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Top 100 Message Board Quotes from Christian Fundamentalists - Page 2

post #51 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppySeeds View Post
Oh, it's all a laugh until they take the interracial porn away. Then shit gets serious.
When the force me to cancel my subscription to Gigantic Asses, then it'll really be on. Mark my words.
post #52 of 98
Quote:
Masturbation can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong.
Looks like I'm safe!
post #53 of 98
Yeah me too. I get off to fantasies of unicorns and koalas co-existing peacefully in a sunny field with the Teletubbies. Orgasms for Jesus!
post #54 of 98
Looks like I'm in real trouble. The unicorns in my masturbatory fantasies are some of the horniest creatures you'll ever see.
post #55 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post
Looks like I'm in real trouble. The unicorns in my masturbatory fantasies are some of the horniest creatures you'll ever see.
So that's what those horns are for.
post #56 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gulager View Post
God is the internet.
So if God is internet, what does that make Al Gore?
post #57 of 98
Quote:
For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico.
So that's where I left it.
post #58 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by seacup_79 View Post
So if God is internet, what does that make Al Gore?
Buddha?
post #59 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubWilliams View Post
So that's what those horns are for.
The horn is for holding the towel.
post #60 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by seacup_79 View Post
So if God is internet, what does that make Al Gore?


Duh. MegaGod.
post #61 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl View Post
Yeah me too. I get off to fantasies of unicorns and koalas co-existing peacefully in a sunny field with the Teletubbies. Orgasms for Jesus!
post #62 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Jim Slade View Post
See I always thought that masturbating made baby Jesus cry. I stand corrected
post #63 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
The horn is for holding the towel.
Pervert.
post #64 of 98
Annnnnnnnnnnnd....Big Jim Slade wins the internet.
post #65 of 98
I want that as a t-shirt.
post #66 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewolf Girl View Post
Yeah me too. I get off to fantasies of unicorns and koalas co-existing peacefully in a sunny field with the Teletubbies. Orgasms for Jesus!
I think I love you.....
post #67 of 98
If you replaced the koalas with pandas, then you'd have something.
post #68 of 98
"Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these "rocks" at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day."


Ooooh, hahahahaha!

Now that one has got to be fake
post #69 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Oysterburger View Post
Now that one has got to be fake
Have you ever been to the Bible Belt? Of all of the questionable posts, I can see this being truthful.
post #70 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattimus View Post
Have you ever been to the Bible Belt? Of all of the questionable posts, I can see this being truthful.
Seconded. Never underestimate the retardation of fundamentalist Christians when mixed with their inferiority complex.
post #71 of 98
yeah, I get what your saying. Just picturing a scene like that in my head is hilarious, I can just see the righteous indignation in their faces as they throw their "rocks" at some poor guy.


Also, I think this type of behaviour is much more scarce here in the UK (thank fuck) so I have a much harder time believeing shit like that actually happens.
post #72 of 98
They might show up with their fake "rocks" carefully stowed in their backpacks, but they would never go through with their plan. If some self-righteous crypto-Christian had the audacity to throw a fake rock at me or any other queer close to me, they'd be picking up their teeth in a matter of seconds.
post #73 of 98
No kidding. I'm trying to picture how my best friend would have reacted to being pelted with a "rock" when we were in college. I'm pretty sure he would have pummeled the offending Christian (after pulling me off of said Christian, of course).

And, anyway, barring someone walking with their significant other or someone encrusted in Pride jewelry, how do you tell when you've encountered a gay person?
post #74 of 98
Let's see how sanctimonious you act when confronted by our real rocks, you pussies!

See? One of the many advantages of being a godless, amoral heathen.

EDIT: To answer Zooey, they apparently expect them to be the most flamboyant, feather-clad people ever. A girl that I went to high school with in Texas came out of the closet a few years ago, and a bunch of people posted on her Facebook about how "wow, I never could tell! You were so subtle about it!" followed by some pretty vile stuff that got deleted.

Like what the fuck was she supposed to do, walk around with "I Love The Bajingo" tattooed on her forehead?
post #75 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Oysterburger View Post
yeah, I get what your saying. Just picturing a scene like that in my head is hilarious, I can just see the righteous indignation in their faces as they throw their "rocks" at some poor guy.
I'm more picturing the poor gay person with a "...the hell?" look on their face as the 'rock' bounces ineffectively off of them.

Of course this could all be some elaborate way of flirting without flirting like when a grade school boy pulls a girls pig tails and runs away.
post #76 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
And, anyway, barring someone walking with their significant other or someone encrusted in Pride jewelry, how do you tell when you've encountered a gay person?
Jeez, Zooey, all gays look the same:

post #77 of 98
Freddy Mercury was gay!?!?
post #78 of 98
So was Liberace! Oh my God!!! Why didn't anyone tell me?!?!
post #79 of 98
Wonderful. Now I have to burn all of my Queen albums and ritualistically whip my genitalia with nettles. Again.
post #80 of 98
I have this theory that "again" is the funniest word in the English language. Thank you for providing me with another concrete example, Jake.
post #81 of 98
You lie, liberal liar! I don't see any horns.
post #82 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Wonderful. Now I have to burn all of my Queen albums and ritualistically whip my genitalia with nettles. Again.
Just another Thursday at Jake's house.
post #83 of 98
One of the problems is that to many people, gay men *are* like that photo that Ryan posted above (if not that, then they look like a drag queen - see Ru Paul and/or the various Hollywood films with drag queens). Sadly American's (not all) don't get the concept that gay men and women are just like them. They just like the same sex. I can't tell you how many times work associates/friends/family have been surprised to discover that I am gay. "You can't be gay. You aren't limp wristed. You don't wear tight clothes. I have never seen you oggle young boys. You like rock, how can you be gay? You've got to be kidding, you watch sports! You don't look gay."
post #84 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
So was Liberace! Oh my God!!! Why didn't anyone tell me?!?!
Psssst...MissZooey...uhm...I hate to tell you this but so was this guy:

post #85 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
One of the problems is that to many people, gay men *are* like that photo that Ryan posted above (if not that, then they look like a drag queen - see Ru Paul and/or the various Hollywood films with drag queens). Sadly American's (not all) don't get the concept that gay men and women are just like them. They just like the same sex. I can't tell you how many times work associates/friends/family have been surprised to discover that I am gay. "You can't be gay. You aren't limp wristed. You don't wear tight clothes. I have never seen you oggle young boys. You like rock, how can you be gay? You've got to be kidding, you watch sports! You don't look gay."
Dude, I could so get you a date with a really cute guy here in Calgary. He's tired of limp wristed pretty boys and pinball cowboys.

(Is it wrong to pimp out friends on the internet?)
post #86 of 98
I know it is completely from my perspective and others would find this ridiculously offensive but a mock stoning for queers is just as threatening as leaving a noose somewhere a black person could see it. I also think a case could be made that such an action would constitute assault.
post #87 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
One of the problems is that to many people, gay men *are* like that photo that Ryan posted above (if not that, then they look like a drag queen - see Ru Paul and/or the various Hollywood films with drag queens). Sadly American's (not all) don't get the concept that gay men and women are just like them. They just like the same sex. I can't tell you how many times work associates/friends/family have been surprised to discover that I am gay. "You can't be gay. You aren't limp wristed. You don't wear tight clothes. I have never seen you oggle young boys. You like rock, how can you be gay? You've got to be kidding, you watch sports! You don't look gay."
Agreed.

We have a horrible tendency to stereotype people and act amazed when they defy stereotypes(see: black people who don't like fried chicken, Asian people who can drive), and then get pissed off when they might be slightly offended and wonder "why the gays/Mexicans/whoever can't just get over it". I understand that a lot of people resort to stereotypes because it's something that they can feel familiar with, but that doesn't make it right.
post #88 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
Dude, I could so get you a date with a really cute guy here in Calgary. He's tired of limp wristed pretty boys and pinball cowboys.

(Is it wrong to pimp out friends on the internet?)
Not at all. Unfortunately Canada=winter=no HBarr.
post #89 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Agreed.

We have a horrible tendency to stereotype people and act amazed when they defy stereotypes(see: black people who don't like fried chicken, Asian people who can drive), and then get pissed off when they might be slightly offended and wonder "why the gays/Mexicans/whoever can't just get over it". I understand that a lot of people resort to stereotypes because it's something that they can feel familiar with, but that doesn't make it right.
Yeah, stereotypes suck. The best way to defeat them would be to more accurately portray gay folk in the media; however, it won't play. Too boring. Even better if more gay folk could come out of the closet to demonstrate that gays are normal, but without equal protection it's better to stay in the closet (spoken as one who has been fired from a job when the employer discovered I was gay).
post #90 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by leeVSbenway View Post
I know it is completely from my perspective and others would find this ridiculously offensive but a mock stoning for queers is just as threatening as leaving a noose somewhere a black person could see it. I also think a case could be made that such an action would constitute assault.
I would hope so. While in my head the whole thing plays out like Mr. Burns ineffectually trying to beat someone with a baseball bat, in real life the event should be offensive to everyone.
post #91 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
Yeah, stereotypes suck. The best way to defeat them would be to more accurately portray gay folk in the media; however, it won't play. Too boring. Even better if more gay folk could come out of the closet to demonstrate that gays are normal, but without equal protection it's better to stay in the closet (spoken as one who has been fired from a job when the employer discovered I was gay).
Well, like you were getting at near the end of that statement, for the media to accurately portray the GLBT community, they'd have to acknowledge the fact that society generally treats people like shit for their sexual preference or gender identity and marginalizes them as often as possible. I don't think Joe and Jane Sixpack would cotton to seeing the wacky flamboyant next-door neighbor in their favorite sitcom being called a fag and getting beaten up in high school.
post #92 of 98
Maybe the gay community over there could organize a mock "throwing christians to the lions" event. They could have kittens attacking Ken dolls.
post #93 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I don't think Joe and Jane Sixpack would cotton to seeing the wacky flamboyant next-door neighbor in their favorite sitcom being called a fag and getting beaten up in high school.
A more accurate way, would Joe and Jane sixpack cotton to seeing their normal bloke neighbor (someone Joe borrows landscaping shears from and watches Sunday football) being called a fag and getting beaten up in high school?
post #94 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
Maybe the gay community over there could organize a mock "throwing christians to the lions" event. They could have kittens attacking Ken dolls.
Oh, the symbolism...
post #95 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
No kidding. I'm trying to picture how my best friend would have reacted to being pelted with a "rock" when we were in college. I'm pretty sure he would have pummeled the offending Christian (after pulling me off of said Christian, of course).
No shit, my best friend in the whole world is gay and I just don't think I could be held responsible for my actions if someone ever tried to fuck with him. I don't care how small and weak I am, someone would lose an eye.
post #96 of 98
Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish.

awesomelegend, gaiaonline.com [Comments (130)] [2006-Nov-18]

"Sorry but scientists have just shown that mice DNA is more similar to humans than human DNA. So would evolutionists then declare that humans came from mice? Probably. That's because most people can't think for themselves and are confused about reality. That's why they believe anything scientists say."

Carico, CARM [Comments (109)] [2007-Jan-09]

Thats two of the best right there you all missed. It might be fun to be that ignorant for a day or so. Or not....
post #97 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by HBarr View Post
I can't tell you how many times work associates/friends/family have been surprised to discover that I am gay. "You can't be gay. You aren't limp wristed. You don't wear tight clothes. I have never seen you oggle young boys. You like rock, how can you be gay? You've got to be kidding, you watch sports! You don't look gay."
"Construction paper 'rocks' bounce harmlessly right off of you!"

I just discovered this thread, and all I can say is hooooly shit. I'm almost too scared to click on the actual link on page one.
post #98 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
And, anyway, barring someone walking with their significant other or someone encrusted in Pride jewelry, how do you tell when you've encountered a gay person?
Homosexuals attract bears. The bears can smell the gay.

Yeah, they kinda do because at least 47.6% of athiests if not more have some kind of mental disorder or are gay or BOTH !!!!!

I love the percentage, WITH decimal place. Awesome.
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