I'm not sure anyone other than maybe Schwartz, JCassidy & Overlord will have any FUNNY courtroom stories to contribute, since they're the only other lawyers on CHUD that I know of, and most non-lawyers probably have zero fun in court as litigants, but I'm hoping I'll be surprised and someone else has something funny to contribute.
Anyway, one of my favorites is:
my brother and I shared an apartment for a while. One night, I passed him in the hall between our rooms, and he had just finished watchin that Simpsons episode where Burns tells everyone who shot him. . . you know, where he says he was "Wallowing in his own crapulence"? My brother looks at me and yells out "Crapulence!" We chuckle, and go about our business.
Next day, I'm prosecuting in the Union City municipal court. Traffic and misdemeanor criminal stuff. There's a motion to dismiss a DWI ticket on the calendar. The defense attorney tried everything he could think of to have the case dismissed based on a lack of probable cause for the stop, but I had researched this really well, and shot down every argument he put forth. Now, DWI police reports are extraordinarily detailed; there are numerous checklists as to various characteristics the accused was wxhibiting, such as Ability to Stand: _Staggering _ Swaying _Grasping for Support _Unable to Stand, etc. One such list is Condition of clothes: _Mussed _Dirty _Vomited on _Urinated in _Defecated in. I noted while reviewing the file before the hearing that The "Defecated in" box was checked, and figured "I won't bring it up if he doesn't." But, taking the last refuge of the scoundrel, his attorney tried to argue police brutality because "My client defecated on himself, and he was not allowed to go to a bathroom for almost 20 minutes to get cleaned up!" And before I could stop myself, I heard Mr. Burns' voice say in my mind, "So in other words, he was wallowing in his own crapulence!" *
Do you have any idea how HARD it was to keep a straight face? I had to bite my knuckle to keep from laughing out loud in open court. On tape. it physically hurt something in my abdomen to keep that suppressed.
Anyone else have a courtroom experience that was funny, either at the time or in hindsight?
* Before anyone corrects me, yes I have since looked up "crapulence" in the dictionary, and - how lame is this? - it actually means "drunkenness". But I didn't know that at the time.
Anyway, one of my favorites is:
my brother and I shared an apartment for a while. One night, I passed him in the hall between our rooms, and he had just finished watchin that Simpsons episode where Burns tells everyone who shot him. . . you know, where he says he was "Wallowing in his own crapulence"? My brother looks at me and yells out "Crapulence!" We chuckle, and go about our business.
Next day, I'm prosecuting in the Union City municipal court. Traffic and misdemeanor criminal stuff. There's a motion to dismiss a DWI ticket on the calendar. The defense attorney tried everything he could think of to have the case dismissed based on a lack of probable cause for the stop, but I had researched this really well, and shot down every argument he put forth. Now, DWI police reports are extraordinarily detailed; there are numerous checklists as to various characteristics the accused was wxhibiting, such as Ability to Stand: _Staggering _ Swaying _Grasping for Support _Unable to Stand, etc. One such list is Condition of clothes: _Mussed _Dirty _Vomited on _Urinated in _Defecated in. I noted while reviewing the file before the hearing that The "Defecated in" box was checked, and figured "I won't bring it up if he doesn't." But, taking the last refuge of the scoundrel, his attorney tried to argue police brutality because "My client defecated on himself, and he was not allowed to go to a bathroom for almost 20 minutes to get cleaned up!" And before I could stop myself, I heard Mr. Burns' voice say in my mind, "So in other words, he was wallowing in his own crapulence!" *
Do you have any idea how HARD it was to keep a straight face? I had to bite my knuckle to keep from laughing out loud in open court. On tape. it physically hurt something in my abdomen to keep that suppressed.
Anyone else have a courtroom experience that was funny, either at the time or in hindsight?
* Before anyone corrects me, yes I have since looked up "crapulence" in the dictionary, and - how lame is this? - it actually means "drunkenness". But I didn't know that at the time.
