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Michelle Monaghan's Face

post #1 of 91
2/11/08 at 5:40am
Thread Starter 
What the fuck is up with Michelle Monaghan's face? I thought she was pretty in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. After watching Gone Baby Gone again on DVD, I can't get over how bizarre her face looks. Suddenly her jaw is 7 feet wide and 2 feet deep, she has that pug nose, and her eyebrows switch between pencil thin and Groucho-Marx-on-Acid huge, complete with puffy eyes so she looks like a surprised gremlin. I've started to call her Clown-Face Monaghan. She looks like she just woke up in the hospital after getting into a car wreck and the doctor had to do reconstructive surgery.

I'm not saying she's ugly, but her face totally does not make sense to me. Like it's illogical looking.
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post #2 of 91
2/11/08 at 9:16am
She is gorgeous.

Now, that Thora Birch chick...she's fuck ugly!
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post #3 of 91
2/11/08 at 9:23am
What the deal with Scarlet Johansson?

She's got, like, these big lips and a full rack. There just isn't enough penis for me to get interested.
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post #4 of 91
2/11/08 at 10:37am
...I hate myself for opening this thread first thing in the morning.
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post #5 of 91
2/11/08 at 11:03am
There's never enough penis to get you interested.
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post #6 of 91
2/11/08 at 12:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Now, that Thora Birch chick...she's fuck ugly!
(*Gives Tati a stern look..*)
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post #7 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:32pm
What is this world coming to? First Thora Birch is fuck ugly, and now Michelle Monaghan is weird-looking? Is there something seriously wrong with my hormones, considering that I think Birch is stunning and I'd happily cradle Monaghan in my arms to protect her from everything evil in the world?

Jesus shit.
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post #8 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:40pm
I think a few people around here have lost touch with reality. People have flaws, deal with it.
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post #9 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
I think a few people around here have lost touch with reality. People have flaws, deal with it.
Hey, don't marginalize their flawed perceptions of reality, asshole!

I've never understood how internet nerds on a messageboard have developed such pristine taste in the opposite sex. I'd almost bet money on the likelihood that they put women through a 72-point inspection before they deign to give those broads the privilege of sticking their dicks in them.

Next thread:
"Eva Mendes Looks Like The Wizened Homeless Woman At My 7-11"
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post #10 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I've never understood how internet nerds on a messageboard have developed such pristine taste in the opposite sex. I'd almost bet money on the likelihood that they put women through a 72-point inspection before they deign to give those broads the privilege of sticking their dicks in them.
BMW's pre-owned certified standards, to be exact.
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post #11 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I'd happily cradle Monaghan in my arms to protect her from everything evil in the world?
To be fair, giving your huge ass killing machine arms, i'm pretty sure you can fit both Monaghan and Birch. We could probably squeeze in Johanssen.
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post #12 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:53pm
Jake

http://www.madmaxmovies.com/cast/Mad.../Humungous.jpg
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post #13 of 91
2/11/08 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
People have flaws, deal with it.
But Michelle Monaghan? Come on, she's gorgeous. No flaws there, and even if there are, they damn sure aren't in the physical department.
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post #14 of 91
2/11/08 at 2:11pm
Those legs more than make up for whatever disproportionate jaw you're imagining.
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post #15 of 91
2/11/08 at 2:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Hey, don't marginalize their flawed perceptions of reality, asshole!

I've never understood how internet nerds on a messageboard have developed such pristine taste in the opposite sex. I'd almost bet money on the likelihood that they put women through a 72-point inspection before they deign to give those broads the privilege of sticking their dicks in them.

Next thread:
"Eva Mendes Looks Like The Wizened Homeless Woman At My 7-11"
This is how the Real Doll movement got started. Enjoy your "perfection", folks.
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post #16 of 91
2/11/08 at 2:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
To be fair, giving your huge ass killing machine arms, i'm pretty sure you can fit both Monaghan and Birch. We could probably squeeze in Johanssen.
And the entire board if we all took a deep breath and smooshed together.

Also, I just Google'd her picture to see who this dork was talking about. Good luck landing women who are prettier than that if that's your idea of "ugly". I hope you and your right hand will be very happy together.
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post #17 of 91
2/11/08 at 3:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Good luck landing women who are prettier than that if that's your idea of "ugly".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
I'm not saying she's ugly, but her face totally does not make sense to me. Like it's illogical looking.
We don't have to attack Dean. I mean, MM has an unusual face; it's true. In my opinion, it's neither flawed nor threadworthy, but the 'internet people have ridiculous standards' thing is old, boring, and maybe not even applicable here.
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post #18 of 91
2/11/08 at 3:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Kimbell View Post
but the 'internet people have ridiculous standards' thing is old, boring, and maybe not even applicable here.
Disagreed! Threads like this and the Thora Birch one breathe life into the debate every time.
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post #19 of 91
2/11/08 at 3:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Disagreed! Threads like this and the Thora Birch one breathe life into the debate every time.
I guess. The Birch thread was worse, imo, because here Dean at least has a specific reason. Monaghan's face strikes him the wrong way, and I can understand that because her face is indeed unique. It happens to strike me the right way, but whatever. If he said Monaghan was fuck ugly, then he'd cross over into being cosmically wrong.
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post #20 of 91
2/11/08 at 3:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Kimbell View Post
I guess. The Birch thread was worse, imo, because here Dean at least has a specific reason. Monaghan's face strikes him the wrong way, and I can understand that because her face is indeed unique.
I think the sticking point for me is the statement that her face is unique. Everyone's got a unique face, but going to lengths to point out that uniqueness seems a hop, skip, and a jump away from comparing her to Sloth or Michael Berryman.
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post #21 of 91
2/11/08 at 3:41pm
Dean is confused and thinks she played Merry. Yes, that is an oddly shifting face...
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post #22 of 91
2/11/08 at 3:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Hey, don't marginalize their flawed perceptions of reality, asshole!

I've never understood how internet nerds on a messageboard have developed such pristine taste in the opposite sex. I'd almost bet money on the likelihood that they put women through a 72-point inspection before they deign to give those broads the privilege of sticking their dicks in them.

Next thread:
"Eva Mendes Looks Like The Wizened Homeless Woman At My 7-11"
Dissonance. The answer is dissonance.
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post #23 of 91
2/11/08 at 7:49pm
Thread Starter 
Yeah, I specifically tried to state that I don't think she's ugly at all (like I said in my post!). I actually found her quite attractive in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (hey, like I said in my post!) and additionally in MI:3. Which is why when I saw her in Gone Baby Gone my "what the fuck?" meter went off. She looks different in that movie, and her face is alternatively puffy from shot to shot. And you can't deny her face is insanely wide and jester like. It seems even more so in that movie.

But what was I thinking making observations on a messageboard and backing up my opinions in a calm manner?

Instead let me just say *lame smarmy inside joke and/or reference*!
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post #24 of 91
2/11/08 at 8:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
Yeah, I specifically tried to state that I don't think she's ugly at all (like I said in my post!). I actually found her quite attractive in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (hey, like I said in my post!) and additionally in MI:3. Which is why when I saw her in Gone Baby Gone my "what the fuck?" meter went off. She looks different in that movie, and her face is alternatively puffy from shot to shot. And you can't deny her face is insanely wide and jester like. It seems even more so in that movie.

But what was I thinking making observations on a messageboard and backing up my opinions in a calm manner?

Instead let me just say *lame smarmy inside joke and/or reference*!
Maybe she's on the Alec Baldwin bourbon diet?
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post #25 of 91
2/11/08 at 8:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul Ahn Ice View Post
Those legs more than make up for whatever disproportionate jaw you're imagining.
Maybe he's not imagining it. Maybe he needs a woman with a really small mouth. And small hands. And a small vagina. Y'know.
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post #26 of 91
2/11/08 at 8:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
her face is alternatively puffy from shot to shot.
Maybe she was working on her shoot skills between shots.
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post #27 of 91
2/11/08 at 8:39pm
I haven't seen much of Michelle yet what I have seen is that she has some really amazing

nipples.
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post #28 of 91
2/11/08 at 8:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cervaise View Post
Maybe he's not imagining it. Maybe he needs a woman with a really small mouth. And small hands. And a small vagina. Y'know.
Bridget The Midget?
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post #29 of 91
2/11/08 at 8:43pm
You'll never get closer than this:

http://www.imgsvr.com/hn/monaghan11024x768.jpg

Nope, nothing wrong here.
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post #30 of 91
2/11/08 at 9:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I think the sticking point for me is the statement that her face is unique. Everyone's got a unique face, but going to lengths to point out that uniqueness seems a hop, skip, and a jump away from comparing her to Sloth or Michael Berryman.
I think he was about to use a racial slur.

Man, I hadn't noticed the freckles. Mm.
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post #31 of 91
2/11/08 at 10:36pm
Since I mentioned Michelle in the Celebrity Crushes Thread I had to poke my head in here and say Dean Stockwell is off his shit. In all seriousness I think everyone has his or her own opinion and most of the time they are valid, Stockwells included. Only thing I can say is that I fell in love with her smile in KKBB and Gone Baby Gone didn't feature a lot of her smiling. However that doesn't change the fact that IMO she was still beautiful.
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post #32 of 91
2/11/08 at 10:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
You'll never get closer than this:

http://www.imgsvr.com/hn/monaghan11024x768.jpg

Nope, nothing wrong here.
Sexy desktops?
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post #33 of 91
2/11/08 at 11:37pm
Ya mean this thread isn't like some sort of awesome sexist Mad-libs?

As in, "Michelle Monaghan's Face............."

Cause I was totally gonna post "would make a great kielbasa-cozy and when I say 'kielbasa' I mean my penis."

You guy's sure know how to shatter mankind's hopes and/or dreams for cozy kielbasas everywhere. I hope your happy, you animals.
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post #34 of 91
2/12/08 at 12:37am
Thread Starter 
If you want to convert this thread into various discussions on how you'd face fuck her, be my guest.
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post #35 of 91
2/12/08 at 1:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
If you want to convert this thread into various discussions on how you'd face fuck her, be my guest.
Are you getting tired of the beatdown?
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post #36 of 91
2/12/08 at 1:33am
Quote:
Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 View Post
Are you getting tired of the beatdown?
That's funny, that's exactly what I said to Michelle Monaghan's face after I was done fucking it.


SNAP!
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post #37 of 91
2/12/08 at 4:10am
Some of you guys just don't like women.
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post #38 of 91
2/12/08 at 4:41am
Michelle Monaghan is so fine that I'm pretty sure my entire pelvic region would rupture like a volcano if she even smiled at me. Good luck to those of you who get all hung up on "flaws" like hers to the point where they actually have an effect on how you look at them.
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post #39 of 91
2/12/08 at 12:42pm
Here's your original post...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
What the fuck is up with Michelle Monaghan's face? I thought she was pretty in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. After watching Gone Baby Gone again on DVD, I can't get over how bizarre her face looks. Suddenly her jaw is 7 feet wide and 2 feet deep, she has that pug nose, and her eyebrows switch between pencil thin and Groucho-Marx-on-Acid huge, complete with puffy eyes so she looks like a surprised gremlin. I've started to call her Clown-Face Monaghan. She looks like she just woke up in the hospital after getting into a car wreck and the doctor had to do reconstructive surgery.

I'm not saying she's ugly, but her face totally does not make sense to me. Like it's illogical looking.
Nooo, of course you're not saying she's ugly, you're just full of compliments that any girl would love to hear. Just that she's a clown face, looks like she was in a car wreck, and other flattering descriptions.

Tell you what, handsome - why don't you post your picture? Because then I think we might get a real notion of why you'd "turn down" a girl who looks like this:



My guess? I suspect you know exactly how much "opportunity" you'd have to turn down a girl who looks like that. Meaning, within the safety of the internet, you're quite the stud, except only in your own mind.
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post #40 of 91
2/12/08 at 1:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
... I'd happily cradle Monaghan in my arms to protect her from everything evil in the world?...
Gay.
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post #41 of 91
2/12/08 at 1:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
If you want to convert this thread into various discussions on how you'd face fuck her, be my guest.
I detect a hint of snark in a statement that says all the right things.

Does someone want to make that thread: "I'd face fuck Michelle Monaghan"? It'd break the internets.
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post #42 of 91
2/12/08 at 1:12pm
JohnShade is getting boring, but he's less annoying than Creepythinman. These SP trolls need to step up their game.
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post #43 of 91
2/12/08 at 7:59pm
Thread Starter 
You guys have some sort of allegiance to Michelle Monaghan? At first I thought you people were joking. I didn't think this place was that full of ragingly overzealous internet forum nerds. PHONE THE PAPERS, SOMEONE CRITICIZED MICHELLE MONAGHAN'S FACE!

Oh, and LisaNY, are you still insecurely hung up on some insults some guys threw at you years ago? I can't think of any other reason you'd so actively attack me, other than you finger yourself to Michelle Monaghan's jester smile. For the record though, go fuck yourself.
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post #44 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:26pm
Thread, subscribed.
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post #45 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:29pm
*Newsflash*

Nothin' wrong with Michelle Monaghan's face. She's good lookin'.

*We now return you to your regularly scheduled message board programming.*
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post #46 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:33pm
Meltdown in progress?
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post #47 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
Meltdown in progress?
Not in a crazy or emotional way; Dean seems to know what he's doing and how people will react.
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post #48 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:38pm
Popcorn in lap, thread don't let me down now.
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post #49 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
I didn't think this place was that full of ragingly overzealous internet forum nerds.
Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
I can't think of any other reason you'd so actively attack me, other than you finger yourself to Michelle Monaghan's jester smile.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean Stockwell View Post
For the record though, go fuck yourself.
You smell distinctly of "hates women".
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post #50 of 91
2/12/08 at 8:50pm
Forget it, Jake, it's the Internet.
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