's one of those things that seems to always get a nod and a "Oh yeah, wouldn't want that..." from the average joes.

Of course, these are the same average joes that believe that Target is owned by a French company.

It may take some time, DJ - mine took a couple of months before it escaped (full story in the Hospital-ity thread, post #12). Doctors didn't do anything to remove it, as I wasn't showing any symptoms (in hindsight, I wish they did, as nobody mentioned the risks of keeping the stone in there so long - thankfully I've had no problems or damage as a result).

I did learn that some people (myself included) just always seem to make them, diet be damned. Keeping yourself hydrated and drinking lots of fluids helps.

What are you? Six?

I wouldn't be wary of immunity to basic meds either. There are, however, issues with the damage even OTC's can do to your body. Some people react no matter what dosage of meds are given and some people you could load them up to knock down a T-rex and they get nothing from it so these people usually forgo medication altogether.

Besides, pain is your body's way of telling you something isn't right. In most instances you would do well to follow the signs rather than painting over them with meds.

My aversion to opioids is that they will kill me in the most painful way imaginable. I am also careful of taking over the counter pain reliever. A lot of people either die or are admitted to hospitals every year from taking to much pain relievers. Pain relievers like most drugs are poisons. Tylenol or acetaminophen for example causes organ failure in high enough concentrations. The death rate of people dieing from organ failure caused by Tylenol is higher then you might think. Acetaminophen toxicity is the most common cause of acute liver failure in the United States, accounting for 39 percent of cases.

You need beer to water in a 1:2 ratio. You'll bring on the peeing in no time. Plus beer is great at taking the edge off.

Especially if you use it to wash down your painkillers.

I hope the end is nigh, DJ. Reading this thread has made me realize how lucky I am that all I have to do is give birth.

Why have I NEVER heard of a woman who had the kidney stones?
Is it çause their tubes are just thar bigg'r?

Neej- I'm herding of wom'ns who has experiençed them. Yar!

Seriously, women get them, too.

And DJ, if you're urinating normally, the stone is just taking its time. If you're dribbling, you might have a stone too big to pass normally.

Pain killers are a way of telling my body "Message received, will take under advisement. Shut the fuck up."

Though DJ actually has a pretty solid reason for his distaste. The one's that confuse/irritate me are ...well they're like eenin, apparently.

Both my brother and I got kidney stones at the same age. Difference though is I haven't had another one (knock) and I didn't need some ultrasonic ray gun or whatever to break mine up. Mine popped right out piece of cake when I stopped to take a piss on the way out of the hospital. That puny kidney stone had nothing on my awesome urethra.

Exactly. Liver, schmiver. You can always become famous and jump the queue to get a new one.

No pictures. No pain. Didn't happen.

Did you watch Deadwood season 2 well you waited for it to pass?