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The Top 100 Chewer Quotes Of All Time

post #1 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:24pm
Thread Starter 
I'm not even gonna participate in this, I just want to see what everybody can bring to the table. And it would be awesome to see some old stalwarts return to bring their quotes from the old glory days.

There's only three rules.

1. Number your fucking entry.
2. Only post in this thread once a day.
3. Put the line in the quotation html with the Chewer who said it properly credited.

Get to it! (Fires gun in the air)
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post #2 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:25pm
1.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormin View Post
Get to it! (Fires gun in the air)
A true modern day classic.
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post #3 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:26pm
2 - DukeFleed
Quote:
Originally Posted by DukeFleed
If they can't find an actress for Wonder Woman they should just order one from Amazon.com
i hate myself enough for posting him first, so shut up
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post #4 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:29pm
3 - Brad Millette
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette

You are a thought terrrorist and this post has been your 9/11.
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post #5 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:31pm
4 - Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Me
Navel gazing board culture sucks balls. Post something about movies.
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post #6 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:42pm
5 - Devin Faraci

Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf View Post
Sorry, I'll let you guys get back to creating the briliant content that has made you legends.
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post #7 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:49pm
It seems to be lost to the revamp, but Nordling had a post in the old No Country For Old Men about the insect nature of evil thread that was pure poetry.

Navel gazing's harmless. Save your ire for more righteous causes.
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post #8 of 159
2/6/08 at 5:58pm
6 - Billylove

Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Facts:
---------------
1. Rath is a mammal.
2. Rath fights all the time.
3. The purpose of Rath is to flip out and kill people.
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post #9 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:08pm
7 - Don Wiskerando

Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Wiskerando (or DL)
God damn you people.
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post #10 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:14pm
8 - myers87

Quote:
Originally posted by myers87
What if destiny was never meant to be?
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post #11 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:18pm
9 - misfit

Quote:
Originally Posted by misfit
"Hi, folks. Denzo here, just hanging out on top of a car. See that blonde over there? I'm going to hit that later on, thanks to the mix CD I made on Sony-brand blank CDs. Sony: Be there!"
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post #12 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:23pm
10 - Nick Nunziata

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata
May your sperm act like a disgruntled samurai and commit seppeku before any more of your ilk are vomited upon this world I so greatly enjoy.
Five years later, I'm still giggling about this one.
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post #13 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:34pm
11- Devin Faraci


Fuck You Out Of 10
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post #14 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:38pm
If I live to be 90, that rating will still make me smile. It's funny because it's true.
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post #15 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:51pm
12. Amphibatron

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron
Well, the first thing you should probably know is that girls don't poop out of their vagina. I hope that makes things easier and less scary for you.
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post #16 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:58pm
13. Minsky

Quote:
Because once that ejaculate fertilizes an egg, soul magic is invoked, and that egg becomes the property of Jesus.
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post #17 of 159
2/6/08 at 6:58pm
I know none of the thing I've said will be on there. But Moltisanti will be.
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post #18 of 159
2/6/08 at 7:40pm
Thread Starter 
And I can't. Wait. To read it.
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post #19 of 159
2/6/08 at 7:49pm
12. DaveB

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB
Also, the troll agrees with you, and Denzo thinks you're a tool.
...
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post #20 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:09pm
15. I think it has been sig'd:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan "Nordling" Cerny View Post
You know that scene in SCHINDLER'S LIST where the red-dress girl walks through all that chaos, death, and destruction in the Krakow ghetto? That little girl was me, and that trailer was the ghetto.--Alan "Nordling" Cerny on the Alvin and the Chipmunks trailer .
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post #21 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:28pm
16.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devin
Greg, you're the worst kind of internet debater. You don't have facts or knowledge of any sort on your side, simply some anecdotal bullshit. You know someone who is 'abusing' pills, but you don't define it and likely have no clue what this person is taking in comparison to what killed Ledger. You have some ignorant pre-ordained position that you cannot defend with logic or rationality, yet you will not shut up about it. You use the brute force of your bad posts to make your case, moronically comparing riding horses with taking doses of heavy duty pain killers that no decent physician would prescribe in tandem. Do you write your posts in shit on the wall and have someone type them out for you?
Too early?

And nothing against Greg, I think he's a great guy. Switch out the names and specifics and it is still a post of incredible righteous might.
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post #22 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:34pm
I'm afraid this thread will never know the warm glow of BlackCrowe or XXXTOXICSHOCKXXX. Surely their posts are lost to the wind.
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post #23 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:36pm
Help is kinda at hand gravedigger

17

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior Angel

THE EXORCIST: SYNCHRONIZED is a treatment for a new and powerful entry in the Exorcist saga, taking place after Exorcist 2: The Heretic and Exorcist 3: Legion. It was first posted at Captainhowdy.com back in the summer of 2003 and generated a huge response, and has since then made its way all over the internet, most recently discussed at great length at the CHUD message boards. It is a profoundly moving piece of work that not only examines the place of God in our world but also the disasterous effects of homosexuality.

The screenplay is being written RIGHT NOW, so any interested parties from Warner Brothers or Morgan Creek can reach me at Warrior_Angel1983@yahoo.com.

Read the outline at www.freewebs.com/exorcist-synchronized
Course, you really could put anything this guy wrote in this list...just wish i still had the threads saved.
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post #24 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:39pm
Does anybody have Moltisanti's bit about The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants saved or memorized? I liked that one.
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post #25 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trejo View Post
Too early?

And nothing against Greg, I think he's a great guy. Switch out the names and specifics and it is still a post of incredible righteous might.
It is impressive, I will admit. I like to think that he was really red-faced and wide-eyed while writing it. Possibly with clenched teeth, and making little noises.
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post #26 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LinusUK View Post
Course, you really could put anything this guy wrote in this list...just wish i still had the threads saved.
Maybe you could ask him yourself, under the condition that it is the creator of the Exorcist: Synchronized himself. Otherwise someone should carefully suggest a new username. Or not.
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post #27 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
Does anybody have Moltisanti's bit about The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants saved or memorized? I liked that one.
I think it's

Quote:
Mr. President terrorists have attacked Mount Rushmore.... Get me the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
I could be wrong though.
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post #28 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:55pm
Damn, I tried for the last hour at work to find that Exorcist Synchronized quote for this thread, couldn't get anything in searches, couldn't find the thread looking manually in the all the forums, what gives?
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post #29 of 159
2/6/08 at 8:58pm
The thread was removed a couple of days after its grand premiere. Many of us were saddened.
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post #30 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:01pm
For anyone who wants to go all out Indiana Jones about that: this might help.
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post #31 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan Travolta View Post
For anyone who wants to go all out Indiana Jones about that: this might help.
I can't get it to work. The Chud search function appears hopelessly broken. google isn't proving effective either...

So many posts lost to time ... like tears in rain.
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post #32 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trejo View Post
Damn, I tried for the last hour at work to find that Exorcist Synchronized quote for this thread, couldn't get anything in searches, couldn't find the thread looking manually in the all the forums, what gives?
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who fritters away all their time at work on pointless CHUD activities.
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post #33 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:26pm
Number 18

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
For a blowjob, I'd walk out on Blade Runner.
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post #34 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
I know none of the thing I've said will be on there. But Moltisanti will be.
Hands down fav. Moltisanti quote:

19) RE: Press conference for The Pursuit of Happyness
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti
Will Will's son Jaden be there? That kid is cuter than kittens reenacting Civil War battles.
That line does work btw.
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post #35 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
Does anybody have Moltisanti's bit about The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants saved or memorized? I liked that one.
It's in Graham's sig:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moltisanti
"Mr. President, terrorists have taken over Mount Rushmore! What are we going to do, sir?"

"Get me The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants!"
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post #36 of 159
2/6/08 at 9:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
12. DaveB
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB
Also, the troll agrees with you, and Denzo thinks you're a tool.
You beat me to it, Ryan.
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post #37 of 159
2/6/08 at 11:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
You beat me to it, Ryan.
I thought about going with the original Denzo post but I loves me a return gag.
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post #38 of 159
2/7/08 at 12:08am
Edit: Sorry about that.
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post #39 of 159
2/7/08 at 12:22am
Strike 20 from the record. Read the thread.
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post #40 of 159
2/7/08 at 12:47am
I guess this is Number 20, then:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
A few months ago, I could have seen lindsay lohan playing the lead in a remake of "Barbarella". But that ship has sailed. And had a mutiny. And run aground. And Sank.
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post #41 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:23am
21. Moltisanti

Quote:
Preschoolers trapped in a burning building are funnier, but I’m bias from personal experience. PM me for photos.
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post #42 of 159
2/7/08 at 11:25am
Number 22:

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
Smallest. Monolith. Ever.

In response to a another's previous post in the "Chewers I'd Like to get High With" thread, wherein it was stated that should any stoner Chewers ever partake with DaveB, they would have no choice but to listen to his wisdom like the apes in "2001" worshiping the MOnolith.
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post #43 of 159
2/7/08 at 11:44am
I thought it was "Shortest". In either case I thought that was hilarious. Most people in here (myself included) love hearing Dave talk music, only his wife could throw that comment at him.
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post #44 of 159
2/7/08 at 12:14pm
Number 23, and ironically enough, from this very thread:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg David View Post
It is impressive, I will admit. I like to think that he was really red-faced and wide-eyed while writing it. Possibly with clenched teeth, and making little noises.
It doesn't even matter who it's about, it's just a great quote on it's own about someone who's pissed off.
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post #45 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:18pm
So, so, so many gems from horrid. If I had to nominate one, it would be from the "girl de-feeted by superman ride" thread:

24: She was heard screaming "Ow, my An Kal-Els!"

You could have a thread dedicated to just horrid.
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post #46 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:26pm
You made me remember another Horrid Classic.

in the thread about the Kardashians reality tv show

25 - "Yeah but what is really a crime is what they did to the Bajorans"
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post #47 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:29pm
26.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormin View Post
I'm not even gonna participate in this, I just want to see what everybody can bring to the table. And it would be awesome to see some old stalwarts return to bring their quotes from the old glory days.
Another automatic classic!
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post #48 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:33pm
I know Patrick's joking, but we really need to re-evaluate our standards for "best of all time."
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post #49 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minsky View Post
So, so, so many gems from horrid. If I had to nominate one, it would be from the "girl de-feeted by superman ride" thread:

24: She was heard screaming "Ow, my An Kal-Els!"

You could have a thread dedicated to just horrid.
By far, one of the (for me) funniest things I have ever read on these boards. Horrid is, indeed, a legend. And one that I was not allowed to rep enough in the good old days.
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post #50 of 159
2/7/08 at 1:37pm
27. Rath

Quote:
My dad always told me that there are "perfect moments" in our lives. All my life I've been searching for one, and last weekend, as I sat on a warm summer night watching fireworks burst over the Akron sky while "Drops of Jupiter" played from a nearby stereo, I had one. I realized this was what heaven must be like, and I was at peace.
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