This reminded me of Monty Python's Medical Love Song, as sung by the lovely, talented, and dead Graham Chapman:
Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile
I've had balanital chancroids for quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling and I hope you get well soon.
My penile warts, your herpes, my syphilitic sore,
Your monilial infection; how I miss you more and more
Your Dhobi's itch, my scrumpox; our lovely gonorrhea
At least we both were lying when we said that we were clear!
Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochetes met mine
My clapped-out genitalia is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green
CHORUS: Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal balanitis,
Meningomyelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior uveitis
My heart is very tender though my parts are awful raw
You might have been infected but you never were a bore
I'm dying from your love, my love, I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science but I'm afraid they've turned it down
Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal balanitis,
Meningomyelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior uveitis
(sniff) brings a tear to my eye, and a burning sensation in my John Thomas.
ETA:
Here's Eric Idle giving it a go!
