Your Favorite Simpsons Episodes and/or Moments

I don't remember episode titles, but I'm sure you guys will recognize the quotes.

Comic Book Guy: This should provide adequate sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon.

Lisa: All we found were these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
Ralph: I ated the purple berries... oooh, oohh...ooohhh.
Lisa: How are they Ralph? Good?
Ralph: They taste like... burning.

Comic Book Guy: But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds!
[POV of missile rocketing toward him]
Comic Book Guy: Oh, I've wasted my life.

Ralph: Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! I'm learneding!

Home: If you're up there, Superman, PLEASE SAVE ME!

I think I mangled that last one. Anyway, there's plenty more, but those are the ones that immediately leap to mind.

I love and quote on a regular basis (to explain to morons who don't get it) the Boo-urns thing from A Star Is Burns

The whole Hank Scorpio episode is a given, along with all the earlier Halloween specials. My personal favourite is the Manchurian Candidate rip off with Kang and Kodos imitating Clinton and Dole.

*getting tractor beamed into the UFO*
"Ahhh.. Bob Dole doesn't need this.. "

Bob Dole - "What the hell is this, some kind of tube?" *tube fills with liquid*
Bill Clinton - "Well, thanks for taking care of Dole for me.. what the- hey!" *tube fills with liquid*

Love all the hobos Homer fights when he becomes a boxer, with "classic" hobo names like Boxcar Willy

Forget the episode, but "When I grow up, I'm going to bovine university!"

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"In America....first you get the sugar....then you get the power....then you get the women....."

That just reminded me Tieman.. the episode (one of many) with Sideshow Bob trying to kill Bart on the houseboat. The whole episode is hilarious (see: Homer trying to get his new identity from the FBI)

Going to steal these passages straight from IMDB since they are long and complicated:

[Bart has difficulty sleeping, his bedroom door opens, a sharp knife appears and man charges into the room casting a scary shadow on the ceiling]
Homer: [holding a large knife upside-down] BARTYOUWANTSOMEBROWNIEBEFOREYOUGOTOBED?
Bart Simpson: AAAAAHHHHH!
Homer: Come on, let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot.
Bart Simpson: Dad, I'm kinda edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming into my room screaming and brandishing the butcher knife.
Homer: Why?
[Homer looks at the large knife he is holding]
Homer: Oh, right. The *Sideshow Bob* thing, oh I'm sorry boy.
[Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room. Seconds later, Homer bursts into the room again wearing a white hockey mask and holding a switched on electric chainsaw, which he holds up]
Homer: BARTYOUWANTTOSEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?
Bart Simpson: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Homer: [turning off the chainsaw and lifting the hockey mask] Oh, sorry. What am I thinking?
[Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room]

And-

Prosecutor: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German
[unveils tattoo]
Sideshow Bob: for 'The Bart The'.
Parole Board Member: Well.. no one who speaks German could be evil!

I recall one throwaway bit where Rainer Wolfcastle went undercover as a stand up comic in his new movie McBain: No Laughing Matter.

Anyway, he tells a TERRIBLE gay joke and when the crowd boos, he counters with "Perhaps YOU are ze homosexuals!" Basically it's my favorite lame comeback ever and nobody gets it but me.

I also loved the clown bed Homer made for Bart.

And the all time classic of "oh sure, Lisa - ham, bacon and pork chops all come from the same 'MAGICAL' animal!"

You're mixing up two episodes. The first one is when Ranier makes a stand-up concert film called McBain: Let's Get Silly:

And then there was another episode where Ranier is given a late-night talk show called Up Late With McBain:

All that from memory. I am Comic Book Guy, apparently.

Some election time favorites:

My sig for one and another great line from that Stampy episode:

"That wasn't part of our deal Blackhart! THAT WASN'T PAAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTT!"

Homer: "No one ruins our family vacation except me..and maybe the boy!"

Marge: "How were you a poltical prisoner?"
Homer: "I kicked a giant mouse in the butt. Do I have to draw you a diagram?"

Skinner taking on the lawyers. "You just made an ex-green Beret mad."

"Batman's a scientist!"

Adam West doing the Bat-Tu-Si and Homer & Kids backing slowly away frightened.

The entire Austrialia episode

Hans Moleman in "Man getting hit by Football", George C. Scott in "Man getting hit by Football"

James Woods working at the Quick-E-Mart.

The giant novelty hat with hidden camera.

Being touched by the Dustin Hoffman episode (Probably the only first season episodes I still like today)

"Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!"

and of course

"Dental Plan/Lisa Needs Braces/Dental Plan.."

oh yeah and one of the great lines I refer to on many a day.

"You people want to be the real UN or do you want to argue and waste time?"

I can do a great Marge saying, "Lisa needs braces." When I worked at a bookstore we had this game in which someone would use the intercom to page, "Dental plan" in a Lenny voice. I would then have to go directly to a phone at my first convenience and page, "Lisa needs braces."

If I was busy at that moment, the delay between the call and response just made it funnier.

You left out the best line from that episode, Tieman:

In high school I could do the sarcastic clerk who had the Bronson-esque voice, that one guy that went

"Hey Fattie, I got a film for ya. A fridge too far!"

And in Middle School we'd do the Ralph Wiggum voices because puberty hadn't quite set in.

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

and the great "Miss Hoover..the floor is shaking." scene.

"Only two kinds of guys wear Hawaiian shirts. Gay guys and big fat party guys and Bart doesn't look like a big fat party guy to me."

Hell that entire episode with John Waters was greatness.

Roscoe:"We work hard and we play hard." *Everybody dance now!*

Moe: "Where you've been Homer? Whole steel industry has gone gay, that and the railroads. And ya know else? Broadway."

I know it's cheesy, but I've always loved the first Homer's mom episode. The ending with Homer sitting on the roof of his car staring at the stars as the credits roll was very well done.

Agreed Tieman, it was one of their few touching moments, something that Futurama picked up and ran with it.

Maude Flanders: We're talking about s-e-x in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n
Krusty: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down.

MEEEEEEEEENNNNNNDOOOOOZZZZZAAAAAA!

I think the entire musical Planet of the Apes that Troy McClure starred in was fucking BRILLIANT.

My favorite being the "Dr Zaius Dr. Zaius..." song

" Can I play the piano anymore?"
"Of course you can!"
"Well I couldn't before!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETqTO2GaI3U

Jaime, more great lines from the Team Building episode:
and my favorite:

"Only who can prevent forest fires? You have selected 'you', referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is you!"

*Lisa is caught staring out the window at Nelson*

CLASS: "LISA LIKES NELSON!"
MILHOUSE: "No she doesn't!"
CLASS: "MILHOUSE LIKES LISA!"
JANIE: "No he doesn't!"
CLASS: "JANIE LIKES MILHOUSE!"
RALPH: "No she doesn't!"
CLASS: "RALPH LIKES MILHOUSE!"
MR. LARGO: "NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!!!!!"

Hahahaha it just makes me laaaugh and laaugh.

Random citizen: "Oh god the PTA has disbanded!" *Jumps out window

Flanders: "No No No, the PTA hasn't disbanded."

Random citizen goes back thru window "Yeahhhhhhhh"

And of course

"I regret nothing!" *Splash*

Plus the entire Sideshow Bob runs for mayor episode

I'll get you moments...
Hell, the entire Beer Baron episode rocks.

I would love how random things would explode into massive fireballs.

Best example.

I think it was in the Stampy episode where some guy driving down the road sees Stampy and then slams into a giant milk truck only to explode in a massive fireball.

Oh and Homer throwing the Pop Rocks/Cola grenade at the mob at the candy convention

"See you in hell candy boys!"

and his following run and slow motion scream from the fireball.

"Hello muddah, hello fuddah, here I am at, Camp Granada!"
"MARGE, IS LISA AT CAMP GRANADA?"

And the funniest of all, that stiffly-animated shot in the Wacking Day episode where Homer emerges happily in a giant foam cowboy hat and tooting an airhorn. Not even sure why that cracks me up, but it does so, so much.

"I'm a brick!"

This thread could be nothing but Ralph Wiggum quotes and still be great.

"The term shoplifting originates in biblical times, when thieves would literally lift the corner of a shop to obtain the sweet, sweet olives within."

McGarnagle...It's all about McGarnagle...

The first clip show

"We need Pretzels! I repeat Pretzels!"

Barney reenacting the last scene from Cuckoo's Nest and Moe's response.

"He really, REALLY needs a girlfriend."

The Episode where Homer joins the Naval Reserve and they sing the Village People's "In The Navy".

Oh my christ, reading this thread has been a fucking delight. I'm gonna have to pull out the seasons one last time before I sell them off.

"hmmm..... meh.... I think I'd be happier with the dollar."

And one from the movie:

"I cain't, I simply cain't."

The Lisa needs braces/Dental Plan is from Last Exit To Springfield which is all genius. Homer becomes union boss.
"How much does this pay?"
"Nothing."
"D'oh"
"Unless you're crooked."
"Whoo-Hoo!"

And when he's negotiating with Burns and needs to use the bathroom. Burns says its the 12 th door on the right. Homer returns.
"You found the restroom OK, I see."

[Homer looks around sheepishly]

"Uhhhh.......yeah."

The one where they trap the Loch Ness Monster and Mr. Burns tells Homer he wants to be loved. "Well, OK but I'm gonna need a lot of beer."

And one thing I say all the time when a friend has a good idea, "I like the way Snrub thinks!"

Hank fucking Scorpio. Number 1 with a bullet.

Homer takes Bart to see the steelworkers.

I know it's been said, but "Me fail English" is a quote that anyone can use 100 times a day, and everyone within shouting distance will recognize it.

My favorite single moment, by far, is in the episode where Marge and Homer put themselves in compromising situations to get aroused for sex. At the end they're both naked and on the run, when finally Homer gets caught up in the ropes of a hot air balloon and is dragged up the side of a glass-roofed church. His ass making the glass-screeching noise ["My ass..."] .... I just can't stop laughing. Every time.

Lower down the list would be:

LENNY: "My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!"

And my favorite Ralph Wiggum moments:

"It tastes like...burning."

"What's a diorama?"

Best Ralph:
CHIEF WIGGUM: "Sugar has made my Ralphie hyperactive!"
RALPH: "I'm happy...AND ANGRY!!!"
---
Another great one, from Bart vs. Lisa:
*BART SCORES A GOAL*
HOMER: "I LOVE BART!"
*LISA STOPS THE PUCK*
HOMER: "I LOVE LISA!"
*MARGE WALKS UP WITH A 64 OUNCE JUG OF BEER*
HOMER: "BEER! Oh Marge I love YOU!"

The Schoolhouse Rock parody, which was brilliant on its own, but then was capped by the following:

Bart: "What the hell is this?"

Lisa: "It's one of those campy seventies throwbacks that appeals to Generation Xers."

Bart: "We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little."

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! hits tree

I also loved the Springfield Gorge episode when the ambulance hit the tree and he fell back down.

"ICE to see you!"
-McBain

Homer: "I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Superintendent Chalmers dismissing Flanders as school principal: "Take it outside, God-boy!"

After a magician makes Marge disappear and monkeys appear in her place, Homer is aghast: "So, she was made of chimps!"

Enough cannot be said about Dan Castellaneta's delivery of Homer's lines. Just perfection.

If Homer Simpson taught me nothing else, at least he taught me that trying is the first step towards failure.

Oh, and:

Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right.
[Gets up and leaves]
Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.

One more:

Ralph: This tastes like Gramma!

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, "never try."

Max Power's strap in feel the G's.

And the whole twenty dollars can buy many peanuts. Heck, everything with Homer's brain.

"Well kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The moral here is, never try." That's for Chris.

"Dad, what's a muppet?"
"Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet but maahahahan, heh heh, hahahaha- to answer your question, I don't know."

EDIT: Well shit. Beaten. But mine's formatted prettier! The best line from the peanut exchange:
"$20 can buy many peanuts!"
"Explain"
"Money can exchanged for goods and services."
"Woo-hoo!"

Some others.

Skinner: We'll end this assembly as I'm sure the teachers are eager to return to their classrooms.
Krabappel in the crowd: HA!

From the barbershop quartet episode:

Homer: We'd like to celebrate a lady who's 200 feet tall and 100 years old (referring to the Statue of Liberty)
Random Guy: This enormous woman will devour us all!

Barney dressed as Krusty: Yeah, Bart. I am so Crunchy the Clown.

Homer Simpson--Portrait of an Ass Grabber, starring Denis Franz

It's such a simple gag, but I always got huge kick out of

"Marge, I'm not going to lie to you.....well, see you later!"

Homer to self - "Brain, I don't like you and I KNOW you don't like me, so let's work together on this and then I can go back to trying to kill you with alcohol."

Oh, and Homer's drive to work in the episode where he gets the medicinal marjuana.