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Dude uses B-horror flick plot device to get laid

post #1 of 33
2/14/08 at 4:28pm
Thread Starter 
http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-...,1248644.story

Quote:
A Pottsville man convinced a 15-year-old girl he was part werewolf and part vampire before sexually assaulting her, police say.

Kristian Allen Carl, 19, also believed he was a supernatural mixed breed, police say.

"He convinced himself he was a hybrid -- a combination werewolf and vampire," Pottsville police Sgt. James Joos said. "He had convinced the girl he was, too."

The old Underworld half vamp, half lycan routine always gets the Hot Topic crowd willing to make babies.
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post #2 of 33
2/14/08 at 5:09pm
I don't know, he might've been telling the truth. Let's hammer a stake through his heart and shoot him with a silver bullet - if he dies, he was telling the truth and he can go free. Sound like a plan?
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post #3 of 33
2/14/08 at 5:18pm
Quote:
To prove to police he was indeed a genuine vampire/werewolf, Carl "showed me his canine teeth," Joos said. "I let him know that all mammals, including humans, have canine teeth."
"And then I let him fuck me anyway", the officer said.
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post #4 of 33
2/14/08 at 5:27pm
Hmmmm, Pottsville is where the Yuengling Brewery is. I'm hoping against all hope that we can factor in alcohol as an element in this foolishness.

Also,
Quote:
Joos said Carl also told police he had a "guardian dragon that protected him from evildoers."
Can we assume this dragon was in his pants?
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post #5 of 33
2/14/08 at 5:41pm
Actually, it sounds like he used an 'I Spit on Your Grave' plot device to get laid.
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post #6 of 33
2/14/08 at 5:46pm
Aah, I should've tried this back in the day. Most of the girls I was into would've gone for it. Aah well, hindsight, and they're all not worth it now.
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post #7 of 33
2/14/08 at 6:07pm
Does anyone else think it hilarious that the police sergeant's name is "Joos"? I assume his buddies must call him "THE Joos", like OJ.
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post #8 of 33
2/14/08 at 9:38pm
Man, I'm getting old. When I was a teen, it was all about serial killers. You rocked a Henry Lee Lucas or Ted Bundy look, you were definitely hip deep in honeys, my friends.
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post #9 of 33
2/14/08 at 9:40pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
"And then I let him fuck me anyway", the officer said.
positve rep.
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post #10 of 33
2/14/08 at 11:02pm
Is it that easy to have sex with 15 year old girl? I just assumed they all pulled their panties down if you said you like Hannah Montana.

Seriously though, how does him saying, "hey baby, I'm part werewolf, part vampire! Wanna fuck?" Make her want to nail him? Was she some kind of Goth girl or something?
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post #11 of 33
2/15/08 at 1:03am
He couldn't just be all werewolf or all vampire, he had to be a little of both? Christ, women are so goddamn hard to impress these days.
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post #12 of 33
2/15/08 at 1:45pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imperator GAC View Post
Actually, it sounds like he used an 'I Spit on Your Grave' plot device to get laid.
The rape was statutory, not forced.
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post #13 of 33
2/15/08 at 2:39pm
Part Vampire, Part Werewolf... ALL STUD.

I was amused that the article is featured in the newspaper I read while I lived in Eastern PA for 30 years.
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post #14 of 33
2/15/08 at 2:49pm
Didn't that Angel ripoff show Moonlight do basically the same thing? Christ, now he seems like an idiot AND an unoriginal one at that.
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post #15 of 33
2/15/08 at 2:56pm
Jesus, people, lay off the guy. He obviously rolled rolled six successes on his Charisma + Seduction dice pool. Added to that the Domination vampiric ability AND the lycanthropic intimidation trait, and the girl didn't stand a chance.

You're clearly just jealous. I mean, he got the same number of experience points as you did per gaming session. You losers just wasted them all on shit like Superspeed and Animalism.
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post #16 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:01pm
God dammit, Bendrix, I wish I could rep you.

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post #17 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
God dammit, Bendrix, I wish I could rep you.
You wouldn't if you knew that I deliberately substituted "Superspeed" in for "Celerity" to OBFUSCATE how much of the World of Darkness I still remember.
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post #18 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:09pm

See above you glorious bastard you.
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post #19 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:18pm
I don't understand the conversation between Doc and Bendrix, but I think we just took a turn into "Knee Deep in Geek".
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post #20 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:23pm
It's okay, Lisa, you're a girl. You don't want to understand what we're talking about.
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post #21 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brendan View Post
Was she some kind of Goth girl or something?
I think that goes without saying.
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post #22 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:45pm
A Pottsville man convinced a 15-year-old girl he was part werewolf and part vampire before sexually assaulting her, police say.

"He told me I was special, that I was a Gulabool."

So she's retarded and he's schitzophrenic. Seems like they should be trying to get him commited not imprisoned.
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post #23 of 33
2/15/08 at 3:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack "Sue" Dnim View Post
A Pottsville man convinced a 15-year-old girl he was part werewolf and part vampire before sexually assaulting her, police say.

"He told me I was special, that I was a Gulabool."

So she's retarded and he's schitzophrenic. Seems like they should be trying to get him commited not imprisoned.
It's like a goth kid version of Benny & Joon only with more sodomy.
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post #24 of 33
2/15/08 at 4:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bancroft Agee View Post
It's like a goth kid version of Benny & Joon only with more sodomy.
It's like freshman year homecoming all over again.
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post #25 of 33
2/15/08 at 4:49pm
Boys becoming men! Men becoming wolves! Wolves becoming vampires?
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post #26 of 33
2/15/08 at 5:16pm
The article doesn't mention that his "guardian dragon" is actually his buddy Todd who's been trying to pass himself off as part gorilla and part whale to the Japanese girl who lives down the street.
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post #27 of 33
2/15/08 at 5:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron View Post
The article doesn't mention that his "guardian dragon" is actually his buddy Todd who's been trying to pass himself off as part gorilla and part whale to the Japanese girl who lives down the street.
See that's just stupid. Why a whale and not squid? Everyone knows Japanese girls loooove them some tentacle.
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post #28 of 33
2/15/08 at 5:42pm
I was afraid I might have went to obscure with that one.
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post #29 of 33
2/15/08 at 7:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tom de plume View Post
Boys becoming men! Men becoming wolves! Wolves becoming vampires?
Motown-Philly's back again.
Doin' a little east coast fling.
Vampz II Wolvez going off.
Not too hard... not too soft ...
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post #30 of 33
2/16/08 at 10:39am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron View Post
The article doesn't mention that his "guardian dragon" is actually his buddy Todd who's been trying to pass himself off as part gorilla and part whale to the Japanese girl who lives down the street.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amphibatron View Post
I was afraid I might have went to obscure with that one.
I'm surprised Darkmite, or his avatar, didn't jump all over this. He's talking Godzilla ("Gojira"), people!!!!
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post #31 of 33
2/16/08 at 10:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack "Sue" Dnim View Post
"He told me I was special, that I was a Gulabool."
Say it out loud. Gulabool. Gullible.

I like a streak of precosciousness in my sexual predators.
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post #32 of 33
2/16/08 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
I'm surprised Darkmite, or his avatar, didn't jump all over this. He's talking Godzilla ("Gojira"), people!!!!
Oh, I got it. For the uninformed:

"The name "Godzilla" is a rough romanization of Gojira (ゴジラ, Gojira?), a combination of two Japanese words: gorira (ゴリラ, lit. "gorilla"?) and kujira (クジラ, lit. "whale"?). At one planning stage, the concept of "Gojira" was described as "a cross between a gorilla and a whale," alluding to Godzilla's size, power and aquatic origin."



Breaking News: The police recently discovered a motivational poster in the perp's "crypt"...


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post #33 of 33
2/16/08 at 8:25pm
You bring up a good question, Darkmite. Did the girl look anything like Kate Beckinsale?

If that were the case, and she was obviously into that kind of thing, I'd cop to being a werewolf-vampire hybrid. Or a gorilla-whale. Or a man-man ("Bestowed with all the powers of a man, but he's a...man.").
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