I have this friend... - Page 2

Holy shit, Cthulhu...that reads almost like one of those Straight Incorporated testimonials.

Well, good on you for getting away from that stuff.

Yeah seriously. Print that shit out and make a movie.

And FYI, I didn't realize you were so young Cthulhu.

Witches are cool if they look like Sarah Jessica Parker in Hocus Pocus. She got ugly after that though, so make sure it's only her when she was in that movie.

Christ, maybe a witch made her ugly.

Wow. I always thought Sarah Jessica Parker looked like a horse, but now that it comes up here, she's much closer to the Wicked Witch of the West.

I love how that got brought up in Ed Wood.

"Do I really have a face like a horse?"

At least your friend isn't alone.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7176673.stm

The threat of witchcraft has scared looters into returning goods they stole during unrest which followed last month's disputed Kenyan elections.

Look, you've got to be firm, tell your friend to go stand in the corner and stop getting his knickers, hair, teeth, what is that, possibly a tounge? in a bunch.

I'm getting dumber the more I read those comments.

" I HAVE SEEN THE WITCHCRAFT BOOK OF BLACK SPELLS, AND SOME DO INDEED CALL FOR RUTUAL DEATH. THESE ARE THE MOST VILE OF SPELLS. THEY LOOSE PURE EVIL ON THE WORLD. "

Where can I get this book?

I'm curious to know how Jacob's post would look if it were written by one of his friend's other friends (You know, one of those witch people. Witch people? Exactly.) Perhaps something like this:

I've known him for almost a dozen years now. He's believes in wholeheartedly in witchcraft. Specifically, he properly believes a witch put a curse on him during his stint in the Air Force. He comes from a deeply fundamentalist family (which should bolster his credibility right off the bat), his lovely mom writes brilliant End-Of-Times non-fiction books, and his brother ran for local government on an anti-abortion ticket in an homage to the great Pat Robertson.

He rightfully believes a witch can successfully cast spells on people with tangible results, and has done so in his case. He's funny, unassuming, an all-around quality guy, and a credit to our practice.

And he's an engineer.

Yup. Degree from GA Tech, worked for Lockheed-Martin for about 6 years, a fan of something called Star Trek (did I pronounce that right?).

Now, I want to stress, I like this guy. I enjoy having lunch with him at the altar, and going to rituals, etc., etc. We have great conversations and he's a stimulating compadre.

But he's an engineer.

Literally.

Like, he calculates absolute numbers and shit.

I'm at my wits end. I've danced around his proficiency in math and logic for quite some time now. Is there really any way I can tell him that I think he's absolutely fucking bonkers and still keep him as a friend? Or should I just write him off as yet another delusional looney that I can never come to grips with?

The comments'll give you a headache. Fantasy-casting the article's more fun.

I now have in my head Barry Corbin as Sioux City Police Chief Joe Frisbie, haggard, troubled, worn-down and genuinely spooked.

"You're talking about people casting spells, spells gone bad," Frisbie said. "Obviously, there is a lot more going on here than a straightforward homicide."

It's in his eyes. Frisbie knows, It's started again.

"You cain't stop what's comin'."

I hate to call myself a misanthrope, but reading so many comments like that on various newspaper articles, Youtube, and other random places on the net has convinced me that I hate at least 95% of the human race.

Don't bullshit me. I want to know, where can I get that book?



Serious.

Amazon? Maybe Overstock?

I dunno. It's become kind of a meme with science bloggers that when you catch someone in a technical field overstepping their area of knowledge and making batshit crazy claims about how the universe works, chances are the guy is an engineer.

The First Commandment basically means that you should choose to play for the winning team (ie God) and put all other 'higher powers' aside.

That doesn't mean they don't exist in the mind of the literal Christian.

Dammit, Vivesector, are you a priest? If not, then silence! Only priests are able to interpret the Bible for us! Us inferior mortals can clearly not comprehend the subtle depths of that holiest of texts!

Jacob, whatever you do, don't show your friend this:

http://postarchives.entensity.net/03...edia=witch.wmv

I'm not a priest, but I do play one on TV.

Weird, what was that? Whatever it was it didn't look very aerodynamic. Hoax videos? I'm sure it would be pretty easy to do.

Having relatives in Mexico I can vouch that Mexicans are fucking nuts about Witches.

To the point where one of the more famous tales in our rural area is that a man actually staked out one evening and captured one and broke its legs so it wouldn't fly away.

How did that story end? You'd think we would now have the ultimate proof that witches exist hobbling around on crutches somewhere.

If I remember the story correctly, she died come sun-up and became nothing.


I guess that old man was like fucking Blade or something.

I bet the friend is really you.

That's okay, I bet you're not even real

...is that due for real, like, for real real?

Where can you buy a wizard's robe other than an costume shop?

Daryll?

The friend is really you. This is an old trick. it has been done in every tv show. "I have a friend with a problem." Nobody is fooled.

Well, you never know...

He thinks he his.