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List the reasons why everyone should want to be your friend forever

post #1 of 57
1/16/08 at 6:59am
Thread Starter 
Is it serious thread? Is it for taking serious? Or for the fake and lulz? Will it be made of fail? Jesus Shit, who knows?!

It's late, and Jared wanted me to post this.

So fucking list them.

I am listing nothing, as I lied in the "Quirks" thread. There are no good qualities balancing me out. I am a quivering sack of anxiety and insomniac fruit-hating.
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post #2 of 57
1/16/08 at 7:18am
I have a pink shirt. And a pink tie.
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post #3 of 57
1/16/08 at 7:28am
Thread Starter 
Thank you guys for being nice to my thread.

I like to spark film discussion amongst my normally quiet group of friends, and then spend the conversation steam-rolling their opinions because they are wrong. Friends should teach each other things.

Also, I like to suggest that we watch an "asian movie". Then, when we do and an asian chick appears on screen I like to make sure and say "man asian chicks are fucking hot." Friends should let friends know what races are hot.

You'll notice there's a sort of format here. That's a trend anyone can continue, but you don't have to. More of a suggestion. Up to you, really.
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post #4 of 57
1/16/08 at 7:40am
I throw cloves of garlic at all my new friends during friend initiation. I also make sure to spray them with a febreze bottle filled with holy water.

Friends shouldn't let friends become vampires.
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post #5 of 57
1/16/08 at 7:44am
For a second I was baffled imagining how you put water into an aluminum febrEze can.

Then I remembered they sell plastic ones.



Edited: I learned something about Febreze today.
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post #6 of 57
1/16/08 at 7:54am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vader
I learned something about Febreze today.
I didn't know it came in aluminum cans, so I guess I did too. This is really excellent, the dynamic we've got working here.

Fuck yeah.

Dynamic.
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post #7 of 57
1/16/08 at 8:00am
I'd be someone's friend if they had dynamic.

Yes, I'm hoping the grammar freaks in that other thread read that sentence.
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post #8 of 57
1/16/08 at 8:07am
Thread Starter 
Ha ha, did you just make a sex joke?

I don't get it(?)
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post #9 of 57
1/16/08 at 8:53am
Why should you be my friend forever? Think about how good you'll look by comparison.
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post #10 of 57
1/16/08 at 9:28am
I know taxidermy.
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post #11 of 57
1/16/08 at 11:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNewYork
I'll go shopping with you and help you pick out clothes. Not only will you look completely stylish by the time we're done, but if you're a guy, you won't have to feel self-consciously emasculated by shopping for clothes. Plus you can blame it all on me - "Well, I normally don't go to Banana Republic, but SHE made me come here" - and act like you could care less about the whole thing, while I secretly teach you how to stop dressing like a caveman. Me? Best friend you'll ever have.
Wait, you mean I shouldn't go to the dollar store on 31st to pick up new jeans?
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post #12 of 57
1/16/08 at 11:07am
Lisa, I definitely need a friend like you. I have absolutely bland tastes in clothes. I have the money for a nice wardrobe, but know I would never get anything nice myself.

I always tell my friends the truth, and let them know when they're being idiots. Some people call it being a prick, I call it preventing you from being a jackass outside your social circle.
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post #13 of 57
1/16/08 at 11:08am
Being my friend unlocks the "Some Of My Best Friends Are Black" Achievement on XBox Live.

It's worth 5GP.
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post #14 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:00pm
My friends have the keys to my house. They can go there 24/7 even if I'm not present. I also fix their PC's for free and get them PC parts for wholesale prices.

On a more serious side, I'm fanatically loyal to my friends. And I mean it. Once a friend of mine asked me to help him get revenge on a guy who was screwing his girlfriend. At the end of the month he had paid upwards of 10000 $ in various fines.
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post #15 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios
My friends have the keys to my house. They can go there 24/7 even if I'm not present. I also fix their PC's for free and get them PC parts for wholesale prices.

On a more serious side, I'm fanatically loyal to my friends. And I mean it. Once a friend of mine asked me to help him get revenge on a guy who was screwing his girlfriend. At the end of the month he had paid upwards of 10000 $ in various fines.

we need to talk, you are the bestest friend any guy can have!
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post #16 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:21pm
I'm very loyal to my friends too. I'm dropping $1000 soon on a party for a buddy who's down in the dumps, and am trying to help him find a job. I'd absoulutely take a bullet for any of my buddies.

I also can hook you up with any designs or artwork you might need (CGI art, flash for tattoos, comic art, etc.), help you with an errand, talk your ear off re: comics (Spider-Man in particular), sci-fi or horror flicks, etc.

Need a shoulder to cry on? I got two - no waiting! Keep secrets? Oh, mais oui! Got an errand you need run? Hey, I've got my trusty Saturn SC2, homeslice!

AND my wife bakes a lot - so free eats!
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post #17 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:25pm
I cook for you. Seriously, starting to get into this fine art after years of shirking for it. And, as opposed to some others, my cake is NEVER a lie. It is, in fact, delicious.

Like Timothy above me, I'll drop a lot of money into a party and make it the best night ever. Most people ask for donations, all I ask for is your liver; check it at the door and you'll be fine. Don't worry, you'll thank me later.

Heck, sometimes I'll just surprise you with food, DVDs, free shit because you're my friend and worth it!
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post #18 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:26pm
All I got to contribute.. is this avatar.

[Swinging Avatar back and forth in front of your eyes]

..You want to be Trejo's friend forever.. when I count to three, you will be..

One.. Two.. Three.

Say, can I borrow 10 bucks?
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post #19 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:35pm
I'm a great listener. Talk to me, I won't laugh till after you are gone.

Really, I can make friends with anyone. I seriously mean anyone. I can discuss pretty much any subject you want to talk about. From digging trenches to theories on the expansion of the galaxy.

I also give good back rubs.



And I'll hold your hand if it makes you feel better...
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post #20 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:35pm
I'm funny, I have a lot of DVD's and im so loyal I wont fuck your girl friend!
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post #21 of 57
1/16/08 at 12:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Kent
I also fuck fat chicks for my friends, so they don't have to get their hands dirty.
You are my new friend.


I have some double dates lined up, if that's ok.
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post #22 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:10pm
I condemn usury. (Except for when I'm the one doing the loaning---and then I'm gonna need that twenty, I mean forty dollars back by Friday cause I've got a date.)
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post #23 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:24pm
I have a really cool apartment. Everyone says so.

My friends got homemade chocolates, jam, and tea that I grew in my garden for Christmas. I like knitting scarves, hats, and gloves for people. I make my own bread.

I love throwing dinner parties.

I will also talk about anything you want to for as long as you want. Want to dissect the signals your crush is sending you? Sure. Politics? Let's go!

Plus, if you're friends, with me, you're friends with DaveB. It's a twofer!
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post #24 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey
I have a really cool apartment. Everyone says so.

My friends got homemade chocolates, jam, and tea that I grew in my garden for Christmas. I like knitting scarves, hats, and gloves for people. I make my own bread.

I love throwing dinner parties.

I will also talk about anything you want to for as long as you want. Want to dissect the signals your crush is sending you? Sure. Politics? Let's go!

Plus, if you're friends, with me, you're friends with DaveB. It's a twofer!
Yeah but being friends with you means you can't make fun of Bono. That's a big negative.
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post #25 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:30pm
Oh, you can. You just have to be prepared for the consequences. That's all.

But, you know, whatever. Don't be my friend. I guess I'll just have to give this cozy wool cap to someone else.
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post #26 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey
Oh, you can. You just have to be prepared for the consequences. That's all.

But, you know, whatever. Don't be my friend. I guess I'll just have to give this cozy wool cap to someone else.
If your friends with both me and Zooey, my making fun of Bono will get you lots of cozy wool hats by default.
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post #27 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey
I have a really cool apartment. Everyone says so.

My friends got homemade chocolates, jam, and tea that I grew in my garden for Christmas. I like knitting scarves, hats, and gloves for people. I make my own bread.

I love throwing dinner parties.

I will also talk about anything you want to for as long as you want. Want to dissect the signals your crush is sending you? Sure. Politics? Let's go!

Plus, if you're friends, with me, you're friends with DaveB. It's a twofer!
If you knitted me a scarf I really would be your friend forever.
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post #28 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage
Thread-wise: I'll always defend my friends and beat their opponents to bloody pulp, be it man, woman, children or handicapped.

And I have no remorse, thanks to the teaching of Bolo Yeung.
Very good. But handicap not hit back. Now I break you, like I break your friend!
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post #29 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:43pm
I really need someone to scrape off these genital warts.
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post #30 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris O.
My girlfriend will knit you a scarf. She's (almost) completed one "Dr. Who" scarf for a friend of mine, and is just about to embark on another.
Then I'd be your girlfriend's friend forever. Though I'm pretty sure you'd be guilty by association so I'd be your friend forever too. I'm not sure how that system works out...but it does.

"It's magic, we don't have to explain it"
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post #31 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:54pm
For the men: I will almost always get more drunk than you, making you look like the cool, sensible one by comparison.

For the ladies: You can wear any heels you have around me and still look short. I'm like a machine made for making you look petite. This is good for dating as well.
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post #32 of 57
1/16/08 at 1:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by The LD
For the men: I will almost always get more drunk than you, making you look like the cool, sensible one by comparison.
It's true. I've seen it. When inebriated, the man has surprisingly little shame for someone almost 7 feet tall.
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post #33 of 57
1/16/08 at 2:31pm
One thing I definitely will do is team-up with you as we take down the Triads together, using guns, martial arts, etc. I'll eventually jump in front of you, taking several bullets, and pass on my lighter to you before I bretahe my last.

Now, for my MALE friends...
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post #34 of 57
1/16/08 at 3:01pm
I will cuddle with you after sex...



And, make you breakfast if you want.
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post #35 of 57
1/16/08 at 3:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
I will cuddle with you after sex...



And, make you breakfast if you want.
Consider me sold.
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post #36 of 57
1/16/08 at 3:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove
I will cuddle with you after sex...



And, make you breakfast if you want.

So I make them dinner and have sex with them...and you'll cuddle with them and make them breakfast?

Sounds like a good deal to me. We're a package deal.
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post #37 of 57
1/16/08 at 3:49pm
I give good head.
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post #38 of 57
1/16/08 at 4:04pm
I can make you say "Oh, God! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!" and we don't have to be anywhere near a house of worship to do it, he said slyly. >
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post #39 of 57
1/16/08 at 4:11pm
I'm a cunning linguist..
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post #40 of 57
1/16/08 at 4:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Syd
I give good head.
Spit or swallow? This is an important question.
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post #41 of 57
1/16/08 at 5:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225
I can make you say "Oh, God! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!" and we don't have to be anywhere near a house of worship to do it, he said slyly. >
You're making them watch Tubgirl aren't you, you sly devil you.
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post #42 of 57
1/16/08 at 5:12pm
I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines.
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post #43 of 57
1/16/08 at 5:33pm
Two words: Power. Metal.

That is all.
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post #44 of 57
1/16/08 at 7:23pm
I have an insider who works at See's candies and I get sacks full of rejected chocolates in discreet paper bags.
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post #45 of 57
1/16/08 at 8:44pm
Because last time I had some cash at Christmas I gave all my friends copies of Death Race 2000 and Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose.
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post #46 of 57
1/16/08 at 8:50pm
I can color your hair and do dishes/laundry while the color is setting.
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post #47 of 57
1/16/08 at 8:55pm
I know snake handlers. Lots of them. You want to control them, you come to me.
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post #48 of 57
1/16/08 at 9:23pm
I'll let you borrow any dvd, cd or book I have.
I'd let you fuck my sister (if I had one and if I could watch).
I have a Volcano.
I dispense delicious chocolate pudding from my nipples.
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post #49 of 57
1/16/08 at 9:26pm
I'll remove clumps from the litter box.
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post #50 of 57
1/16/08 at 9:40pm
I promise not to take a shit in your sink.
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