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Names that are Too Awesome to Keep to Yourself

post #1 of 79
12/6/07 at 7:44pm
Thread Starter 
George Jehoshaphat Mountain, First Principal of McGill University, 1824-1835

Tony Twist, Hockey Pugilist


Anyone else got some gems?
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post #2 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:02pm
In second grade I had a kid in my class named Ben Doverson. I was the first one to put it together and it haunted him the rest of grade school.
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post #3 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattimus
In second grade I had a kid in my class named Ben Doverson. I was the first one to put it together and it haunted him the rest of grade school.
I'd be far more interested in a thread about this: lives I've ruined! Hilarity would most definitely ensue.
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post #4 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:04pm
Septimus Primus Rice - Former President of my University
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post #5 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:11pm
I had a roommate named Ted Tedford.
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post #6 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:17pm
There was a kid at my school named Gage Steel. I didn't know him and thought it was just a nickname. I got my yearbook that summer and sure enough, there was in fact a Gage Steel.

Just a nickname. I've never been more happy to be proven wrong. This guy's physique however, left something to be desired. Of course, it's tough living up to a name like that.
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post #7 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:27pm
During winter break of 2003, I was a clerk at the USPS and this methed out whore with five kids came in to get each kid their own separate PO Box for correspondence with their respective fathers (cute, right?). So, I'm going through the cards and punching them into the system... and I stop cold at the last card. The line for the name read: Schmittee, Shitty. I looked up hard at the woman and informed her that it was a federal offense to attempt to take out a PO Box under a false name.

She then laughed and proceeded to whip out one of the identification cards California schools send to the parents of grade schoolers and it had the same exact name. When I just kind of sadly shook my head, she informed me that it seemed like a really funny name to both her and the father. I fell asleep really, really sad for that kid's middle school and high school years.
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post #8 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quarant
The other day while at the movies, I was served by a woman whose nametag read "GRANNY" ... I was so taken aback that I said, "Holy shit... your name's Granny?!?!" The lady covered the tag, looked at me like she was about to cry and then ran away.

Also, I once knew a guy named Glarry. Not Gary, not Larry, but Glarry. I love that name!
My god, that's classic. That made me crack up. Granny. That poor woman.
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post #9 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:35pm
I once came across the name of "Roosevelt Jackson" one day when I worked during my college days. Co-workers and I figured that was a pretty cool name there.
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post #10 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain
During winter break of 2003, I was a clerk at the USPS and this methed out whore with five kids came in to get each kid their own separate PO Box for correspondence with their respective fathers (cute, right?). So, I'm going through the cards and punching them into the system... and I stop cold at the last card. The line for the name read: Schmittee, Shitty. I looked up hard at the woman and informed her that it was a federal offense to attempt to take out a PO Box under a false name.

She then laughed and proceeded to whip out one of the identification cards California schools send to the parents of grade schoolers and it had the same exact name. When I just kind of sadly shook my head, she informed me that it seemed like a really funny name to both her and the father. I fell asleep really, really sad for that kid's middle school and high school years.
I'm allowed to laugh at this, right? I feel kind of bad, but damn if that isn't the most unfortunate thing I've heard in a long, long time.
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post #11 of 79
12/6/07 at 8:51pm
Yeah, it isn't real, but Jebediah Obadiah Jebediah Springfield is my favorite name ever.
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post #12 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:01pm
I was acquainted with a North West while I was in the military. He said his sister's name was South West. I never made the decision to believe him though.
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post #13 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:04pm
I once saw a sign for Pilger Skidmore, attorney-at-law. Thought that was a mighty fine name.

My wife knew a girl named Starr Latronica. She was a librarian but I always thought the name was well suited for entertainment or politics.

Lastly, the wife of former Providence mayor Buddy Cianci is Nancy Ann Cianci.
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post #14 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:21pm
There was once an arson detective in New York named Chuck Mangione, complete with bad 70's mustache and hair, and the ugly ass blue church deacon suit. I wonder hoy many times he's been introduced as Mangina?
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post #15 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:24pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz
Yeah, it isn't real, but Jebediah Obadiah Jebediah Springfield is my favorite name ever.
As far as Simpsons names, Joey Joe-Joe Junior Shabadoo takes the cake for me.

On a tangent, if anyone has ever met a woman named Bertha who isn't obese, I would love to hear about it.
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post #16 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:25pm
Did he carry a horn with him?
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post #17 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graynadian
As far as Simpsons names, Joey Joe-Joe Junior Shabadoo takes the cake for me.
Perhaps, but there was also Don Icognito and Hugh Jazz.
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post #18 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:27pm
I know a fellow (a friend of my parents) named Dick Cram. Actually, I think he's trying to switch to Rich, but everyone calls him Dick.

Also, we mustn't forget FSU wide receiver DeCody Fagg.
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post #19 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:28pm
Thread Starter 
Hate to show up another Simpsons fan, but it was Guy Incognito. And that dog DID have a fluffy tail!
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post #20 of 79
12/6/07 at 9:30pm
Damn, you're right. Sometimes my trivia crammed mind just doesn't have it all. And for that matter why not mention Dick Butkus?
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post #21 of 79
12/6/07 at 10:05pm
I once came across an asian fellow (as we are all apt to do at some point) and his name was Hung That Brown Ton.
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post #22 of 79
12/6/07 at 10:45pm
Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster

Yes its a real name.

http://www.cracked.com/article_14982...-in-world.html
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post #23 of 79
12/6/07 at 10:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz
Yeah, it isn't real, but Jebediah Obadiah Jebediah Springfield is my favorite name ever.
Actually, it's Jebediah Zechariah Obadiah Jedediah Springfield. But who's counting?

And the coolest name I ever ran across is an attorney in Jersey that works for Allstate Insurance named Crystal M. Wyatt. Just something exciting and sexy about that name.
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post #24 of 79
12/6/07 at 11:32pm
The girlfriend works as a documentation investigator for the Canadian government. She emailed me at work one day to let me know that she had just cleared a passport for a vietnamese national whose name was... honest to god...

Bang Dat Ho.
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post #25 of 79
12/6/07 at 11:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg
Actually, it's Jebediah Zechariah Obadiah Jedediah Springfield. But who's counting?
.
I just punched myself in the neck.
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post #26 of 79
12/6/07 at 11:58pm
Rich Heib. Not Richard or Dick, but Rich. The guy had to get the joke to go by Rich, right?
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post #27 of 79
12/7/07 at 12:02am
Not a real name yet, but if I ever have a kid I plan to name him Maximilian Tyrannosaurus. He is going to be the coolest kid in school or hate me forever. God help him.
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post #28 of 79
12/7/07 at 12:35am
I work at a video store, and there are some regular customers who have some interesting names. For example, there's a nice lady who comes in about once a week called Nova Cane. Nova is odd enough on it's own, but to actually have it paired up with Cane...I hope it's her married name, or maybe her parents are dentists.
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post #29 of 79
12/7/07 at 12:36am
I knew a kid in high school named Julio DeJulio, also when I worked for the local phone company this native american guy calls up and his name was I kid you not John Comesatnight. Of course I put him on hold and had all my coworkers come and look at his account or I knew no one would believe me.
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post #30 of 79
12/7/07 at 12:36am
There was a kid at my high school names Matt Buttram.

My middle name is Richard.
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post #31 of 79
12/7/07 at 12:40am
Glen Shaver. Not so bad. Football coach.

Parking spot labeled "RESERVED FOR COACH SHAVER"
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post #32 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:00am
It may sound like the set up to a really bad joke, but back in Junior High there was a substitute teacher named Mr. Dick. A really goofy guy, wore bowties and tweed coats all year long. Rumor quickly spread among the student body that said substitute teacher's given first name was Harry. Every so often some smart mouth kid would yell "Hey, what's your first name" in the middle of one of his classes. He would just smile and reply "Mister".

I found out a few years later(in an older school yearbook) that his first name was indeed Harry. Not even Harold- it was actually Harry. So, that's the tale of how I was once taught by Mr. Harry Dick.

Wow, did that sound like the opening of a severely pretentious allegory novel or what?
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post #33 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:06am
I went to a school with a guy named Heath Beaver. Not so bad, right? Well, his father's name was Harry, and his mother's name was Sharon.

At the same school, we had a Woody Johnson, and a Phillip Hiscock.

Ah, good times.
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post #34 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:17am
A kid in 3rd grade was named Shaboo Smith. That always cracked me up.
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post #35 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:25am
Not necessarily funny names, but I went to high school w/ a Paul Newman, a Joe Piscopo, and was good friends w/ an Ed McMahon. Junior, no less.
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post #36 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz
I just punched myself in the neck.
Don't be so hard on yourself. My brother's a huge Simpsons fan, and I used to try to stump him w/ trivia all the time. Normal people don't know a lot of the Simpson factoids I do. . . .
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post #37 of 79
12/7/07 at 2:01am
Straiton Hard
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post #38 of 79
12/7/07 at 2:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg
Don't be so hard on yourself. My brother's a huge Simpsons fan, and I used to try to stump him w/ trivia all the time. Normal people don't know a lot of the Simpson factoids I do. . . .
Iggy, I thought we were cool. But "normal"? Fuck you, motherfucker.
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post #39 of 79
12/7/07 at 2:09am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz
Iggy, I thought we were cool. But "normal"? Fuck you, motherfucker.

Schwartz don't believe in nothing no more! He's going to law school!
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post #40 of 79
12/7/07 at 2:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Syd
Not a real name yet, but if I ever have a kid I plan to name him Maximilian Tyrannosaurus. He is going to be the coolest kid in school or hate me forever. God help him.
That's fuckin' weird 'cause when I was younger and had those "what'd you name your kids" talks between friends I always said I wanted to name my kid either "Max" or "Rex" (as in the Tyrannosaurus).

Wotta coinky-dink!

I eventually decided against "Rex" since it sounds like a dog's name.
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post #41 of 79
12/7/07 at 3:23am
One of my students was named Dufontaine Izidore. Not cool...but funny sounding.

And a friend of a friends name is Oliver Bedwell.
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post #42 of 79
12/7/07 at 3:36am
Girl at school: Jenna Taylor

African immigrant at checkout: Comfort

There was a guy at school I always knew as Nix, but then one time I saw him working and his nametag said Xin. Now, maybe he had it on upside-down, because NIX in caps is the same as XIN in caps upside-down, but the McDonalds logo was up the right way. I may never know the truth!
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post #43 of 79
12/7/07 at 3:43am
A good friend of mine from college is named Loong Kwok.
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post #44 of 79
12/7/07 at 4:03am
I know a judge who claims Oranjelo and Lemonjelo have been through his court system. I don't believe him, but I want to.
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post #45 of 79
12/7/07 at 4:14am
There were two pretty great names in my hometown phone book growing up. The first was "Slick" McCool. He must have been either totally badass or a melvin (I haven't used that slang enough). The other was A.W. "Dick" McNutt. I actually had a friend who prank called Dick McNutt. He calls and asks if Dick is there. His wife answers and says "Who is this?" My friend just says "It is one of his friends." She says "Well you must not be a very good friend. He has been dead for over a year." It was bittersweet to say the least.
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post #46 of 79
12/7/07 at 5:55am
Thread Starter 
I wonder what Bang Dat Ho and Suk Amandeep's porn star names are?
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post #47 of 79
12/7/07 at 10:10am
A colleague of mine once had a boyfriend whose name was Phil Humpage.
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post #48 of 79
12/7/07 at 10:30am
My wife went to school with Drew Peacock. He goes by Andy now, I believe.
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post #49 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTSMGL
I eventually decided against "Rex" since it sounds like a dog's name.

Or a really really WASPy one.
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post #50 of 79
12/7/07 at 1:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Burning Son
I was on the search for a good Thai chili sauce just last week, & ended up at an Asian market called Dong Bang.
I have passed by a Chinese restaurant called, no joke: Fuk Mi
hehehehehehe
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