Hey.
My names Emerick and i have been lurking for many years on the forums but never wanted to mix it up on here for fear of all the formidable chewers pointing out my shabby grammar and sorry typing skills. But I resolved to get in on the conversation so here I am. I hope this isnt too strange but since the Chudstories forum is so slow I thought my first post could be a story that I wrote that might introduce me well. Anyhow, here it is.
The Legend of Walking Paul
By Emerick Tackett
The truth about Walking Paul is that he was an O.K. guy.
He never caused no real harm; He just wandered around town and did his best to stay out of the road.
No one really knew where his camp was but folks who cook meth, tend to be reclusive for the most part.
Who the hell cares if the man liked to get twacked out up in the woods?
He wasn’t no dope dealer or nothing; he just had the lab for personal use, like most people.
People still talked and said he had a sack full of gold teeth that he kept buried somewhere in the woods.
But stealing gold teeth from people after they died doesn’t make you a bad person, at least not in my book.
In fact Ol’ Paul was pretty upstanding for a vagrant. He even worked sometimes for Jonas the carpenter and on more than one occasion I saw him pick up trash from the side of the road.
He was a religious man too, and he had a little plastic statue of Jesus that he would talk to, from time to time.
Paul was a good man but on the other hand Puerto Rican Frank and his buddy Zero was a couple of real sons of bitches. Puerto Rican frank wasn’t even from Puerto Rico, he was of Italian descent and Zero was a straight killer, colder than a pimp’s heart, that guy.
Never content to see a man live out his life unbothered and at peace, these characters decided one day to start messing with Walking Paul.
Some said it was cause Paul had been seeing One Armed Chrissy.
She was the finest one armed whore in town and Zero had always had been real sweet on her.
I’ll tell you right now that if Paul knew Zero had personal feelings for the woman he would have been more than happy to share the wealth, cause Paul was generous like that.
But that rumor was nothing but spurious prevarication intended to romantificate the story.
Educated folk, like me and you, know that Puerto Rican Frank and Zero wanted Paul’s buried gold teeth.
So they watched Walking Paul and waited. Kind of like how a dolphin can swim gracefully underwater for years on just one breath, Paul could wander aimlessly for two or three days with a good lungful of twack smoke.
But eventually, on the third night of watching they seen Paul duck into the bushes and disappear like a ghost into the hills.
As they followed Paul they could hear him whispering gibberish to his Jesus statue.
Paul led them deep into the hills until they came to a dilapidated trailer surrounded by tall oak trees.
Seeing how good Paul had it made Zero and Frank real sore so they pulled out their knives and said “Hey walking Paul! Freeze Motherfucker!”
Paul turned around looking surprised.
Then Frank said some shit in Italian but Paul didn’t understand and he just stood there.
“Yeah, we want the god damn gold teeth up in here” said Zero.
Paul didn’t want no violence so he showed them where the sack of gold was. When it turned out that most of the teeth were silver, Frank got mad and Stabbed Paul in the gut.
“Lord help me I’m being murdered!” wailed Paul.
Frank stuck him again in the collar bone area.
Zero moved in for the kill but was stopped by a bright light and the heavenly sound of angelic harps.
And there was Jesus looking mean and firing laser beams from his eyes.
Then Jesus summoned an army of raccoons who quickly tied up the villains with special raccoon rope.
I aint lying man, I know all this on account of my friend Billy Tom who had been sitting in a nearby tree drinking on a box of wine.
He saw the whole thing go down! Anyway, then Jesus laid hands on Paul and healed him.
Jesus remembered Zero and Frank, rolled up his robe sleeves and gave them a beating courtesy of the Lord.
Then He turned Frank into a goat and let the raccoons ride around on his back. “Damn” thought Zero “Here it comes.”
But Paul said he could let bygones be bygones as long as Jesus could and they left Zero and Frank (who was now a goat) to their own devices.
They spent several years after that doing dirt till one day Zero got jealous of the fact that Frank was a goat and killed him in a fit of anger.
He always felt bad about it though. A few years later he succumbed to a case of chronic syphilitus, moved to Jamaica to get help from a specialist and was never seen again.
Paul and Jesus were not so lucky however. They started a successful Mexican restaurant but was killed in an explosion when Jesus accidentally left the gas oven on and Walking Paul sparked up a crack pipe full of glass.
But there’s some who say that Paul and Jesus are in heaven and are doing well.
I like to believe that because like I said Paul was a good guy and although I never met Jesus I heard people say he was alright too.
My names Emerick and i have been lurking for many years on the forums but never wanted to mix it up on here for fear of all the formidable chewers pointing out my shabby grammar and sorry typing skills. But I resolved to get in on the conversation so here I am. I hope this isnt too strange but since the Chudstories forum is so slow I thought my first post could be a story that I wrote that might introduce me well. Anyhow, here it is.
The Legend of Walking Paul
By Emerick Tackett
The truth about Walking Paul is that he was an O.K. guy.
He never caused no real harm; He just wandered around town and did his best to stay out of the road.
No one really knew where his camp was but folks who cook meth, tend to be reclusive for the most part.
Who the hell cares if the man liked to get twacked out up in the woods?
He wasn’t no dope dealer or nothing; he just had the lab for personal use, like most people.
People still talked and said he had a sack full of gold teeth that he kept buried somewhere in the woods.
But stealing gold teeth from people after they died doesn’t make you a bad person, at least not in my book.
In fact Ol’ Paul was pretty upstanding for a vagrant. He even worked sometimes for Jonas the carpenter and on more than one occasion I saw him pick up trash from the side of the road.
He was a religious man too, and he had a little plastic statue of Jesus that he would talk to, from time to time.
Paul was a good man but on the other hand Puerto Rican Frank and his buddy Zero was a couple of real sons of bitches. Puerto Rican frank wasn’t even from Puerto Rico, he was of Italian descent and Zero was a straight killer, colder than a pimp’s heart, that guy.
Never content to see a man live out his life unbothered and at peace, these characters decided one day to start messing with Walking Paul.
Some said it was cause Paul had been seeing One Armed Chrissy.
She was the finest one armed whore in town and Zero had always had been real sweet on her.
I’ll tell you right now that if Paul knew Zero had personal feelings for the woman he would have been more than happy to share the wealth, cause Paul was generous like that.
But that rumor was nothing but spurious prevarication intended to romantificate the story.
Educated folk, like me and you, know that Puerto Rican Frank and Zero wanted Paul’s buried gold teeth.
So they watched Walking Paul and waited. Kind of like how a dolphin can swim gracefully underwater for years on just one breath, Paul could wander aimlessly for two or three days with a good lungful of twack smoke.
But eventually, on the third night of watching they seen Paul duck into the bushes and disappear like a ghost into the hills.
As they followed Paul they could hear him whispering gibberish to his Jesus statue.
Paul led them deep into the hills until they came to a dilapidated trailer surrounded by tall oak trees.
Seeing how good Paul had it made Zero and Frank real sore so they pulled out their knives and said “Hey walking Paul! Freeze Motherfucker!”
Paul turned around looking surprised.
Then Frank said some shit in Italian but Paul didn’t understand and he just stood there.
“Yeah, we want the god damn gold teeth up in here” said Zero.
Paul didn’t want no violence so he showed them where the sack of gold was. When it turned out that most of the teeth were silver, Frank got mad and Stabbed Paul in the gut.
“Lord help me I’m being murdered!” wailed Paul.
Frank stuck him again in the collar bone area.
Zero moved in for the kill but was stopped by a bright light and the heavenly sound of angelic harps.
And there was Jesus looking mean and firing laser beams from his eyes.
Then Jesus summoned an army of raccoons who quickly tied up the villains with special raccoon rope.
I aint lying man, I know all this on account of my friend Billy Tom who had been sitting in a nearby tree drinking on a box of wine.
He saw the whole thing go down! Anyway, then Jesus laid hands on Paul and healed him.
Jesus remembered Zero and Frank, rolled up his robe sleeves and gave them a beating courtesy of the Lord.
Then He turned Frank into a goat and let the raccoons ride around on his back. “Damn” thought Zero “Here it comes.”
But Paul said he could let bygones be bygones as long as Jesus could and they left Zero and Frank (who was now a goat) to their own devices.
They spent several years after that doing dirt till one day Zero got jealous of the fact that Frank was a goat and killed him in a fit of anger.
He always felt bad about it though. A few years later he succumbed to a case of chronic syphilitus, moved to Jamaica to get help from a specialist and was never seen again.
Paul and Jesus were not so lucky however. They started a successful Mexican restaurant but was killed in an explosion when Jesus accidentally left the gas oven on and Walking Paul sparked up a crack pipe full of glass.
But there’s some who say that Paul and Jesus are in heaven and are doing well.
I like to believe that because like I said Paul was a good guy and although I never met Jesus I heard people say he was alright too.
