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Cops On Horseback

post #1 of 58
Thread Starter 
What's the fucking point, exactly? Better vantage points are available in any decent park or open area where they'd be, maneuvering through a crowd or traffic just as easy on a motorcycle, and I'd understand the entertainment/impressiveness factor if some big drug bust went down, the dealers made a break out the back door, and the goddamned Rohirrim came riding down a hill guns blazing, but that never happens. So, again, what's the point?
post #2 of 58
People are intimidated by horses. They're very useful for crowd-control.
post #3 of 58
The point it that they can check to see if your car inspection sticker's expired without having to lean over. They need that high vantage point to do their jobs!
post #4 of 58
You can always turn in ass first.
post #5 of 58
I guess it's mainly for tradition, or maybe the fact that a horse can impress dumb people, but a cop on a horse still looks prouder than a cop on a bicycle.

EDIT: Miss Zooey said it first.
post #6 of 58
Horses are good for running down dirty hippies.

What's the point? What's the point of those cool cop leather jackets that evoke the Gestapo? I would volunteer for horseback duty if I was a cop.
post #7 of 58
Make an impression with the tourists? I work in Times Square, so the horsecops are everywhere and I have never EVER seen them actually do any policing, on patrols, going on a call. Nothing. They stand there and tourists take pictures of them like it's the first horse they've ever seen and that 'omg! there's like, totally a horse in the city! can you believe that shit?'
post #8 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
They stand there and tourists take pictures of them like it's the first horse they've ever seen and that 'omg! there's like, totally a horse in the city! can you believe that shit?'
I'm pretty sure they're required to clean up after them.
post #9 of 58
From my own personal experience from a guy raised in a horse breeder family and in a country with a whole lotta horses:

A) Horses are awesome.
B) Ever been run down by horse? It hurts like fu##! (Witness here)
C) Horses are faster than humans
D) Ever been kicked/bitten/stepped on by a horse? It hurts like fu##! (Been stteped on, almost kicked, and witnessed a horse bite)
E) Ever wondered if a nightstick/police baton is more effective while rding a horse? Guess what, it fu##ing is! (I was just a witness on this one too)

The best reason, however, is that it looks and must feel great to be a lawman on horseback...but it depends on the horse.
post #10 of 58
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
Make an impression with the tourists? I work in Times Square, so the horsecops are everywhere and I have never EVER seen them actually do any policing, on patrols, going on a call. Nothing. They stand there and tourists take pictures of them like it's the first horse they've ever seen and that 'omg! there's like, totally a horse in the city! can you believe that shit?'
Oh yeah, I remember them being everywhere in Midtown, and being late for a press junket cause a collective group of dipshits conglomerated around one of the cops, completely jamming up Rockefeller Center and my route to the Waldorf. But at the very least, I could understand chasing criminals around Central Park on horseback, however unlikely that was bound to be. But I'm seeing this shit up here, in a mostly urban center, where there's been two highly orchestrated drive-by shootings since I've been here. Three guys with semi-automatics vs cop on a horse=FAIL.
post #11 of 58
I've seen cops on horses do a good job of crowd control during some rather intense situations on Bourbon St. one New Years Eve. I also saw a guy fuck with one of the horses and the cops beat him like a drum.
post #12 of 58
Yeah, I have a friend who got roughed up and locked up because he threw a drunken punch at a cop...horse. It's a pretty funny story, but he learned his lesson: if the horse is police, you let it bite you.
post #13 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post
they'd be, maneuvering through a crowd or traffic just as easy on a motorcycle
You can't "oooh" and "awwww!" watching a motorcycle strap on a feed bag.
post #14 of 58
Horses are strong, fast, majestic, and have large pensises. They keep criminals in line.
post #15 of 58
To be fair, though, lots of things with large penises keep criminals in line. Like other, larger criminals. In prison. In the showers.
post #16 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
To be fair, though, lots of things with large penises keep criminals in line. Like other, larger criminals. In prison. In the showers.
True.

If cops dressed like giant dongs, they'd probably be a lot more effective.
post #17 of 58
More cop movies should have more horse chases. Did we learn nothing from True Lies?
post #18 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drew S. View Post
True.

If cops dressed like giant dongs, they'd probably be a lot more effective.


Except some cops are dicks, so the costume is overkill.
post #19 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
Except some cops are dicks, so the costume is overkill.
I've never dealt with a cop that wasn't a dick, but even I must admit that I'd be a lot more intimidated if, instead of a chubby, mustachioed man in a blue uniform, my pulled-over vehicle was being approached by a six foot tall horse cock.
post #20 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post
Yeah, I have a friend who got roughed up and locked up because he threw a drunken punch at a cop...horse. It's a pretty funny story, but he learned his lesson: if the horse is police, you let it bite you.
Haven't people learned anything from Half Baked?
post #21 of 58
A horse probably is the best vantage point in the middle of a crowded street, actually. And mobile. And it's probably easier to get both hands free (for writing citations and whatnot) on a horse than it is on a motorcycle, while still maintaining that high vantage point.

Technology can't always improve on everything... yet.
post #22 of 58
Plus it's good to have something under you that has more of a sense of self-awareness than a motorcycle.

I prefer drugged, confused fraternity members. But to each their own, right?
post #23 of 58
Hey, gas ain't cheap!
post #24 of 58
The Rohirrim. *Hee hee!* Anyway, they use horseback cops in newark, where I went to law school & my brother went to college, and he told me about this one cop who stopped to write a parking ticket while on horseback. As he's writing it up, still in the saddle, the horse proceeded to lick the car's windows. All of them. The cop apparently tried to stop him, but the horse was having none of it, and didn't stop till he was damn good and ready. How badly must it suck to come back to your car & find not only have you received a $40.00 parking ticket, but that your windows are smeared and blurry with horse spit?

Let's see a motorcyle top THAT.
post #25 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
To be fair, though, lots of things with large penises keep criminals in line. Like other, larger criminals. In prison. In the showers.
I miss those little green boxes at times like these. . .
post #26 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
The Rohirrim. *Hee hee!* Anyway, they use horseback cops in newark, where I went to law school & my brother went to college, and he told me about this one cop who stopped to write a parking ticket while on horseback. As he's writing it up, still in the saddle, the horse proceeded to lick the car's windows. All of them. The cop apparently tried to stop him, but the horse was having none of it, and didn't stop till he was damn good and ready. How badly must it suck to come back to your car & find not only have you received a $40.00 parking ticket, but that your windows are smeared and blurry with horse spit?
They park the police horse trailer next to the entrance to my school almost every day, but horse spit is still not even close to the first thing I would think of if I came back to that.
post #27 of 58
So wait, if a cop horse decides to take a chunk out of your arm for no damn reason, you can't say shit?

Fuuuuuuuck.
post #28 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
B) Ever been run down by horse? It hurts like fu##! (Witness here)
Anyone know if these horses are trained for full-on combat?

I don't mean crowd control -- I mean trample anything in your way sort of training.
post #29 of 58
According to James Caan, a horse won't step on a man if he were to dive underneath it all crazy-like.
post #30 of 58
A few thousand years of cavalry running people over prove this to be mostly bullshit.
post #31 of 58
post #32 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared Melton View Post
According to James Caan, a horse won't step on a man if he were to dive underneath it all crazy-like.
James Caan's full of shit. I've been stomped at least twice. Granted, both times were accidents on the horse's part as they were just trying to back away and give me some room, but flailing wildly doesn't help in the least.

You're a liar, Caan. A filthy damn liar.
post #33 of 58
post #34 of 58
post #35 of 58
Some guy in Calgary during Stampeded got his BMW sat on by a cop horse because he was tailgating it. The ultimate indignity was the horse took a crap as it was getting off of the hood.
post #36 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
You're a liar, Caan. A filthy damn liar.
You take that shit back right the fuck now, Jake. Or there's going to be some words.
post #37 of 58
I got your back, Jake. Don't back down. Expose their filthy lies.
post #38 of 58
I would have been happier if this thread were titled "Pigs on Horseback". Instead, I've got nothing better to do than spit game at James Caan.

SEE WHAT YOU'VE REDUCED ME TO, INTERNET?
post #39 of 58
"What's the only animal that has a cunt half-way up it's back?"
post #40 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Happenin View Post
You take that shit back right the fuck now, Jake. Or there's going to be some words.
Ooooh, Doc, you do not wanna be going up against Jake in a streetfight. One only need to visit the Chewervision thread to know that you'd be continuing this argument from the comfort of your hospital bed.
post #41 of 58
Alright let's settle this. We'll have Robert Loggia mediate this.
post #42 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Hill View Post
Technology can't always improve on everything... yet.
Robot horses?

Cops on horseback should be given spears and full body armor.
post #43 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antoine Doinel View Post
Robot horses?
If science does in fact create this along with rocket shark. We're truly fucked.
post #44 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
If science does in fact create this along with rocket shark. We're truly fucked.
Only if 'rocket shark' has legs...
post #45 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Alright let's settle this. We'll have Robert Loggia mediate this.
[In my best Frank from "Scarface" voice]: "You espect me to believe horses won't trample you. . . because eJames CAAN saiso?"

Misspellings are intentional in a poor attempt to capture the magic of Loggia's awful Cuban accent.
post #46 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham View Post
Only if 'rocket shark' has legs...
That doesn't mean shit, they've got rockets. THEY DON'T NEED LEGS!!!!
post #47 of 58
Why cops on horseback?

To make the assholes on bicycles look even more foolish.
post #48 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
From my own personal experience from a guy raised in a horse breeder family and in a country with a whole lotta horses:

A) Horses are sexy.
B) Ever been anally penetrated by horse? It hurts like fu##! (Witness here)
C) Horses have bigger genitalia than humans
D) Ever been on a step ladder so you can reach the horse's butthole and insert your love pump? It hurts like fu##!
E) Ever wondered if my mother could swallow a fully engorged horse meat stick and swallow all of the throat yogurt? she can. (I was just a witness on this one too)
That's a bit weird.
post #49 of 58
It's all image.

Some local mall cops here run through the mall on segways.


Segways - Not Cool

Horses - Cool
post #50 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric Cordo View Post
That's a bit weird.
Ive seen weirder...this is CHUD, remember?
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