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Porno commentaries

post #1 of 33
12/10/07 at 8:52pm
Thread Starter 
I just learned that these exist. How...?

I mean, what do they talk about? Does anyone know?
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post #2 of 33
12/10/07 at 8:58pm
This was a sketch idea of mine but I could never figure out exactly how to do it best. Now that I know it exists, I'll just chalk it up to "for the best".
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post #3 of 33
12/10/07 at 9:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quarant
"Little know fact: to keep from cumming, I imagine my grandma taking a long luxurious bath"
"Now, see, here, in this shot-- wait till his nose is out of the w-- okay, now, here in this shot I decided to overexpose the area of her clit 'cause I wanted to give it a kind of holy symbolization. No one got it, though."

"You made the cock look good there."

"Yeah... yeah, I did."
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post #4 of 33
12/10/07 at 10:25pm
I recall seeing a porno that had (supposedly) comical outtakes.

And it seemed that all of them were essentially "male actor shoots his wad into the eye of female actor, director goes completely apeshit because they ruined the shot." In other words, hilarity did NOT ensue.
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post #5 of 33
12/10/07 at 10:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavez
I recall seeing a porno that had (supposedly) comical outtakes.

And it seemed that all of them were essentially "male actor shoots his wad into the eye of female actor, director goes completely apeshit because they ruined the shot." In other words, hilarity did NOT ensue.
I love Porno outtakes. Nothing's better than a chick accidentally getting impaled and then screeching like a dying Slayer out of "Krull".
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post #6 of 33
12/10/07 at 11:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson
I love Porno outtakes. Nothing's better than a chick accidentally getting impaled and then screeching like a dying Slayer out of "Krull".
Or set pieces breaking, cumming in the eye, cumming in the mouth when a girl doesn't like it (what a ungrateful bitch!).
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post #7 of 33
12/11/07 at 12:03am
Upside down beach chair is the best.
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post #8 of 33
12/11/07 at 12:43am
That last 'outake' was priceless.
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post #9 of 33
12/11/07 at 12:48am
Today I learned that "on" and "in" arent the same thing....the more you know!
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post #10 of 33
12/11/07 at 1:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken
Today I learned that "on" and "in" arent the same thing....the more you know!
Then again, "on the tonsils" is still "in", if you what I mean, AND I think you do.
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post #11 of 33
12/11/07 at 1:40am
Jesus christ, do we really need to know the DPs motivation on "Assbangers 26"? I mean what the hell?
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post #12 of 33
12/11/07 at 1:03pm
"Ah.....this scene always pisses me off. The actress says fuck my pussy, instead of fuck my cunt. Which is how I wrote it. I hate it when the talent ad libs".
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post #13 of 33
12/11/07 at 1:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BTSMGL
Then again, "on the tonsils" is still "in", if you what I mean, AND I think you do.
Oh, i do, my friend, i do.

I can only imagine commentaries about who had what during each scene.....ewwww.
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post #14 of 33
12/11/07 at 1:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken
Jesus christ, do we really need to know the DPs motivation on "Assbangers 26"? I mean what the hell?
Yes, you do...it probably runs like this:

"You know, Im really not that much into anal sex, but being part of the lastest chapter in such a long running series really turned me around....plus, I had genital warts at the time".
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post #15 of 33
12/11/07 at 2:11pm
Quote:
Or set pieces breaking, cumming in the eye, cumming in the mouth when a girl doesn't like it (what a ungrateful bitch!).
Brendan, I really think you should've warned us that video wasn't safe for work. Come on man, too much to ask?
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post #16 of 33
12/11/07 at 2:39pm
I've got one DVD that has interviews with some of the "talent", as well as some bloopers - mostly harmless stuff, execpt people are naked with no clothes on.

Haven't seen/heard anything with a continuous commentary, and pretty sure I don't want to. I'd find it kind of difficult to get excited watching people screwing, only to have one of the Dark Bros. tell me why he used a particular lens or lighting to capture the action, or how this edition of Rear Entry is going to compare with the other 90 before it.
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post #17 of 33
12/11/07 at 4:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Eaton
Brendan, I really think you should've warned us that video wasn't safe for work. Come on man, too much to ask?
Porno movie bloopers. Bloopers during the filming of pronographic movies.

You didn't really expect it to be outtakes of the makeup girl accidentally painting the chick's nails the wrong color, did you?

Also, the link mentions you'll see "cumming in the eye, cumming in the mouth when a girl doesn't like it" in the title.

I don't think there's a way to get that across without it being NSFW.
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post #18 of 33
12/11/07 at 4:20pm
I listened to a few minutes of a commentary, the one where Jenna Jameson plays a genie and gets the business of several working ends in her several working ends. She and her guy were just talking over this scene where they were fucking, and it was 1) sort of creepy, and 2) still weirdly fascinating.

The only thing I really remember is an exchange that went something like:

Jenna: "Your cock's really glistening right there."
Guy: "Yeah, you were really wet that day."

I don't know, something about the timeless filmic magic of him pounding her vag with his meat soldier was lost after that.
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post #19 of 33
12/11/07 at 4:52pm
I'm waiting for the day Jenna appears on Inside The Actors Studio, just so I can hear James Lipton ask her about her wet vag and how it compares to Jane Birkin's in
André Cayatte's Les Chemins de Katmandou.

Then I want him to ask her what her favorite swear word is.
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post #20 of 33
12/11/07 at 5:10pm
I imagine it's variations on "I was faking there."
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post #21 of 33
12/11/07 at 5:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Eaton
Brendan, I really think you should've warned us that video wasn't safe for work. Come on man, too much to ask?
I'll point you to what BTSMGL said above. Plus you know, you're in the sex forum. I'd just assume that any link in the sex forum isn't safe for work. Since it is a forum about sex.
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post #22 of 33
12/11/07 at 5:48pm
I'm pretty sure he's kidding, though it would be the second time that jokes been made in this delicious thread.
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post #23 of 33
12/11/07 at 7:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan
I'll point you to what BTSMGL said above. Plus you know, you're in the sex forum. I'd just assume that any link in the sex forum isn't safe for work. Since it is a forum about sex.
I know Brendan. I was kind of hoping the fact that I included your link name would hint at sarcasm (the ungrateful bitch part kind of sealed the deal dude).
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post #24 of 33
12/11/07 at 7:44pm
Also, I don't work.
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post #25 of 33
12/11/07 at 9:29pm
I see... well I just figured maybe you were serious since it's happened before where people have complained that a link wasn't NSFW in the sex forum.
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post #26 of 33
12/11/07 at 10:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan
I see... well I just figured maybe you were serious since it's happened before where people have complained that a link wasn't NSFW in the sex forum.
Haha, yeah it happens. I sent my friend a clip like that while he was at work, blatant porn title and everything. It involved a ping pong ball. His boss wasn't pleased.
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post #27 of 33
12/12/07 at 12:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Eaton
Haha, yeah it happens. I sent my friend a clip like that while he was at work, blatant porn title and everything. It involved a ping pong ball. His boss wasn't pleased.
That's why we should have never let the bitches out of the kitchen.
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post #28 of 33
12/12/07 at 1:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Eaton
I know Brendan. I was kind of hoping the fact that I included your link name would hint at sarcasm (the ungrateful bitch part kind of sealed the deal dude).
Sorry. I didn't mean to come off like a jerk or something. I was gonna give you rep and saying as much there, but it seems I have to spread some more around!
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post #29 of 33
12/12/07 at 11:30am
Totally okay gentlemen.

To return the favor, here's what you're looking for. It's a review of The XXXorcist DVD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Devon Bertsch of Digital-Retribution.com
The fourth commentary features Cock Kent and Big Tasty, and is just inane. They watch the totally fucked ending version.
Just inane. Really Mr. Bertsch?
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post #30 of 33
12/12/07 at 11:56am
Cock Kent. Big Tasty. Are these biblical names?
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post #31 of 33
12/12/07 at 12:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Eaton
To return the favor, here's what you're looking for. It's a review of The XXXorcist DVD.
Quote:
The movie's pretty odd, but where else will you see a possessed girl taunting, "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, but not as good as me!" Or a priest, with a tattoo (that looks like a chainsaw wielding milkshake, by the way) crying and shouting, "Damn you, Satan!" while getting a blowjob? Or a crucidildo?
Ha!
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post #32 of 33
12/12/07 at 12:33pm
I think the commentary should just be sounds of people masturbating.
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post #33 of 33
12/17/07 at 4:36am
I'd like to hear the commentary on this:

http://porn-bloopers.thumblogger.com...ng-on-cum.html
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