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Nicky's Shrinking Pants Bulge - Page 2

post #51 of 93
5/21/08 at 3:26pm
It looks like knockoff Paul Gleason is giving Nick "Holy shit! He's gone Jesus!" Nunziata the stink eye.
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post #52 of 93
5/21/08 at 3:34pm
I prefer the kid on the right who is jamming a foam tomahawk into his face.
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post #53 of 93
5/21/08 at 4:06pm
Kill It! Kill It With Fire!
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post #54 of 93
6/3/08 at 12:46pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/14...-19/Page1.html
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post #55 of 93
6/3/08 at 12:55pm
Should I surprise my wife with a pube color (on myself, of course) for our anniversary?

It's tempting....
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post #56 of 93
6/3/08 at 1:00pm
Quote:
Eventually, the pink dick that put mine to shame went home inside my tripod dog's Earth suit and not a moment too soon.
Is the most wonderful sentence to ever grace these eyes.

Goddamn hilarious Pants Bulge entry this week Nick, really outdone yourself. Normally I'd mention a few really funny parts about now, but the whole thing was pure bliss. Great read!
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post #57 of 93
6/3/08 at 1:23pm
Can't breathe...Hotdoll portion so fucking terribly hilarious...
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post #58 of 93
6/3/08 at 1:44pm
Quote:
At some point you have to clean this thing. No one talks about that do they? "What did you do this morning, Martin?" "I cleaned my dog's jack off the fuckmannequin I bought him online." "We're ex-friends, Martin.".
Priceless. You've outdone yourself this time Mr.Nicky baby.
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post #59 of 93
6/3/08 at 2:19pm
I swear the part about your 3 legged dogs over-extended lipstick tube made me want to alternately throw up, or fall out of my chair laughing. Good show.
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post #60 of 93
6/3/08 at 2:33pm
One can only assume that in the religious store that sells blinds that there is a stumbling block section before it.
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post #61 of 93
6/3/08 at 3:19pm
The fuckmannequin one is easily the best, but "Charcoaly Holemine" made me weep with joy like an old man getting a natural erection.
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post #62 of 93
6/3/08 at 3:28pm
I love this column, and this Pants Bulge is one the funniest things I've read on the site ever. Great job.
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post #63 of 93
6/3/08 at 3:33pm
Fantastic...so much so I almost choked on my pretzels.
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post #64 of 93
6/3/08 at 3:35pm
Thread Starter 
I appreciate your likings!
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post #65 of 93
6/3/08 at 3:46pm
So funny. I had a mini Schnauzer that would hump our one eyed cat.

The cat would take it from the Schnauzer with snaggle teeth and no penis. The Schnauzer was a bitch, a fixed and old senile dog with nothing greater in life but to eat and simul-hump our one eyed cat.

I think the cat liked it because it would make this weird cat noise and not go ape shit during the happenings at hand.
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post #66 of 93
6/3/08 at 4:33pm
I'm flattered, Nick, but I prefer my robotic fuck slaves to have facial features. Much easier to pretend they're weeping.
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post #67 of 93
6/3/08 at 4:39pm
Thread Starter 
Damn You!
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post #68 of 93
6/4/08 at 10:32am
THAT was priceless.

And let me just say on behalf of the ladies that the "hole in the ground" urinals suck. They had those things in Korea when I was there - public restrooms consisted of a row of those, and one "American" toilet at the far end. I would line up everytime and just "do the dance" waiting for the American toilet to free up.

I think I should update my OkCupid profile to say, "I like it when a man proves his love by 'Bettying' himself up for me by the third date. Sky blue, please."
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post #69 of 93
8/13/08 at 5:45pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/15...-20/Page1.html
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post #70 of 93
8/13/08 at 5:50pm
Awesome. Just awesome.
Get on board with the Lord is one of the funniest things i've seen.
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post #71 of 93
8/13/08 at 6:12pm
I'm glad to see a new edition of the Shrinking Pants Bulge. Clicking the purchase link for the Village People costume was both terrifying and oddly enjoyable at the same time.
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post #72 of 93
8/13/08 at 6:13pm
Any Cthulhu reference is a good in my book. Nice grab.
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post #73 of 93
8/13/08 at 6:17pm
Turd Twister...FANTASTIC
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post #74 of 93
8/13/08 at 8:52pm
Quote:
Unicorns always seem to win the Gallup Poll.
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooo.

I love ya Nick, but that one hurt my kids.
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post #75 of 93
8/13/08 at 10:55pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Fabulous View Post
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooo.

I love ya Nick, but that one hurt my kids.
Proud to hurt your kids.
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post #76 of 93
8/14/08 at 2:29am
Fantastic, per usual.
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post #77 of 93
8/15/08 at 10:20am
Thread Starter 
More?
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post #78 of 93
8/15/08 at 11:01am
Nick, I have been a supporter of the site and a friend of yours for many years. However, this column put the image of Anne Rice's downstairs into my brain.

This is why Lex Luthor turned against Superman in the old continuity, you know.

Also, the link to buy the Village People costume is greatness.
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post #79 of 93
8/15/08 at 2:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata View Post
More?
Fuck yes, please.
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post #80 of 93
8/16/08 at 5:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata View Post
More?
I demand it.
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post #81 of 93
8/18/08 at 12:50pm
Thread Starter 
I meant, MORE COMMENTS. These take forever to do. Want to make sure I'm using my time well.
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post #82 of 93
8/18/08 at 12:58pm
Archie McPhee also has the unicorns (althought the first time I saw them was at a Pop Deluxe). Still, I'm glad to see the unicorn toys getting some attention (especially since my avatar is from the Cold War Unicorns). There is also a Good vs. Evil unicorn set as well.

Honestly at this point though, I'm more interested in Bacon Bandages:

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post #83 of 93
11/18/10 at 11:50pm
Thread Starter 
http://chud.com/articles/articles/26...-21/Page1.html
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post #84 of 93
11/19/10 at 12:00am
Nick, you once again provided an awesome Shrinking Pants Bulge column. Plus that mop clothing for a kid is THE BEST THING EVER.

The pissing funnel for broads. Not so much.
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post #85 of 93
11/19/10 at 12:18am
It's all great but the write up of #4 The Go Girl features so many lines that cracked my face in half I'm going to need a gallon each of epoxy glue and botox to fix it.

"You stick the tube up against your heat triangle ..."

"Life is saved, you can continue roaming around like a MILF."

"Go Girl is a real product that has swept the nation like a storm siphoned through a funnel."

"... now it's fashionable and convenient to just whip this out and piss like a racehorse."

"... send your piss to Heaven to be with Jesus and Chuck Conners."

And more!

What the fuck am I even doing quoting all this stuff that's right there in the damn article?!? I don't even know! I just had to.
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post #86 of 93
11/19/10 at 12:25am
I was wondering where these went. Love them, always have loved them.

"Ooooooo, I accidentally slipped the pointy part in fifteen times in a row!"
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post #87 of 93
11/19/10 at 12:26am
Heat triangle and the Shocker reference of Horace Pinker cracked me up HARD.
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post #88 of 93
11/19/10 at 1:59am
Quotes that killed:

walking around your home on tits
titslippers
buying someone's special lady a vibrator shaped like the Hindenburg
had their breasts replaced with feet
Has that child seen Urotsukidoji yet?
in an old folks' home with black JFK
warlocks will steal the fuck out of your kid (broomclothes)
The mopping fibers are made from unwanted baby girls
Anne Rice's pussy probably smells like a crematorium
Hitler's hors d'oeuvres or a soapdish?
soap that resembles dead and detached hands
It's like Inception but with tiny cleansing detached limbs.
Soap Medusa.
Women over in Europe have been pissing into handheld funnels for years
doesn't send your piss to Heaven to be with Jesus and Chuck Conners
They could have made it look more like my face.

In short I can't not love all of this. Best.
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post #89 of 93
11/19/10 at 4:14am
Usually I have some part of these things that I really like. Not this time.

This was top to bottom glory.
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post #90 of 93
11/19/10 at 11:20am
Thread Starter 
So far, so good.
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post #91 of 93
11/19/10 at 3:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata View Post
So far, so good.
YESSIR!
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post #92 of 93
11/20/10 at 12:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick
The Scene: You're a dame. You're busy as hell and out of nowhere the need strikes to whiz all over the place with reckless abandon. But there's a problem. NO BATHROOM. So you reach into your purse, pull out a tube, and remove a pink contraption that looks like a mixture of a funnel, a funnel, and a pink funnel from the tube. You stick the tube up against your heat triangle and let loose a piss stream strong enough to free the Kraken.

Life is saved, you can continue roaming around like a MILF. A MILF with a piss smelling tube in their purse.
This is even more hilarious if you read it in Hoyt Axton's voice.
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post #93 of 93
11/21/10 at 11:28am
Thread Starter 
OK. I'll try to do another sometime soon to see if there'll be enough interest to continue.
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