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New Breed of Rat discovered: Detroit infected

post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
http://www.associatedcontent.com/art..._improved.html

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. . . a group of researchers in Australia discovered a new breed of rat -- a super rat if you will - a black rat that is spreading its own vicious brand of disease all over the world and even some parts of Detroit.

According to findings presented at the 2008 Archaeological Science Conference, potentially fatal rat-borne diseases, such as typhus and leptospirosis, are likely to spread farther around the world thanks to the efforts of this new heavyweight rodent.

Researchers led by mammalogist Ken Aplin of Australia's Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization (www.csiro.au) compared DNA sequences from 170 urban and wild black rats from around the world to create a sort of rat-family-tree. The data they collected allowed the team to track the rat's prehistoric and modern migrations and to investigate its impact on people in modern times.

What the researchers discovered was not exactly good news. It was no secret that black rats wreak havoc on agriculture, especially in Asia, and remain a major source of human disease.

But according to www.australianarchaeologicalassociation.com, the rodent is much more genetically diverse than previously thought. Aplin and his team identified a whopping six lineage of rat, each of which could turn out to be a separate species. According to the genetic data, the first strain of this pest first appeared in Southeast Asia about a million years ago. . .
If we had to figure out a place where this super-rat would be located, you'd figure it would have to be Detroit, right?

**No, I did not doctor the quotation for this article.
post #2 of 37
Overlord, are you trying to solicit funds to build Delta City?
post #3 of 37
Quote:
In other Detroit news, local arcade hero "J.J." Cooney reached the thirteenth level of The Bishop of Battle.
Awesome!
post #4 of 37
Detroit just keeps getting better and better everytime it's brought up in this forum.
post #5 of 37
Just saw Eugene Merman do a bit about how bears were moving into the outskirts of Detroit. Basically, you know you live in a bad area when bears are gentrifying your neighborhood.
post #6 of 37
Detroit is how a city dies. It reason for being a city are pretty much gone.
post #7 of 37
Seriously dude, what's up with you and Detroit?

But to answer your question, yes, if I were a super-rat, I'd high-tail it to Detroit too.
post #8 of 37
It doesn't say if the rats are giant and man-eating, so I'll just assume that they are.
post #9 of 37
The super disease carriers are the least of the problems here. I've actually seen a pack of rats the size of raccoons in downtown Detroit. They could easily take a human down, but on the plus side, I've noticed there aren't as many homeless people wandering around as there used to be.
post #10 of 37
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Originally Posted by Death Surge View Post
The super disease carriers are the least of the problems here. I've actually seen a pack of rats the size of raccoons in downtown Detroit. They could easily take a human down, but on the plus side, I've noticed there aren't as many homeless people wandering around as there used to be.
So Detroit has Kid Rock, ICP, and gigantic hobo-eating rats. I'm totally cancelling my vacation there.

Edit: Train the rats to eat Juggalos. The rats die of acute Faygo poisoning. Two birds, one stone.
post #11 of 37
You could always befriend one of the rats, call it Ben, and raise hell on Ernest Borgnine.
post #12 of 37
Detroit just hasn't been the same after they nuked it.
post #13 of 37
So when can we expect a flood of fancy, Detroit-based French restaurants?
post #14 of 37
Wake me up when they start teaching martial arts to turtles.
post #15 of 37
Quote:
all over the world and even some parts of Detroit.
I think this quote pretty much embodies what Detroit is, because it sure as hell ain't part of this, or any, world.

Quote:
It doesn't say if the rats are giant and man-eating, so I'll just assume that they are.
"Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist."

post #16 of 37
post #17 of 37
And Doc wins the movie-rat referencing contest in a stunning upset.

INCONCEIVABLE!
post #18 of 37
I saw way too many juggalos on South Street in Philly the other day. No giant rats, though.
post #19 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Death Surge View Post
The super disease carriers are the least of the problems here. I've actually seen a pack of rats the size of raccoons in downtown Detroit. They could easily take a human down, but on the plus side, I've noticed there aren't as many homeless people wandering around as there used to be.
This thread is now complete & official, since Surge has weighed in. And if rep still existed, I'd pass some on for this funny, yet subtly disturbing post. Masterfully crafted. As for the rodentia themselves, I saw a rat in Jersey City once that I at first mistook for a possum. Its head had to be as big as my fist. It was wandering around outsude the Newport Mall (new construction in the area, including the razing of ancient moldering wharves probably drove it into the light). Some dumb teenager started chasing it, and pelting it with small pebbles. . . until he cornered it, and it turned on him. Never saw a kid run so fast. The moral of the story: never corner a rat. They WILL turn and fight. Whether Willard tells them to or not.
post #20 of 37
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Originally Posted by Death Surge View Post
They could easily take a human down.
Oh, am quite a bit bigger than a giant rat, pal. I could easily take one in a street fight. It might take me a few tries, plus I'd probably need a gun, but in the end, I'd emerge victorious.

The first giant rat I ever saw here in NY was about a month after I'd moved here. He was running down the subway tracks, and he was easily the size of a housecat.
post #21 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
The first giant rat I ever saw here in NY was about a month after I'd moved here. He was running down the subway tracks, and he was easily the size of a housecat.
Did he have a tin cup and a story?
post #22 of 37
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Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Did he have a tin cup and a story?
The works - a tattered overcoat, a harmonica... everything.
post #23 of 37
I suddenly take back all the bad things I said about living here. No rats at all, much less R.O.U.S.
post #24 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Oh, am quite a bit bigger than a giant rat, pal. I could easily take one in a street fight. It might take me a few tries, plus I'd probably need a gun, but in the end, I'd emerge victorious.

The first giant rat I ever saw here in NY was about a month after I'd moved here. He was running down the subway tracks, and he was easily the size of a housecat.
Not to burst your bubble, but I think Surge meant the PACK of them could take a human down. Even with your gun, I don't think you could withstand that!
post #25 of 37
I don't believe that. The power of Detroit rats? One Detroit rat could take a person down. The rest of the pack would do a synchronized song and dance from West Side Story behind him.
post #26 of 37
I think it's more likely they'd do an Eminiem inspired rap number. "Well, this looks like a job for me, so everybody - just follow me. . . . "
post #27 of 37
Fine. Go ahead, imply that the rats haven't learned to appreciate Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim and Jerome Robbins. I suppose you feel that way just because they're from Detriot, right? That common street rats can't appreciate culture while they're taking down a bitch?
post #28 of 37
Baltimore super rats would be the ones that have an appreciation of the finer things. I understand they've bitten almost the entire cast of Miss Saigon

Detroit rats are merely plebian
post #29 of 37
Devin must HATE this thread.

ETA: I love it.
post #30 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork View Post
Baltimore super rats would be the ones that have an appreciation of the finer things. I understand they've bitten almost the entire cast of Miss Saigon
Bwaahaah!!!
post #31 of 37
So does Detroit look like the future of SPLIT SECOND yet?
post #32 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
Fine. Go ahead, imply that the rats haven't learned to appreciate Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim and Jerome Robbins. I suppose you feel that way just because they're from Detriot, right? That common street rats can't appreciate culture while they're taking down a bitch?
Nah, yo. They jus' keepin' it real wit' da HOME GROWN rap. Marshall, he's from the Motor City, y'all. 'Sides, that's better bitch takin' down music.
post #33 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trejo View Post
I suddenly take back all the bad things I said about living here. No rats at all, much less R.O.U.S.
But we do have bears in the outskirts. A bear walked into the emergency room of Rockyview General not too long ago.

Sounds like a setup for a joke, doesn't it? "A bear walks into the emergency room and says 'Nurse! Nurse! I've been shot!' The nurse looks up and says 'Holy shit, a talking bear!'"
post #34 of 37
If you're going to be mauled by a bear, that would be the best place.
post #35 of 37
It apparently has Detroit beat.
post #36 of 37
Bears in the Motor City are gonna be pissed if there's no Starbucks.

Bears groove on lattes.
post #37 of 37
Detroit: a Hilarious American Tragedy.
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