What I Killed Today

My wife is a veterinarian -- that link pretty much sums up nearly every dinner conversation we've had for the last ten years.

This is my new favorite website.

EDIT: Hysterical.

Unless she works at HSUS I hope she's not killing that many critters a day.


ETA: I haven't killed anything in the last 24 hours!

I killed a gyro platter a few hours ago.

I was embellishing a bit. But even on days she doesn't kill anything, there's talk of all sorts of gross medical shit, like prolapsed uteruses and dental abcesses and copious amounts of pus ... stuff you don't really want to hear about when there's a plate of spaghetti in front of you.

The same coworker of mine whose Scientologist story I just told on the scary Tom Cruise thread told me about the time his sister that he barely tolerates sobbingly asked him to drive her dying cat to the vet to have it put down. She also asked him to loan her the money to pay for it.

Knowing he'll never see that money, and seeing the poor thing unable to even focus its eyes or turn its head in the seat next to him, he pulls over on the way to the vet, *gently* snaps its neck, turns around and delivers the cat-corpse to his unknowing sister. It sounds harsh, but it seems to me to actually be a pretty humane way to go.

Jesus does he have the most interesting stories, though....

LIAR!!!!!

I bet this person is no fun to be around.

How do you "gently" break something's neck, exactly?

Anyone who's seen Clear And Present Danger knows it can be done not only gently, but erotically. When my time comes I hope Joaquim de Almeida is there to deliver that kind of finishing move.

DE MACHINE EES STILL ON, MOIRA!!

Oh, that reminds me... During grand rounds one time some of my classmates decided to do a presentation on a more common condition -- something you don't see often in a tertiary referral situation but do see all the time in a primary private practice -- knowing that it would be a more practically useful thing to learn for their fellow students.

They came in on that Thursday morning with a few boxes of cream filled donuts. Everyone (and I mean everyone) in the room was eating their donuts quite happily. The first presentation went smoothly. Then my classmates started.

They put together a great slide show with lots of explicit pictures. Of pus-filled abscesses.


Everyone was, of course, still happily eating while making silly comments on the grossness of the presentation. Until one of our older professors came in late. He took one look at the screen, and then in scanning the room looking for seats saw all of us with our cream-filled donuts, half-eaten with cream dripping out of them and bits of cream on people's faces, he turned green and immediately left the room.


Powerpoint slideshow...4 hours. 3 dozen cream filled donuts $24. Grossing out a cattle vet who's been in the business for nearly 40 years... priceless.

I dunno.... army training?

He actually, when relating the story to me, paused in his delivery and simply described the act by way of a sound effect: "....*krick!*"



ETA: That's a lovely story, Belethedheliel. I approve!

"a Pacman frog with a proplapsed anus."

I have no earthly idea what kind of frog this is, but anything with a proplapsed anus needs to be put down. Quickly.

Talk about a red flag. Moira was a victim of her own blindness.

Hopefully we'll all be able to get a whiff of De Almeida's sweet scent before we die.

"DE MACHEEN EES STEEL ON MOIRA"
*clip plays over and over*

"He's latin."

Yes brilliant observation, analyst!

It's really hard to snap a cat's neck, unless it has bone problems.

That blog reads like John Doe's notebooks from Seven.

Sounds more like Willard, to me.

And I don't know what to tell you, HunterRose, other than my friend is the kind of guy who I imagine (and, indeed, don't really have to imagine after hearing of some of his other exploits) could erupt into very precise violence under the right conditions or provocation. I have no reason to doubt him, just as I have no desire to know just how simple or difficult it is to crack kitty spine.

It isn't really hard to snap a cats neck, especially one that is frail and sick. I wouldn't call it gentle, considering it brings death.

That site is disconcerting.

I have a good friend who is a veterinarian. back when she used to work on the night shift at an animal hospital, I went out drinking with her and some of her coworkers. Some scary stories...

Ooooooooh! Tell us! Tell us!

<insert HomerEnthralledAtTheMovies.jpg>

I drank too much to remember specifics....(or just blocked it out)..but they all reminded me of House MD. In that they would say "Fluffy's a goner"..it was odd. I also, was afraid to fall asleep around them..less the last words I hear be "eh..he 's a goner..lets put him down"

The most sobering thing I'll never forget : When some Horses (the pure breeds or racers) are put out to stud. It aint a horse free love orgy for Seabiscut, rather a "milking" with an electrode up the Horses ass. I now get the image of Mr. Ed saying "Dont Tase me bro"

That's actually cattle which are electroejaculated. Horses just mount a dummy mare and use an artificial vagina. Thoroughbreds are actually bred by live cover due to Jockey Club rules.

Yikes!

He does. Strong resemblance to the Hypnotoad, too.