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Not fair.

post #1 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:25pm
Thread Starter 
I've been walking around in a daze the last couple of days because a friend of mine recently died.

See, I've had people close to me die before, but there's always been a reason, whether it was just nature (old age, cancer) or stupidity (drug overdose, suicide). Never before have I had to deal with a truly pointless death.

But now I have. She died of a brain aneurysm in her sleep. She was 24. The chances of that happening are pretty much goddamn impossible. Her fiance was away touring with his band in Europe, and is on his way back today.... I can't even imagine the pain he must be going through. None of her friends can figure out what the hell to do now, it just doesn't seem real to any of us yet. Shit, even a car accident or something would at least be a reason.

There's really no point to this post besides a little venting, and to apologize for a lack of updates on both sites. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate much on anything right now.
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post #2 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:36pm
Oh Jesus Alex I'm so sorry to hear this. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
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post #3 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:37pm
My sympathies to you and your friends.

Vent as much or as little as you like. What the fuck is the internet for if not a place to scream into the void? At least at CHUD, you'll have a group of relatively anonymous fellow posters inclined to listen and relate.
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post #4 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:41pm
I've never had this happen to anyone close to me, but I did meet someone a few years ago that basically had this really rare condition where their nervous system quits.

From what I understand, this could happen to anybody at any time. She has recovered a little bit, but is wheelchair bound for probably the rest of her life with limited limb mobility.

Still, I wasn't very close to that person, but it sucked that this crazy thing happened to her.
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post #5 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:43pm
My God, Alex, I'm sorry. I'm sure there'll be a lot of people who say that things happen for a reason, or that this was her time. But fuck that, sometimes bad things happen to good people. There's no other way to explain what happened.

A terrible loss, my sympathies and my condolences. I hope you can find some measure of peace.
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post #6 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:43pm
So sorry to hear this... But like bendrix and Jonathan (edit: and everybody else) have shown there's a whole network of people here willing to listen and help out if they can in between the moments where you and your friends come to terms with such a horrible, unexpected thing.

We're all here for you.
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post #7 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:47pm
Sorry for your loss, Alex. A friend of mine died last year at 23. I wish I could tell you something pretty, but it's basically shit all around. All I can suggest is: do anything you can to help your friends get by, particularly the fiancee, get drunk if you feel like it, and try to think about all the ways your life is better for having known her instead of worse for having lost her.
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post #8 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:49pm
My condolences. It's trite to say somebody is too young to die, but in this case it's really true. Sudden, mysterious deaths are the worst kind. For example, somebody who used to live near me had a baby that died of SIDS in the middle of the night. They promptly stopped talking to anybody and quietly moved away within a couple of weeks. The important thing is being able to slowly get back into the swing of things while working through your feelings. Post as much or as little as you feel like, but know that we like reading your stuff.
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post #9 of 42
11/14/07 at 3:58pm
Thread Starter 
A bunch of us will be meeting up tonight because it's another friend's birthday... that will be good for us.

My best friend is being hit the worst with this, and sounds like a zombie when I talk to him. He used to go out with her back in the day, and I'm really worried about being there for him. Of course, on the flipside my sick bastard side is wondering when I can spring the "Dude. You had sex with a dead person." line on him.

It is the randomness of this that hurts the most. She was really a great person, and was going to school in Texas to get her Masters in archival studies, leaving all her friends behind. Now her parents have to go there to claim the body. It's just all kinds of fucked up.

But thanks for all the thoughts, people, it means a lot.
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post #10 of 42
11/14/07 at 4:08pm
This is so sad and my thoughts are with you.
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post #11 of 42
11/14/07 at 4:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
A bunch of us will be meeting up tonight because it's another friend's birthday... that will be good for us.

My best friend is being hit the worst with this, and sounds like a zombie when I talk to him. He used to go out with her back in the day, and I'm really worried about being there for him. Of course, on the flipside my sick bastard side is wondering when I can spring the "Dude. You had sex with a dead person." line on him.

It is the randomness of this that hurts the most. She was really a great person, and was going to school in Texas to get her Masters in archival studies, leaving all her friends behind. Now her parents have to go there to claim the body. It's just all kinds of fucked up.

But thanks for all the thoughts, people, it means a lot.

At least you're keeping your sense of humor through this. Thoughts and well wishes to you and your friends, Alex.
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post #12 of 42
11/14/07 at 4:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
A bunch of us will be meeting up tonight because it's another friend's birthday... that will be good for us.
Sounds like a sob fest waiting to happen. Keep the topic off focus by talking about "Blackenstein".
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post #13 of 42
11/14/07 at 4:20pm
My sympathies Alex. It is good that the friends can get together, even if it turns into a sobfest. Just make sure noone drinks themself into a stupor from the pain and climbs into a car, not to down you further, but it's happened.

And damn, to have her fiance in another continent, and her friends and family half the country away. That has to make it even harder on everyone. I hope your friend and her fiance can come out of this ok as can possibly be considered.
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post #14 of 42
11/14/07 at 4:25pm
I recommend Scotch Alex. Lots and Lots of Scotch.

Always remember... it's not just for breakfast anymore.
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post #15 of 42
11/14/07 at 5:02pm
Sorry to hear this. Small consolation - aneurysms are quick, and she went in her sleep. Didn't feel a thing. Woke up at the Pearly Gates saying "What the fuck just happened?"

Do something wonderful in memory of her.
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post #16 of 42
11/14/07 at 5:47pm
Sorry to hear, Alex.

I haven't lost anyone near my own age that I was close to, so I have no advice to give.

It sounds like you have a good group of friends, though, and that always helps.
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post #17 of 42
11/14/07 at 6:29pm
I am new to the board, but my heart goes out to you and her loved ones.

If you ever feel the need to use a newbie as a punching bag, let me know.
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post #18 of 42
11/14/07 at 6:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris O.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Alex. If you ever need to chat or anything, just drop me a line.
Ditto on all accounts. Thoughts are with ya, dude.
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post #19 of 42
11/14/07 at 7:08pm
That's terrible, man. A lot of the cliches about it just not making sense or being fair are true, along with things like guilt for being alive. Just take time to grieve, and helping people who were closer to her (like her fiancee or parents) can help.
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post #20 of 42
11/14/07 at 7:29pm
This answers the question that you sometimes get about regular internet message board posting: "Can you really relate to someone you don't even actually know?" Apparently so. Like everyone else I'm very sorry to hear that, Alex.

There was a piece in the paper a few days ago, a woman writing in after her husband died in his sleep with no warning. And he was 50.

It sounds trite but we all really do have to make the best of every day. If you are in a fight with someone you love, fix it. If you are in a job that stinks, get out. If you are watching The Devil's Advocate on cable AGAIN and have never seen The Limey...you get the idea.
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post #21 of 42
11/14/07 at 11:08pm
My deepest condolences to you, her family, and friends, Alex. Can't imagine what everyone's going through.
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post #22 of 42
11/14/07 at 11:28pm
You of course have my sympathies, as well. A brain aneurysm killed my favorite uncle when I was a freshman in college. Came out of fucking nowhere and caught us all by surprise. He wasn't even 40, and was in great shape. No way to prevent it, no way to detect it, no way to treat it. . . . You're so very right. It isn't fucking fair.
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post #23 of 42
11/14/07 at 11:43pm
That's awful, Alex, look after yourself, the sites can handle the drop off.

That's not to say you're shit and unimportant.
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post #24 of 42
11/14/07 at 11:44pm
Alex, I went through something similar in high school. It's always toughest to deal with these things when you have nothing to blame, or at least rationalize. Hang in there, let yourself grieve, and try to find ways to laugh.
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post #25 of 42
11/15/07 at 12:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky
I've had three coworkers and a family member die from aneurysms,
The fuck? That seems like a disproportionately high amount of people to know that died from a relatively rare occurrence. Just out of curiosity, how many people do you know that have had Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease?
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post #26 of 42
11/15/07 at 5:04am
My sympathies, Alex. My heart goes out to you, her other friends, and her family.
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post #27 of 42
11/15/07 at 9:22am
sorry to hear it mate. A friend of mine's ex boyfriend died from this a few months ago. It's a fucking waste.
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post #28 of 42
11/15/07 at 12:18pm
My best net-friend died in his sleep of a seizure last year, with very little warning. We'd been working for six years on a project and had grown close.

The best thing you can do is keep their memory alive somehow. I do that by continuing to work on our shared project, with a dedication to Dre on the website.

The acute pain does lessen, but the void remains.

Help your friends through this, and they will help you.
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post #29 of 42
11/15/07 at 1:24pm
I'm so sorry for your loss, Alex.
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post #30 of 42
11/15/07 at 4:11pm
Thread Starter 
Damn, didn't expect such a response. Can't forget why I love this place. Thanks, everyone, it means a lot.

Yesterday went well. The fiance got back last night and is heading to be with his family. Bunch of us going over another friend's house tonight. Funeral will be next week... that's going to be a fucking hell of a day. Not looking forward to it at all.

It's been interesting to me to hear about all these other people who have faced the same thing. I guess it's more common than I thought. My friend made the "she died mid-backstroke" joke from Mallrats yesterday and I laughed and laughed. Glad my morbid humor's still in check. I've been coping pretty well, but my girlfriend says I've been moaning and saying "Noooo!" in my sleep the last few days, which is creepy and weird for me.

But eh, life goes on. I'll cope. Thanks, alcohol! And thanks, fellas.
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post #31 of 42
11/15/07 at 4:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
I've been coping pretty well, but my girlfriend says I've been moaning and saying "Noooo!" in my sleep the last few days, which is creepy and weird for me.
Not if you've recently seen "Blackenstein".




Ok, I'll stop now.
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post #32 of 42
11/15/07 at 4:44pm
Thread Starter 
No, but I did recently watch The Bunker and Night of the Living Dead 3D. That could explain it.
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post #33 of 42
11/15/07 at 4:52pm
Glad to hear that a smidgeon of that cantankerous olde Alex still remains.
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post #34 of 42
11/15/07 at 9:57pm
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post #35 of 42
11/16/07 at 3:04am
I'm really sorry to hear this, Alex. I lost someone close in August so I know, Death hurts like a sonofabitch. My best advise is just to be around your friends as much as you can for as long as you (or they) need. It will always, always, always be worse when you're left alone to think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Riviello
Yesterday went well. The fiance got back last night and is heading to be with his family. Bunch of us going over another friend's house tonight. Funeral will be next week... that's going to be a fucking hell of a day. Not looking forward to it at all.
If you've got some sort of prescription-strength painkiller, that helps. I'm not kidding. Nothing sucks harder than a funeral, especially if you've already been trying to heal or even just get some sort of perspective on things.
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post #36 of 42
11/16/07 at 5:46am
It's not, in the fucking slightest. And I'll always hate life for that.
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post #37 of 42
11/16/07 at 8:46am
Damn, Alex, that's awful.
Hang in there.
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post #38 of 42
11/19/07 at 1:52pm
Thread Starter 
I'm doing fine, thanks. I learned a long time ago not to dwell on stuff like this. Drives you nuts. No funeral set yet, which is strange, but everyone involved was all over the place when it happened.

My friend (and her fiance) put up a notice on his band's page. I haven't been able to see him lately, and I'm worried for him... but he's with his family now.

I became a godfather for the second time yesterday, so that helped things (even though I hate the church). But that's completely unrelated to all my enemies around the city that were mysteriously murdered at the same time I denied Satan and his wily ways. Obviously.
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post #39 of 42
11/19/07 at 6:38pm
Thread Starter 
Wow, she got a mention in Spin (bottom of the page).
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post #40 of 42
2/14/08 at 1:45am
Post-revamp bump. Because it's all I can do.
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post #41 of 42
2/14/08 at 5:40am
Stop it.
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post #42 of 42
2/14/08 at 6:23am
Sorry, I didn't mean to come off flip. This is one of the threads that got disabled in the revamp and I thought it deserved better.
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