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The List of Dumb

post #1 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:10pm
Thread Starter 
New thread.
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post #2 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:12pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/13...B-8/Page1.html
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post #3 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:17pm
DSV image not showing for me.
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post #4 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:23pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/13...B-8/Page1.html
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post #5 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:25pm
"Pigeon stole my Froot Loops!" washes away any ill will I ever harbored towards anything.
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post #6 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:31pm
No! NO! NO!!! I hate my work computer! The Down's Syndrome Vampire is showing up as a tiny little gray box! But I know it's him, I know it is - Aunt Lisa can sense you, pookie!

Everything else showed up just fine - that goddamn UPC code just missed River Phoenix by an inch.
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post #7 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:31pm
Thread Starter 
I fixed it. Was my fuckup.
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post #8 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:35pm
I like the "terrible photos accompanying articles" bit.

I look forward to Stephen A. Smith and the "Who's Now" abomination from ESPN receiving their own columns in the very near future.
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post #9 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:36pm
hehe

I'll never be able to eat my fruit loops knockoff the same way again. I will fear that, perhaps they were DSV's!
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post #10 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:38pm
There he is, now I can see the DSV! Whew... I get worried when he leaves the yard unattended. "Pigeon stole my Froot Loops" - another classic.
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post #11 of 760
1/31/08 at 4:44pm
That Brandis jab was brutally funny.

Also gone at just the right time: The Lindbergh baby.
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post #12 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
That Brandis jab was brutally funny.
Yes.
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post #13 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:09pm
Calling DSV "pookie" was brutally funny.

God bless you, Lisa!
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post #14 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari! View Post
Calling DSV "pookie" was brutally funny.

God bless you, Lisa!
Seriously. I imagined a woman running around frantically clutching her pearls while searching for a wayward retarded vampire and promptly lost my shit.
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post #15 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:20pm
There were entirely too many people buying that "gone too soon" book the last time I was at CostCo.
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post #16 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:21pm
The DSV returns...Bravo...
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post #17 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger View Post
There were entirely too many people buying that "gone too soon" book the last time I was at CostCo.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger View Post
the last time I was at CostCo.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger View Post
CostCo
Theeeere's the problem.
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post #18 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:26pm
This needs to be added to the List of Dumb

http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=105405
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post #19 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybeanbag View Post
Theeeere's the problem.
Dude, have you been to Costco recently? It's a paradise! I can buy a brick of Jarlsberg the size of an ape's head for under ten bucks. That's not even getting into the embarrassment of riches that the free food samples provide you on the weekends. I can walk out of there with a fucking two gallon jug of vodka and a baby grand piano. I challenge you to tell me where else on Earth you can accomplish this feat.

Oh, and you can buy new 360 releases for $5 off MSRP.
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post #20 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybeanbag View Post
Seriously. I imagined a woman running around frantically clutching her pearls while searching for a wayward retarded vampire and promptly lost my shit.
And then gently leading him back to the yard while I shoo the pigeons away from his Fruit Loops.
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post #21 of 760
1/31/08 at 5:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNewYork View Post
And then gently leading him back to the yard while I shoo the pigeons away from his Fruit Loops.
Which are lovingly poured into an old Marie Callender's pie tin and gently placed onto the lush, green grass in the front yard so that DSV can pretend to be a doggie.
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post #22 of 760
1/31/08 at 6:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
Dude, have you been to Costco recently? It's a paradise! I can buy a brick of Jarlsberg the size of an ape's head for under ten bucks. That's not even getting into the embarrassment of riches that the free food samples provide you on the weekends. I can walk out of there with a fucking two gallon jug of vodka and a baby grand piano. I challenge you to tell me where else on Earth you can accomplish this feat.

Oh, and you can buy new 360 releases for $5 off MSRP.
I don't try the samples after the story a co-worked told me about the old sample lady who went to the bathroom with her rubber gloves on and didn't change them after finishing her business but the rest of this post is Truth.
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post #23 of 760
1/31/08 at 6:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravedigger View Post
I don't try the samples after the story a co-worked told me about the old sample lady who went to the bathroom with her rubber gloves on and didn't change them after finishing her business but the rest of this post is Truth.
Hagdung is gross, but that could happen anywhere.
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post #24 of 760
1/31/08 at 6:50pm
Hagdung...



Classic.
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post #25 of 760
2/20/08 at 2:55pm
Thread Starter 
http://www.chud.com/articles/article...B-9/Page1.html
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post #26 of 760
2/20/08 at 3:00pm
Thank Christ this is back.

I just saw DSV in action in the commercials (never saw the movie). I will never be able to watch the movie and see that retarded retarded vampire without thinking of CHUD. I am not sad.
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post #27 of 760
2/20/08 at 3:02pm
That shirt stupidity isn't exclusive to Kohl's. It's equally dumb at Target. All of their superhero and other nerd-related t-shirts are "athletic fit", which apparently means "three sizes smaller than what the tag says". Meatheads don't wear shirts with the Avengers on them, Target, fat kids do!
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post #28 of 760
2/20/08 at 3:05pm
I just really hate the way Kohls is laid out. It's hard to pin down why, but being in a Kohls store makes me simultaneously bored, nervous, and angry.
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post #29 of 760
2/20/08 at 3:05pm
Quote:
One of my tasks in life is to make sure that Dojos aren't hiring pussies to teach the ancient art of damaging faces
Oh god, I died at this line.

Aah, DSV, how does one hear onions? You have great power! Must come with having DS, huh?
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post #30 of 760
2/20/08 at 3:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
I just really hate the way Kohls is laid out. It's hard to pin down why, but being in a Kohls store makes me simultaneously bored, nervous, and angry.
You know, that's a really good way to put it. The lighting is depressing and the store is laid out so that it looks like an ultra-cheap knock off store like goodwill but the products aren't.
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post #31 of 760
2/20/08 at 4:01pm
Holy shit...could someone check my pulse please? Because "I hear onions" fuckin' killed me.

And that Kohl's model needs a good kidney punching just for agreeing to wear that shit.
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post #32 of 760
2/20/08 at 4:07pm
An article on dropping carbon? Is this needed? I think I already have ample experience.
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post #33 of 760
2/20/08 at 4:14pm
When those meddling kids rip off DSV's mask, they'll find Ralph Wiggum underneath.
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post #34 of 760
2/20/08 at 4:46pm
I love The List of Dumb. Read it each week. But is it wrong that I go in looking for DSV? Furthermore, is it even more wrong that every time I see "DSV," I think of SeaQuest?
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post #35 of 760
2/20/08 at 4:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renn Brown View Post
You know, that's a really good way to put it. The lighting is depressing and the store is laid out so that it looks like an ultra-cheap knock off store like goodwill but the products aren't.
Here's a good way to describe it: Kohls is like my brain's horrible re-imagining of a JCPenney's during an awful dream after a night of heavy drinking.
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post #36 of 760
2/20/08 at 4:58pm
Being a Wisconsinite, Kohl's is the department store of my childhood. All of my school clothes came from there for years and years. It took me until I was in my 20s to realize how much I hate it in that place.
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post #37 of 760
2/20/08 at 10:40pm
DSV continues to be awesome. and I too dislike Kohl's. If Sears don't got it...it ain't worth havin'
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post #38 of 760
2/20/08 at 10:45pm
People actively shop in Kohl's? People I know or have met?

I'm going to have nightmares now.
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post #39 of 760
2/21/08 at 12:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
Furthermore, is it even more wrong that every time I see "DSV," I think of SeaQuest?
If it's wrong, I don't ever want to be right.
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post #40 of 760
2/21/08 at 4:47pm
I love that the DSV can hear onions - his powers are limit(ed)less!

Not only was the List of Dumb great, but even the talkbacks were hilarious on this one:

"Douchey McPopcollar" - nice one, Big Jim. And a gem from Kevin K. - "Is that a pajama top under that Pink Floyd T-shirt?" "No... Yes."
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post #41 of 760
2/29/08 at 12:17pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/13...-10/Page1.html
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post #42 of 760
2/29/08 at 12:28pm
The whole edition should have been around Jesus Penis light switch.

I spilled my drink at that. Terrific stuff.
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post #43 of 760
2/29/08 at 12:29pm
The light switch stuff is unadulterated greatness.
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post #44 of 760
2/29/08 at 12:40pm
Great list this week, but as much as I hate to say it, DSV was slightly disappointing. He's still funny, and I love the little guy, but I was a bit let down by the caption. Of course, it's gonna be really difficult to top "I hear onions." That shit is gold right there. Again, though, great stuff.
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post #45 of 760
2/29/08 at 12:44pm
Gargantuan Lightbringer?

Fucking fantastic.
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post #46 of 760
2/29/08 at 1:05pm
Jesus license plates are the best. I have a douchebag neighbor who has "THX LORD" on his Excursion. I'm pretty sure he's not a George Lucas afficionado. He has another god plate, too, but I can't remember the exact lingo. Something to the effect of "JSUS SAV".
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post #47 of 760
2/29/08 at 1:06pm
The lightswitch was amazing, but I got the most laughs out of the God is the Potter bit, namely

Quote:
J.E.S.U.S. is the M.U.S.C.L.E.
You Can't Spell Nintendo Power Glove without most of the letters from 'God's Love'.
I thought it was a good DSV, made me laugh.. but I read it in my mind in this cheerful British kid's voice for some reason.

Another great article Nick
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post #48 of 760
2/29/08 at 1:07pm
You still have the Cafe Press shop up? I would totally buy a baseball jersey that says "Heaven is your Members Only Jacket" or "You Can't Spell Nintendo Power Glove without most of the letters from 'God's Love.'"
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post #49 of 760
2/29/08 at 1:12pm
Bigpussy O'Reilly made my morning. And considering that I nearly got into a fistfight with some asshole on the bus for yelling at me, that's a big feat.

Worst thing about the entire list? That stain on the "Property of Jesus" t-shirt.
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post #50 of 760
2/29/08 at 1:31pm
The redneck legs in the "Pray Hard" tee shirt has suprisingly tiny feet for such beefy legs. I'm just sayin' is all...

Stained Jesus shirt, and stained Jesus Penis lightswitch - I think we know who has that lightswitch in their bedroom.

And thank goodness the DSV is eating something healthy! Father takes him to McD's far too much.
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