Worst Christmas Songs - Page 2

How has "Do They Know It's Christmas" not made it's way onto the 'worst' list yet? I'm sure they raised a lot of money that did some good, but...man. Not only is it musically terrible, but it's possibly the most condescending piece of charity work of all time.

Because the updated version puts it to shame. It's incomprehensibly bad.

Well, 'musically' is debatable, but "We Are the World" doesn't even come close to the level of condescension of "Do They Know It's Christmas." Shit, man, it's right there in the title, with it's implication that they should know. Also, this lyric?

Nothing in "We Are the World" is that bad.

I think that the hype surrounding "We Are the World" was certainly more grating than any that Band-Aid drummed up.* But the lyrics to the former are pretty much just a general, new-agey, 'we're all one people, and you should give money' kind of thing. "Do They Know it's Christmas," taken on the merits of the song alone, is so Western-centric as to be insulting.

*Plus, Dan Aykroyd.

I agree with you about the song, but I suspect for different reasons. How is it Western-centric?

Well, like I said, it starts right in the title. Why should they know it's Christmas? It's like a song written by missionaries.

Upon reflection, yeah you're right. It's trying to guilt the listener into bringing Christmas to the savages, the poor bastards. That can be taken as a very Western (Christian) = civilized and peaceful mentality.

I will admit to always, always singing along to 'Do they Know it's Christmas'. Whether it's a reflex thing or what, I always do it and I always smile.

Oh, the oft mentioned 'Hung for the Holidays' by William Hung (remember that guy?!?!) is bad, but in that touching way that a mentally handicapped kid playing football is touching.

I kind of liked South park's "Christmastime in Hell", but you really need the visual of the crying Hitler to pull off the funny. And I've always been a big fan of "A Charlie Brown Christmas"; the opening number, and the rendition of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!" at the end are classic (Loo loo loo, la looloo looloo. . . [sharp intake of breath] LOO LOO LOO, LA LOO LOO LOO!)

And while Elvis' weird pronunciations tend to ruin most any Christmas song he sings, I always did like his version of "The First Noel."

The previous statement should be your secret shame. I like the U2 version, but the Ronettes' version is seriously in the running for the best contemporary Christmas song, period.

Also, it's featured in the opening credits of Gremlins. So it's got that going for it, which is nice.

I love this.

But yeah, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" is one of the worst. No snow in Africa! Horrors!

"Christmas Shoes" is barely a song. Lyrically, it's the laziest thing I've ever heard. Thanks, Ryan. Dick.

Actually, if you'd listened to it (and you should) the funniest part, despite the joke, is this:

I just listened to Christmas Shoes for the first time. Why is my face melting off?

In other news, I'll say that I have always, and will always love the Vince Guaraldi Trio's "Charlie Brown Christmas"...I listen to it all year long.

I love Christmas songs that make me feel like a dickweed. Next on the playlist: "A Very Darfur Christmas."

Lisa, have you noticed how the song mentions Jesus? That's how you know it's good. Well, that and the sparse piano and strings that tell you it's actually a beautiful thing.

Also, I never thought I'd hear anyone ripping off the vocal stylings of the guy from "Butterfly Kisses".

I don't listen to it year round, but I agree that it's tops. It's still about 3 weeks too early for Christmas music (for me, anyway), but I'll be breaking that sucker out soon.

On some evenings before Christmas, I'll dim the lights and lay on my couch with a good book while listening to Guaraldi. It feels so sophisticated.

"dim the lights and lay on my couch with a good book" is code for him. Guess what it means.

Wait, wait, wait.

There's a song called "Back Door Santa?" Are you kidding?

Also, everyone go find a song called "No Vacancy" by Marlee MacLeod. It's my very favorite-est Christmas song ever.

I want to go home and listen to Christmas Baby Please Come Home now.

Here is an absolutely hilarious song sung by a 2-year-old French boy, with the only intelligible lyric being "fireplace". Listen to at least the one-minute mark. That first verse kills me every time.

It's from the end of LOOK WHO'S TALKING NOW, so, yes, the video has John Travolta waking up in the middle of the night to investigate the sounds of young children cavorting around the Christmas tree. Adults are just too cynical to understand the magic!

I enjoy most Christmas songs, tolerate the rest, but the one that makes me want to puke and die is "Grandma got run over by a reindeer." Dumb and unfunny. Who finds this shit amusing?

Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer & Twelve Days of Christmas are gag-inducing as well.

As for the goodies, Spector's "Baby Please Come Home," of course.

Nat King Cole, Elvis Presley, Bing Crosby- have fantastic holiday albums.

"Christmas with the Devil" by Spinal Tap is sexy too.

Props to Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas.

John Denver and the Muppets.

I forgot about two of my favorite 80s-flavored Christmas tunes: "Stop the Cavalry"* by Jona Lewie and "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses.

*Other good war-themed Christmas tunes: "A Snoopy Christmas" by the Royal Guardsmen, and John McCutcheon's "Christmas In The Trenches."

And, of course,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDVBXzfoaY

I'd have to say all of the recent teen-pop "original" Christmas songs belong on that list. Hilary Duff, NSync, Backstreet Boys, etc.

But there's a special place on that list for Jessica Simpson's whole Christmas album, "Rejoyce". Yeah, I get the "joy" thing, but the spelling of that word put me in a not-so-kind frame of mind before I even heard one note of the thing. And then, she tried to do "O Holy Night", which, just NO. As mentioned above, you need range to sing that song and she just can't do it. I hated my younger cousins for submitting me to that.

One of my favorite Christmas(ish?) songs is "Heat Miser/Snow Miser". Both the original and the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy version of it. I could listen to that song over and over and over - any time of the year.

Also, Matthew Ryan's take on "Little Drummer Boy" is a gem.

And I'll throw my hand up in support of "Do They Know It's Christmas". My take on the song has always been that those words are spoken to "us", in a slightly snide way ("well, tonight thank God it's them, instead of you") and not so much about bringing them Christmas as to tell us to wake up and share what good fortune we have.

Of course, I'm a child of the 80's. This song combined the massive power of fully operational LeBons, Stings and Bonos, so yeah, it's partially nostalgia. (Although, I have a tendency to believe it led to Sting lending vocals to Arcadia's "The Promise", which would automatically give it a free pass for just about anything, in my book).

Off to put on "Heat Miser", dammit.

The Ramones' "Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight)" is a great Christmas song.

Keep smilin', keep shinin'...

And that's exactly my take on it, except with the Christianity=Prosperity subliminal message. You took the words out of my mouth. Enjoy your presents and abundant food, assholes, but look at these poor starving savages! If we cared at all for their lot, they'd have CHRISTMAS too!

Ho......Ho......Ho.

No way. I learned my lesson with 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

TWOP agrees!

Once Thanksgiving passes I enjoy Christmas music. I have no problem saying as much. If you can't get a little spring in your step listening to "Mele Kalikimaka" then it's time to revoke your human license.

So today I was driving home and flipped over to the Christmas station and hit it during the tail end of "Jingle Bell Rock." The song itself isn't one of my favorites but it does remind me of Amanda Hunsaker taking a dive into the roof of a Buick so I'm in good spirits.

Then it happened. A new song started to play. A Christmas song I had never heard before. A song about shoes. Listen up Jesus and listen good. If you ever think about landing your spacecraft on Earth again I am personally going to beat you to death with my size 13 Filas.

I burned that license long ago. I mean, what is it good for, really? The only thing I miss is the discount at Red Lobster.

"The Ketchup Song" when it got re-released as exactly the same song but with some jinglebells dubbed in there, with no attention to tempo.

I can't read all the entries in this thread but if any of you guys are listening, I leeuurve both Macca and Moog but "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time" is infuriatingly transforming me into robot-shit.

“Santa's Goin' to Kokomo” by Mike Love

This was Mike Love’s attempt to write a shittier version of “Kokomo”. I didn’t think it was possible but he succeeded in making “Kokomo” suck on a whole new level. Well done Mike, I guess Brian wasn’t the only genius in the Beach Boys.

If you don't develop a little bounce after hearing anything from Bing's "White Christmas" album, you've got to fire the captain of your brain ship cuz he's drunk at the wheel.

Oh, and Ripoli, if you like a little punk with your Christmas music, I'll recommend Christmas With the Vandals. Come for the "Oi to the World", but stay for the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies".

burn

When I was a kid, we had three staple Christmas albums: one called The Little Drummer Boy by the Harry Simeone Chorale, which was your traditional choral versions of the basic Christmas carols; and the Andy Williams and Elvis Presley Christmas albums. We played the living death out of those things every year, and I just got the Simeone and Williams discs on CD, and they still hold up if you're looking for simple, traditional Christmas music.

I think it's ironic that I'm agnostic yet there are some Christmas carols that I think are undeniably downright beautiful pieces of music.

George Carlin once wrote that the only good thing to ever come out of religion was the music.

Definitely. I don't buy into the theology for second, but I listen to a good version of "O Holy Night" and it's goosebumps.

"Carol of the Bells," bitches.

Also, it kind of falls into the "River" category of not-really-a-Christmas-song-but-so-evocative-of-the-period-I'll-give-it-a-pass, but there's a really wonderful cover of "Song for Winter's Night" by Sarah McLachlan out there.

Ave Maria is the best guilt-free quasi religious christmas song ever. there was a quite nice version of it on one of the Hitman movie trailers.

There are a couple of versions of O Holy Night by opera singers (Kiri Te Kanawa has one) that are pretty spectacular, and I know Sara Brightman has one.

Carol of the Bells is great because some versions make it sound like it's this bright cheery little ditty and some make it sound like the Grim Reaper is stalking down the hall towards your room.