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Nicky's Shrinking Pants Bulge

post #1 of 93
2/3/08 at 4:23pm
Thread Starter 
Returns tomorrow. You know you're excited.
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post #2 of 93
2/3/08 at 4:24pm
Sure am.
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post #3 of 93
2/3/08 at 4:30pm
Extremely excited.
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post #4 of 93
2/3/08 at 4:32pm
Need some shit to buy!
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post #5 of 93
2/3/08 at 5:30pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/13...-15/Page1.html
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post #6 of 93
2/3/08 at 5:43pm
Fantastic column as always Nick!
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post #7 of 93
2/3/08 at 5:43pm
Quote:
If you own this book you need to kill yourself. Kill yourself. Not seek therapy. Kill yourself. Not experience a family intervention. Kill yourself. You need to find a way to remove your body from the world. Kill yourself. God will not help you. Kill yourself. Satan will not help you. Kill yourself. You are a lost person. Kill yourself. There is no room for you in this realm.
Gold.
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post #8 of 93
2/3/08 at 5:49pm
Thread Starter 
And then I offer a link to purchase it.
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post #9 of 93
2/3/08 at 5:56pm
Quote:
Buy a bunch of these and play Nerf Bukkake!
I will.
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post #10 of 93
2/3/08 at 6:24pm
Besides the typo in the title, pure gold.
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post #11 of 93
2/3/08 at 6:27pm
Goddamn, back with a vengeance this one is. This has too many lines to quote - fanfuckingtastic.
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post #12 of 93
2/4/08 at 10:27am
"I wish I never ever turned around."


Thanks for the weird looks I got in class.
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post #13 of 93
2/4/08 at 11:14am
The Hands Across America part had me laughing so loud everyone noticed I was only pretending to work. Shame on you Nick.
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post #14 of 93
2/4/08 at 11:15am
Yeah, the handpillows segment was by far the best this week, Nick.
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post #15 of 93
2/4/08 at 11:25am
MATHESON!

Hey, look, you're the one who said not to post that other name...

"I wish I'd never turned around" and "Hands Across America" are gold.
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post #16 of 93
2/4/08 at 12:08pm
Thread Starter 
You guys rock.
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post #17 of 93
2/4/08 at 12:12pm
Stuffed Pussy Toddler Igloo was frighteningly hilarious, as was Nerf Bukkake. Good stuff, sir.
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post #18 of 93
2/4/08 at 12:18pm
great stuff as always. those hands are indeed creepy.
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post #19 of 93
2/4/08 at 1:16pm
My favorite part was

They can build a tree house using only feathers and ejaculate. Do you understand what that means? I didn't even mention a tree as one of the ingredients they need to make a tree house!

Started to tear up at that one.
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post #20 of 93
2/4/08 at 2:12pm
the optional USB/hydraulic pump remote web access part is my favorite, but as usual the whole damn thing is genius.
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post #21 of 93
2/21/08 at 3:55pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/13...-16/Page1.html
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post #22 of 93
2/21/08 at 4:00pm
I feel like that kid with the hair piece will fire me with a dramatic hand gesture.
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post #23 of 93
2/21/08 at 4:56pm
This is so twisted, but I had a different version of the Lumberjack/Wolf toy when I was little. It was Little Red Riding Hood on one end, with a big long skirt. If you flipped the skirt up over her head and turned the doll upside down, it was the Big Bad Wolf in the grandmother's nightgown and bonnet. I'm suddenly having flashbacks to what was a really creepy toy that I'd forgotten about till now - hey, thanks for the renewed trauma, Nick.

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post #24 of 93
4/13/08 at 9:20pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/14...-17/Page1.html
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post #25 of 93
4/13/08 at 9:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
This is so twisted, but I had a different version of the Lumberjack/Wolf toy when I was little. It was Little Red Riding Hood on one end, with a big long skirt. If you flipped the skirt up over her head and turned the doll upside down, it was the Big Bad Wolf in the grandmother's nightgown and bonnet. I'm suddenly having flashbacks to what was a really creepy toy that I'd forgotten about till now - hey, thanks for the renewed trauma, Nick.
Those are still around, I think. My little sister used to have one.
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post #26 of 93
4/14/08 at 2:27am
Quote:
* Big John's speeds include: "You Back There, Tiger?", "O.K. Corral", "Westworld Happens!", and ""Dale Earnhardt Just Died!".
Holy fuck, I just woke up my entire neighborhood. Good God, you magnificent bastard.
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post #27 of 93
4/14/08 at 10:37am
Quote:
Mind you, Big John has dark hair and wears a moustache
Aww, then I don't want it.
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post #28 of 93
4/14/08 at 10:41am
"Mustache rides for everyone!"

Lisa, you're out of your mind.
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post #29 of 93
4/14/08 at 11:15am
The talkbacks went ape over the hunter comment. Good stuff as always Nick.
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post #30 of 93
4/14/08 at 11:22am
Quote:
Joss Ackland does not approve of these figures.
Awesome
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post #31 of 93
5/18/08 at 10:18am
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/14...-18/Page1.html
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post #32 of 93
5/18/08 at 11:03am
The one about the back scratcher fucking killed me.
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post #33 of 93
5/18/08 at 11:13am
Quote:
It is unwise to rip these off dramatically to prove a point unless part of the point involves your skin pulsing on the countertop.
Hilarity.
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post #34 of 93
5/18/08 at 11:26am
I am SO getting the spectacle piercings.
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post #35 of 93
5/18/08 at 12:14pm
Quote:
Women seeking to abolish the hair atop their Venus Mound, may we suggest the WOMANGROOMER?
Nice.
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post #36 of 93
5/18/08 at 12:46pm
>They have salad flavored water. Bottled by Coca-Cola.

That's nothing compared to last years "Cucumber Pepsi"



The scary thing is..it tasted like cucumber...
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post #37 of 93
5/18/08 at 3:23pm
Thread Starter 
All sales of mangroomer through the amazon link are appreciated.
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post #38 of 93
5/18/08 at 4:39pm
Mangroomer? Pussies. Try ripping your hair out right by the roots with an Epilady. "The hair won't grow back!" Of course the hair won't grow back - hair can't grow back through scar tissue.
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post #39 of 93
5/18/08 at 4:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Mangroomer? Pussies. Try ripping your hair out right by the roots with an Epilady.
As moved as I am by the thoughtful invitation, I believe I'll be Mangrooming. Thanks, though.
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post #40 of 93
5/18/08 at 9:15pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Mangroomer? Pussies. Try ripping your hair out right by the roots with an Epilady. "The hair won't grow back!" Of course the hair won't grow back - hair can't grow back through scar tissue.
Elias Koteas is on his way.
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post #41 of 93
5/19/08 at 2:11am
I totally thought of that glasses idea like 15 years ago.

It was dumb then and it's dumb now, but I still want my cut.
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post #42 of 93
5/19/08 at 2:22am
'Industrious ladies will attach these to their clitoris hood backwards to make gynecological exams more efficient.'

Glorious.
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post #43 of 93
5/19/08 at 3:03pm
Thread Starter 
Don't let this disappear underneath a cloud of Indy!
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post #44 of 93
5/19/08 at 3:11pm
This was funny Nick. Dare I say stick to these instead of comics?
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post #45 of 93
5/19/08 at 3:14pm
Thread Starter 
I do both.
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post #46 of 93
5/19/08 at 3:15pm
It really takes the screen cap from the Grizzly Park thread to reinforce how much use Nick's MANGROOMER really sees.

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post #47 of 93
5/19/08 at 3:25pm
Holy Ish! Is that really nick? Why do all internet movie website guys look like that!
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post #48 of 93
5/21/08 at 11:44am
Thread Starter 
That's two years ago. I look much hairier now. So there.
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post #49 of 93
5/21/08 at 11:46am
Thread Starter 
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post #50 of 93
5/21/08 at 2:23pm
You should trim before it body snatches your daughter.
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