CHUD.com Community › Forums › CULTURE, HUMOR, & FREE FORM › Gossip › Jessica Alba is pregnant
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Jessica Alba is pregnant - Page 2

post #51 of 217
See, now you got me on "Rug Rats". The show never even entered my mind - I think that was way after my time.
post #52 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
Can we not call them parasites? I don't like kids, and I agree that bringing one into the world in this day and age is malicious at least, downright cruel at worst, but a little decency? It's not a virus or a disease. It's something natural and, before the world went to hell in a handbasket, wonderful.
Hey, if we're being technical, that's exactly what an unborn child is--a PARASITE, attaching itself to you and siphoning the mother's nutrients.

But I get your logic.
post #53 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
Hey, if we're being technical, that's exactly what an unborn child is--a PARASITE, attaching itself to you and siphoning the mother's nutrients.

But I get your logic.
Aaaah, but but but... then if you see bugs scurrying across the floor, or a tick on a dog, you have to refer to it as a fetus.
post #54 of 217
I wish you could talk my 23-year old friend who's looking to get married and have kids ASAP.

When I ask why she wants it so badly so quickly, all she can say is "It's something I've always wanted." Nevermind the fact the guy she's looking to get knocked up by is probably 7 years of maturity away from being a decent husband and father.
post #55 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic Boom View Post
I wish you could talk my 23-year old friend who's looking to get married and have kids ASAP.

When I ask why she wants it so badly so quickly, all she can say is "It's something I've always wanted." Nevermind the fact the guy's she's looking to get knocked up by is probably 7 years of maturity away from being a decent husband and father.
I've been convinced for years that some people genuinely want children, and huzzah for them. But some people...do they really want to get married and have kids, or do they feel obligated to do so? I have no interest in babymaking, not because I'm some bitter spinster or whatever the cliche is, but because that soccer-mom lifestyle has absolutely no appeal to me in any way, shape, form, or fashion. There's no way that all of these people walking around with kids actually wanted them, and in their heart of hearts, if they could have a do-over, they would have aborted mission. Harsh, but true.
post #56 of 217
You don't have to be a soccer mom! You can be like Christina Aguliera and have tons of fun while Junior is sleeping. Every night if you want.
post #57 of 217
And soon, you'll be able to have the kid make you drinks! It's like an investment in your partying future!
post #58 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
And soon, you'll be able to have the kid make you drinks! It's like an investment in your partying future!
An investment that I would have to constantly worry about, chase after, discipline, clean, feed, chauffeur to play dates, karate, ballet, tap, soccer, school plays, buy clothes for, buy toys for, buy school supplies for, take to the hospital at 2am with a 104 degree fever, get birth control, and find a way to pay for college.

No thank you.
post #59 of 217
pfh college. Tell him to learn a trade and he'll be more than set.
post #60 of 217
Much as I get where both Lisa and Harley are coming from, I'm also glad somebody brought up Idiocracy.

Yes, there's plenty of people out there doing plenty to propagate the species. I'm worried because most of those people are fucking morons.
post #61 of 217
The popularity of soccer in suburbia has always fascinated me. Kids might as well be playing cricket.
post #62 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post
Yes, there's plenty of people out there doing plenty to propagate the species. I'm worried because most of those people are fucking morons.
Quote for fucking truth. All of our cool ideas, science and books won't mean shit if the only book people read is some two thousand year old thing that tells them to go forth and multiply*

* with little to no regard to the earth, because hey, you're getting Raptured anyways. Not your problem.

Soccer always fascinated me, too. I love playing it. But what's really odd is that it all but evaporates once you hit high school. Then it's football or basketball all the way. It's like we don't mind teaching our kids THE world sport, but only until they can start taking hits with the pigskin.
post #63 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic Boom View Post
The popularity of soccer in suburbia has always fascinated me. Kids might as well be playing cricket.
I don't get it, either. I suppose that soccer is a good way to get our country's fatass kids off the couch and running outside for a little while.
post #64 of 217
Probably because Soccer unlike other sports doesn't really require much other than a uniform and shoes as opposed to buying equipment like a bat or pads.
post #65 of 217
Plus, kids love to hit things with their heads.
post #66 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
Plus, kids love to hit things with their heads.
Starting as they headbutt their way out of Mommy's pussy.
post #67 of 217
Out of all the horror movies I've watched (including Ghost Dad), seeing a video of child birth is still the most disturbing thing I've seen.
post #68 of 217
I never understood taping the birth. Why the hell do you want to show the wife's junk all up in there with shit that would normally get a film at NC-17 and make Fulci vomit.
post #69 of 217
Having worked in a delivery room, I have to say that childbirth is only beautiful if you're one of the parents (and even then it's a stretch - pun intended)

Cleaning up after birth (my job at the time), eliminates any chance of me seeing childbirth as beautiful any time in the future.
post #70 of 217
Oh, for heaven's sake... some of us want to have a child/children. Some of us don't. Not exactly controversial.
post #71 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman View Post
Having worked in a delivery room, I have to say that childbirth is only beautiful if you're one of the parents (and even then it's a stretch - pun intended)

Cleaning up after birth (my job at the time), eliminates any chance of me seeing childbirth as beautiful any time in the future.
Ha, ha. Afterbirth.
post #72 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman View Post
Having worked in a delivery room, I have to say that childbirth is only beautiful if you're one of the parents (and even then it's a stretch - pun intended).
The best, most honest conversation I had with someone after watching their kid being born was from my best friend from high school, who's wife just had their first baby almost a year ago. He was horrified - "Oh my god, there was blood and mucus and feces everywhere! And it stunk and it was horrible, and I swear that was the moment I almost passed out. I can't even begin to understand how people can romanticize that moment." And this is a wonderful father, a great husband, loves his wife and kid more than anything. But he was completely honest about what went down in the delivery room.
post #73 of 217
All I know is, no way in hell could I push out a kid. My threshold for pain is slim and none. Sheesh, that shit is horrifying.
post #74 of 217
Until I saw Children of Men, I didn't fully know how a kid was pushed out. Alls I can say is thank christ for low lighting.
post #75 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Until I saw Children of Men, I didn't fully know how a kid was pushed out. Alls I can say is thank christ for low lighting.
You're lucky I had to watch a video of child birth in health class. And that was good couple years ago, it's still burned into my mind.
post #76 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
All I know is, no way in hell could I push out a kid. My threshold for pain is slim and none. Sheesh, that shit is horrifying.
One word: epidural!
post #77 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubWilliams View Post
You're lucky I had to watch a video of child birth in health class. And that was good couple years ago, it's still burned into my mind.
Alls I can say is that I'm amazed you didn't just crawl into a bottle of Jack Daniels and never leave.
post #78 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Alls I can say is that I'm amazed you didn't just crawl into a bottle of Jack Daniels and never leave.
Well, I did start drinking around that time.
post #79 of 217
I too witnessed childbirth videos in school, science class though and it was horrifying.

Even worse was watching someone's cataract surgery, but that was more fun because one of the biggest jackasses I ever had the pleasure of meeting fainted right in the middle of it.

No I'm not bitter at all why do you ask?
post #80 of 217
Watching that birth scene in Knocked Up gave me a nightmare, I shit you not.
post #81 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
Nah. There's plenty of women on this planet who, for reasons beyond me, get off on procreating. They can handle that shit. Me, I'll keep my figure and my sanity. Thanks.
And they usually get off WHEN procreating as well! Hey-o!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic Boom View Post
The popularity of soccer in suburbia has always fascinated me. Kids might as well be playing cricket.
I'm not a big soccer fan, but if I ever have kids that will be the first sport they play. It's a simple sport for young kids to play--"hey, run around and kick the fucking ball." Even the paste-eaters can comprehend that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
Starting as they headbutt their way out of Mommy's pussy.
My love for you grows every time I read posts like this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
The best, most honest conversation I had with someone after watching their kid being born was from my best friend from high school, who's wife just had their first baby almost a year ago. He was horrified - "Oh my god, there was blood and mucus and feces everywhere! And it stunk and it was horrible, and I swear that was the moment I almost passed out. I can't even begin to understand how people can romanticize that moment." And this is a wonderful father, a great husband, loves his wife and kid more than anything. But he was completely honest about what went down in the delivery room.
Yeah, if I am ever in a delivery room with the mother of my children, my eyes will never venture below the gown. I will lock eyes with her and focus all my attention upstairs. If I see any of the nasty stuff, I will drop like I've been hit with a Tyson right hook.
post #82 of 217
I love how people try to perpetuate this image of men fainting in the delivery room due to being overwhelmed by the momentous moment of becoming a daddy. Bitch please. If I saw some creature clawing its way out of a blood-soaked pussy, I'd hit the deck, too.
post #83 of 217
Can't forget the shit and mucus, oh and afterbirth too.
post #84 of 217
The afterbirth from Brasky's wife was sauteed mushrooms.
post #85 of 217
You guys crack me up! What a bunch of wimps around shit, mucus, and blood. Come visit me at my daycare!
post #86 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiana View Post
You guys crack me up! What a bunch of wimps around shit, mucus, and blood. Come visit me at my daycare!
Daycare's one thing. I can handle a kid shitting himself and flinging it on the wall(swear to God, I've seen this done). Seeing a kid pull a chestburster on their mom is something else entirely. Yeesh.
post #87 of 217
I agree with Harley. I've cleaned many a public bathroom in my days. But that's nothing to what goes on when that kid comes out the chute.
post #88 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
Starting as they headbutt their way out of Mommy's pussy.
I feel so sorry for your mom if that's how you chose to enter the world.
post #89 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
I agree with Harley. I've cleaned many a public bathroom in my days. But that's nothing to what goes on when that kid comes out the chute.

Urge... to ... refute... RISING...
post #90 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Urge... to ... refute... RISING...
Everybody duck! Timothy is about to start public restroom stories.
post #91 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiana View Post
You guys crack me up! What a bunch of wimps around shit, mucus, and blood. Come visit me at my daycare!
Oh, right. Because cleaning up puke, poop and oreos really compares to watching a person squeeze out another person from an opening that was originally no wider than a tampon.

(Go ahead, Tim - REFUTE! We love it when you refute!)
post #92 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Oh, right. Because cleaning up puke, poop and oreos really compares to watching a person squeeze out another person from an opening that was originally no wider than a tampon.
The way you describe childbirth actually sounds awesome.
post #93 of 217
Would everyone please stop soiling my mental image of Jessica Alba?
post #94 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
Urge... to ... refute... RISING...
Oh yeah I forgot, Tim here faced things in bathrooms that would make you turn white.
post #95 of 217
Reminds me of the time on of the nurses dropped the afterbirth on the delivery room floor.

I can't tell you how excited I was when they showed me and asked me to clean it up. The image is forever burned into my retinas.
post #96 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
(Go ahead, Tim - REFUTE! We love it when you refute!)
Ah-ah, must save some stuff for the NJ Chewer get together. And some of them may have people running into the streets screaming.

Suffice to say, for anyone that hasn't read any of my true tales of terror from working at Great Adventure, once you've seen ladies' rooms covered floor to ceiling in shit, black Creepshow 2 like goo emanating from a tipped over port-a-john, and the soul-shattering horror of someone literally shitting out their own anus, watching someone give birth is like getting a Golden Ticket to Wonka's ("It's ours, Charlie!").

ETA: Tieman knows my pain. I feel for ya, dude.
post #97 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieman View Post
Reminds me of the time on of the nurses dropped the afterbirth on the delivery room floor.

I can't tell you how excited I was when they showed me and asked me to clean it up. The image is forever burned into my retinas.
If you went on a eight day bender afterwards I can completly understand and condone that behavior.
post #98 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Oh, right. Because cleaning up puke, poop and oreos really compares to watching a person squeeze out another person from an opening that was originally no wider than a tampon.

(Go ahead, Tim - REFUTE! We love it when you refute!)
THANK YOU. Christ, it's fucking disgusting!
post #99 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Oh, right. Because cleaning up puke, poop and oreos really...
Oftentimes, all three at the same time. ::shudder::
post #100 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
Oftentimes, all three at the same time. ::shudder::
Call me nuts, but dookie doesn't bug me. Perhaps having a little sister whose diapers I used to change occasionally helps in the doo-doo immunity, but blood is just NOT my thing. No. My dad's a pediatric surgeon, and listening to the stories that man tells makes me wanna toss my cookies.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Gossip
CHUD.com Community › Forums › CULTURE, HUMOR, & FREE FORM › Gossip › Jessica Alba is pregnant